First off, I want to thank everyone who gave m advice when I last came here; it was very helpful and gave me a push and helped me for the better. Even if the outcome wasn't what I wanted. I am happier now, thankyou all.

My new situation, however, is that I have a very good friend who is dear to me.
He is struggling in finding himself and I've told him this. He admits to it, but can't find himself. I know that we all find ourselves in time, but he has told me that there have been times he's found himself hating himself. I want to be there for him, but I know that I can't possibly be there every second and no one ever knows how much each of us goes through individually. He dislikes himself for his weight at times and has a hard time excepting it. I've tried telling him I think he's absolutely hansom in my eyes, but sometimes that's not enough for someone. So far he's admitted to me that he's been very happy talking with me, but I somehow want to doubt that with what I know about him. I want to believe I make him happy, but how can I when I know he's struggling inside with understanding himself?

How should I go about helping him find his core? Find himself? Or is there no way to help? Should I just stand by like a good friend?

Hmmmm, that is a bit of a tough issue there.

I think when it comes to finding who you are inside, it's a obstacle you have to face on your own (I know, not really what you're wanting to hear right? T_T I'm so bad...). You can't find who is for him, but you sure can give him all the love, support, rainbows and fairy farts you can throw at him. xD; Okay, maybe a little to far, lol. It seems your friend is going through a lot of self esteem issues as well, which is tough. Giving him compliments and saying you're there for him really does mean a lot, and always offer that if he ever needs somebody to talk to, you'll be there.

It may not seem like much, but simply being there for him and offering a shoulder to cry on can mean the world.

Originally Posted by Viperish-Path

Hmmmm, that is a bit of a tough issue there.

I think when it comes to finding who you are inside, it's a obstacle you have to face on your own (I know, not really what you're wanting to hear right? T_T I'm so bad...). You can't find who is for him, but you sure can give him all the love, support, rainbows and fairy farts you can throw at him. xD; Okay, maybe a little to far, lol. It seems your friend is going through a lot of self esteem issues as well, which is tough. Giving him compliments and saying you're there for him really does mean a lot, and always offer that if he ever needs somebody to talk to, you'll be there.

It may not seem like much, but simply being there for him and offering a shoulder to cry on can mean the world.

But what if he's too proud to want to come to anyone and open up?

I think it's one of those things where you can only do so much. Complimenting him and letting him know how you feel does help to make one feel better about themselves, but if he doesn't believe it for himself he's either fishing for compliments or just simply isn't registering with him. I wouldn't say don't tell him how you feel, just don't keep on repeating yourself hoping it's going to somehow stick...

I think offering to be there to listen to, is something great to offer for a friend - they know they have that option available and can come to you. If he seems hesitant to talk about it though, I would let him be and come up to you when he's ready to talk.

If he's having issues with weight, why not offer to be an exercise buddy? Maybe make plans to take a brisk walk around the neighborhood, or get some friends together to play some sports. Also, maybe offer to go on a healthy eating plan with him (if you're interested in eating healthier as well of course) as it's always easier when you have friends or family who are going through it too to act as support. Bottom line is though if he wants to loose weight he will need to start to work towards it proactively. I'll be honest to you and any mention of weight loss is usually off putting, as it makes me think of eating rice cakes, feeling hungry all the time, and just overall feeling of exhaustion from doing workouts. What I've been trying to do though is make small changes here and there and watch the weight slowly drop off. So far I'm 10 pounds lighter and the main thing I've done is cut out drinking soda. ^_^

Anyways good luck, and don't push him too hard. Let him know you'll be a form of support, but if he isn't willing to change don't let him bring you down with him.

It's good to know he has someone like you.

I, honestly, feel the same way as him from what you've told me. Here's what I get the most support from: if it deals with weight, keep me away from the chocolate. Even if it means discreetly grabbing my arm and frog-marching me away.

Come to the gym with me, even if it means procrastinating homework on your part, or dragging me on mine.

Don't compliment me. It's like pouring salt in the wound.

Finally, I've overcome a fair amount of my needless pity-party with antidepressants. Not to say that your friend's issues stem from mismatched brain chemicals, but if the glove fits, you may want to talk to him about it. Or maybe he already knows, and you should be the one to take him to the doctor.