He broke up with me. *UPDATE FIRST POST*
 

update:

We got back together. There's issues, which I mentioned somewhere on the second page. To make it easier; the fact that I space out while listening to music bothers him because he has moments where he needs to talk to me and I'm not responding. Seriously. You could stab me and it would take a few minutes for me to notice. There are also problems with him feeling that I don't show him affection. I do, it's just my way might be differently than he is used to. Plus, the arguments (which are far in between) bug him. He thinks disagree = arguments, and yeah.

The problem is that online he's a completely different person. He is quiet, unsure of things, and tends to back-off whenever ANY conversation comes up. Compare to offline when he is affectionate, hyper, caring, etc.

Original Post:
For the last eight months I am have been in a serious relationship. While we had our share of problems, like most relationships, we solved them. I truly thought that we had pretty good communication skills. Guess not. In a way or another, we were unofficially engaged. He wanted to marry me, he said various times in last month or so. The only thing that was stopping him from actually proposing was the ring and money. Not to mention I was about to move in with him.

The last time we had a serious talk was earlier this week. He told me that he loved me, and that I completed him. He told me that there was a good chance that he might get five years in jail (long story, stalker ex-girlfriend basically). He had met up with his lawyer that day, and apparently his lawyer wanted him to take the plea bargain. Either he'll get jail or probation basically. He told me to be strong no matter what the court decided and he would always love me. That, and he asked me to visit him whenever I got the chance if something did happen. We had a similar talk the night before---he loved me, no one would change that, and that I completed him.

On multiple occasions he said he wouldn't know what to do if something happen to us, or me. He has had some bad relationships in the past, both serious and casual.

We hung out Wednesday afternoon and evening. We went to go the college, got his classes scheduled, hung out with some of our mutual friends. On the ride to his brother's, where he lives, he asked me if I could drive him and his mother on Sunday to see his lawyer. I agreed. We also finalized our plans to hang out Friday (DnD, then hanging out at the mall with friends). He told me he wanted to spend the night with me.

Fair enough.

His texts me Thursday morning, tells me that he loves me, and that he was going back to sleep. I asked him to text me when he woke-up again. He called awhile later, in the afternoon, and started freaking-out. I tried to talk to him, and told him I would come over ASAP. He told me he wanted a break, I asked why, and he hung up. I texted him, asking him to talk to me about it. He calls me, telling me that he does not know if he loves me anymore. He goes back and forth on that, and tells me he doesn't want to talk to me on person or online. He tells me has has to go. I text him basically saying, "When you are ready to ready, text or call me.

He answers, and we agree to talk tomorrow.

During this time he went to stay the night over at a guy friend's house. Mind you, this friend does not like me or the relationship. He has told me this straight to my face that it won't last. Why? No reason. I dealt with this crap up until the time the friend insulted me for no reason. I had called him to get in contact with my ex-boyfriend to see when he wanted to be picked-up. My ex's cell had died.

I was not happy that he was going over there to think and have time alone.

I text him Friday afternoon, we chit-chat for awhile. Nothing serious. I asked him if we could talk, and he said sure. After asking him if he still cared about me, he said that he did not know anymore. I treated him like crap, apparently, and that all I did was yell at him for no reason at all. I'm thinking, "...but I don't. I know I don't."

He told me he didn't want to see me ever again. At this point my best friend, who I am leaning on, calls my ex-boyfriend. No luck. The ex doesn't want to talk to him ever again as well.

(Note: The best friend was going to move in with me and my ex. So...)

I talk to my mom, who tells me that he most likely did this because he was convinced that he was going to go in jail for five years, and he didn't want to hurt me.

After that, I texted my ex-boyfriend to let him that I was going to take his stuff to his brother's house sometime this weekend. He texted me back, and asked me if I could still take him and his mom to his lawyer on Sunday. I think about it and agree. He thanks me, and tells me what time I need to be there.

I'm thinking...What happen to the fact he didn't care about me? Or that he didn't want to talk to me at all? Yet, he wants me to take him and his mom to see his lawyer. He has a lot of other friends that would do it. Why me?

Also:

1) His brother hates me. I don't know why. I have helped his brother with getting food, driving to work, picking his girlfriend up from the airport, etc. for free. For awhile he has been telling my boyfriend that he needs to dump me. When I tried to talk to him, he played the innocent card. I once broke down because of an issue I was having with my parents, and my ex-boyfriend was trying to calm me down, he started yelling at me how I ruined his day, that I need to stop crying, etc. Maybe he doesn't hate me, but I am far from being his favorite person. Even despite this, I am nice to him.

My ex-boyfriend looks up to him. Still, I don't like the brother as he has been abusive to my ex in the past. Yeaaah. Not the best guy in the world.

2) His court date is at the end of this month. His lawyer apparently is suggesting that he does a plea bargain. As I said before, he has a good chance of getting five years in jail or probation. My ex-boyfriend is convinced that he will get the five years.

3) He has not told anyone that we broke-up besides his brother and the friend he stayed with that one night. Besides them, a few mutual friends (including my best friend) know. For some reason, he's not talking about it. He's been literally logged into WoW or Yahoo since the whole situation happen.

He called my friend (Eric) up asking to hang out on Monday. There was no mention of me or the break-up. I don't know if it's that he doesn't want to talk about it or what. That and he told Eric that all he had been doing lately was playing WoW.

=|

I just don't know what went wrong.

I can't sleep more than an hour at a time, even when I'm taking over the counter sleeping medication. Plus, I have little to not appetite. I barely kept down what I ate yesterday. The smell of food is making me sick.

Plus, I have a stabbing emotional/physical pain in my chest. It keeps getting more painful. I've been dumped before, but I've never had this kind of pain.

He sounds kind of like a jerk. I mean, why would he be all loving and then one day just freak out, think you are always yelling at him, and then break up with you?

This seems like a delicate situation to me.

Maybe on Sunday when you are driving him and his mom (which I can't believe you agreed to!) you can make him talk to you about why he broke up with you.

Confront him about the theory that he's breaking up with you because he might go to jail. See what he says?

GOOD LUCK!

Normally, he's not like this. At all. Actually. He's never been this way. Ever.

I don't think he planned to break-up with me. He left a lot of stuff at my house such as clothes, books, mail, etc. There were no signs that something was wrong other than maybe he upcoming court date.

I agreed to it because it's pretty much the only chance I might be able to talk to him, especially if he does get some jail time.

wow that kind of happened with me and my es but he was the one that treated me like crap and broke up with me by any chance does his family have a history of being bi-polar? that could have A LOT to do with it

My ex-boyfriend never treated me like crap. =| I do have previous ex's who have, but yeah. I understand.

Actually, he might. But I don't know what he was diagnosed with. He stopped going to therapy before he met me.

Oh my that's horrible. I'm very sorry to hear that. I say that you make him talk to you like literally don't start the car inless he starts talking. Maybe not that crazy but still make sure you talk to him. Besides that no advice to give I'm sorry. Only time mends a broken heart. Best of luck c:

I hope this works out during the trip to the lawyer today! :hug:

And I guess your mom might be right, at least partly. It could be a mix of him trying to protect you (for some reason people just don't seem to understand that like this they actually hurt you by far more than if they just let you decide for yourself whether you want to be with someone who's in jail) and him panicking. He's about to loose 5 years of his life, and in a situation like that a lot of people get really confused when it comes to sorting out their own emotions. And then there could also be his fear that you might leave him because of the situation, so he's trying to dump you before you can break his heart.

Normally I would say just leave him alone, for he's really behaving like a complete jerk - but in his current situation I think he's got a good excuse for totally freaking out.

I hope things work out between the two of you, for even though I think being in a relationship with someone who's stuck at jail will be really tough, it sounds like your relationship so far is definitely worth the complications. Tell him straight to his face that he's worth the trouble and that you will be there for him during those hard times.

If it just matter of him listening to me or not, because he is stubborn and tends to stick to things even when it might be killing him.

Let's just hope he feels more intent on sticking to his original decision of being together with you than the more recent one.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he'll listen to you (or at least give you the real reason behind breaking up)!

I hope.

It make no sense because considering what he told me last week, how he loved me, how I completed him, etc. Then this. Half of his stuff was at my house, as he stayed here for a few weeks during the summer, so it wasn't planned. It just makes no sense to me at all. People don't normally go from wanting to marry someone to not caring about them.

Plus...why does he want me to drive him? He has friends that would do the same in a heartbeat and yet he asks me if I want to do it. Does he want to talk to me? Or what?

This sounds totally screwed up. The least he could do is let you have the opportunity to talk things over..

I think I agree with Nalah Sin on the theory of him dumping you because he thinks he's going to jail.

Maybe if you tell him that you wont take him and his mom to the lawyer unless he promises to talk with you for at LEAST an hour? lol.

I'm really sorry that you have to be in this situation, it sucks. I hope you get things sorted out *hugs* Good luck.

I'm not going to threaten him, as that will make him freak out. He hates black mail, people threatening him, OR anything similar to that. I also have to be at his lawyer by one, so yes.

But I am going to try talking to him.

What worries me is he hasn't logged out of Yahoo or Wow since Sunday. The only time he goes idle is around 3am, which is when he goes to bed normally. He's not leaving his brother's house. This is a guy who hates being cooped up anywhere for too long.

What could he do? He's doing this to himself, obviously, and is it really your responsibility? Unless you can get him to talk to you, there is very little you can do for him.

I think that for him to expect you to take him to his lawyer after he's dumped you without any kind of warning is quite unreasonable.. And if his mother is going to be there, getting him alone to talk will be kind of difficult?

No, because I will be alone with him BEFORE we pick up his mom and AFTER we drop his mom off. There will be a good chunk of time where I will be able to talk before taking him home.

If he doesn't care about me, like he said, why would he want me to be the one to take him? Unreasonable or not.

Maybe he's hiding it from his mother? Or maybe he hasn't been able to get another ride?

Good luck, in any case.

If he has more than enough other friends who could drive him, there really is a high chance he wants to talk to you. Whether he knows it or it's just an unconscious wish.

Wait for whatever is going to happen, and if he really gives you the chance to talk to him, show him that you're ready to give him the stability and support he might need if things don't turn out well for him.

If he then decides to stick to your relationship - good!
If not - at least you know you tried your best, and maybe he will even tell you his reasons.

I will find out soon because I will be picking him up in the next hour. That, and I just put all of his stuff into my car.

Crossing my fingers! :hug:

He messaged me on MSN (hasn't logged on there since Wed. night) and asked me if I was awake. Apparently he doesn't hate me.

He doesn't have any reason to, does he? ;)
Now, take a deep breath, and don't forget: Things can only get better from now on!

I just got back.

We talked about the situation on the way there, when he mother was not paying attention, and when we were on the way back. There were some things that did hurt him, but I was unaware that it was affecting him. Such as how I would listen to my music at times, and goes off into my world (spacing out) when he was suffering. But, at the same time, he should of told me that this was bothering him. I didn't know. :|

Apparently I don't show him that I love him enough. But I do, or I thought. I treat him to dinner, surprise him with gifts, tell him I love him, etc. I'm a very affectionate person. I like hugging and cuddling. I like giving him gifts because of the way he gets---even though he feels guilty when anyone does something for him.

But...we are back together.

Hey, that's good to hear - especially since now you have been given reasons, something you can work on!

The reason he didn't tell you so far might be because until now it was just a minor issue, but with his life in an uproar, small issues can feel like living hell. Just ask him to always tell you when there's something about your behaviour he doesn't like, no matter how unimportant it may seem at that time (though don't forget to not get angry because of it ;)).

And ask him how he would like you to show your affection. I know this sounds like I'm suggesting to handle him with kid gloves, but with what's lying before him he'll probably need that extra bit of fondness.

Above all, cheer up - it's just the first step to getting back to the harmonious relationship the two of you shared before, but it's also a huge step into the the right direction! :hug:

He's said he's tried to tell me, but that he has trouble communicating his feelings at certain time. A lot of times when I space out, I really space out to the point where someone could be yelling at my ear or screaming my name and I would only realize it five minutes later.

The problem is that my boyfriend has been raped in the past, and he'll get triggered very easily. Other days, he wants to be touched, held, etc. It's difficult because I don't always know when he's going to have a flashback. He doesn't always know, so he can only tell me ahead half of the time.

Oh, I see. I guess that's even more reason for the kid gloves. It might feel awkward at first, but whatever you do, just ask him whether it's okay for him. This way you won't unintentionally trigger bad memories, and at the same time he'll know that you wanted to be close to him and only refrained from doing so for his own sake.

As for the spacing out - I'm a bit of a dreamer myself, as soon as I'm in a car I tend to completely walk off into my own worlds. So my mother and I devised a signal between the two of us so she can easily "bring me back" when we arrived at our destination (in our case it's rapping at the window). You could try whether this works for you, too - think of a trigger (saying your name, touching your hand, pinching your cheek) and before spacing out memorise to WAKE UP when it's triggered. At least for me, the normal span of up to a minute before coming back is completely gone whenever I hear the rapping on my window.