So we had a bad week, and the dogs belonging to the person across the street killed my moms dog. I can sympathize, even though i hated the little thing, because i've lost one of my cats as well, to a car.

The problem is, however, that we've been having financial trouble for quite some time. We're losing our internet, which means, since we can't afford 80$ a month in bus money, i can't take any college courses. We live in the middle of nowhere, with my mother promising me that we'd move as soon as we could. First it was january, then that passed, and it was spring break. That passed and it became june, when my little brother got out of school, then that passed and she promised by september we'd move. then come the beginning of july, she said it would be january, again. Two weeks later, it was "we don't know when we'll move because i have bills to pay with the tax returns." Nevermind the fact that my depression has worsened since we've been out here to the point where i have pondered over suicide, even on anti depressants. This place is doing horrible things to my mind, and she knows it.

Personally i know she likes it out here, and is trying to avoid moving despite a verbally abusive stepfather living there, eating everything, and doing nothing around the house, letting his 20 something year old son, who should be in jail, by the way, live here, spend all his money on alcohol, and steal my mother's pain medicine.

I COULD UNDERSTAND ALL OF THIS. I really could. Except she's now looking for a new dog, and is willing to look at ones only to buy, instead of just looking at ones that are "Free to good home", but she's considering ones that are upwards of 150$.

I was saving up for a working n64 from a friend of a friend. It was 25$. My mother needed to borrow the 20$ i already had, promising it back within the month. Later she needed the 10$ i had in change, which i swore to myself would be for a game i'd been looking for forever, and i gave it to her. She then promised me the 10 back, next paycheck, forgetting the 20 entirely. And if i ever ask for the entirety of my money back, she makes me feel guilty for that, even when she goes and buys cigarettes when i told her specifically that i didn't want to see her buy them with the money i lent her, ever. I don't buy cigarettes for people.

We can't even afford dial-up for collage classes. I can't even save up more than a few dollars, sometimes even the two dollars i keep in case i need to go into town to get something she needs to borrow. And yet while all this is going on, she's looking into spending 150$ we "don't have" on a god damn dog.

As much as she's done for me in my life, i can't forgive her for this. It's as bad as the time she put my new kitten in a cat carrier on the floor while we drove 3 hours to move down to the middle of nowhere, making me carry her dogs, which i'm ALLERGIC TO by the way, on my lap, and told me to "just get over it" when one of them threw up on me, and got mad at me for trying to comfort my crying kitten in the carrier on the floor.

I just needed to get that out of my system. I can't talk to her about it because its just a reason for her to guilt trip me.

And she wonders why i never come out of my room. The only time i'll ever do it entirely willingly, unmotivated by hunger or the need to use the restroom, is if i finally decide to jump out my window.

You're clearly old enough to get a job, why not save up, NOT "lend" her money, and move out? Get an apartment with a friend?

Originally Posted by RetroTV

You're clearly old enough to get a job, why not save up, NOT "lend" her money, and move out? Get an apartment with a friend?

Because there are no jobs out here. I have no friends i can move in with, they've already found apartments with their other friends. and if i don't lend her money, it ends up a guilt trip, with me seeming like the bad guy. If i could move out i would, but i can't.

Next time your oh-so-lovely mother asks to borrow money, tell her you don't have any.
I have a rant about your little rant:
Your mother seems like a b***h.
Why the f**k does she get another f**king dog, willing to pay $150, when she always needs to borrow money, and needs to pay tax returns and crap?
She makes me mad. -.-
[/rant]

Well, saying you can't do something will mean you will never get out of there.
how do you even know there are no jobs? Go looking,
heck, even try and get student loans for college and stay in a dorm for a while.
there are things you can do, you're not even bothering to try and go looking.

ignore that guilt trip anyway, its your money, and your decision to spend or give it to someone.

and its completely stupid that she wants to get another dog, when you can't afford it.

ok, i'm not trying to offend you, but your mom sounds like such a b*tch! seriously, why the hell would she buy a f*kin dog for $150 and then hav the NERVE to come and ask you for money to buy f*kin cigarettes?! seriously, MOVE OUT! go ask your friends to make room for you in their apartment! do something, surely you could find something better! and as for suicide, DON'T DO IT!!! seriously, huge mistake there! the fact that you are allergic to dogs makes it even worse that she's gonna blow a f*kin $150 on a new one when you can't even afford to go to college! WHAT is wrong with your mother?! and trying to guilt trip you is just pathetic. unbelievable!

Like everyone else has stated above me, your mother has absolutely NO PRIORITIES WHATSOEVER.
Here's what I would do - I would talk to one of my good friends who has an apartment near a business district (with lots of potential jobs), and ask them that 'for the time being' if it was possible that I could move in with them and crash at their place until I am financially situated to live on my own.

If you explain to them your current situation in the way you explained it to us, then they will most likely let you stay with them for a few weeks/months. Once you found a temporary place, move the heck out of there. Tell your mother the reasoning for your decision and let her know how much she's screwing up. Once she realizes you're abandoning her, for her own selfishness, she may come to her senses. But there is a risk that she may disown you too as a way of guilt-tripping you. IGNORE IT. She is trying to keep you home so you could lend her some more money for her 150 dollar dog.

It may not be something you'd want to do but there are really no other options. I would suggest trying to get a job while living with your mother, but I have a feeling she may be taking your paychecks through manipulative tactics as well.
The only way to get out of there is to move out and be on your own. Clearly your mother has issues. Hopefully you'll be able to find a good job and a good living arrangement with your friend(s). Make sure to save EVERY penny that you earn until you find a decent place. And save up for college! Apply for scholarships and/or loans if you can. Good luck to you!

I don't really feel qualified to give advice for the whole situation, but I just wanted to let you know that you could potentially get a bus pass rather than paying each time you want to ride. I'm not sure if your bus system does that, but it's pretty common I think.

Also, whether you're staying with your mom or not, apply for financial aid. Here's the link: http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/

It is so easy to apply, please do it asap. When I was attending community college, they actually gave me a little more than the classes added up to so that I could buy my books and I had a bit left over for gas. Maybe you would have enough extra to buy a bus pass. I put off applying forever because I was intimidated and thought it would be a long, drawn out process, but it really isn't.


Advise to others: Please don't call her mother a bitch whether you believe it's true or not. I'm sure she still loves her mother despite the frustrating situation and it's just rude to say that either way.

If you moved out to another town, you could find a job there or something. Any job, even at McDonald's or something, just to make some money. I'm sure there's /somewhere/ you could get a job. And save up for college or help out your mom with bills or something instead of saving up for video games. In the end, video games aren't the most important thing to spend money on, trust me. I agree with juniper that you should fill out the FAFSA application, it's really useful, and pretty much everyone is eligible for some aid, no matter what your situation is.

I can understand why you are raging. You're mom is not making any sense! Sure, the death of her dog was the neighbors fault, but the fact she doesnt use what she has for things that really matter is just insane. She knows you have no money for bills, internet, or the bus. Yet, she wants it for personal uses like cigarettes, which are very bad for her health, which she can barely afford, and another dog!

You can start by saving up your money, and if your mom asks tell her NO. You'll never get anywhere if you give in to her guilt tripping you all the time, and if she wants to spend $150 on a dog then she can do it with her own damn money.

Your next best bet would probably be to try and apply for some sort of government aid, and once you have some money saved up you can try to start looking for apartments/jobs. Your life won't be glamorous for quite some time, but at least you can be out on your own. :]

I know what I have to say isn't going to be well liked and I'm really trying to see both sides, but I'm seeing more fault with you-unless I'm missing something here or don't have all the details. So I'm going to respond on the basis of what I've seen you post, with a few assumptions. Yes, I know what they say about assumptions, and if I'm wrong on something, please correct me.

On the one side, your mom DOES seem to have problems with her priorities. She certainly doesn't need to be worrying about a new dog if she can't even afford to pay the bills at home. She really does sound pretty messed up with the things you've mentioned, messed up and very selfish. There's really no need for me to nit pick the individual issues with that said.

On the other side, it APPEARS that you have graduated high school and are an adult. If that's not the case then disregard most everything I'm about to say. First, how are you able to even save any money at all that she can borrow if you don't have a job? And if you don't have a job, then that means you're living off of her. So while you're complaining about HER priorities, you need to look at your own as well. You're saving money for games and gaming systems, when you don't even have a job, and the bills in the home you're living in can't be paid to a degree that she's cutting off internet service to save money. As for college, there are scholarships, grants, and loans out there. Apply and see what you may qualify for. It may be more than you could even hope for. If you're an adult, it's not her job to pay for internet service or for a bus pass to town for you to take courses. You'll need to find a way to provide for yourself. The best advice is to do whatever it takes to get a job and move out, either on your own or with a room mate or two. Lastly, if she wants to live where she's living, then that's HER choice, whether you are a child or an adult, and you have no say in the matter. If you don't like where you live, and you're an adult, then move out. Why should she have to move just to please you? If it's affecting you to a degree that you are becoming more depressed, again, find a job and move out. You are no longer her responsibility.

You should look into the college you're applying for and see if they have a bus program.

It might just be that I'm living in a city and not the middle of nowhere but the community colleges and i think the colleges too have a deal set up with the bus system that basically puts a sticker on your college id and you get free bus transportation throughout the city for the entire semester

As for the dog issue, it sounds like she may be depressed too? I mean you have an abusive stepfather living with both of you and from the sounds of it you don't get along with her, maybe her dog is all she had and she wants to make sure she gets a good dog.

This sounds like a kind of an issue you need to discuss with your mom though, usually i'm all for just ranting on the internet but it sounds like you need to talk to her, if not about the dog then about life and issues in general...

Originally Posted by Infinitys Echo

I know what I have to say isn't going to be well liked and I'm really trying to see both sides, but I'm seeing more fault with you-unless I'm missing something here or don't have all the details. So I'm going to respond on the basis of what I've seen you post, with a few assumptions. Yes, I know what they say about assumptions, and if I'm wrong on something, please correct me.

On the one side, your mom DOES seem to have problems with her priorities. She certainly doesn't need to be worrying about a new dog if she can't even afford to pay the bills at home. She really does sound pretty messed up with the things you've mentioned, messed up and very selfish. There's really no need for me to nit pick the individual issues with that said.

On the other side, it APPEARS that you have graduated high school and are an adult. If that's not the case then disregard most everything I'm about to say. First, how are you able to even save any money at all that she can borrow if you don't have a job? And if you don't have a job, then that means you're living off of her. So while you're complaining about HER priorities, you need to look at your own as well. You're saving money for games and gaming systems, when you don't even have a job, and the bills in the home you're living in can't be paid to a degree that she's cutting off internet service to save money. As for college, there are scholarships, grants, and loans out there. Apply and see what you may qualify for. It may be more than you could even hope for. If you're an adult, it's not her job to pay for internet service or for a bus pass to town for you to take courses. You'll need to find a way to provide for yourself. The best advice is to do whatever it takes to get a job and move out, either on your own or with a room mate or two. Lastly, if she wants to live where she's living, then that's HER choice, whether you are a child or an adult, and you have no say in the matter. If you don't like where you live, and you're an adult, then move out. Why should she have to move just to please you? If it's affecting you to a degree that you are becoming more depressed, again, find a job and move out. You are no longer her responsibility.

I get money because when i was younger i got brain damage from being perscribed a medication i shouldn't have been. So as a disabled person, i get a little money each month to help with things. There are no jobs out here. THe closes hospital is an hour away, if that helps you see how far i am from a job. And for college, i'm to far from them, and cant afford the bus money.

There are no jobs here
there is no one i can move in with
i have no where to go
my entire college is going to have to be on the internet because i cant get to a college.

Do you think i have not considered getting a job and moving? i have. it isn't something i can do.

You don't have to live with her, if it's bad enough you can just move out and live on the streets. I've done it, But. As soon as your life gets worse, you'll be begging her to take you back.

Stop thinking CANT and start thinking CAN.
You're too fucking negative about everything, Take a deep breath and get your own priorities straight T_T
From what it sounds like you're too scared to do what you want to, It's not that you Can't move out. Because, You can.

You don't need a fucking job, You don't need to have money, Just be happy, if you're that hyped up about moving. Go live in a bloody homeless shelter, I hear they're free! So no worries! You'll be all sweet living in one of them, Then you can sit there and nag about how your life is crap! :D

You don't need to be able to afford bus-fare! You have feet! Feet don't cost anything either!
---
EDIT-

I'm not a very nice person at the moment sorry O.o'
My mind is just going too fast at the moment....

Originally Posted by Anne_Marie

I get money because when i was younger i got brain damage from being perscribed a medication i shouldn't have been. So as a disabled person, i get a little money each month to help with things. There are no jobs out here. THe closes hospital is an hour away, if that helps you see how far i am from a job. And for college, i'm to far from them, and cant afford the bus money.

There are no jobs here
there is no one i can move in with
i have no where to go
my entire college is going to have to be on the internet because i cant get to a college.

Do you think i have not considered getting a job and moving? i have. it isn't something i can do.

Like I said, I was going only on the information given. You have clarified some things. I'm sorry for your disability, I'm sure that makes things harder than normal. Though fortunately, it doesn't sound as if it affects you too severely if you are able to graduate and try to enter college. However, If you are still living with your mother, then you SHOULD be paying some of that money to her, if you are an adult. That money is for your support, not for games and gaming systems, unless everything else has been paid first, just as my children's social security (father's death benefit) is for their support first and not their pleasure first. As I mentioned, you should also take a look at your own priorities. If you can't take courses without internet, then pay for it yourself with your benefit money. If it's not enough, again, check with the schools and see what you qualify for. Now that you mention it, I find it hard to believe that you can't qualify for educational benefits if you have a disability. You really need to check into it. Check into Vocational Rehab, they can probably help. They are a program designed especially for the disabled. Though your disability makes things harder for you, you also have access to more programs than the average person for help. Please, look into it.

You have to realize that our entire economy is in a recession/depression right now (again, an assumption that you are in the US). People all over the country can say the same thing, that there are no jobs. That is understandable. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I'm not saying anything to you that I wouldn't/haven't said to my own 19 year old son, who has been living off me for over a year and not contributed one dime to my household, except for maybe some milk or butter here and there when he happened to have an odd job that gave him a $20 or $30 dollars here and there. I live in a small town where there are no jobs either, and my son has no car, so he has to walk everywhere he goes, and we're talking MILES, not blocks.

Again, your mother DOES seem to have some serious issues with priorities and selfishness. I also didn't say you hadn't considered getting a job and moving. I know you are frustrated and angry. Anger can be a very motivating factor. Use it to your advantage.

Originally Posted by Infinitys Echo

Like I said, I was going only on the information given. You have clarified some things. I'm sorry for your disability, I'm sure that makes things harder than normal. Though fortunately, it doesn't sound as if it affects you too severely if you are able to graduate and try to enter college. However, If you are still living with your mother, then you SHOULD be paying some of that money to her, if you are an adult. That money is for your support, not for games and gaming systems, unless everything else has been paid first, just as my children's social security (father's death benefit) is for their support first and not their pleasure first. As I mentioned, you should also take a look at your own priorities. If you can't take courses without internet, then pay for it yourself with your benefit money. If it's not enough, again, check with the schools and see what you qualify for. Now that you mention it, I find it hard to believe that you can't qualify for educational benefits if you have a disability. You really need to check into it. Check into Vocational Rehab, they can probably help. They are a program designed especially for the disabled. Though your disability makes things harder for you, you also have access to more programs than the average person for help. Please, look into it.

You have to realize that our entire economy is in a recession/depression right now (again, an assumption that you are in the US). People all over the country can say the same thing, that there are no jobs. That is understandable. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I'm not saying anything to you that I wouldn't/haven't said to my own 19 year old son, who has been living off me for over a year and not contributed one dime to my household, except for maybe some milk or butter here and there when he happened to have an odd job that gave him a $20 or $30 dollars here and there. I live in a small town where there are no jobs either, and my son has no car, so he has to walk everywhere he goes, and we're talking MILES, not blocks.

Again, your mother DOES seem to have some serious issues with priorities and selfishness. I also didn't say you hadn't considered getting a job and moving. I know you are frustrated and angry. Anger can be a very motivating factor. Use it to your advantage.

I do give her most of the money. I get 620$ a month, and we agreed at first that i'd give her 600 and keep the 20. But as for the jobs and vodational rehab, The nearest town is so far away i can't walk there, its an hour and a half drive. There's no way i can get there, without my mother finding out and guilt tripping me again about leaving and taking my little bit of money with me.

Originally Posted by Anne_Marie

I do give her most of the money. I get 620$ a month, and we agreed at first that i'd give her 600 and keep the 20. But as for the jobs and vodational rehab, The nearest town is so far away i can't walk there, its an hour and a half drive. There's no way i can get there, without my mother finding out and guilt tripping me again about leaving and taking my little bit of money with me.

Oh now see, here's where I'm going to try to motivate you :). Wow, $600 and only keeping $20. That IS a lot to give. I have to say, I would never ask my son for that much of his entire income. That's just greedy (on her part for taking so much), but then, I never said she didn't seem to have some serious issues and seemed very selfish. Just for little things that you may need throughout the month, you need to keep more than that.

Also, I can understand you can't walk that far. I wasn't trying to imply with a huge distance to try walking it. I only tried to make a point that my son has to walk his little butt off around here for everything almost. Well, we got fortunate and he finally got a very good job last week here in town with a lot of help from someone. And that was only because HE changed HIS priorities and realized that having a job to have money is what he needs and has to do. Yay-Finally for him! Try calling the Voc Rehab and see what they say. Tell them your situation with transportation. Just give it a try. The worst that can happen is that nothing can be done, which leaves you no worse for the wear. Look in the phone book or online while you have it for other organizations that help the disabled. You have to take it upon yourself to try. Use your anger and frustration to fuel you on.

As for your mom quilt tripping you, only YOU can get beyond that. I hate to say it, but you can give her some veiled threats of leaving and taking your money with you. I have a feeling she'd change her attitude a little then. I would also start keeping about $200 back for yourself. Tell her you're going to pay for the internet yourself out of the money YOU are keeping to take your courses. And do just that. Don't give her the money to do it, she may not pay the bill. YOU pay the bill YOURSELF or have it cut on in your name. Tell her you need more than $20 dollars to buy the little things you need. If she can't meet you half way, you can make some hard choices. Refuse to give her ANYTHING. By the time she may possibly dare to kick you out, you will have enough saved to get a place, or do something. I have a feeling she'll settle for less rather than lose the money. Even if you keep $200, that's still $400 she's getting, and that's nothing to sneeze at. If she's really that greedy and selfish, and money is THAT tight for you guys, she won't want to lose that. And when she asks for money, tell her you don't have it. Think ahead of time for the excuses you will use. I'm not saying lie, but there are ways and things you can say. Oh hell, with the way she acts, just lie. It sounds like you're going to have to take some drastic measures to overcome your situation.

Again though, look at your own priorities first before judging others. You don't need games, you need internet for college courses, right? You need to save or find transportation to town, right? Twenty five dollars is a lot for someone with nothing,so don't try to say that it isn't that much. For YOU, it is, and you just don't have it right now. You need to be putting it elsewhere.

This porves the idea that no parent is perfect.
Im on your side, all the way.
If she is undergoing a Financial crisis in other words, then why would she get a dog?
No means to insult your mother, but she´s simply being stupid.
A parent, an adult, they should know their limits in regards to when and how to spend their money.
There should absolutely be no need for your own mother to borrow money from you.

Only adivce I can give you is, don´t hate her for this.
My 15 year old sister was too immature to think things throughly and left the house due to constant fights with my mom, and she´s only 15.
What your mom thinks is a daughter to mother talk, and I mean one that would set things straight and clear some things out.
She needs to take responsability in terms of her financial issues. If nobody tells her anything, only family will do. If the family wont tell her anything, she´ll just keep on being this way.

Thanks you guys. I'm going to give it a shot, and see what i can come up with.

Originally Posted by Anne_Marie

Thanks you guys. I'm going to give it a shot, and see what i can come up with.

I honestly hope you find a way to better your situation.

Wishing you the best here. I do feel infinity's message though, and I know she had her heart in the right place. The only thing you can change is yourself, and if you're not happy about the way things are there you need to either reach an agreement with your mother or move out and pave your own way. I've been there, done that...and I can tell you right now my mother and I haven't had the rosiest of pasts. She's threatened to kick me out too, even though I gave her $300 a month from my paycheck at my job and also did a slew of other daily chores for my parents. It sucks, but I just had to either suck up or moved out, and luckily I was able to find the resources to move out and I'm much happier now.