Okay, so I despise my grandmother.

She's never done anything but love me and support me and try to help me out, but I still just cannot stand her! She let me come live with her after my relationship with my mom went to hell (even though I made sure to exhaust EVERY other option first), she's paying for my college, she gave me a car, and she's always trying to do stuff for me.

So naturally I feel SO GUILTY for not liking her. I mean, I just can't stand her! Imagine a person who embodies all of your worst pet peeves, has poor personal hygene, is a complete hyppocrit 90% of the time, has absolutely NO common sense, and won't leave you the hell alone (assuming you're a hermit like me) unless you act like a complete bitch to her.

I mean, I have never met a single person who annoys me more than my grandmother. When I was little and I found out she was visiting, I used to do EVERYTHING I could to get away. Spending the night at a friends house, playing outside, ANYTHING. I lived with her for 2 years when my parents were getting divorced between the ages of 6-7, and those were the lonliest memories I have.

We had to go live with her for 4 months while my dad was going through some training in Georgia, and that was miserable too. It seems like every time I'm in close proximity with her, I'm absolutely miserable.

And now I'm here, taking her help, and treating her like shit, because she just makes me so MAD I can't help but snap at her. All she ever does is help and I feel like I'm just using her to get back on my feet (which I'm finally starting to. Getting ready to move in with my boy in august-november) but I just can't make myself like her. I try to avoid conversations because I have nothing nice to say...

I'm a terrible person. I'm going to hell.

I don't think it's as bad as you think it is. Some people will just rub you the wrong way, and that person to you happens to be your grandma. Normally you can just avoid the person, but when it's close family you have to try to keep things peaceful. You clearly acknowledge that you appreciate what she does for you, but you still can't deal with her personal habits. I don't think it can be helped. Just grin and bear it and try to remember that regardless of how you feel, she has feelings for you too and you should take them into consideration at all times. You're her granddaughter and she loves you. <3

So you let her pay for school and accepted the car why?

Those are things that she does that don't make you miserable, apparently. :roll:

I let her pay for school and accepted the car because my only other option was welfare checks, which would have been insulting to her and hurt her feelings. (I sneeze and her feelings get hurt. *rolls eyes*) I feel guilty, no doubt, but I didn't have a whole lot of other options. It was either accept her help and get back on my feet, or don't accept her help and probably be homeless with no hope for a higher education.

Doesn't change the self-loathing I feel for accepting help from someone I can't stand to be around, just so I can get away from her faster.

Bah. I pretty much hate my dad, my mom and most of my maternal side family.

People hat epeople. That's just how it is. Nobody ever notices my resentment because I'm good at hiding it, but I DO resent them. I guess, in your situations-- as in mine-- you can only pretend to be nice...

Have you ever sat down and thought of why you have such thoughts? I'm just curious if they are irrational, or if you can back them up.

I do understand how you feel. I struggled with my parents and our relationship, yet I still took from them until the day I moved out. I know it was out of them not wanting to let me grow up though and placing so many restrictions growing up. Not to mention forcing me into religion. I feel I have rational reasons, but even so I do appreciate that they did support me (even if it didn't feel like they did emotionally).

@ Izumi: My stepmom and my dad were the same way, but I don't hold it against them that much. It was irritating at the time, but now it only seems like a minor inconvenience.

I don't think I'm being irrational. Unless you count little ticks irrational. It's like that guy you work with who just rubs you the wrong way. Everything they say annoys you, everything they do annoys you. Let me list some things that bother me about her, and you tell me if they sound irrational.

1.) Truly horrific personal hygiene and keeping of the home.
I list this as number one because it's the worst at present. She does not clean, AT ALL. And I work full time, and go to school full time, I'm hard pressed to find time to do all my homework (keep in mind, I'm in all art classes. Anyone familiar with art classes, they assign a lot of big projects) nevermind clean. She works one job, coms home, and falls asleep on the sofa while roaches crawl all over the dishes in the sink and I slave over my latest walk-cycle for animation class. I kid you not, the other day I went into the bathroom after her, and there were big brwn shit stains on the counter. There's a huge brown spot on the back of her teeny tiny nighty (which she wears nothing under) and I'll give you three guesses what it is. She smells, and I don't like giving her hugs for it. I don't think she washes her hands, so I don't let her cook. Or if she does, I claim to be busy with homework. I'm not getting food poisoning over her filth.
2.) Easilly offended
This id my all-time, number one, biggest pet peeve in the history of ever. I don't even have to do anything and she gets offended. I come home from a LONG day (we're talking 12-14 hour shifts here) day and go straight to bed. She gets offended. I'm trying to watch a show and she keep interrupting, causing me to repeatedly have to rewind, so I ask her politely if we can talk during the commercials. She gets offended. I don't want to go out to eat with her church ladies, who I have nothing in common with and nothing to talk about with, but instead offer to take her out the next night. She gets offended. I have a different opinion on a key issue. She gets offended. I go buy food when she lets vegetables rot in the fridge. She gets offended. I sneeze too loudly. She gets offended.
3.) Racism/hypocricy
She still uses the n word on a regular basis, depite me asking her very nicely, repeatedly not to around me. But god forbid I let the word "crap" slip. She'll practically run the car off the road to screech at me about how that's a nasty word. She bitches at me about the state of the house, when she sits around and does nothing far more often than me, who has absolutely NO freetime. In fact, I'm supposed to be doing homework now, I just had to take a break because I've been at it for HOURS. She loves to preach at me about how I need to go to church more often, and to tell me all about how she feels about those "faggots" lobbying for marriage, and whatnot, but f I speak up and try to explain my opinion, I ge bitched at.
4.) She won't leave me alone.
She ALWAYS wants to talk to me, spend time with me, have my attention. Which is fine, but it's CONSTANT. I mean, I get it. She's been alone for a long time.That's why I humored her for so long. But my god, after a while especially for someone like me, who has decidedly hermit-like tendencies, that gets OLD. I have resorted to snapping at her and being a bitch to her just to get some time to myself. I'm trying to break myself of the habit, because it is cruel, and I do feel guilty. I have a heart after all.

There are more, but those are the big things. The rest are small things, but when you have enough small things, they can drive you abso-fucking-lutely mad.

Sorry for the tl;dr.

Ahhh ok I totally understand now.

The hygiene part was worse than I expected. That is *disgusting*. I thought maybe she was slightly slacking, like I do and yes there is dust in the corners of the room. I do try to do house work here and there though as well as doing 6-8 hours of work and making sure to have a warm meal on the table when Aaron's home. It doesn't sound like she makes any effort at all once she gets home and that is just eww...*shudders*

I've had times where I didn't care for someone and it's just the kind of vibes I got off them, nothing real rational just gut feeling. Sometimes then I'd have to sit down and think to myself OK is there any physical evidence, or is this just me being stupid?

It sounds like a crappy position to be in, because you're suppose to love your family unconditionally but at the same time it's like where does one draw the line? I mean she hasn't done anything incriminating, but at the same time she doesn't sound like someone you'd look up to for any particular reason other than the fact she's flesh and blood and supportive of you.

Maybe you'd understand it better when you look at the other side of the story,
She's had her entire life behind her, she's been young, went to college, had kids and raised them.
She's been through everything you still have in front of you.
Then her children grew up and left her.

Alone.

I can image she's spent a whole lot of time in front of that television.
Perhaps she didn't have anything to do when she was alone so she spent her days watching telly and then probably fell asleep on the couch because it didn't matter any way.

Now she has the chance to have someone to keep her company again, that person being you.
She does everything for you just to keep you close to her.

It's just a guess, I just happen to know most oldies end up like that.

@Arousal: That's why it's such a guilt-trip for me. Because you're absolutely right. She's a lonely old woman, and all I ever do is snap at her for reaching out for some company. It's just so hard to be nice to someone who disgusts/annoys you to no end.

I've been making more of a concious effort to get along, but damn my temper just runs away from me so often. I avoid her just to avoid dealing with her, and I know it hurts her, but I think it would hurt her more fo me to make myself spend time with her and possibly put myself in a position where I could snap and say something really horrible.

I hate that she makes me feel guilty just for existing. Here she is, lonely, living in a little house that's none-too-clean, not keeping herself clean... and I'm doing everything I can to get away and leave her here. She's making me feel guilty for NOT staying and wanting to move on.

I really am kind of a terrible person.

You can't really help that you hate being around her and want to leave. Honestly, I think most people in your position would feel the same way. She just does not sound like a pleasant person to be around.

That said, she is doing an awful lot to help you, and regardless of whether or not you have other decent options, you are accepting her help. In my opinion, the entitles her to your very best effort when it comes to getting along.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't guilt myself over hating her. I wouldn't even try particularly hard not to hate certain aspects of her.

But I would try to make every interaction with her as pleasant as possible, since she would be basically saving me from being immobile and penniless.

its not your fault.. everyone has people they dislike for no reason at all.. its one of those "WTF" things that cannot be explaned.. all you can really do is smile and get on with it!

Hmmm I can't say I have the same problem... I love my grandma. She's never bought me a car though. hahaha. XD Nor done anything super nice... but I love her laid back personality. She's a hippy from the ole days in England. Yeaaa baby. lol.

My other grandma is a bitch though. She'd yell at me and call me names all the time...
I went to visit her last yr and guess what? She now has alzheimers... which makes me wonder if thats partially why she used to be so wicked... and forgetful. >< now I feel guilty for hating her all those yrs.

Alright, so I didn't actually read every post. Not gonna lie. I read the first and I think I know exactly what you're going through. In fact, allot of my family pisses me off without reason at completely random intervals and usually at times when they mean their best. The worst, god help me, is my mother. Like your grandmother, she's done (to the best of her ability) her best. Granted she has no doubt made her mistakes, but she's also been through some really tough stuff. So when she does piss me off I try to NOT be angry. It's one of the hardest things ever and I don't succeed half as often as I wish I could. My advice? You love her, obviously. Some people are just better at loving each other from a distance... It doesn't make you a horrible person that you can't stand being around her all the time, it just makes you human.
=3

Well... you're not a terrible person... but you could at least fake nice for your grandmothers sake. and if you can't, at least show her you appreciate the things she has given you... Which i hope you do... You're really lucky to have a grandmother like her. I understand there are just some people you can't stand... But i mean with all the help she has given her, the least you can do is be pleasant with her... Maybe before you leave give her something nice to say thank you for all she's done...

I have the same problem, except I switch people sometimes.
It may sound odd but I think it was to direct my stress/anger that I can't get other wise.

Try taking up a stress relieving activity, like running or martial arts.