|
problems growing up
im 18 and ran away from home to live with my boyfriend. i knew him since i was 15. he is 10 years older than me and he has helped me a lot. we sometimesfight because i have problems. he tells me that i am childish because i have a hard time talking when i am upset or sad. recently we had a fight and he told me that i cannot be a kid. he said that my childhood was taken away from me, but i need to be more grown up than i used to be, i was thinking this morning and watching a movie where this kid told her babysitter to grow up, and i realized that he was right...
i dont quite know what to do to fix it. im trying to get used to everything. and deal with everything. questions: 1. does anyone have advice? 2. has anyone ever needed to be more mature than they are and didnt know what to do? 3 if you were in that situation what did you do? |
Stuff.
Well, I honestly don't find it that surprising that he thinks you are childish if he is ten years older than you. That is a huge difference. At least at your ages. He is nearing thirty, you aren't quite out of your teens yet. I'm only about four or five years older than eighteen year olds, and even I find some of them to be on the immature side. I don't think I'd date someone that young. I've never understood why so many people date people who are so much older or younger than themselves. In some cases it does work out, but to me, it just seems weird. Like you wouldn't both be in the same stage of life, have the same kind of goals, and wouldn't have the same maturity levels. It's something to consider, especially since he has brought up your maturity. I also question you knowing him when you were fifteen, making him twenty five at that time. I hope you two weren't dating then! Also, what was your reason for running away? That in itself seems immature, though you are old enough now to choose where you live. Simply moving out instead of running away, would have been the more reasonable approach.
|
no we were 6 hours away. i didnt actually meet him tell i moved in with him. i know it was a stupid thing to do but i love him and theres no doubt that he loves me.. but me met on a video game.. an mmo called ddo. my mother has met him and so had my aunt.. my father will never meet him.. but he only tells me m immature when i refuse to talk to him when im upset.
|
First of all, there is no shame in being childish. It's one of the few simple things in life one can enjoy. If you don't want to talk, just explain to him that you'll tell him later, and FOLLOW THROUGH. But you don't have to grow up just because he tells you to.
|
lol thank you.. and vick.. i dont want to go to a whole life story as to why but my mother and aunt and step father have met him , my brothers coming up to meet him.. but basically i NEEDED to get away from my dad, and my mother already told me im out of her house at 18.
|
A man who really loved you wouldn't ask you to be more than you are... and one who was mature himself wouldn't pick an immature girl, and then expect her to be anything else.
I've seen this one... 18 year old girl marries 10+ year old guy, and about 10-15 years later (or much sooner), "something goes wrong". What goes wrong is, a marriage (or eternally dating, whichever you like), cannot work between anything less than two normal, sane, rational adult people. (At least not forever.) It can't work with just one, or with none... it must have two of them. I've also known a case like this one, where the girl (out of moral principals and sheer stubborn pride, I think) stuck it out with her prince charming long after she realized what a disaster it was to marry a guy while looking for someone else to fix what was lacking in her life, but... it still fell apart. So even with a "I'll do anything" attitude, it doesn't work. People who know that they are immature cannot expect themselves to be anything else until they can get themselves to really and truly "grow up". No act they can put on in the meantime will hold out forever. Sooner or later, what they are will come through. And I might add that they will also find out sooner or later, that nobody else can save them from themselves or their lives or their personal problems. Running away (even to someone else's arms) will never "complete" or "save" them. Either they will one day have to take the time out to deal with themselves and, for lack of better terms, "grow themselves up" (do some therapeutic solo living and soul searching), or else they will pretty much doom themselves to spending the rest of their lives looking for the next person to "rescue" (they'll call it "love") them, and wondering why it never works out. It's not that people are bad who are immature, but they need to help themselves before getting involved with someone else, and failure to do so usually results in themselves AND others getting hurt. To go into a relationship knowing you've got the mind or heart of a child, essentially, is terribly unfair to the person who goes into it thinking they're getting someone who can function in a relationship as a mature adult. But if a person is willing to look inside and determine their problems, and face them or fix them, then it is possible to get over immaturity REALLY, and not have to just pretend. Sometimes all they need is just time to live and get that immaturity out of their system. But immaturity is death to a relationship, either way. I'm not exactly old myself, and I've already watched lives be ruined this way. It's a shame that people can't just stop themselves from running into things like this (by making the right choice, even if it isn't the EASY choice), BEFORE the disaster happens 5, 10 or 15 years down the road, and not after it. If they'd only wait until they get mature, and just deal with the problems they have, they could have happy, healthy relationships that really will last. Your story sounds eerily like the ones I've watched unfold into disasters. You might want to put on the breaks, BEFORE there are kids involved. |
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
There are places to act like an adult, and places where to act like a kid. -- My girlfriend, who is also 18 right now (though I don't live with her). She's a very talented writer, very smart girl, but she has a very childish view of the world. Even now at 18 years old, she thinks of herself as "trapped in her future body", because to her, she still wants to be 7. From my experience with her and how she thinks of herself as still a child, I don't mind because that is who she is. She's very capable of acting mature when it comes to art or animals, but then, in her heart she's always going to be a kid. -- So I guess as an end note my advice would be this: Either find someone who will love you just as you are, or change for the one you want to love you, or stay the way you are and hope things stay well. Your choice depending on what you value I guess =) |
| All times are GMT. The time now is 09:19 PM. |