My boyfriend and I are only 21, definitely not thinking of getting married anytime within the next few years. I don't want to get married or have kids, and he really does, so I know that eventually we will break up, because at some point he will actually seriously start thinking about that.
The fact that I don't think we will be together forever because of that doesn't mean he's not important to me, and I don't think it means we should break up now just because of our differing plans for the future, because we are happy together at the moment.
But i guess, partially due to the fact that i'm in a different country from him right now and will be until summer, he is feeling like he is "putting his life on hold" for a relationship that might not have a future. But he doesn't have anyone else he is interested and really does want to stay with me, but he doesn't know if the relationship has a point if it won't last forever. But if you ask me, relationships usually don't last forever.

What do you think? Should 2 people break up now if they will just break up 5 years from now, or should they stay together as long as they are content even if they know the relationship won't last forever?

Break up now, It will hurt. But you two will be happier if this is really what you want out of like..

But I will tell you something. When I first started dating my now husband, he was like you...he didn't want kids or marriage. Well, we ending up having a "mishap" and I got pregnant. We broke up at first...but then ended up getting married.

I know a lot of women (and men) who went through life not wanting children, and later on in that same life changing their minds. Choices are not written in stone, I'm not saying that you will change yours.

But, if you REALLY love him, you never know.

I'd break up now. If you already know it's not going to last, why not break up now so that you can start looking for someone else who might be the one it will last with? Plus, the longer a relationship goes on, the harder it is when you try to break up. You get more attached as time goes on. Unless you think it is possible that either of you will ever change your minds. Have you and him had a serious discussion about this and explained to each other why you both want the things you want? I think you should at least do that, see if you can come to some agreement first.

I am the same way as you. I don't ever want kids. I've felt this way for years, and I'm certain nothing is going to change regarding this. I'm still young, twenty three, but I have a big fear and dislike of pregnancy. I don't even like hearing people telling pregnancy and birthing stories or experiences. I have quite a few other reasons that I don't want kids though, things like money, responsibility, etc. I'm just not a motherly type of person. And I know I will be completely content with cats and dogs as my "babies". I'm more of an animal person than a people person. XD I wouldn't mind being married. That I'm fine with. Just no kids. If it were me, and I knew a guy really wanted kids, I think I'd leave the relationship, because I know it would just be trouble down the road. Unless I could convince him to not want them. I'm fortunate my boyfriend doesn't seem to care about kids. I told him I don't want any, and he knows my reasons why and how I feel about it, and he's supportive of my choices. I'm so thankful because I really love him and leaving him would tear me apart. I had an ex boyfriend once, we broke up because we were just too young, we were pretty much kids back then. He got in contact with me a few years ago and we started talking. He seemed interested in me again, but I was already with my boyfriend at the time and wasn't going to dump him for someone else, so me and the ex remained as only friends. But he would ask me why I didn't want kids and he said how much he wanted kids. If I had been single at the time I still don't think I would have gotten in a relationship with him because it just wouldn't be fair to do that full well knowing that I would never budge on my no kids choice.

I think a good idea is to ask someone in the beginning of the relationship if they want kids or not, and make it clear that you don't. That way you can get out of the relationship early if you have different wishes. This isn't something I did, since my current relationship started back when we were young teens and the thought of kids and marriage wouldn't have ever entered either of our minds at that age. But if I was single and looking now at my age, I'd make sure that topic came up before any major attachment to the person.

The absolute best thing to do is for both of you to give a little. Maybe don't be so absolute about not wanting to get married. Maybe tell him you really don't see marriage yet, but maybe oneday you will. As you said, you are both really young. I mean, after several years, you may want to get married or have kids. My little sister is currently 17 and dead set against having kids, but I have seen her with my baby cousin, who is a year and a half, and she is absolutely smitten. Maybe she doesn't consciously admit it yet, but I think a part of her wants all of that, but her extreme feminism and independence tells her otherwise. Also, remind him of how young you are and how much stuff you still have to do before you could really have a stable family if you even wanted one. However, I would be careful:

Originally Posted by Liath

But i guess, partially due to the fact that i'm in a different country from him right now and will be until summer, he is feeling like he is "putting his life on hold" for a relationship that might not have a future. But he doesn't have anyone else he is interested and really does want to stay with me, but he doesn't know if the relationship has a point if it won't last forever.

You should probably think over what you yourself said. Is he just staying with you because it is convenient and he just doesn't want to go out looking for another girl? I'm no expert on relationships, but that seems like a pretty feeble reason to be dating someone. So what? As soon as he does find someone else that he is interested in, he will dump you? It kind of sounds like he is holding a "marriage and kids" card in his back pocket to pull out as soon as he finds someone else.

Originally Posted by Vickicat

I think a good idea is to ask someone in the beginning of the relationship if they want kids or not, and make it clear that you don't.

That is a good idea, because if you don't then you are only asking for heartbreak. You know?

in my advice if you feel like he might not be in your future plans I would suggest to really ask yourself if you really want to continue in a relationship that will hurt both of you in the end. I was like that at one point because I didnt see a future with my now husband. But we ended up right for each other in the end because I realized that he was the one for me but it took me a while to see him in my future. When I first started to date him not even a week and I was plotting on breaking up with him (poor thing) but he just grew on me and since then we been inseparable. Just think about what you want in your life and go from there

Well, you both are still very young. You shouldn't even be thinking about kids or marriage at least for another 5~6 years. And in those years a lot of things could change. You may decided now that you want kids, or he may decide hes ok with you not having kids. I don't think you should break up just yet. Life and love is all about experience. Give the relationship some more time. Even if you don't know if you'll marry this man is no reason to break up. If you really enjoy his company and he enjoys yours why break up. Yes, there could be heartbreak but you need to give these things time. Don't make an rash decisions. If you feel close to him and each of you give 50% of the relationship I really don't see the need for a break up.

What it funny about this is I’m kinda in the same situation, only my guy is in the army and I plan on moving to Australia after college( 2 years) so understand how hard it is to make a decision about the future. I would say sit down and let him know WHY you don’t want the whole white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a golden retriever named buddy. It may be that you’re just not interested in that right now, or you could have a really good reason. But don’t just end something that’s good now just cause what MIGHT happened in the future. Live for the now and cross that bridge when you get to it. If you do have a reason for not wanting that then he should understand, and if he doesn’t that he isn’t the one you should stay with. And your right no relationship is forever because simple nothing is forever.

thanks for the advice, guys.

@Vicki- I don't ever want a relationship again after this one ends, so the time i could be spending looking for someone else would not be spent looking for someone else.
But yeah, i'm just like that too, i'd be just as happy with cats.
Mostly my not wanting ti have kids is that even though i like kids, i would not want to have one full-time. especially since they grow into teenagers and then adults.

@Goldenlici- that's not quite it, he said that he wouldn't go looking for someone else unless i wanted him to, and made it clear that he did actually want to be with me if he could help it. (besides me, he has never had a girlfriend since he was 13, so it's not really a case of "oh, i'll just find someone else")

You could always compromise and have your pets be you and your boyfriend's "babies".

My best friend is marrying a guy who's not crazy about the idea of kids (she's 26 and he's 23) right now in life...but they're very much in love and they are close friends and love one another.

Things have a funny way of working out.

Then again if you feel like you don't want to be with this person anymore, then break up..

I'd say stay together. You might change your feelings about children (or he might change his). That happened with me and my fiance.

Thanks for the advice everyone.
We decided to "take a break" until I go back to the states, so we can talk about it again when we've both thought of what we want out of this relationship, and we both really do want to work things out.