Last night I blew up. I went crazy, I was so angry. I don't even remember anything.

Worst part of it is, it was all aimed at my boyfriend.

Somehow he's forgiven me. I have no idea how... But he has. I'm really worried if it happens again. I love having a drink but now I don't think I should even concider drinking ever again.

I was shouting and swearing at him for no good reason. I slamed his finger in a door, pinned him up against the wall, broke up with him and told him I never wanted to see him ever again. I also said that I never loved him.

I'm disgusted at my behaviour. I also ended up self harming (which I don't remember doing, but found all the scratches on my wrist) even though I've been clean for about 2 years. I used to be a self harmer, so I was doing really well with not doing it, but now I've ruined it completly, and I'm so ashamed.


What's wrong with me? I've never EVER been this bad before. Once I told my friend a few nasty things while drunk, but she'd been very mean and annoying lately, and it wasn't even mean. I have no idea why this time I got so crazy.


We're still together. The poor guy was so happy I didn't mean anything I said, and gave me a huge hug when I told him I definitely still want to be with him. I feel TERRIBLE... just terrible. Emotionally blackmailling and abusing my bf is the last thing I want to do. Sure lately we've gone through a rough patch, and he's blown up at me before, shouting and swearing like mad, but it's no excuse to do the same to him.

He says he's fine. He won't let me make it up to him. He keeps saying it's fine even though it definitely isn't. I keep saying I'll buy him dinner, cook for him, take him out for another night (with me sobber) but he won't let me do it...


Will things be ok with me and my bf? (I'm so worried about us) Should I ever drink again? =(

I don't think I'll ever live down the shame and disgust in myself. My flatmates saw it all too, and I don't know them very well so I'm utterly embarassed about that too...

I think if he's forgiven you, then you'll be alright. After all, you -were- drunk. You didn't mean what you said, and you're trying to make up for it. (even though he won't let you)

As for whether or not you should drink.. However much you had last night, have half of it and don't let anyone let you go over it, maybe? I'm a minor as far as drinks, so I really don't know, but that sounds sensible, right?

Thanks for the advice =3 I'll definitely take it. If I do drink, I'll stick to a good limit! Half of what I had sounds really good!

Thanks again =3

Sadly I've been there before (not so far as slamming a finger or pinning against a wall, but some serious emotional attacks) and it was because he had done something that made me upset and I stupidly chose to drink to try and get over it. I ended up going to his place and just tearing into him for hours.
Finally when I went on a walk and had calmed down and came back I told him I had a headache ( from all the screaming and crying) and he let me sleep at his place, even made me dinner.

To this day I don't know how he forgave me. But I think thats part of love, it may have hurt him and could take him a while to fully get over it, but if he knows you didn't mean it and forgave you then the best thing you can do now is prove how much you care.

Don't worry about stopping drinking, though drinking less seems like a good idea. Just monitor how much you drink , don't drink if your mad, and if you start getting upset ask everyone to leave you alone and just isolate yourself till you've calmed down.

Sounds like you've got great relationship and everyone makes mistakes, try not to worry too much about the past and just worry about whats ahead.

I think you have alot of pent up anger and something is bothering you. I have lashed out at people while I was drunk before. Done alot of stupid things while I was drunk. You seem to have the same thing going on that I did. Except the self-harm.
Try slowing down with your drinking, maybe stop for awhile even. Try to find out what is bothering you deep down.

Yeah i haven't drank for a while =S so I'm gona cool it down and try and drink a little this week, but not alot. Just social and chilled. I'll defo cool it down, thanks for that advice.

I've gotten angry at my bf before and torn into him for something he did that hurt me. But I've never done this to someone drunk. I did pin one guy against a wall once, but he kept mentioning girls he wanted to do sexual things with while we were dating...

I do have a lot of pent up anger. Just unfortunatly I have nowhere to vent it. I have my bf, but I need a friend. A nice girl friend who understands me but unfortunatly things are going terribly in that department...

I used to suffer from depression and now I think I'm falling down a road of sad times, and I'm scared that I might go further =(

Funny. When I'm drunk I'm just super affectionate and hyper. I don't mean alcohol-induced "drunk" I mean sleep-induced "drunk". From what I've heard, being sleep deprived and being drunk is the same thing.

Most times I'm very affectionate and would hug anything I see. Other times, when someone is angry or makes me angry or asks me to think long and hard -- I get really cranky and bitter lol.

But your boyfriend forgave you when he shouldn't have. I say you should quit drinking for awhile.

Alcohol's affect on the brain is tragic. I've gone entire nights without remembering anything. It was terrible. Thank God I was in the company of someone I really trust.

I think drinking in excess is extremely bad. I mean, there was tons of medical studying on the brain and alcohol. I think after your latest experience, moderation is key, especially with your history of depression. I'm in the same boat.

Originally Posted by The_Good_Kid_13

Alcohol's affect on the brain is tragic. I've gone entire nights without remembering anything. It was terrible. Thank God I was in the company of someone I really trust.

I think drinking in excess is extremely bad. I mean, there was tons of medical studying on the brain and alcohol. I think after your latest experience, moderation is key, especially with your history of depression. I'm in the same boat.

Really? So people aren't BSing when they say that they cannot remember anything the following day? Ugh...I'd hate it if that was true, my stepdad got drunk on my college graduation day. We had the party at my house to celebrate last Saturday, and he got drunk....talked trash about how I'm a failure, talked trash and said some racial slurs about my fiance, my brother and his ex and current girlfriend.

I actually "ran away from home" then and didn't come back until Monday morning....mom said he doesn't remember what happened -- freaking #$#@ needs to apologize but he won't for something he doesn't remember >.<;;

Originally Posted by Leenalia

Really? So people aren't BSing when they say that they cannot remember anything the following day? Ugh...I'd hate it if that was true, my stepdad got drunk on my college graduation day. We had the party at my house to celebrate last Saturday, and he got drunk....talked trash about how I'm a failure, talked trash and said some racial slurs about my fiance, my brother and his ex and current girlfriend.

I actually "ran away from home" then and didn't come back until Monday morning....mom said he doesn't remember what happened -- freaking #$#@ needs to apologize but he won't for something he doesn't remember >.<;;

Wow, that's... tragic. I'm so sorry to hear that.

As far as memory and alcohol are concerned, I'm not sure about how it actually works, but I do know alcohol prevents memories from forming. It's scary to think about.

I appreciate the advice but... I feel it's wrong to take advice from people without good knowledge or experience with alcohol.

Sorry but it's my view.

I also agree (as iv already stated) I definitely need to watch my drinking. Nothing like this has ever happened before, and I don't drink alot. Once or twice a week I do, but I don't get drunk every time.

Me and my bf are working on things, and we're doing fine. Only issue I have now is finding someone I can talk to, which has become almost impossible.

Originally Posted by Phoenixxangel

I appreciate the advice but... I feel it's wrong to take advice from people without good knowledge or experience with alcohol.

Sorry but it's my view.

I also agree (as iv already stated) I definitely need to watch my drinking. Nothing like this has ever happened before, and I don't drink alot. Once or twice a week I do, but I don't get drunk every time.

Me and my bf are working on things, and we're doing fine. Only issue I have now is finding someone I can talk to, which has become almost impossible.

. . . You're talking to an entire community, and we're all listening. :)

Thank you so much =3

It's actually helped loads being able to share how I feel, and great to have constructive, inteligent advice from everyone =3 On gaia I just get flamed all the time =S lol Menewsha ftw! Lol

I feel like I'm actually managing to pull my thoughts together better =3 which is great concidering I'm living in a house with some not very nice people... (except for like one good friend and a girl I don't know lol)

Originally Posted by Phoenixxangel

Thank you so much =3

It's actually helped loads being able to share how I feel, and great to have constructive, inteligent advice from everyone =3 On gaia I just get flamed all the time =S lol Menewsha ftw! Lol

I feel like I'm actually managing to pull my thoughts together better =3 which is great concidering I'm living in a house with some not very nice people... (except for like one good friend and a girl I don't know lol)

That's the beauty of hiding behind a monitor; you can be blunt and honest and just get everything out at once.

And LOL @ Gaia XD Those mods aren't the sharpest, but then again it just grew tons and I don't think they can handle it now.

Yeah its impossible to monitor that place!!! it's a really mean place too with lots of nasty people throwing around derogatory (sp?) terms and the such... and n00bs... lol =p

the monitor definitely helps... Because you can be so open =3 I only have my bf to talk to about personal stuff, but sometimes you don't want a boy's perspective (no matter how understanding he is). It's nice to have a girl's point of view, someone to brush your hair and just pretend to hate anyone who hurts you =p

I recently have been treated very rudely and completly blocked out by a friend I've had for 5 years... (i might have already said this but its just shocked me) and I literaly just have no other friends cos i just always always was with her. She's ditched me at the first sign of someone else... >< It's so much easier to find people over the web. It's hard to make friends face to face =( Especialy when you're as socialy awkward as I can be >< argh

Completely understand.

I actually had a friend completely turn on me recently. That's a long story, in and of itself.

Talk to him about what happened. Even though you were drunk, it seems like you guys have some issues if you did all that. It happens though; don't get me wrong. I'm usually a happy drunk, but I get violent once in a while. One time I actually punched my boyfriend in the face :| because I thought he pushed me over out of my chair, so I just started swinging at him.

I'd say cool it on the alcohol for a little while. I've recently done some stupid things drunk, and after a couple days of no drinking, I feel a lot better and more in control of myself.