Please Read!!!

Before you respond please read post number 27 as well so I don't have to keep explaining myself over and over again! :gonk:

So I'm definitely in for the biggest guilt trip of my life. I feel like a whore. No, not even a whore cause I don't get paid. A slut. That rolls off the tongue about as smooth as sandpaper. :sarcasm:

Today, I committed the absolute worst act of going against all of my values and morals. Well, to be more specific, about 2 hours ago. Yeah, it's already killing me. So what happened? Well...

I have a boyfriend. We've been together for 1 year and 8 months. I have been faithful to him [more than I can say for him] until recently. Yes, I knew college was gonna be totally different from high school, but I didn't expect to become the campus who- slut within a few weeks.

Two guys have made advances on me. And I don't mean innocent flirting either. I mean going up my shirt and down my pants kind of forwardness. I could've stopped it there and I did.

...for a little while. :sweat:

The library tends to be abandoned at 10 pm. Especially the basement. Long story short...I ended up throwing my cares out the window and my shorts on the floor. Our little "sexcapade" lasted all of 5 mins because he was about to die...but that was all it took.

I have cheated on my boyfriend. And I can't tell myself "oh, we just kissed and fooled around a bit..." We went all the way. Yeah.

The issue with this? The relationship with my boyfriend is a very honest one. The one time that he cheated on me he came forward immediately and confessed. I feel like I should do the same thing, but I stepped so far over the line...is that even forgivable?

And this guy that said hanky-panky was with today...he's got a girlfriend. Evidently, neither of us possesses a conscience. But I'm not really interested in having a relationship with him or anything. It's a more 'friends with benefits' type thing. Which I shouldn't be interested in either, but my boyfriend is across town and I only get to see him once or twice a week.

I was the anti-social butterfly in high school, so this is all very new to me. I was not desirable...and now all of a sudden I am.

I'm gonna go work out tomorrow and release my frustrations on squats. :illgetu:

I've got the Oedipus urge to stab out my eyes.......:gonk:

EDIT/UPDATE:

So it's been almost two weeks now. And I'm getting worse. Is promiscuity an illness? I think I have it.

A few nights ago I went with this guy I know [a different one] out to his car. He was gonna smoke a blunt, and I decided to accompany him. You don't pass up free weed. Well, he smoked about half of it then put it out [I didn't take a hit]. We talked a while...and moved to the backseat. And well...you know. His car is now christened. :sweat:

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!? In high school I ragged on all the sluts, and now I'm becoming one! The very thing I despise the most!

But guess what? He's got a girlfriend too! So it followed the normal sequence of events:

1) Think with penis
2) Act on it
3) Regret it later

This is why I have never had guy-friends. It doesn't work. I think of them on a much more intimate level, and that tends to compromise on friendship. Now, my boyfriend and I are great friends, first and foremost, lovers second. We have similar interests, values and goals, and we connect on a totally different level. These guys that the "casual sex" is with...more like a friends-with-benefits type thing. But really...it shouldn't be happening at all! :-x

I've got a week to get my shit together cause no guy would think of doing anything sexual with my whilst the curse is upon me [except my boyfriend ;)].

Did somebody switch my brain with guy's? Cause this sex situation is waaaay outta control. :sarcasm:

Go talk it out with your boyfriend, and beg for forgiveness.

You know you did something wrong, so go and try your best to correct it.

He told you when he cheated, right? So it's not like he's got a clean record. If your boyfriend's a decent man, he'll understand (admittedly he'd be pissed for a while, so maybe a superspecial date?).

I was sorttt of in a similar situation; I flirted around with a guy because my boyfriend was soo far away. In the beginning I ignored it, then I flirted back, but I stopped after once or twice because it wasn't right. It's hard to ignore attention like that, but think of your boyfriend and try your best. :]

He cheated on you, you cheated on him. tit for tat ...

Keep your mouth shut and move on with your life. no need to create a big bottle of spit over it, he did it you did it. fair play ... just uh ... in the future if your gonna spread your legs do it for someone that is gonna last more than 5 mins ... thats just pathetic, as a man i would be mortified ... hell i feel awkward and off my game if i go under 20 mins ... 5 though? i think i would cry and give up on sex >>;;

I really don't understand why so many people allow themselves to even get in these situations in the first place. Honestly, I don't think there is any excuse out there that can be applied to such a thing. You say you only get to see your boyfriend once or twice a week. Well, I only get to see my boyfriend once or twice a year and we don't cheat on each other. And I've never had any urge to cheat on him either. But I will say this, that I think your boyfriend deserved it, after all he cheated on you first. You should be honest and tell him, he has a right to know. And hey, you're even now. :roll: But personally, I don't believe either instances needed to happen. Why is it so hard for people to keep their pants on? I'll never understand it.

@vickicat Um ... well the lure of sex is a powerful one, I can fully understand why people want desire and feel the need for sex since i studied it. I wont question your own relationship since its not my business but I think i would die going that long without it Xd

Anyways I feel you should keep your mouth shut on the matter. First off he already thinks he wronged you and you are innocent. that plays in your favor. Second off everyone telling you to say something are girls ... bur men dont think like that. if you admit to it he may go off in left field or take that as a green light to go bone someone again ... trust me honesty is not always the best policy ... just keep it to yourself and remind yourself it's even now.

However if you continue to sleep around on him with friends, then in that case shame on you. tell him, break up with him and fuck everyone you want. but dont KEEP cheating on him.

Originally Posted by Gary Stargazer

@vickicat Um ... well the lure of sex is a powerful one, I can fully understand why people want desire and feel the need for sex since i studied it. I wont question your own relationship since its not my business but I think i would die going that long without it Xd

Anyways I feel you should keep your mouth shut on the matter. First off he already thinks he wronged you and you are innocent. that plays in your favor. Second off everyone telling you to say something are girls ... bur men dont think like that. if you admit to it he may go off in left field or take that as a green light to go bone someone again ... trust me honesty is not always the best policy ... just keep it to yourself and remind yourself it's even now.

However if you continue to sleep around on him with friends, then in that case shame on you. tell him, break up with him and fuck everyone you want. but dont KEEP cheating on him.

I don't care if people question. >_> For me, I just love my boyfriend so much. I could never do anything to hurt him like that. I think I'd die if he did something like that to me. I can live with having sex a few times a year. It's temporary anyway, at some point we will be able to live together. For me I mostly miss being around him more than anything when we're not together. Sex is nice but it just doesn't bother me if I can't have it all the time. We talk everyday, online and/or on the phone. As long as I have some form of contact with him, I'm happy. I just don't see why it's so hard to have some self control if you really care about someone. It's like the need for instant gratification is more important than the person you're in a relationship with. I think if you really love someone, you wouldn't be so selfish. Maybe it is easier for me, too, because I prefer to only have one sexual partner and since I've found him, I'm content with that. I think it's a better situation, emotionally. And with all the nasty STDs out there, I feel much safer. I don't really have to worry too much about those things.

As far as the honesty thing, I really thing it is best to be honest in a relationship. If you screw up, you owe it to the other person to tell them. And again with things like STDs and stuff, he has a right to know. I just don't think hiding things like that from someone is a good idea at all. And if I think if he ends up hearing it from someone else instead of from her it would be more upsetting, especially since he was honest with her. Just my opinion though.

@vickicat oh no no no ... i dont judge you and i commend you for your dedication to your lover and relationship. I hope he shares the dedication as well. It's always good to see loyal dedicated lovers. :3

That being said I personally feel unless you are in a serious relationship with a ring on your finger or some other kind of strong bond with one another then having some fun occasionally is no big deal. there is a large rift between dating and living together...

Anyhoo if you thing this relationship is going to go for the long run then stick to your guns. on the other hand if you want to have your fun then have your fun. Dont settle down if you're not ready too. Xd

Originally Posted by Vickicat

I don't care if people question. >_> For me, I just love my boyfriend so much. I could never do anything to hurt him like that. I think I'd die if he did something like that to me. I can live with having sex a few times a year. It's temporary anyway, at some point we will be able to live together. For me I mostly miss being around him more than anything when we're not together. Sex is nice but it just doesn't bother me if I can't have it all the time. We talk everyday, online and/or on the phone. As long as I have some form of contact with him, I'm happy. I just don't see why it's so hard to have some self control if you really care about someone. It's like the need for instant gratification is more important than the person you're in a relationship with. I think if you really love someone, you wouldn't be so selfish. Maybe it is easier for me, too, because I prefer to only have one sexual partner and since I've found him, I'm content with that. I think it's a better situation, emotionally. And with all the nasty STDs out there, I feel much safer. I don't really have to worry too much about those things.

As far as the honesty thing, I really thing it is best to be honest in a relationship. If you screw up, you owe it to the other person to tell them. And again with things like STDs and stuff, he has a right to know. I just don't think hiding things like that from someone is a good idea at all. And if I think if he ends up hearing it from someone else instead of from her it would be more upsetting, especially since he was honest with her. Just my opinion though.

I have found my forever. He is my world and I live for him. The problem? I have the libido from hell. And lemme tell you...suppressing that urge is a momentous task that sometimes...I just can't handle. Plus, I don't get to contact him everyday. My boyfriend does not own a cell phone or have internet access. It's difficult to get to talk to him unless he calls me.

I hate that I can't keep my freaking pants on! My boyfriend puts it nicely... "If you were a guy you'd walk around with a boner all the time." Yeah. Glad I'm not, but I still think like one. :sarcasm:

You know how everybody always says "Don't smoke! Even after just one you can become addicted." Me and cigarettes didn't have a relationship like that, one of that 'cancer through a filter' and I was done. But with sex...oh dear.

Vickicat, I really do admire your dedication to your boyfriend. It makes me ashamed that I'm so promiscuous. I have dedicated my heart to my own, but the below the belt region is up for grabs right now. I figure if I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him...I gotta have my fun now. :sweat:

@ Gary Stargazer

Yeah, 5 minutes is pitifully pathetic. But when you're going for a quickie in a public place...best not to take your time.

Thanks y'all. I really do appreciate the advice. I'm not inclined to totally trust my own reason at the moment... :sarcasm:

First - You aren't a slut. One or two (or even more) indiscretions is not enough to start throwing that word around. So don't diminish your value. :yes:

Second - How you deal with your relationship from here on out is your own choice. There really isn't a right or wrong action.

If you tell him, you'll help to foster an open communication system and show that you can be trusted, even if you make mistakes. You'll run the risk of hurting him, but it also establishes the chance to fix this problem and deal with it head on.

And if you don't tell him, you can continue the relationship as it is, and just do some of your own thinking about what you want. You'll be a bit dishonest with your boy, but it can help to save you as a couple.

Personally (and I can only speak for myself), I'd tell my boyfriend about something like this. At the very least, he deserves to know who you have slept with in order to keep himself safe and healthy. Even if you've been tested and know that you're clean, it's important for any sexual partner to understand their history.

If I were you, I wouldn't tell my boyfriend about cheating on him. I've done that in past relationships and it has trashed everything. When other people find out, if they do find out, they also tend to look down on you if you're not super close friends.

If guilt is eating at you, the only thing you can do is get it out in the open. Otherwise just deal with it. Those are really the only two options you're giving yourself.

Ok, I understand where you are coming from and personally I think you did something worse, Yes you had sex with another guy but then you ended 'But he did it first'.

In my eyes this is childish, there is no he did this, so I did it too. Don't do it at all, at least then you can hold your head high when it comes to it and say you did nothing wrong.

Yes, you should feel bad about it. I'm not going to molly cuddle you and say, Yeah it's ok hun, after all he did it first, Right?
Learn from this, and Yes you should tell him, Situations like this shouldn't happen if you love the person, You can't love him very much if you were willing to do this? eh?, The same goes for him.

Originally Posted by Eink

Ok, I understand where you are coming from and personally I think you did something worse, Yes you had sex with another guy but then you ended 'But he did it first'.

In my eyes this is childish, there is no he did this, so I did it too. Don't do it at all, at least then you can hold your head high when it comes to it and say you did nothing wrong.

Yes, you should feel bad about it. I'm not going to molly cuddle you and say, Yeah it's ok hun, after all he did it first, Right?
Learn from this, and Yes you should tell him, Situations like this shouldn't happen if you love the person, You can't love him very much if you were willing to do this? eh?, The same goes for him.

that seems sorta harsh....

anywho...
it was a bit wrong, but he did it too, so if he gets all pissed you can say "well you're one to talk!" cuz i mean really! and if you forgave him for that, he should forgive you too.
and you should tell him. probably.
i say that cuz otherwise the guilt might eat at you.
but if you can live with it then...
well, im no expert, i am not, er, experienced, but i guess you should listen to any of the guys that posted on this thread. :sweat: well, they know what they're talking about, they are guys, after all.

Originally Posted by Eink

Ok, I understand where you are coming from and personally I think you did something worse, Yes you had sex with another guy but then you ended 'But he did it first'.

In my eyes this is childish, there is no he did this, so I did it too. Don't do it at all, at least then you can hold your head high when it comes to it and say you did nothing wrong.

Yes, you should feel bad about it. I'm not going to molly cuddle you and say, Yeah it's ok hun, after all he did it first, Right?
Learn from this, and Yes you should tell him, Situations like this shouldn't happen if you love the person, You can't love him very much if you were willing to do this? eh?, The same goes for him.

Well, the thing is, he didn't really 'do it first'. He kissed another girl. And that was it. We did take a little break for a while, but she wasn't interested in him, so he came back to me. I went way beyond just kissing.

No, I did not have sex with someone else to get back at him for anything. It just kinda...happened. Me and the other guy were like "Whoa, we should not have done that." The heat of the moment, the hormones. It got the better of us.

I'm okay now, but I feel so embarrassed that I couldn't control myself. :oops:

Yeah I understand that, And sorry if I seemed a little harsh, but there are girls out there that do this and think it's all fun and games etc.

And yes, I know you didn't do it to get back at him, but it still shouldn't have happened.

Best you can do is talk to him, If he loves you, He will understand, and you can rest easy.

I would say go talk to your boyfriend. If he came out clean telling you he cheated on you, you should do the same. I am sure he would understand. He has too, you're his girlfriend you deserve the right to be listen too. I wouldn't call you a slut though. You only did that guy not two, surely you didn't do two! Dx Also talk to him face to face. It only seems human if you do that. ^^ That's all I got...xD

I think that, if you tell him it would be best. It is a relationship of honesty, and he should value that. Explain to him what happened and try to talk about it. If he loves you he should forgive you, as didn't he approach you as well? Wasn't he forgiven? If you forgave him for cheating, he should forgive you. Lack of suck is selfish.

It would be better if you told your boyfriend the truth. If it's an honest relationship, then I'm positive you can work it out. And if he IS your forever, then you will tell him and try to kep your relationship strong. There's a difference between love and sex. Five minutes? That was just sex. To let loose, you know? Love is obviously with your significant other, and I'm sure you two will be fine together. Just pray that things work out. ^^; Sorry that I wasn't much of a help.

Oh sweety don't be so hard on yourself, your still young. If I am perfectly honest here I did the exact same thing when I was eighteen. I cheated on my boyfriend of two years with some random guy I met, I was a little tipsy (totally drunk) and the next morning I woke up in an unfamilliar room with a stranger.
I felt really dirty, like no soap could ever clense me. I went straight home and showerd and then went out to meet my boyfriend, I actually felt ill. We went for a date and then one thing led to another and I stayed the night at his.
The next morning when I went home I felt disgusting! I didn't know what was happening so I decided to go back to myself!
I broke it off with this guy (who had kept calling me) and I told my boyfriend, he was not best pleased, infact he went absolutely mad, as I had expected and he went after this guy. I begged him not to but he did.
About a month later he came to me and told me that he had cheated and now we were even, well that disgusted me! I thought it was behind us but if he had to do that for him to trust me I couldn't be with him!
I broke it off and we went our sepearte ways.
If I were you I would tell him, I don't regret it for a minute, it made me realise exactly what my boyfriend was and made me wiser.
I hope that you can learn from my mistakes sweety and that it all turns out OK!

First off, you should talk to him about it. You did something dumb and irrational and there is no excuse for it. Even having crazy hormones is no reason to just throw reason out the window. However that doesn't mean your a horrible person, you just made a big mistake. He deserves to know what happened as I'm sure you both understand the importance of honesty in a positive relationship.
Tell him how incredibly sorry you are, how sick and guilty you feel for what you did, and most of all do NOT bring up the fact that he cheated on you once. That's a great way to make it seem like you're trying to push some of the blame on him.
If he's understanding, awesome! He'll be angry and hurt for awhile, and it'll take a long time to earn his trust back, but you guys can learn from you mistakes and work past your problems.
But honestly, if I were in his position I wouldn't forgive you, just as I wouldn't forgive my own boyfriend. Heck, if I were to cheat on my boyfriend, I'd end it with him, even if I really did love the guy. I wouldn't be able to trust myself any more than he would, and I think he'd be better off trying to start with anew than trying to repair something that's been broken.
I mean really, after someones cheated on you, do you ever really fully trust them again, or are you always wondering what if?

Really, I hope you guys are a strong enough couple that you can make it, and I hope everything works out well for you.

Originally Posted by Shazza

Oh sweety don't be so hard on yourself, your still young. If I am perfectly honest here I did the exact same thing when I was eighteen. I cheated on my boyfriend of two years with some random guy I met, I was a little tipsy (totally drunk) and the next morning I woke up in an unfamilliar room with a stranger.
I felt really dirty, like no soap could ever clense me. I went straight home and showerd and then went out to meet my boyfriend, I actually felt ill. We went for a date and then one thing led to another and I stayed the night at his.
The next morning when I went home I felt disgusting! I didn't know what was happening so I decided to go back to myself!
I broke it off with this guy (who had kept calling me) and I told my boyfriend, he was not best pleased, infact he went absolutely mad, as I had expected and he went after this guy. I begged him not to but he did.
About a month later he came to me and told me that he had cheated and now we were even, well that disgusted me! I thought it was behind us but if he had to do that for him to trust me I couldn't be with him!
I broke it off and we went our sepearte ways.
If I were you I would tell him, I don't regret it for a minute, it made me realise exactly what my boyfriend was and made me wiser.
I hope that you can learn from my mistakes sweety and that it all turns out OK!

I felt the exact same way when I went to sleep that night. I felt filthy and gross, like I needed to take a shower and stand naked outside in the rain. [Too bad it wasn't raining] I felt...used.

Now that it's been a while it's sunk in, like a worm under my skin. Maybe more like a tapeworm. It's a part of me and I can't get rid of it. No matter if I do tell my boyfriend, the memory will be seared into the back of my mind for all time.

I haven't told him yet because honestly...I really don't feel guilty. I know that sounds terrible, but it doesn't bother me. I feel more like I want him to know, just because I shouldn't keep something like that from him, not because I feel guilty, cause I don't.

People weren't designed for monogomy. xD I'm sorry. No offence but you really shouldn't beat yourself up too much for instincts.
You should tell your boyfriend immediatly. Anyway, if he's cheated on you before and he doesn't forgive you for cheating.. that's just wrong. Sex is sex, but sex isn't always love. It should be, but obviously, not always. You're not in love with your random hook-up, you just fell into a bad situation.

I'm going to first and foremost say what has already been said: You're not a slut, and hormones do get the best of you.

I think if anything, your body is trying to tell you something - you're not ready to settle down with your boyfriend. It's normal. People go through this stage where they have to get it out of their system - whether it be partying, sex, or both, before they're ready to settle down and play family. Some people it lasts longer, others might tell you they've never went through it...but it's just a normal stage in life. Just make sure you're being safe and using protection if you do decide to take part in it. The last thing you want is something that sticks with you for life...

I would be totally clean and honest with your boyfriend. Tell him that you still feel very much emotionally close to him, and that it really is weighing your conscious down keeping it to yourself...that you're not only doing this to keep things honest and open, but you want him to know for his sexual health too. I would keep names out of it though, as you have admitted you're just as much to blame as the other and there's no use dragging the other said person down with you. Your boyfriend might be in the same boat and struggling to resist the urge too, and I'm sure you'd rather know then be blissfully unaware.

The biggest thing is to not change yourself just for the sake of your boyfriend, though, as you'll look back at these times and feel like you shot yourself in the foot. Think long and hard about it, but do what you think is right to yourself, and if your boyfriend is bothered by it then move on. You're not tied to the groin to him yet, and you're young. Live these years while you can.

....You've pretty much brought it up to the point where you need to tell him you two should have an open relationship.

I understand that he may have cheated on you too, but obviously that has played on your mind and you may be telling yourself "You know what, I kissed some other guy and I liked it!"

Some girls need to explore their options at a young age. There's nothing wrong with that, just don't be like that "Unfaitful" song by Rihanna. He probably already knows something is wrong.

Tell him you've been thinking a lot and you want to have an open relationship. He can date other gals, you can date other guys. You don't have to tell one another what you get up to.

If he can't accept that, then as they say 'If you love something, let it go."

Maybe the reason you're cheating is because you're not getting enough from your boyfriend? My advice: masturbation. I'm serious. You're young, you're horny, and clearly you're willing to have sex with anything that interests you. The only thing you can do is control it by getting rid of the urges, and the most fun, with no regrets, is on your own.