Well, the problem is my mom! She always (when she has no other choice) counts on me to do things for her like household things like "watching the rice" and stuff. When I tell her I don't know how to do it she says "Your 13!!" and I'm thinking just because I'm thirteen doesn't make a difference if I don't know how to do it. Then she always compares me to my 10 year old cousin (who knows how to do stuff like that by learning naturally), which really hurts inside because it makes me feel like she can't count on me for anything and that I'm useless. And the fact that i have social anxiety makes me feel even worse..

What do I do??
Anything??

Maybe instead of just saying "I don't know how," have you asked your mother to teach you how to do these things? I'm sure she would be happy to give you some instructions or help you out. If you know what she usually asks her to do, just watch her first and pay attention to what she does.

If it's something that she doesn't have time to teach you, you could always offer to do something else instead. If she asks you to watch the rice while she takes out the garbage, for example, offer to trade. Or ask if she wants you to fold laundry or start the dishes. I'm sure that there are a million things you could help out with around the house. It would certainly make life easier for your mom and she would be able to see just how capable you are, and it would give you the chance to learn how to do everything that confuses you right now. :yes:

But the BIG issue that i have with her is that she always compare me with my cousin as me being the negative and her being the positive and it hurts me. It makes me feel like she would want her instead of me. I usually wont tell my mom ANYTHING since we're not very close. Infact, her comparing me with my cousin is one of the main things that caused my Social anxiety...... well, one of the reasons...

I really couldn't have said it any better than Knerd. xD

Really! Just ask how to do something instead of automatically giving up by saying 'I don't know how'. Or hell, just try to piece things together if she's too busy to explain to you. c: Then, that way not only are things taken care of, but you get the extra satisfaction of knowing you dealt with it on your own.

You're capable, very much so, but you're still young! You haven't learned how everything works yet and that's fine. You just have to go in search of.. *dramatic music* .. KNOWLEDGE!

Originally Posted by Slide

But the BIG issue that i have with her is that she always compare me with my cousin as me being the negative and her being the positive and it hurts me. It makes me feel like she would want her instead of me. I usually wont tell my mom ANYTHING since we're not very close. Infact, her comparing me with my cousin is one of the main things that caused my Social anxiety...... well, one of the reasons...

^-- Everytime she does that it just rips me appart inside because it's coming from MY MOM! if it was coming from somebody else like my brother it would still hurt, but not as much as when my mom says it..

honey, I'm constantly compaired to my older sister (she's 6 years older than me), and I'm always failing to measure up to how great she was at my age. Tell your mom your not your cousin, and deal with it! Tell her you need instruction and help, that your not psychic and you don't learn through osmosis. It's all about communication!

I can't! I'm pretty much withdrawn from my mom socially! I can't talk with her unless it's an argument and I'm trying to defend myself. Social Anxiety means I have problems communicating with others (even my mom)because I'm afraid of being judged or and humiliated. Other symptoms are trying to let the people around you know that your normal by doing apparently foolish antics and then finding out later that it was stupid and how the person around you must have thought about you when you did that little stunt. (( Sorry got a little into it... TT.TT ))

Well then honey, what else can you do? Write your mom a letter explaining everything? What do you want us to say? We're trying to give you advice, we're trying to be helpful, but you keep shooting down the most basic of ideas.

A 20 minute conversation can solve weeks and months worth of anxiety with your mother. Sometimes you have to buckle down and just let out all of your emotions. :yes:

A letter might be a good start. Just write down your feelings, just like you did here, and plan out how you want to tell your mother. Then sit in your room for a bit and practice talking! It sounds silly, but saying your words out loud will help. Then all you have to do is ask your mom if she has time to talk. Let her know that the comparisons are hurting you and that you need a little guidance. Promise her that you'll try your best to help, and ask he to promise to help you. The two of you should be working together on this, so you just need to open up the lines of communication.

I dont maybe if you sit down and talk to her, but if your mom is like my mom and dad, they could careless about my feelings, in that case im not really sure,

try the talking thing and tell me how it works for ya

Ok all the above advise considered i know how bad social anxiety can be..
And heres what i did..
I always got compared to my cousin too..
So then i started to be wanting to be better than her..
If that makes any sense?
Everything that she did i pushed myself to be better at it..
I know that might sound selfish..
But i got tired of her being "better" than me..
So i started to try harder and what do you know..
Now they compare her to me!
You can do anything you want to do..
As long as you put your mind to it! :)
Hope this helped!

Moonfall has a point, a really good one. If you can't talk to your mom (which I suggest is what you do first), then take action! Push yourself to be better than your cousin, try your hardest to learn things on your own. My parents used to compare me to my younger siblings (which, I think, is harder than being compared to a cousin, since i live with them), and like moonfall, I just got freaking sick of hearing how I wasn't as good as they were. So I pushed myself to be better than them.

Motivation, that's what your mother's words are, or at least that's how you need to look at them. I think maybe that she thinks that if she compares you to your younger cousin, it'll motivate you to do better. Let her know how it makes you feel when she says stuff like that, and if you just can't, and the letter thing doesn't work, you have to take matters into your own hands and motivate yourself. Don't give her a reason to say that your cousin is better than you... be better than your cousin first. :)

Good luck, honey.

I know how that is....my mom can be the same way! I know how it feels to be useless and it feels like crap. But you just have to remember that you are something...something we all need to learn

Stop feeling pressured to get it right. It is a learning process. Be around while this stuff is happening, watch, learn, ask questions and try to take opportunities to practice. Your a human, the smartest life form on the planet. You have one of the most powerful computers in the world bobbing around in your skull. You my dear, are almost a Goddess, and it is only a matter of time before you learn how to do these things.

my mom was like that. & i finally told her that if she wants me to do something right the first time she has to teach me first then let me try or ill never learn. now im 19, almost 20 and all she has to do is say i need this and i can do it all. you have to find common ground or no one wins. good luck tho!

Sit her down and tell her your feeling, tell her you wouldn't mind helping her out, but she has to show you what to do. If she doesn't teach you, you cannot learn.(But my parents got a rice cooker that does perfect rice everytime...)