Self-defense help..?
 

Right. So.. to put it simply... I need help learning how to defend myself, but I'm scared as well as confused to do so. My dad did some nasty things to me in my past, and his personality hasn't changed... I'm just less accessible for him to do them to me for my age right now. ((I really really hope this isn't bad to say online. >o< Makes me nervous to...)) but it's been pointed out to me that I'm too vulnerable. And I want to change that.. so... peoples gimme some help? *puppy dog eyes*

I don't want to end up in a situation where I let someone take advantage of me or beat me to a pulp for something I have just because I don't know how to go about this properly. ._. It makes me be all like "sorrysorrysorrry" to my boyfriend about it because I don't want to worry him so I'd like to fix this...

I've been molested once and another time went to 2nd base w/ someone because I didn't know how to stop them. ._. No one ever really talked to me about this stuff... except...well.. there was this class where I was supposed to yell no and learn how to call 911 asking for what I need, but that was when I was 7 and I was too intimidated and shy to do anything that they were telling me to. Just hid in a corner while there were 15 other kids yelling what they needed to.

I'm scared of being violent. I have no motivation to. But I don't want anything bad to happen >o<

Awh. Everyone has stuff like this happen at some part in their lives, But. Your dad? Call the bloody cops. He's your dad.

You can always enter free womens self defence courses, and It would be a good idea to arry a small weapon around with you. I usually carry around a small pocket knife, It's blunt enough for me not to hurt myself, But sharp enough to gouge someones eye out if I use force =3
You can always just pick something like that up in a junk-store or second-hand store. They're cheap, but they're very useful.


I know what it feels like to just not know how to stop what other's are doing to you, It's happened to me before. I was just too scared to ask, just incase they got angry or something.

Don't be scared of being Violent, You have every right to defend yourself if you need to. Just think of Violence as a last resort, You don't have to go all kung-Fu panda on him or anything.

You could just use words really, But. If that doesn't work it's nice to know you have a backup plan =3

If you want to learn to defend yourself, that's all sunshine and rainbows. Take some martial arts classes. But in this situation, I think the right choice is to tell an adult so that you can go to the police and deal with your father. I'm presuming you live with this person. You probably will not best your father in a fight. He is older and has more bulk. It will probably take years of classes for you to learn how to disable him, and I presume you want protection now.

Bulk has nothing to do with fighting, If you believe you can do it, You'll be able to do it.
I've seen Small, Skinny little girls beat the shit out of guys three times their size, just because they're scared. Fear is the best weapon, It can make you do amazing stuff if you use it right.

I would probably tell someone else about this though, Like. A councellor? Or family member? Maybe they'll be able to help you out?

I can never just post once on threads like this, Ignore me if I start to type/post too much.

One random piece of information, If some random decides your pretty and attacks you in public. Make as much noise as you can so people notice, I guess this might work with your Dad too...
Try and get ome evidence from the attack? Like. Hair? Or fingers, Or anything easy to be tested for D.N.A. that you can just pop in your pocket and run off with =3
It helps to have evidence, Sometimes Police aren't very good at telling what's the truth and what isn't. It just helps to have something to proove what happened, and that you weren't lying about who did it.

Crime shows help alot, Watch them. They could save your life one day =3

Forgot to say: my dad did so 12 years ago. I've been trying to get things taken care of legally for 11 years. At least to help heal. And to get things to where there aren't tons of family problems. I was able to live with my mom for a while both before the divorce up to 4 years and for just recently, 3 months. But yes right now I'm back living with my dad. I'll be 18 in less than a year and a half. I'm thinking of just trying to fight it when I'm recognized to have more rights. Because for these past 11 years, not much has been fixed when my dad is the one with the money and my mom is the one with the health problems. He bribes, she ends up in the hospital after living on the streets. Right now my living situation is a choice between a homeless shelter and a haunted house. But with my boyfriend and keeping active in my religion, I'm alive and can do pretty well. There are still memories of bad things happening but mostly the ugly reactions are coming from my brother, as he's picking up some of my dad's violence and controlling attitude. I think he needs to be put back in the psych unit. They let him out too fast. Buuuuut yeah. Sue me for wanting to suppress some drama..? I'm not trying to pretend like nothing's happening. I'm very well aware of that it is. I'm just kinda building my own kind of life while this one goes on.

Defense courses. Small weapons. Got it. ._.";; I'm scared to use them. >.< Gosh.. I've even been scared to ask for a piece of paper from someone before because.. well ya I'm an artist, I like to use paper w/o lines, and if I ask for a piece of printer paper and such from my dad, he freaks out and yells at me about how it's so expensive. .-. Uhh yeah Idk. The whole thing about violence is, I've never seen it get anywhere good. Also like I said, I don't want anything bad to happen from not knowing how to do self-defense. I just want to be able to avoid conflict if I can. Like, I'd be more likely to just hand a guy my money, though hesitantly, and call the cops on him later.. than to scream and kick at him. They're already pumped with adrenaline, aren't they? I've got nothing against that. I don't even like hurting bugs. Even in video games. -.- Long range all the way, if it's necessary.

So.. when I feel like I can't say no, what do I do? Should I prepare myself for that, and how.. in a balanced way....? And is there something else to do in the moment to be able to?

Oh umm ya I have low blood sugar constantly and my dad is big and strong. I'd rather prefer avoiding a fight. Oh ya and I have long hair... like all the way down my back basically.. so he could easily hurt me.

Counselor or family member? Been to TONS of counselors over my life. DHS/CPS has been involved in my life several times. Reports have been filed countless times. I've never been to a hearing though. Not like I'd really be able to ask for anything but to land my dad in jail. Buuut yeah I'm thinking I wanna get some moolah outta him first >.< He's paying for $2000 of a car for me, and like hmm I think its $500-700 on driving school. My brother and I don't have anywhere to go. My mom doesn't have a house or apartment. And I haven't been having the best of times with her recently. ((Yesterday I had plans to spend 9 hours with her but it ended up being 2 and she sent me back after a fight about how I can't come and live with her.))

Ohh yeah I saw that movie before. And have watched CSI from time to time.
Hmm.. yeah I'm told that I'm pretty.. I don't really think so but have gotten unwanted attention before..

Thanks for the posts. Keep em coming? :)

Hi 'Strange_Dreams',

Having been a victim of bullying in the past, I hate it when I see or hear of people getting bullied or abused. I especially hate it when the bully is someone in their own family, in this case, your dad.

As previous posters have said, the best thing to do probably is to talk to an adult you trust about what your dad has done/been doing, and then/or go to the police and tell them what's going on.

However, if worse comes to worse, and you HAVE to fight (your cornered, you have no way of running away from a dangerous situation) then it would be useful to know some ways of defending yourself. You could go to a reliable Martial Arts Gym (be careful as there are a lot of 'McDojo's', or sub-standard MA businesses out there)...however not only does that cost money, it will take some time to get to a point where are capable enough to defend yourself.

I know some martial-arts, but what I'm going to tell you is just a list of basics that are pretty simple, but also effective. I'm going to assume your dad is either a big guy or bigger than you, so I'll just assume he has a size advantage. In that situation, you would want to strike at his vital points or as I like to call them 'weak spots'. These are spots on the body that are vulnerable to attack no matter who you are. So even if your dad's a big tough tank, if you apply enough force to the 'weak spots', he will be hurt. Note: If you hit someone hard enough in some of these spots, it's possible to kill them. All you need to do is to hurt them enough that you have a chance of escape. It's generally not necessary to apply deadly force.

Weak Spots:

Eyes - This is one of the most if not the most vulnerable place to strike. It is easy to damage the eyes, as the only thing that can protect an eyeball is a thin layer of skin called the eyelid. Applying enough force can temporarily or permanently blind someone, which gives you a good chance to escape as not only are they worried about the sudden pain in their eyes, they probably can't see where you are anymore. TECHNIQUES - Use the index finger or the index and middle fingers together to poke one or both eyes hard. Or, place your hands either side of the subjects head and place one thumb in each eye. This way, you can hurt both eyes at the same time, plus, with your hands on the targets head you can gouge their eyes, then use your hands to forcefully push them away from you, giving you a chance to escape. Finally, you can also use a fist, elbow or even a knee against the targets eye if need be.

Throat - Another vulnerable point, a good strike to the throat area can be debilitating as can disrupt their breathing and is painful. It can also be deadly, so be careful. TECHNIQUES - Striking the throat (in the middle where the voicebox is) can be as simple as applying decent force with one or two fingers, however the force needed may differ from person to person. To be sure, it's probably best to make a tight fist and punch the target in the voicebox with force. Apply this right, and your target will be winded. Also, an elbow is a good weapon to use as it is hard and you wont have to worry about hurting your hand with a punch. Knee's and even a kick are good also. Again, try not to use excessive force with this one.

Genitals - Yes. One or two hard strikes to the male genital area will be very painful indeed. One should be enough, but if the target still seems capable of fight then I suggest following through with multiple, hard strikes. After this, you should have a good chance to escape, as your target will most likely be more worried about his crushed penis/testicles. TECHNIQUES - Multiple. Depending on your height, knee can be very good, as like the elbow it is a hard surface, and driving it into the testes or penis will cause massive pain. Other techniques, elbow strike, a punch, a good kick, or even a headbutt if the situation calls for it.

That's the major ones I can think of, although there are more these are the easiest to remember and simplest to apply. Also try hitting the nose (a good hit to the nose will make the eyes water, possible blinding them temporarily), jaw (lots of nerves there, a hard well placed hit will knock someone out) or any other part of the body that is left open to attack. Remember though, only use these if necessary, the best thing to do is to try and escape.

Hope I helped. :)

PS: Oh, and someone earlier posted about carrying a pocket knife around. I think this can be a good idea, I carry one around myself, and although it's old and almost blunt as a butter knife, it LOOKS sharp, and can be used to possibly give a mugger second thoughts. Also, it may be pretty blunt, but it can still be very effective on someones eye or throat. Also look for improvised weapons around the place: a pen can be used for gouging, a broom handle can make a good wooden staff, etcetera.

Oh, and. Breaking glass makes people automatically think something's wrong, If you can't seem to yell or anything, break everything near you, Glass isn't te only thing that makes noise and all either. People will think someone's breaking into a place or something and they usually automatically either go to see what's going on, Or call the cops.
Unless they're the type of person that says 'Nothing's wrong. and if it was someone else will notice.' But, Yeah =3
I bet someone would notice then...

@Janus: Thanks for taking the time to describe what to do.. yknow.... I very seriously doubt that I'd ever be allowed to take any MA classes while living with him. .-. Even being able to have friends is a luxury with him, not to mention being able to physically defend myself. Hm..yeah.. I have to admit.. while reading what you said.. I was thinking to myself that these are smart and simple.. but I was wondering: Did it ever become hard for you to exert enough force for what you needed? I'm not sure how many of these tactics you've ever had to put into play but personally I'm at an awkward point where if I start to make an effort to hurt someone, I pull myself back after it first becomes noticeable. ._. The only time that I punched someone... I was mad at a guy for hurting my best friend, and it was a hit in the arm because I lacked willpower to actually do anything, despite being upset. ><" Kinda a stupid reason to punch someone, but he barely noticed since it was so weak. Like..seriously.... I don't recall having any adrenal rushes when it comes to fighting. Not like I want to... that would freak me out. But it doesn't seem to me that fear has been enough, or that wanting to get away has really been enough. I can try to scurry but when it doesn't work then I'm the one being pinned against the wall with big eyes and no voice. -__-"";; But hm.... you have some good points in what you said. Thanks.

@Atta: You too XD lol. Thanks for the continual input. =) It is true. Glass tends to gather the attention of bystanders just by the sound. It's always good to be aware of surroundings and use them to the best, ne? ^^

Those 'weak spots' are probably the areas on the body that require the least amount of force to attack, although they still require some force of course. I can understand about it been harder for you, a lot of people would find this hard as they either gentle or non-violent people. Which is fine, the world needs people like you! That's probably why I'd suggest running away if possible as a first option, and only using fighting as a last resort.

Another thing is, you can know these moves and still not feel confident when it comes to the crunch. One thing you could do to prepare for a hostile situation (which may happen tomorrow, or never happen at all, but it's good to be prepared) is to do some light training. I use the word 'light' because I'm just talking about a couple of small things - I don't expect you to follow some heavy schedule every day. Just do some different things, such as:

Eat Well:
Try and eat a balanced diet, which means having a variety of foods that have a variety of vitamins. Meats and the like for Protein, Fruit and Veg are very good at keeping you healthy with plenty of vitamins such as Vitamin C, Bread and Cereals (wholegrain and/or wholemeal is better than white bread, and tastes better too IMO) for Carbs, Milk and other Diary for Calcium to keep those bones strong, etc. Also make sure your drinking enough fluid such as water, as that will help flush out toxins from your body. As for lollies, fast food, soft drink...if you do have them, keep it in moderation (occasionally). The reason your diet is so important is because it affects how well your body AND mind work.

Exercise:
Do a little bit of exercise. This will help your body be fit and healthy of course, but not only that it keeps the brain working good as well (regular exercise is known to alleviate depression and help mental alertness). How often you exercise is up to you and depends on your schedule/mood I suppose...just try and fit some into your schedule. Exercises you could do include but are not limited to:

Push Ups:
Strengthen the upper body without expensive gym equipment. All you need is yourself and a floor. It's not easy to do proper push ups if you haven't done any before or in a long time, so if this is the case just start off slower: stand facing close to a wall and put your hands on the wall. Space out your hands until they are comfortable (I suggest trying slightly wider than shoulder width apart). Now do use your arms to do 'push ups' against the wall. This should be a lot easier than normal push ups. Just see how many you can do in a session, then the next time you do push ups try doing that many plus some more (say if you did 5 last session, try doing between 6-10 the next). That way you can build up to proper push ups if you so wish.

Punching/Kicking: Practice some punching and/or kicking. It's hard to describe to you how to do this properly without being there, so I would suggest going to a library or the net and research the subject. I recommend learning how to make a proper first and how to do a good punch, then after you find that out, maybe do some shadow punching in your room or wherever, just to practice.

Sleep: Make sure your getting enough sleep during the night, this can also affect mental and physical performance.

It's all up to you what you do from now on. But if you some of those things I mentioned (Nutrition, Exercises and Sleep) it could help in giving you the confidence to deliver necessary force, not to mention general confidence in yourself. Oh, before I forget, if your doing any serious exercise stuff, like proper push ups or running, don't forget to stretch before and after doing these, this will help prevent injury.

Hope I helped. Remember, it's your call. Your the master of your own destiny. Also remember that other people do NOT have any right to bully you, verbally or physically. Good Luck! :)

That's terrible D:
I can only offer my sympathies D: I hope that everything will eventually work out.
As for self defence, I'm not sure if taking classes can really help unless you take martial arts (from a proper master, not like community centre) for a long time. I started learning Tae Kwon Do when I was 6 but that doesn't make me strong or able to defend myself from ninjas (so to say). Becaue in a real situation, most of the time what will happen is that one will freeze and panic, forgetting all the techniques. Seriously, who can calmly think "since eyes are the weak spots, I will aim for the eyes but only hard enough to stun him, not kill him" when there's someone chasing after you with a baseball bat or something? Unless you studied martial arts enough to make it instinctive to you (this won't happen quickly...) it will be very difficult to actually put the self defence skill to use. Especially true when there's a size/power advantage.

I would advise you to learn it all the same, but don't rely on it. You won't be able to pin someone immobile and easily overpower him. Focus on running away or calling help rather than trying to fight him.
Like someone mentioned above, break glass, yell "FIRE!!" because that catches people's attention more than "HELP" or "RAPE". (People tend to not want to be involved in a violence situation, but when there's a fire and a danger to their property, they become a lot more interested...) Throw things like sand or glass at his face if you can...

Even as I say this, however, I hope the situation where you have to defend yourself doesn't ever happen ...

I have to admit I'm not sure what else could really help, in that this is some good advice. =o But if any one else has something to say it'd be nice to hear as well.. ^^

Well I have some tips. One is kinda freaky but basically there's three steps. Slap, Grab and Pull. Do this to the area where the sun don't shine on men. Also, the elbow is the strongest point, so elbow like mad if you're grabbed or being held.

hey sweet_dreams_512 i have a self defense tip. say you're being threatened by some person. if you're in public, make as much noise as you can. if you're at home, scream and break everything in the house. for both you could do this. you put your foot on the side of their leg, right where their knee is, and lean all your weight on it. but quickly. like, kick the outside side of their knee while throwing all your weight on it. it'll throw their leg out, and they won't be able to walk, much less come after you. so you kick, they fall, and you run screaming to the neighbors. and carrying a small weapon is a good idea, as well. but a question for Syraannabelle. what is an exact-o-knife?

If it were at home then all I could really think of would do more harm to me than him or it would just be trying to scream like crazy. It kinda scares me too.. to think... my bf told me it's possible my brother might want to r__ me O.o so not to let him see me in anything too revealing..

It's sad to say, but molestation is quite common amongst our society. I, too, have been in a situation like this, and I must say, that I, too, could not defend myself properly. However, the last time the offender tried to touch me again, I reacted with fear and adrenaline. I'm glad that you want to learn how to defend yourself properly instead of having to deal with the emotional roller coaster. Well, for me, what I did was use the materials around me. There was an alarm clock around me, and I used it. If you get caught in a situation like this again, try and look for materials, (because I know I don't like to carry weapons around), that you can use to defend yourself. Aim for the most vulnerable parts on a man's body; throat, groin, and face. My grandmother told me if you first punch a man in his diaphram, punch him in his adam's apple, and then knee him in the groin, then that will disable a man for quite some time. I hope you will NEVER again have to go through a situation like that where you may have to use violence. But, if needed, DO NOT feel that you have to hit them lightly. Hit them as hard as you can.

Trust me, it works.

P.S., I am currently taking martial arts classes, and it definitely makes you feel stronger emotionally and physically.

I agree with what everyone said. I skimmed through a lot of it since there was a lot of text but if someone didn't mention it, pepper spray. It works, and if you get it in the person's eyes,nose, and mouth you will have time to escape. If you don't have a way to get pepper spray (I think Wal-Mart sells it rather cheap), you can try to make it link to a instructable.

Like my dad always told me, if they are near you and threatening and you can't leave, stomp on their foot real hard and than knee them in the forehead when they bend over to rub their foot. Good luck to you.

Edit: Also you can try a panic whistle, I'm not sure if they still sell them but it's a very loud whistle that can disorient the attacker but at the same time it might disorient you so it's normally recommend to practice whistling it. Also tasers have come down in price. My mom has one that she bought for 20 dollars and it runs on one 9-volt battery. My dad wanting to know if it would work, tased himself and was unable to stop twitching for several minutes. It was pretty funny.

Yeah already had it happen before.. that was before the divorce. Now it's mostly just mind games. He makes tons of threats every day though too. But.. Idk.. I just.. can still see that kind of spirit in him that he might want to do something again, because every day he acts harsh and unreasonable, freaking out if he loses an ounce of control. Which, he gets upset at me often over pointless things just because I don't let them get to me like I did before. When I did, then he would constantly make me cry and feel bad about myself in the moment.. Now... if I do.. it's away from him. But I realize that he would still act this way even if I were perfect -- that it's nothing personal. My dad just has issues that he has left to address.

@Dishyfish: Well yeah! Who enjoys that type of rollercoaster? When you allow yourself to ride it by not saying no, it's not suprising if you come back with a few bruises, a headache, and an upset stomach. What do you think I can do to prepare for if I can't find much around? I mean.. my dad is very manipulative and planning about things. If he doesn't have them just the way he wants them or someone ends up finding a loophole, his rage level increases. So does the general harm he puts out on other people. I mean.. I can try to avoid it. Idk.. the advice on where to attack is helpful. I too hope I never have to apply it, but as an in case of emergency thing it's good to know. ^^";;

@everydaymonster: Pepper spray? lol umm ya I can look I guess.. my sister has mace and she tested it inside before. Neither of us could see or breathe right for an hour. Annnd uhh yeah I wasn't even around when she sprayed it. Just walked through where it was by sometime later.
Foot stomp/knee: Got it =o
So does that mean someone can become "immune"/used to a panic whistle? But.. hmm.. do people ever come if they hear it? .-. Because if I were to practice before I needed to use it then I wouldn't want uneeded attention. Only in the moment >.< Which.. that would be hard to get the timing right..... Be all liek "the boy who cried wolf"
Oh wow no my dad would store a taizer for himself to use or else get rid of it.. or interrogate me while he has it or in front of the elders or something @.x I wonder if a home made one would work. There's stuff on youtube how to make them out of disposable cameras and such.

@Lovely Mocochang: D: Oh wah I can't take MA classes. He monitors how my money and time is spent. Also I think it might be against my religion. .-. Hm ya I've reported him before but nothing rly happened. The most I had that was thanks to reporting him was CPS telling me that my brother and I couldn't live with either of our parents, so we couch-surfed from friend to friend for 3-4 weeks. ((They said my dad was under investigation and my mom was a harmful influence for possibly telling us what to say/believe))

Yeah pepper spray and mace are almost the same thing. It works, I know that you can buy one small enough to put on a key chain too, so it should be easy to hide. I think you just get used to the whistle. I'm not quite sure I was little when I was hearing about them, hence why I'm not even sure if they still make them. People probably will come if they are around but if there's no one or its overly crowded they might not think anything about it. I believe the concept was just to stun the attacker or to scare them off. Hm, okay no taser than. O.o They show how to make one? I guess if they show that it works than it might be safe, I would be worried about it shocking me too though.

Hmm ya .-. should be easier when the weather gets a bit cooler. I mean.. my pants pockets are too small to carry anything at all.. and if they do carry something, it takes too long to get out. And then.... I'm not all into using purses. My family would think it weird if I all of a sudden did. So my best best is prolly in a jacket I think. Hm.. I'm talking about the mace/pepperspray anywho. Wouldn't be particularly weird ('cept for at church) for me to wear a whistle : P

I'm wondering if I should do anything about my hair. I love it being long.. there's just idk.. it's easy to attack me because of it. Don't have to be very close to be able to reach if if I'm moving. It goes almost all the way down my back. Maybe should put it in a hairstyle that makes it harder..? I'm not real fond of individual buns. Maybe 2. Know anything else though? ^^"

Alright I might end up looking for a place to get a whistle.. hmmm...

Since I went to self defense (aka kung fu, karate, jiu jitsu etc.) just for fun, I actually have got a lot more confidence about such things.
If I met people on the street who wanted to do violent things to me, I'd probably not be as scared now as I was before...
Sometimes my dad and I have fights for fun, but I dunno who would win a real fight (I don't want to fight for real) but maybe I could win...
The point is that taking courses in self defense probably would help...
But yelling will probably also help scaring others
And yes, I think you should call 911 if something bad (even if it's just a little bad) happens again