Hello all,

I've got a question for you all.

As of late I've been questioning my sexuality. I'm sure you've all heard this sort of question before; but please do hear me out.

I've looked over the threads already and I saw another post similiar to this. However I don't want to necro the thread really. Nor do I want to hijack the thread. With this in mind; my situation is a little... Different.

I've been involved with my boyfriend for 7 years, and I love him to itty bitty little pieces. So this isn't a question on if I should leave him for another chick. No, I am fiercely loyal to him and I have NO intentions of breaking up with him for another person. I think I'd just break apart of that was the case.

Though lately I have had not only dreams of being sexually involved with other women... But I have been attracted to a few or so other females... Maybe a small crush or whatever have you; however I have no intentions of leaving my boyfriend... Nor do I have any desires of cheating on him or anything like that. Again I love and respect him far too much to do anything like that.

Now; I don't go down the street and ogle women, nor do I flirt with them... Though if another woman catches my eye, I may glance and think 'she's actually really cute'. Or something along those lines. But again; my boyfriend means a great deal to me; so I would never pursue it.

Recently I went to an anime convention and met up with a young woman there and found myself really attracted to her. Which makes me really question my sexuality- if I am merely bi-curious (as my Dad likes to tease me sometimes because I enjoy yaoi... Silly Dad X3) or if I actually am bisexual?

Please don't suggest eh 'experimenting'. XD Cause well... I'm not going to... I'm not sure what the future will bring, but I'm loyal to my boyfriend and have no intentions of breaking up with him.

However one thing that does bother me is; if I am bisexual... How does one tell their significant other such a thing? I don't like hiding things from him and it hurts not to tell. I tease him sometimes that I might be bisexual- he just kind of laughs it off since it's just a tease. I guess it's a way for me to say 'Hey I might be into chicks too... But I don't know how to say it'. That may seem wrong but honestly I don't know how to deal with this sort of issue when it comes to the boyfriend.

I guess it doesn't MATTER if he knows or not since I'm not involving myself with another woman... But it still bothers me that I am possibly keeping something from him; when I don't like keeping anything remotely from him.

In any case; thanks for the help in advanced.

~*~EsperKit~*~

I understand your feelings on the situation completely. (I've been there in every sense of your situation, except for me and my girlfriend, it wasn't 7 years, it was 2). And I agree, you should tell him. Just because that's the healthy relationship thing to do.

Let me start out by asking this. Do you have any close friends(regardless of gender) who know of these...we'll call them 'musings'...that you've been having? If not, is there anyone that you can TRUST in every sense of the word, with the knowledge of these musings? Preferably, this friend would be a friend that your boyfriend approves of/likes. If possible, having a friend back you and help you tell him could be a huge beneficial factor as far as his reception of this news goes.

You might be surprised by his reaction. You might be DISTURBED by his reaction, even. Given that you're a girl and he's a guy, he might ask you to pursue it(Just speaking of guys in general here. I wouldn't do that. I actually broke up with my girlfriend because she cheated on me with a girl). He might reveal a hidden secret of his own.

Or he might just laugh and smile and say "Thanks for telling me."

You never know.

Good luck and let me know how it went. You can add me if you want, I'm always happy to help with any problems, or at least just lend an ear. Message me anytime. :)

Well, I don't know if I want to call you bi-curious or not. Obviously, you have some sort of attraction to girls but you're not going to act on it because you're faithful to your boyfriend. Usually, I would say unless you actually pursued the same sex, you would be bisexual.

The best thing you can do with your boyfriend is just tell him that you're 100% faithful to him and hey, you're starting to realize that you might have a real attraction to the same sex. But just reassure him that even though you have that attraction, you're still going to be his girlfriend.

I think every female does that.
And, yes, if you said anything to your boyfriend about it, the most likely reaction would be ":drool: can I watch?"

In my oppinion I find full declosure an important issue within this issue. I cannot say for a relationship (having never been in a relationship before) however with friends (which I will put over to relationships in your case being a boyfriend) I think that it is important just to be honest. Depending on how you feel and how you think your boyfriend feels you should really decide whether to just say it or do it slowly. The important thing in my oppinion is not to lie and be honest about who you are. If it helps this is what I did when I told my friends I am Bi curious. First I started with subtle changes casual statements said as jokes (in my case) hey look at that guy isn´t he cute. etc.. Then after a while I told my closest friends, when I found they were okay with it, the I told my parents and the rest of my friends and then gradually my year and eventually school found out due to my openess about it. This might not be the best method for you, (different personalities different social groups, different sexes etc.) but it worked for me. Hope this helped you out. Good luck.

hey, i went through the same thing....then again i found out i'm bi.

I actually have a funny story related to this.

I had a boyfriend when I found out I was bisexual, and it was a curiosity thing. Let's just say I was at a party, and Truth or Dare... well, I think you can guess what happened. Oh, and it was an all chick party. >_<

When I got done with my dare with another girl, I found out I liked it. Again, this was complete curiosity, I had no intention on cheating on my boyfriend. Curiosity kinda gets the best of me. But the next day I told him what happened 'cause I can't keep a secret from my boyfriend either. He completely understood.

So here's my advice: tell your boyfriend your situation and that you have no desire to cheat on him whatsoever. I'm sure he'll understand if you two have been together for that long. If not, lemme know what happens next.

Hope my advice helped somewhat. :)

You should tell your boyfriend when you feel comfortable enough, its sort of bad to keep secrets like that away from him. I'm sure he'll understand, and its perfectly fine to be somehwta attracted to girls its not like you have to date them or anything, its just like how you might see a actor and be "Wow he's hot" if you know what I mean. XD

The best thing to do is be sort of open and okay with how you are, if you keep on rejecting the fact it will get difficult to hide it. Like Turnip said tell your close ones then once you feel completely comfortable you can tell strangers or people that aren't that close to you.

I really wish I could be that open but the type of kids that I go to school with would never accept the fact that i'm Bi. I have a friend who is a homosexual and he told a couple of his friends and they spread it and and ever since then he has been made fun of. :(

Okay, I was in your IDENTICAL situation about 6 months ago and let me tell you how it played out. Hopefully you'll learn something from my experience.

I'm very, very monogamous, like you sound like you are, but I had been feeling things for other women, sexual attraction for awhile. I had been dating my boyfriend for four years by this time and was madly in love with him and while I didn't want to experiment with other girls, I did know that if I was single I'd want to try it, but I wasn't single, so I couldn't and neither did I want to. My entire life all I had ever wanted was a closed and faithful relationship and nothing could make me change that. I just felt like I could be happy being in a monogamous relationship with either a man or a woman, whatever opportunity presented itself for me.

Well, you know how you say one word and mean to say another? Well, I was having one of those days. I was thinking about the fact that I was bisexual and I accidently substituted one of the words I was going to say for bisexual and he put two and two together and immediately figured out my sexuality.

At first, it was awesome. He was SO turned on by it. He completely accepted it and told me that I was the most amazing girlfriend ever because I was bisexual and how all his friends would be jealous of him.

But then he started throwing these fits. He started pressuring me a whole lot. People have this assumption about girls that are bisexual that they are sluts and men get the idea that it's true from porn. Because every bisexual girl in porn wants to sleep around a whole lot.

Anyway, he said he wanted to have an open relationship and for us to both start dating girls together. He wanted to not only sleep with them, but also DATE them as well and when I told him I wanted to have a solely monogamous relationship, he said,"Why? You're bisexual, aren't you? That doesn't make any sense. Don't you want to be with both a boy and a girl? This way you can be."

Because no one understands that bisexuals can be monogamous. =/ It's like, if you can have more than one choice of who you want to be with for gender, then that means you want to sleep with everyone. Even though straight people and gay people have tons of people they could sleep with of their prefered gender (and they do not want to sleep with all of those people that they could potentially be attracted to), the idea that we could want more than one option possibly makes everyone think that we want all options every second.

We almost broke-up over this, we fought so hard. We just recently resolved it and have moved on and decided to remain faithful to one another, but it almost destroyed us, I'm not going to lie. And now if I mention my bisexuality, he kind of rolls his eyes at me because it's just a bunch of "teasing" that means nothing because I'm not going to sleep around with other women with him. My bisexuality will always be a disappointment to him because I won't let him use me as a sex toy and sleep around with other girls.

If your boyfriend is a very jealous guy, then he'll be afraid that you're going to cheat on him with another girl.

Trust me, he's almost definitely going to have one reaction or the other because of the stereotypes of bisexuals. When people hear that word they think of these things first and it's hard to shake them of those ideas. I suggest you ignore your bisexuality and not tell him since it really won't do anything for your relationship except show you what a pig your boyfriend truly is. While we're happy now, I won't ever view my boyfriend the same because of what he did. I just can't. I know him better now.

And remember this too . . . . . Don't try to label yourself sexually. Sexuality ISN'T black and white. Straight girls can make out with girls and have sex with them and enjoy it. And bisexuals can be bisexuals and not know it because they never slept with someone of the same gender. In fact, you can prefer one gender over another and be bisexual. But people will try to analyze your feelings all the time and say you're this and that or this or that and just tell them to shut it.

Just don't force yourself into a label or let anyone try to label you because sexuality is NOT like that. It's so complicated. It's just who you are and you don't have to fit into any category to be content with it or understand it. We're in the age of open sexuality. Where you can date someone of your same gender or the opposite and when people don't fit into finite categories, no one should be upset by it. It's just how it is and they shouldn't try to "make sense" of the person by fitting them into some box they created.

Originally Posted by The Enchanted Tiara

If your boyfriend is a very jealous guy, then he'll be afraid that you're going to cheat on him with another girl.

If he's a very jealous guy...I'd say get the hell out of the relationship. My ex-husband was a very jealous and insecure guy and it really drove a wedge in my relationship. :|

Anyways, I'd be honest with your feelings. It's nice feeling like you can tell your partner anything and they'll be there to listen.

I like to think of being bisexual as liking a person, as a person, rather than basing it on gender. You don't like a guy because he's a guy when you're straight, typically, or any other way around.

In regards to your boyfriend, you should be honest with him. It might be a great bonding experience for the two of you to have, and he might even be able to help you sort it out. I don't think you should be worrying about whether or not you're bisexual though. If it doesn't bother or offend you, don't try to analyze it. You'll drive yourself crazy, and honestly, it'll take too long to figure out if that's a for sure thing.

I think because it's something that's not as widely frowned upon now as it once was, and because it seems to be more common (at least in regards to people knowing about it and coming out that way; not necessarily more common in general) it's something more and more people are open to. If you enjoy looking at people of the same sex, or thinking "dirty" thoughts, just... enjoy them. The more you try to figure it out, the more complicated it'll get. Eventually, you'll either lose interest, or you'll keep that interest and realize hey, you like guys and girls.

Often though, I think, (NOT ALWAYS!), stuff like this is hard to figure out until you've experienced it and decided if that's something you can see yourself doing. Which is why I think doting on it will only succeed in driving you crazy. Be honest with your boyfriend, tell him your thoughts on it, and see where that takes you. If he knows you don't intend on leaving or cheating on him, he might just think it's cool that you could both talk about hot girls or something ><

I'm openly bisexual and my "discovery", one would say, mirrors yours quite a bit.

I was in a relationship with a boy at the time and felt neglected basically. It was a short relationship, not an extended one like yours. I didn't love him, but I have strong moral objections to cheating. I saw girls on the street and thought, "Wow, I wish I was with her and not *name*." I ended up leaving the relationship due to other reasons.

I never told my then-boyfriend about my questionable sexuality at the time, but with every other boy I have been with, I've told them. None of them had any qualms with my bisexuality; in fact, some of them thought it made me a more attractive mate.

I guess the situation with your boyfriend depends on his level of open-mindedness and his trust for you. If he is indeed a jealous man, then he may get insecure and feel that he is lacking in his ability to please you.

Hope I helped..

I understand the issues you're facing. I have only been with my girlfriend for just over a year, but I hold her opinion in the highest regard. So, when I discovered I was actually agendered (though if forced to pick one, I choose male, despite being born with girly bits). It was hard to come out and say it. And it took me a little while, because I had to get used to the feeling first.

That all said... You have been with this man for 7 years. If you can't trust him to believe you when you say that you don't plan on leaving him, then you can't trust him period, and it doesn't sound like you have that kinds of relationship.

Just trust your relationship. Trust your boyfriend. There's a reason you've been together this long. The worst that'll happen is he'll want you to scope out girls with him, and watch adult videos together. (More, if you already do.)

Take a few deep breaths, and just bite the bullet. You can do this! :boogie:

I was in a similar situation also. I told my boyfriend (of five years) even before we started dating that I was bisexual. He was ok with it. He even liked the idea of me with another girl while he watched. Well being curious also, I had a chance to be with a girl (though I was on a sugar high so I don't remember much LOL) and I told my boyfriend (then we were at a little bit over two years) and we got into a fight because of it. We talk about it every now and then and I reassure him that there is no one else I'm seeing because I am 1000% loyal and I would die for him (he'd do the same lol). It was hard to deal with the fighting over but I'm working hard on not denying my bisexuality but to suppress it in a way that it won't cause any friction in our relationship. But the thing is we TALKED about it all even when we were arguing we still talked it out.

Good luck :)