A friend of mine asked me out. I said no because it might mess up our friendship. He looked a little disappointed. Next thing I know, he's gay.

Someone explain this to me? o.o

By the way, he moved away and he doesn't talk to me like he used to anymore.

do you feel like it's your fault or something? if so, i know how you feel. there was this boy i liked at one point, and he liked me, but now he's gay. i always feel like its my fault.
i'm not sure what else to say. i guess, still try to be his friend if you can.

Yeah I seem to always find myself wondering if we'd still be friends if I would've just said yes. I feel like maybe he had something going on in his life that he wouldn't talk about, and I was the last straw that pushed him over..

i know, it's so irritating not knowing for sure isn't it? it always bothers me. i was always too shy to ask out the guy i liked, so i always wonder if i had asked him out, would this have still happened?

You didn't make him gay... No one can make someone gay. It doesn't work that way. He may have asked you out as a last grasp at an illusion, or perhaps he's really bisexual, but prefers to pursue men. Saying he's gay makes that easier, ne.

@BinkaKitty - Yeah, irritating is the word. Maybe what Sen Lee said applies to us both.

@Sen Lee - That makes sense, thanks. I feel a just little less guilty.

You shouldn't feel guilty anyway. o_o

You definitly should not feel a bit guilty if he is being himself. Hes born that way, nothing you do can change that. And all these 'if this' 'if that' 'if' 'if' 'if' will drive you crazy, dont dwell on something so meaningless. What happens, happens. And everything happens for a reason.

Do you have proof that this person is gay (i.e. seeing him with another male?) In my humble opinion it could merely be a ruse as a way of getting back at you to handle his feelings of rejection. I watched a friend do that to a woman once and it killed her thinking that she ruined him for women. I would honestly not dwell on it or feel any guilt over the situation because it will tear you apart (as has been mentioned above). Besides, you did nothing wrong - you were being honest about wanting to be his friend. Even if it turned out that he WAS gay I think Sen hit the nail right on the head about him being either delusional or "bi" as it were.

You only make a guy gay if you sleep with him. (Joke)

Since this thread is dealing with a person problem, I've gone ahead and moved it into our Life Issues subforum. :yes:

Sorry to seem insensitive, but LOL XD

Ok, now that that's out of my system, maybe that's just his way of proving that he didn't care for you either. Like he's rebelling because you rejected him?

Or he's just gay.

No one can turn someone gay completely. Maybe shove them in that direction, but its something they're born with. It's not your fault. From what you said, it sounds like he just might be Bisexual and wants to try out asking guys to see if it gets him somewhere. That happens a lot. Guys -and girls- who get rejected from the other genders a lot -like me...- want to see if its just that gender or he/she them self. I moved away from my friends and talk to them differently cause I cant see them everyday. So I don't know how to talk to them or comfort them and all that. It becomes a challenge so most just try and avoid the effort. [I gave up after awhile cause they gave up on me~]

My best friend at work is a gay man, but he used to date women. I asked him why. he said a lot of gay guys will date their female friends to hide the fact that they are gay until they are comfortable enough to 'come out of the closet' with the fact that they are gay. It's like a cover-up. A friend of mine from high school did that- he used to date a LOT of his female friends, and after high school, he admitted that he had known he was gay since the 8th grade, but he ws scared of how people would react to it, so he hid it by dating girls to cover it up.

And the fact that he doesn't talk to u like he used to? My friend from HS did that too... after he came out, it was like I was merely someone he knew, not someone he had been clsoe friends with for 8 years of our lives. I also asked Ted(co-worker) about this, because it kinda pissed me off that my HS friend acted like that... Ted said it was kinda an automatic reaction after coming out, at least for a while. Why? Cuz it's easier to be an asshole and have people avoid talking to you because of it than it is to deal with rejection from those who knew you but didn't know u were gay until u came out- my HS friend actually had somebody cross themselves and tell him that they would pray for him when they found out he was gay. It's a self-defense mechanism. I would imagine that it's kind of awkward for ur friend to talk to u as well, since he asked u out and you said no, and then he came out of the closet. He;ll prolly be like that for quite some time (my hs friend still isn't speaking to me, and it's been a year) but he'll come around (ted's been out for quite a few years and is the best friend ever).

I dated someone and then when he broke up with me months later I heard from a friend he was calling me immature and saying he's never going to date younger girls (I'm a year younger) and sometimes I do feel guilty, especially because th person who told me liked him, and she was younger than him.

:XD I dated a guy (one of my best friends now) who turned out to be gay. :yes:

I always wondered why he was so awkward in all up-close-and-personal situations. And once he came out, it just made so much more sense... XP

Don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't turn him gay -- it's definitely not your fault.

Trust me if he says he is now gay, he always was gay. Turning someone down doesnt make them swing the other way.

I've actually had the exact same thing happen to me. The truth is my friend was uncomfortable with being gay, and being his closest friend and knowing his family wouldnt approve he 'liked' me. I said no though, and a few years later I was very much in love with him (we grew up together) and the same night I was going to tell him he told me he was gay. I was the only person to know for months and when he came out everyone was so happy for him.

I thought it was weird, and I was dissapointed, but he was my friend and there is not problem with being gay. Its no ones 'fault' that someone is gay. Also I know it is said a lot, but sometimes people just go through a phase. I went through this with all my friends our freshman year of highschool. I was literally my ONLY straight friend. Now its our Junior year and almost all of them are straight again (one is actaully not only into guys not, shes a girl, but turned into quite the slut).

And same as you my friend moved away, it happens. Sometimes, especially if you were the first person to know, they reject you. Its a burden knowing things about them and they feel the need to push away anyone who can harm them (people, not homosexuals).

Im sorry if that really wasnt much help.