|
Need Advice about Roommate Problem
Hey everyone, I'm having a dilemma that I could use a few opinions on.
Ok, here goes. I'm currently a sophomore at college, and have been rooming with the same girl for my entire college life so far. Well, this girl is rather...difficult to live with, to put it nicely. Now I, by nature, try to avoid hurting anyone, even if it hurts me in the process. I've done everything I can for this girl. However, she just tends to walk all over me. Since I don't want to risk hurting her, I just stay quiet. She is very anti-social, and basically only leaves our room to eat or go to class. She just lays on her bed, in front of her laptop. Well, now that it's our third semester rooming together, I'm starting to get sick of it. She's very stubborn, hates any figure of authority, and avoids all things having to with "compromise". Whenever I have brought things up, she just responds with "I'm not changing myself for anybody. And yes, I know I'm immature, and I plan to stay that way." :? What should I do, because I'm also compassionate by nature, and last semester she turns to me and says that I'm the only person that she has to talk to. Advice/opinions please? |
if she's bothering you that much switch rooms. Talk to your RA and the house department and tell them how you feel - that you're feeling used and it's annoying you. If there are open rooms you should be able to move out, so long as you stick to your guns and really sort of force your will about it. You're going to have to stand up to it if you don't want it to keep happening.
Don't keep giving into your roomy, you're only giving into her and doing exactly what she wants. Stand your ground, don't let yourself be pushed around by a brat |
:) Thank you. I'm definitely considering doing just that. Especially since she doesn't even realize how much she uses me... ._.
|
This reminds me of my brother. His roomate used to give him hell every day and he did the best thing you can do in those situations: Get out as soon as possible. He walked around the entire campus to find one of the only rooms available for him to move into. It wasn't great, but anything was better than the guy he was with.
My suggestion is that you get out of there as soon as possible. It's going to start killing your grades if it keeps going like that. The last thing you want is her hindering your college years. Let me know how it all turns out! |
Thank you, and I will!
|
I don't really understand the problem. What exactly is she doing that's driving you nuts?
Spending a lot of time on the computer isn't a crime, it's her choice. It's not your job to make sure she gets a lot of social interaction or anything like that. |
Yeah, I don't understand what's wrong with that either, some people don't like going out and partying or whatever it is you think she should be doing. Does she steel, keep you awake at night, disturb you when you're working, have lots of guys over all the time? As far as I can tell she seems like an ok room mate to have. You could have someone soooo much worse!
Or am I missing the point? |
No, no, that's not the point.
Heh, maybe I didn't make myself clear. She spends all her time in our room, then complains about never going anywhere. She never says thank you whenever I do something for her. If ask her to do something, nicely, all she'll say is, "Hmmmm, I'll think about it. What's in it for me?" I have no problem with her spending her time on a computer. That's her choice, but she shouldn't complain about what she chooses to do. |
Ignore here - i'm not the type to confront people either but its either ignoring the problem or confronting it (so if you cant ignore it its talking time)
|
I can kind of understand where she's coming from, with the wanting to go out but not. There's really not a whole lot to go out and do by yourself, and just calling people up and asking them to hang out is, well, awkward. Next time you're going out with your friends, you could invite her along. It sounds like she wants to have a social life, she just needs some encouragement. Maybe you could introduce her to some people around your school and stuff?
|
Maybe Fabby (or you) can understand where she's coming from, and maybe the roomate's life is a terrible, tragic thing, but as sad as it is the fact is you shouldn't bog yourself down because of someone else. Helping isn't bad, but it sounds to me as if you've tried to do your part and she simply uses you and then ignores you.
Honestly? I have a friend just like that. They sit around and then complain that they don't have a life, use you when they want and ignore you when they're done, and you're left with all the blame if you want to try and have a life outside of that person. She can be fun when she's in a good mood, but I try to avoid her a majority of the time now. (Which isn't hard, because even though she lived 3 blocks away she never walked to my house because she was stuck on her laptop.) I'd suggest that if she's a bad roomate, get out. If you still pity her, feel free to take her out along with your friends and invite her to social gatherings. Just don't live with her. |
Thank you guys for the advice! I'm currently handling it slowly, introducing her to the concept of "compromise" and it's going well so far.
|
Well it might be too late to ask for a room change for this semester. But I would suggest going to the office or room authorities or whatever colleges have and ask for a different roommate next semester. Explain to them that she gets on your nerves. I'm sure they get complaints like that enough to handle it. You don't even have to tell her how you feel. Because if they switch you to a different roommate, they will switch her as well. and she will be forced (so to say) to speak with whoever her roommate is. So sure, you may be the only person she talks to, but that doesn't mean that she can't talk to new roommates.
|
You have to put your foot down and tell her how it's going to be, or you girls are going to have to go your separate ways. It just doesn't work, believe me, I was in a worse situation where me and my roommate ended up dating and then the relationship came to an end disastrously. Moving on is always the best thing in my opinion if they are not open to reason.
|
| All times are GMT. The time now is 02:37 PM. |