I've put up with a lot of crazy ex problems in the past. One proclaims he loves me every few months, one tries to talk me into selling him nude photos for cash...but those two are total pushovers. One's got chronic depression and the other's just a super-whiny fellow, so I can easily say "no" and let them go sobbing on their way and go be with my fiance. (Did I mention I have a fiance while they do this, and they know it? Yeah.) But there's one who gets me really angry. We'll call him 'Michael' for the sake of privacy.

Anyway, so I dated Michael in 6th grade. 6th friggen' grade. We had one of those horrible, rocky, on-again-off-again relationships. I was so happy the day he broke up with me, because I didn't have the nerve to off it. Two years later I moved away, and never saw him again.

Until... (couldn't help it. Sorry. xD)

About two years back he adds me on facebook (y'know, that way you do with people you know from old places?) and we start talking again. I figure 'gee, we haven't dated in years and years and years and now we're both grown up and can talk like mature adults'. We got talking and I told him I was in a serious relationship with my boyfriend at the time (now my fiance) and he agreed not to make a move on me.

Since then, this man has flirted with me, tried to send me lewd pictures, tried to get me to send him lewd pictures, and even called me in the hopes that he could listen to me masturbate. (Yes, you don't need to tell me how ew this is. I pretty much laughed at him for an hour straight after he pulled that stunt.) Time and time again I reminded him "I have a boyfriend I have a boyfriend I have a boyfriend" and I swear to god my fiance is about to kill him if they ever meet. It was the internet, though. I could avoid him.

Now I moved back to my old town to attend college, and by the fantastic, godawful grapevine (everybody who knew me knows everything about me, as if I'm somehow important to them after not talking to them all these years. Go figure.) he found out I was here. A few minutes ago I got a text suggesting I go sneak out. At 1 in the morning. To hang out with him.

Alright, I'm not sneaking out with anybody at 1 in the morning, but when it's a guy who's been after me this long? Is it just me, or does the whole ordeal scream "rape"?

Soyeah. I told him I was going to bed. (Like I should be, since I'm attending a class and then making a two hour drive.)

I'm not good with confronting people, and I'm definitely not good at chasing off admirers. He's creepy, but I get addicted to that feeling of being wanted. With my fiance gone to Tennessee for a year I've been getting lonely, and any sort of attention, even this creepy, is somehow addictive to me. No matter how hard I try to convey how uncomfortable he makes me feel, he just doesn't seem to get it.

I want him out of my life, but my self control is so poor I keep bringing him back when I'm depressed so I can feel good about myself. >> What can I do?

Grarg.

Edit

I just stayed up until 4 p.m. (which means I'm essentially taking a nap since I'll be sleeping for 2 hours) because I was terrified he was going to show up at my house anyway. I have no reason to be this terrified. >> It's just...
He's not the most legitimate person. So my paranoia is combining with my current distaste for him to make me downright terrified of him. I'm blowing it out of proportion right now, but it's just a sign that something needs to be done.

seeing as you've tried everything else, get a restraining order. then, by law he has to stay at least a football field away from you. Delete him from your facebook, change your phone number, and if you have any suspicions, change the locks on your house.
If he persists after the restraining order, he is now considered a stalker and you can get him put in jail.

I agree with slickie - The first thing you should do right now is cut off all his methods of communication. Block him on Facebook, block his number on your phone, and send his e-mails straight to the junk mail folder. Then simply don't respond to anything he says or does. If he gets no answer for a while, there's a good chance that he'll either get the hint or that he'll grow bored.

If by some chance he does show up at your house in an effort to talk to you, that's what locked doors are for. :yes: As soon as he starts knocking, all you've got to do is call the police. Tell them that you're uncomfortable with the situation and would like their help escorting this man off of your property.

You'll be okay. It might be tough to stand up against this guy, but you don't even need to talk to him at all.

Make sure your doors are always locked. He's sounds like a major creep. I agree with the others. Block him online, don't answer his phone calls or text messages, get a restraining order. Always make sure that when you do go out there's someone else by you, and also just send him a text telling him to leave you the hell alone if you haven't already. Tell him if he doesn't, you'll report him to the police for sexual harassment, cause what he's doing is sexual harassment, and that's really not cool.

If he does find you when you're outside alone, walking the street, then scream as loud as you can if he touches you.

Lol perhaps you SHOULD introduce your boyfriend to him (I'm not encouraging violence) but it might get your point across and discourage your admirer from bothering you
And maybe when you feel that need for attention you should call your fiance

I feel mean but why not file a restraining order? XD

It would help if you still have evidence.

Though that SHOULD be the last straw I believe.

Does your fiance know? I believe he should know.

And while he's hearing the story, keep repeating and reassuring that he should NOT in anyway resort to violence.

Two words: Restraining order. If he continues after that, introduce him to you fiance. And have you fiance intorduce him to his fist. Sometimes a punch to the face is the best reality check. But if you're afraid of the legal stuff with a punch to the face, so get him arrested for stalking. :yes:

In this case, it actually helps to have an anti-stalking law. XD

However, violence should still be avoided. Least he use that possible act of violence against you and try to make you look like the bad guy.

>_>;; It's all a matter of perspective you know. Unless it's been a tried fact that he's not exactly the nicest of the bunch.

That's true. I happen to be a believer in violence solving problems though. As long as guns and knifes and crap like that isn't involved. You see it all the time in animals. And I know, a lot of people say 'Well, we're evolved' but there's still that instinct in us that once someone punches us in the face and proves there the alpha, we stay the hell away. Again though, there's legal issues with that, so it should only be a last resort. First and foremost though, get a restraining order. :yes:

It's in our genes. xD We have a tendency for violence and aggression. Depending on the levels in your body, it can be very apparent or otherwise.

I'm a violent person however I don't go for physical violence.

O_o; I go for some other forms of violence that's less...bloody.

Despite my pinnings, I like diplomacy too. ^^;;

I hope a criminal record-to be (if it'll be the first) will stall him. D: Where is this guy's family? They should do something eh?

I plan on blocking him on everything, but every time I do about a year later I unblock that kind of person assuming they've either given up or don't have me added on anything anymore.

>> I keep getting proven wrong, though, which shows how stupid I am.

Lol perhaps you SHOULD introduce your boyfriend to him (I'm not encouraging violence)

You don't know my fiance. xD He's incredibly jealous (just like me) and he gets angry at everything in the universe but me. (It's cute.) If he learned every tiny detail, there would be no way to avoid violence. And my fiance is really, really good at hurting people.

x.o Unless I want him to accidentally murder the creep because he couldn't take enough punches (which I would if it didn't involve my fiance going to jail) I really, really want to avoid that.

I feel mean but why not file a restraining order? XD
It would help if you still have evidence.

That's exactly the problem: evidence. I don't really have any. I can't just wiggle my arms about screaming "he's creepin' me out and gonna get meee!" if I don't have any proof. I've seen restraining orders put on men for someone claiming they're the antichrist, but I've seen them not get put on abusive, drunken fathers/husbands. If I could avoid the headache that is the law system, I'll be very satisfied.

Where is this guy's family? They should do something eh?

His parents are both really, really old. They chose to get pregnant right about the time his mom's menopause should have been kicking in (or ending.) The father is unwilling to be responsible for a child and the mother is unable, being on oxygen and very, very weak. He's an only child, which means he gets some spoiling, and in all honesty they treat him more like a grandchild than anything. They don't see how he could do any wrong, and he abuses that.

I agree with everyone on cutting communication with this creep. Hell, I would of done it way back when he first started trying to hit on me sexually. Well I would first tell him I'm taken, and then the second time bam he'd be so gone from my life his head would be spinning.

If after you cut communication off with him, and he's still trying to follow you I would definitely start doing some research on the stalking laws where you live and get the police involved. Right now, by the sounds of it, you're egging him on by keeping in contact with him so first thing is first.

Second of all, I'm a bit worried when you say your fiance has a jealousy problem. Reason being is my ex-husband was insanely jealous and insecure which eventually helped bring down our relationship. He's not the kind of person who plays 20 questions with you whenever you go out or gives you the vibes that he doesn't trust you? Personally, if it were me, my husband would already know about this creep as we're not ones to keep stuff from each other but at the same time we have complete trust in one another and we have the kind of relationship where he can say to me he's going out golfing 8 in the morning and can come back late at night and I wouldn't bat an eyelash. In fact, he's done it a couple of times. *shrugs* Just my two cents. I wouldn't feel comfortable in a relationship again if there were any underlying jealousy or trust issues...

I agree with the others in here. You need to cut the ties with this guy. No matter how wanted he makes you feel when you're depressed. You're kind of just feeding the flame. Delete him from everything you're friends with him on. Block his number on your phone. Make your facebook super private so that even though you've deleted him, he can't even send you a message. Change the locks on your doors if you're so paranoid, and if you're still paranoid after changing the locks, MOVE. If it's such a small town that everybody knows everybody, then they should all know he's crazy. If nobody is willing to help you there, then you need to get out of that little town there. Go to the one over or something. Maybe if it's a little bigger or whatever and not so far away that you can't get to school.

Izumi-

I feel like this needs to be addressed:

My fiance isn't a "20 questions" kind of guy, and he trusts my word entirely. We can't lie to each other. Every time we've ever tried, the other has found out. It's the curse of our connection. He's only envious in the way I am: he's really not comfortable with me being really, really good friends with someone of the opposite sex. Except Caulin. But that's because he knows quite well I'd never date that man. xD
I wouldn't want him hanging out with a specific girl all the time (and I already asked him to stop talking with one of my friends so much, because she was constantly trying to talk to him, and even though she called him "big brother" she's a hopeless romantic and I didn't want her to try and steal him - I've beaten people away before as they tried to woo him) and he doesn't want me hanging out with a specific guy all the time. We just aren't comfortable with that, either of us. I like it, because it makes me feel less guilty. Rather than being in a relationship where I want to keep him and he wants to let me be free, or vice versa we just want to keep each other. x3

I'm sorry if I made him seem like the kind of guy who is convinced if I come home late I'm cheating on him. They day he would even assume I would do something like that to him is the day we'd separate anyway. I don't leave myself in bad relationships.

Most likely why I have so many clingy exes, now that I think about it. o.o