There's a problem, but I can't figure what it is.
 

I UNDERSTAND that my boyfriend is not going to go to me for every issue and that there will be times where he will go to other me. I am fine with that. What I figured out is that I am not fine with the fact that he will tell me that everything is okay, when a few minutes after that he's telling people about his issues--which don't involve me, really. It involves issues that have been there even before I stepped into the future. Issues I would like to know about, but I'm not pushy.

Still, it hurts that I am not the first one he talks to. I know I won't always be the first, but he doesn't tell me shit anymore. If anything, he tells me the basics. The problem is he has no problem spilling his heart out to this girl---conversations I have stumbled onto by accident. I feel bad for reading parts of them. There are some things, from what I read, that stand out. Like how he can't depend on me at certain times.

I get the basics. If he tells he has a headache, that is just the basics. The details would be that he has a migraine that keeps coming back, to the point where he is barely coping. Or he will tell me he's fine, just tired, when the reality is that he is dealing with a flashback or long-term issue. He'll tell me the basics...but he'll tell this friend of his the details. No questions asked, apparently.

I feel like a horrible person because I want to know when he's having issues, when he's happy, when something important happens. I'm the last to know, and even then am I getting the whole story? No. I'm getting bit and pieces.

I would be lying if I am jealous of the friend he does tell the stuff to. She has known him for a month or so, and she already wants him to move to Iowa to start up a business. She is married with children. I am well-aware that marriage does not automatically stop people from pursuing relationships. It could be that my boyfriend has said, "I think she likes me." and comments on the fact she is always eager to talk to him.

My boyfriend just moved from Texas to Maryland to be with me...assuming that he'll make another big move this soon is crazy. There was a lot of planning that went along with getting him up here. He tells it's my choice if he moves again, and that I will be coming with him.

It's just...I have been cheated on before in the past. I have been told similar things in the past. While I've gotten over the past, the fact that this fear is familiar...

To add:

My boyfriend has weight issues, and has expressed this to her. He has told her that he wanted to stop eating, because he thinks it'll fix things.

She encouraged him not to eat.

Well, have you addressed the issue with him yet? Perhaps try to encourage to be more open with each other.

Another thing he may be trying to do is “protect you” so you don’t have to worry about what he’s going through. Sometimes people think that telling you their problems would be a burden and they don’t want that because they think the other will get fed up or distressed.

Maybe simply saying, “If there’s anything that’s ever troubling you – we can talk about it. I’m here for you.” Sometimes reassurance can help open people up.

I am not so sure how to bring it up, without bringing up the fact that I saw the conversations (they were left up on my computer screen). I'll end up bringing it up later, as he's sleeping now.

I have told him a thousand times he can tell me anything, that I will be there for him no matter what. I don't know how else to phrase it.

Okay well, I think it's necessary to express to your boyfriend how you want to know major issues too. Just tell him what you're telling us. That you know he does not always have to come to you for issues but you feel like he never wants to open up to you about serious ones. And that, it's important for you to know some and that you feel left out/hurt that he goes to friends on problems that are more serious than telling you he has a headache.

Tell him that you care about him a lot, so it would mean a lot for him to tell you about serious issues dealing with him. That you want to be there to help him too than fix little minor problems. Also express, that you want him to tell you these problems and that him hiding the major problems only causes you to worry more because for some reason he'll ask a friend than you.

Um..so you're not jealous of the friends/married lady that he's telling these problems to? I got confused on that part.

I don't understand why he would move again if he already moved with you to be with you. But, maybe explain to him about your concerns about the married lady friend, if you do have a problem with her. Because her advice to him not eating is pretty stupid. If you feel like he's being influenced by her, like taking her advice more and talking more about her, you should talk to him about that.

Tell him your worries about that lady, if you do have any. She seems manipulative just from reading this, since she wants him to move again, which seems a bit wonky after only knowing him for a month.

I hoped I've helped you out.

I'm jealous, but I understand him wanting to go to a friend at times, but...maybe I worded it badly. <_< A lot of times I will get something mentally and physically, but my emotions are still all over the place.

The girl I did not mind up until the time my boyfriend told me that she wanted him to move up to start a business with her. I pretty much told him at that time that it was fishy as hell that she wanted to do that after a month of friendship. Not the best idea to start a business with someone you met online without knowing each other first. By that, I mean person-to-person contact.

He's mostly telling the girl his major problems. His other friends...I'm guessing not so much.

If there is a friend that might be more of a help than me, I can understand that. But I don't want to be out of the loop. I don't want to be told everything is fine/will be fine when that is far from being the truth. Don't lie to me to me, put on a smile, and act like everything is okay.

He spent all night talking to the girl. He apparently broke down last night. I did not know this. I was a stair of steps away from him.

My boyfriend will only move if I give him the okay, and he's talking me with him if that does happen. I honestly have no intentions in moving. More so because I am in college at the moment.

Telling my boyfriend NOT to eat is not a good idea. That's not something you tell someone, even if they are fat. My boyfriend is chubby, if anything. He has stopped eating in the past because of his own fears about his health. I have told him various times if he's concerned, exercises, eat healthier, etc. =\

Well tell him that you're jealous, so he knows that you're getting perturbed about him putting on that smile and acting like everything is okay.

He's apparently oblivious how you're feeling and you should rip off his blindfold and show him how you want him to feel comfortable enough to tell his major issues to you too.

If you have a problem with that one girl, you should tell him, you need to tell him your concerns if her popping outta nowhere and then trying to drag him into Iowa is pretty fast.

This won't make you look paranoid or majorly jealous but just let him know, that you're missing out and it seems like he's trusting her more than you. I mean I know he isn't but like he's going to her more than you.

Just make it obvious, that you'd like to be involved with his major issues too. You'd like to help him out too and be there for him.

I have told him that something is off about the girl, and I made it clear that this feeling hasn't changed with each odd thing he has told me about her. He's probably obvious, as you said, to my feelings.

Or his feelings too, maybe?

What were his reactions to you telling him how you feel? Does he understand how you feel or seeing your perspective?

Next time, he gives the basic gist of a problem, you should probably question it, like if he said "I can't sleep at night but I'm okay" or something like that. You should question him about that, that if he's truly okay.

So don't let him slide by with the basic issues, you kinda, well, have to pursue it. Be persisitent but not too much where he feels like you're not trusting him. It's a kinda hard situation because it seems like trust is a slight problem here.

I'm not saying he and you don't trust eachother, but being open and communicating well. You just need to watch how much you push it so no one gets the wrong idea.