Does anyone have any advice on how to not get focused on one person? I'm the type who is extremely shy and meeting people doesn't happen except for back in school and work.
I ask because I've been talking to a friend who I had liked since elementary/middle school. He talked me into visiting him all the way over in Toronto (I'm in BC) and I went and saw him for a week. That was the first time I've seen him in nine years. Turns out we connected in such a way that it was completely unreal how easy it was to be with him. Which goes without saying is a huge deal to me. He told me that ever since school he's liked me, well much more than that in fact. We both ended up telling eachother that we loved the other, which is completely true from my point, and he's never been one to just spit out what he thinks others want to hear.

Now I find myself thinking of him constantly and not being able to stop. He says that in June if he gets his posting he'll be moving back out here, but I don't know if I should keep a hope going that we could be together or move on.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
Has anything happened like this for you or at least any idea how to become un-shy so I'm not just focused on one person? XD

(I know it's not the most interesting of topics, but I've struggled with this for a while now)

Well i say i should hold on to some degree of hope. If you are truly in love with him (and he loves you) then i say wait. You can contact him via e-mail/phone right? You could move to him too if you are able =3

I too am a very shy person so i don't think i can help in that department. Hope it all works out for you!

Definitely keep in touch, and see how things turn out. If he moves there, yet things don't work out, don't fret. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. There are plenty more fish in the sea, as cliche as that may sound.

@ cashuea
Thanks ^__^ We do talk by email quite a bit and by phone too, even though he's constantly busy. And the only reason I'm not moving there is because he really does want to move back, he's tired of it over there.

@ The Jupiter Alien
That's the way I'm trying to look at it, but it's hard sometimes.

Well I can help you relate a bit. I used to have a boy friend in Canada but he moved to Maine[[In the states]] and we still kept together..for about 8/9months we would call each other every day ask how our day had been and just talk about life. So I personally think keep in touch with him no matter what..if it works out or doesn't.. because he'll still think you as his closest friend in his time of need, because well if hes liked you for that long he ought to, right? So no matter what keep in touch with him. I don't get to talk my ex anymore.. he moved and we lost contact, I lost his number, and I guess he lost mine. But there still isn't a day I don't miss him or think about him. I guess its just how somethings turn out to be. [=

But what ever you do do not EVER let go of him if you love him..that's one thing I learned the hard way.

Thanks for the advice, it does help a lot. Sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you though, that must have been tough.

I know what you are going through. If you want to keep your mind off of him then I say its like quitting smoking. Get some gum. Stay busy. um maybe you can read a good book. Or just keep finding forums to post to. Usually discussing something can help take the heat out of the burn.

That's exactly what it's like! I even tried to hate him for a while just to get over him... didn't work obviously. I've tried to keep myself busy by going out with friends, the few that are around here and get generally more active but it doesn't really seem to work.
I even started to like someone else that was around where I was so I thought that might keep my mind off of him, but it backfired a little and now I like him too. *bangs head* I'm an idiot sometimes, I just can't keep things together.

Why don't you ask him how sure he is that he could move back? Also, discuss with him whether he'd want you to try to date someone else in the meantime just in case him moving back doesn't work out. If you're that serious about him, you should be able to have hypothetical conversations like this easily. Plus, his input is important~

Hey I you really have feelings for him and he says he does for you then what do you lose by waiting. Some time. Im sure there are ways to keep in touch. You know the old saying time makes the heart grow fonder. You have nothing to lose by waiting and everything to gain. What do you have now? The worst that can happen is it flops. Then you go on. A lesson learned. By waiting you may get everything you want. If it doesnt work out then you deal with it and move on. You really havent lost anything and it will help you grow emotionally. Even bad relationships should teach us something. If you wait and it works out it was meant to. If it doesnt then it is preparing you for happiness down the road, because if you dont know heartbreak you cant know happiness.

@ StripedSocks
I think I'm afraid that if I date someone else then I'll start liking them more, but I guess it wouldn't really matter if that did happen since it would still turn out with the other one.

@ wandering echo
You're right, nothing's lost so why not. It just seems so simple just to wait it out, like if it's not complicated it won't work sorta deal :P

Thanks for your input everyone, it's greatly appreciated, just to know that someone has listened helps too. <3

If you had a deep connection with him, I wouldn't see why you wouldn't want to date him? You both confessed that each of you liked each other, I see no point in holding yourself back. I think this relationship could last because you want it to and he does too. So you state it in your story. Go ahead date him, I think you'll be happy and it is nice to have hope. I think if he is in your mind and you can't get rid of him. Then openly keep him in you forever, or so I am saying, and date him! Jeez, Keep him there until it is time to forget him. xD

Hey, I live in BC, too!!!

Anyways. Like most people have said, you don't really have anything to lose by waiting.
That said. don't you DARE wait forever for this guy. I would figure out when he expects to hear about his posting. If he can give you a conclusive answer "I expect to hear by October 1st" then I say wait it out. If he's like "ummm I don't know" then he could be playing you and stringing you along. Which is NOT fun, because Toronto is WAY too far away for us BC girls, and long distance relationships are HARD.
I wish you all the best!

Definitely wait to see if he ends up moving back. Has he given you a date that he should know by? If so mark that date on your calendar.
If not, I would say to keep your eyes open for another person.
Best of luck!!

Well given anything military the day they have something for certain will be a great rare day. He'll know in a few months and that's what he's been told. But that doesn't mean much since it's a gong show most of the time, it could change any time. He did say he'd tell me right away whenever something was mentioned about it.

@ Hollywood
Hey!! A fellow BC-ian! You're right, Toronto is too far off. I'm definitely not going through another long distance relationship, that's why I thought I'd try to see about what other people said.

You should probably start with taking it a bit slow, and see how it goes, he will have faults and so on... so don't jump head first into it, other than that, best of luck ^^

If you truely love him then you'll be suprised how much you can bare, and when he comes back to where you are his return will be loads better becasue you;ve waited. (good things come to those who wait) Though another tihng to bare in mind, a relationship started with doubts is never a good sign. In the end you know him and yourself better than anyone here, so it;s up to you to make your decision.

It's okay to be excited. I would say be hopeful but don't count on anything. In case something does go wrong, you don't want to be heartbroken. You can continue thinking about him all the time, not like you could stop I am sure! But if things don't go as planned, just leave yourself open for that. This way you are not stuck in a situation where you thought everything was perfect then had your life turned around. Keep yourself open for dissapointment JUST IN CASE. Good luck :)

@ Mei Shinju Kokoro
I'm definitely not going to jump in head first right away, I know that never ends well, or if it does it's rare.

@ Eastriel
I tried to not start with doubts but I thought I'd better look at it from more points of view. Just looking for some insight is all (:

@ AutumnLily
That's a good thing to do, think for every outcome ^^


Thanks to everyone who put in their thoughts, it's helped quite a bit.
I've had lots to think about thanks to you all, everything is much appreciated
<333

Locking this as requested by Ailyia :)