Let me explain. I am the kind of teenager that has a routine for a life. I get up, get ready for college, and go back home. That's basically my whole life. I keep good grades, I try my best to make mature decisions, I do housework when I'm not busy, and I stay out of trouble.

When (finally) something happens, everything seems to go nuts! My best friend, who is in another college, calls me and invites me to go out with her new friends and just hang out for a day. I think to myself, "A great chance to do SOMETHING interesting." Buuuut....

I have the kind of parents that I have to ask for permission to do everything. I'm thankful for that, since its what makes me feel more secure about what I'm doing, what I'm going to do, and what I've done. But, I ask my mom if I can go, and she says that she doesn't want me to. The thing is, she doesn't give me a valid reason, its just a plain no.

Then she reasons and tells me to ask my dad. I do so, he says that he's okay, so she finally gives in. I'm supposed to go out tomorrow, but right now she's acting completely bizarre; yelling at me for no good reason, telling me that I never spend time with her, and that all I care about are my friends.

Hellooooo! I BARELY GO OUT! This ONE time I want to go out, get lost for a day and have fun, and she has to get all dramatic about it. I want to cheer her up, but she just worsens...

To give an example, she yelled at me today because I was STUDYING instead of doing laundry... Where the heck are her priorities?

The thing is, I have no idea what to do. She does this to me EVERY TIME I want to go out, which as stated previously, isn't frequent at all. It truly upsets me that she acts this way, and I wish I could make her happy and be happy for myself.

Am I selfish for wanting to go out? Or is she being selfish for wanting for me to be trapped in here like she is? I don't know why she reacts like this whenever I'm about to go out and have some fun... I can't even go to the movies without having her go through one of these episodes.

Has anyone been through something like this? Any suggestions please? I'm really upset, and I guess I need some sort of advice. Thanks!

she doesnt want you to grow up. It's like my mom and my sister she never goes out and then when she does and she asks my mom my mom freaks on her. Alot of parents are like that they feel that if they keep you "close" or w/e then youll never grow up and go away.
shes being the selfish one not you

Maybe your mom is just scared or not ready for you to leave her. My friend kinda goes through that. When he goes out, his mom is always texting him about when he is coming home or checking up on him. And when he makes talk about moving out, at first she is alright with it but when it comes closer she starts giving him a guilt trip so that he doesn't want to go.

She might be scared for what might happen. Or she is just guilting you so you feel so bad you don't want to go.

You aren't selfish. It's natural to want to get out sometimes. Maybe your mom thinks if you start going out, then you will change and make bad decisions. Or she could just be afraid to see you grow up. If your a good kid, she should realize how responsible you are. Does she ever tell you that you are mature and responsible???

Yes, she tells me that I'm responsible all the time, and that I'm mature and also that I can handle things on my own. She keeps telling me that she trusts me, but I just feel like she doesn't and that she just wants me to be stuck in here, and unhappy.

That's probably not her intentions, but its the way that she makes me feel. I wish she would leave me be, you know? I just came back from the go-out-day, and she's still pissed off. I even called her when I got there to let her know that we got there safe and sound, but she COULDN'T even answer the phone. >.<

No you are not selfish for wanting to go out. If you are old enough for college you are old enough to go out. On dates if you want. Sounds like your mother is controlling. She is trying to manipulate you into doing what she feels comfortable with. I say go out. You are entitled to some recreation.

I'm going to assume that it could be one of a few things. Maybe something happened to her when she was younger and she has a morbid secret fear of releasing you to the public.

Maybe she has attachment issues. She always sees you, so she expects you to be around. If you're not there then she feels alone and bored. She expects you to be home when she arrives because she likes feeling the warm welcome and it makes her feel more connected. It could be less of you going out and being with other people too. Maybe it's more that she wants to be able to go out and do that sort of thing but she is too introverted to make friends and do that.

[Pre Post Edit] I just realized that you mentioned that you're in college. It probably is an attachments thing because she feels like in a very short amount of time, you'll be leaving her and starting your own life. A lot of parents feel that way, actually. I don't know how many but if I had to make an unauthorized guess it would be somewhere near 85%.

Sometimes, parents get upset about little things such as household chores because they think that you're trying to put off the chore by pretending to do something else. It's happened to me several times actually. That could also be a personality type thing. Maybe you're too messy for her and she gets overwhelmed when she sees you actively progressing in a messy environment. I, myself, am an insane neat freak when it comes to common areas (with the single exception of my room.) Maybe she's afraid you wont learn to balance all of your activities when you're living on your own. Most likely though, it's just a way for her to express that she's stressed out.

Also...I know you didn't address this but this is still my oppinion.
You're in college. Stop asking your parents for permission. A way to make sure that you still have that comfort of having your parents agree to your actions is to wait for a response. Example.

You: "Kelly and I made plans to study in her dorm at 3PM. She's going to pick me up on Friday."
Them: "Ok" or "Wait a minute there..."

When they say "Okay," they're affirming that you've made a good decision in their eyes or they trust that you will. If they have any concern about your action, they'll still tell you--same as if you were asking and them saying no. This way though, you will gradually prepare yourself to make your own decisions for when you graduate. Four years is a very short time.

Well, she always has been overprotective of me, and I guess that would explain a lot...

and I get the permission thing, but it just doesn't work that way here. If I tell her that we made plans, or something like that, she'd get as upset as me leaving without permission.

Don't get me wrong, I can go and study at my friends' house without MANY problems, but going out with friends to hang out seems to be the deal. I have no idea what to tell her, and what to do when she reacts so negatively.

I tried talking to her, but it didn't work. Strangely, today she's totally happy, as if nothing had happened. She just behaves the way I spoke of before when I'm going out. It's very... annoying. I want to let her know that I'm ready to go and take decisions for myself, but she just won't let go. Its easier to just prevent problems with her and act as if I had no rights whatsoever... *sigh*

If you do that though, she'll never learn. Maybe stop being so detailed initially in what you're going to do. Perhaps if you say "I made plans with Marcy--is that ok?" it'll be easier for her because you're still asking her permission even if it is after-the-fact. That can be a gradual hint to her that you're old enough to be making your own decisions. Hm. Your mother just seems to want you to stay as young as possible as long as possible. It's up to you to help her realize that you've grown up so that she doesn't receive a shock when you move out of the house after you graduate.

I guess you're right... another thing that might be freaking her out (about me growing up too fast or whatever) is that I skipped a grade, so technically, I'm not even supposed to be in college. I guess she's afraid that I'll just leave her or something... But yeah, you're right. I have to let her know that it's time to let go.

In my graduating year of highschool, our VV was only 15 years old. She was a real sweetheart though, and she worked really hard to get where she was. We were all proud of her. I, myself, am actually young for my grade. This is my third year in college and I'm only 19 years old. I wish you the best of luck! :3nod:

As I read your post I came to the idea that you must be a very good person in reall life. And maybe the problem is that sometimes you are too good! :) I believe your mother is scared of you growing up, and because you listen to her and ask for her advise and permission, she wants to control you. Now you have to ask yourselve - do you want it to be like this all the time, or do you want to be more independant? Growing up and separating emotionally from your parents will be hard, and it's hard for everyone, but one day you'll have start taking care for your own needs more that your mother's or father's.

Just get out once in a while. She'll just have to adjust to it. You have a life of your own. Your parents can only do so much until they're living their life through yours. Or rather, you're just like a slave. xD So just do what you think is right. It's never wrong to want to go out and hang with people or simple escape. :]

I talked with her about it, and she told me that I was right. She said that she understands that I'm growing up, but that she worried about me because the place I was going was far away (around 2 hour distance or so from my house) and it's a place were the drivers aren't too safe to be around... This is true, but I still thought that she was over-reacting.

Then she told me that I was a good daughter, that she loved me, but that it made her mad that I make her worry so much. She said that she'll try to be more understanding (though I doubt it... :( ).

I really hope she'll understand... Do you know a way I can tell her to just leave me be without sounding like a brat? >.>

As people have said she;s frightened of you growing up.
Are you an only child. Because it;s always though on mothers when all their children become independant, hence why the youngest child tends to get molly coddled the most. Just assure her that you gonna be fine and phone her during the day so she knows your okay.

Actually, the most frustrating thing is that I'm NOT an only child... not only that, I'm the oldest one. >.<

Though, I'd gotta admit, I'm the only girl so I guess that influences on her actions...

Im glad you talked to your mom. She really does care about you. You both have to keep working at it. I can sympathize with the way she feels. One day my 19 year old son left to go to work and I never saw him again. He got killed in a car accident. Two blocks from our house. So please try to understand the way she feels. It is hard to let go and the world can be dangerous. When we worry it is because we love our children and are afraid something will happen to them. Something did happen to mine.

I agree with most of what everyone else has said already: You nor your mother are selfish. You have every right to go out and be with friends and go experience things (especially, if I got you correct, a collage student!) Your mother is just worried, doesn't want her daughter to grow up, and is probably getting lonely and worried because of this.
I believe you should talk to your mother and tell her that you'd like some freedoms, and that you still care for her and (from what I can tell) you will remain open to her.
You seem close to one another, but just because you are going out and being with friends doesn't mean your mom with drop from your life completely, and I think you need to tell her that.

wandering echo: I'm so sorry for your loss. =( And yes, I try my best to understand her, and I know that she worries about me, but sometimes I feel that she doesn't trust me enough to just grow up. I know that things happen in life, and that its very unexpected things happen, but I believe that she needs to loosen up a bit. Still, I'm happy I talked to her about it.

@: We've been getting along pretty well now, and I guess its because things are back to routine life. I told her that I wanted to go out more often, but of course, I'd still have responsibilities with picking up my bro from school, the house and college. I think she got the message on a positive way. :3

I dont think its just she doesnt trust you I think she doesnt trust the world to treat you kindly and it is hard to let go. We cant all get along all the time. We just have to work through things sometimes. And its not easy to be a mother nor is it easy to be a young woman that wants to try out her wings. Best we can hope for is to be able to communicate and grow together. We dont want our children to grow up and fly the coop sometimes.

Walking to the library late yesterday afternoon, I overheard some boys talking to each other.

"I’m only in fourth grade," said one, "and I’m not allowed to leave the house, yet I know my way around this city."

He’s not allowed to leave the house without supervision? Wow.

Before I entered school in second grade in Cooranbong, Australia, I wandered around the bush chopping down trees and blazing trails. By fifth grade, I was leaving the house early every morning for a two mile run. Then it was two-mile bike ride to school.

By seventh grade, I was running more than six miles a day. On Sundays, I’d take off early in the morning with a little money in my pocket and just run and walk most of the day and stop into stores and buy lemonade and candy.

I spent the summer between eight and ninth grade in Washington D.C. where again I’d just take off and spend the day walking around the city.

When my brother was 14, he’d hitchhike 60 miles each way on a Sunday to go to these races.

In high school on many Friday nights in winter, I’d tell my parents I was going to a Bible study and then I’d run and walk the two miles into town and cover basketball games for the Auburn Journal.

I grew up with a lot of space. At home, I made sure to play by the rules. Outside of the home, I collected Playboy and Penthouse magazines and stashed them in the woods for after-school inspiration before returning to the cold Christ-centered tyranny of evangelical Christianity.

Once at an Orthodox Jewish home in the Aish HaTorah community, I heard the mother say she’d given her son a Penthouse magazine and a jar of vaseline for his bar mitzvah.

With such goodies, the boy will never want to leave the house.

It might sound bad, but did it cheer you up ? :D

wow sorry

My parents were like that, but they never had the decency to tell me why. They just kept me locked up...Just let her know that if she doesn't let you experience the world, the good and the bad, that it might have detrimental effects on you when you are ready to leave. I'm 19, andI still have problems adjusting to being on my own. Be respectful, and carry yourself like an adult. I'm sure she'll understand.