I'm scared to say what exactly I hate myself for, because so many people have such strong views on the matter. But I will, because I'm emotionally utterly screwed up over it. I had an abortion.

I had a surgical procedure performed yesterday, and earlier today. I'm bleeding a lot, and the bleeding isn't supposed to stop for another 3 days, and then it's supposed to be light bleeding for another 4-6 weeks afterwards.

I feel like I...sort of made a mistake. I feel guilty, I'm depressed and I'm sad. I want children in the future, but I wasn't ready. Last night was the worst overall night of my life. Today was bad, but I'm doing better...physically.

I guess I only feel bad for selfish reasons...because I want a child later on, but I feel like I just...threw a part of myself away. My boyfriend feels the same way...and I don't know what we can do. I've never felt so bad about anything in my life.

I know I couldn't have given the child a good life on my own, and my only other options were adoption (and I know that the system is one of the worst things for a child now-a-days, because I know so many people that have just been bumped from foster home to foster home their whole life)...and to let my mother adopt it. I was afraid of the heartbreak of not being able to tell that child, or to treat that child as my own. I didn't want to treat anything I'd given birth to as a sibling, rather than my own kid.

But I don't know what to do now. I'm scared, and I'm sad, and I feel so bad. I'm a miserable mess right now, and currently I'm on three solid days of bed rest. I feel like I can't talk to my boyfriend, because I know how he feels, and I don't want him to feel any worse than he already does. The only other person that seems to understand how I feel is my cat. That sounds so stupid, but she curls up with me, and sits on my legs and purr. I guess cats understand emotions, eh?

Well...I guess I'm just looking for some emotional advice here...and if you're going to tell me what I did was the wrong thing...please, don't say anything at all. I don't need the ridicule right now.

Sweetheart, I'd be more concerned if you weren't feeling what you are right now. Abortion is an extremely sensitive decision, and there really is not the proper mental after-care available in any prominent capacity.

I can't pretend to know why you made the choice you did, as I've never even been pregnant, but I can assure you that your reasons were not invalid. I'm sure there's more that you considered than what you listed, but putting off a child now because you want your child to have a good life later is not selfish. Your future children will appreciate that you've prepared yourself adequately to ensure their future.

Did your boyfriend want you to give birth to the child? You weren't clear, but it sounds like he did.

Also, my cats also seem to know when I'm depressed too :lol: They're lovely creatures.

In any case, if you have the means to, I recommend you see a counselor or go to a self-help group for other women who are in the same boat as you. You need a support group right now, and this probably won't be something that will go away overnight, but it will go away over time. Talk to your doctor to see if he/she has somewhere to refer you to. Planned Parenthood may also be able to help you find resources.

This isn't an easy thing to deal with, but you are very strong for putting your feelings out there for other people to see, and I commend you for that.

Chin up love, it'll get better with time :)

If you want to talk in real-time, you can message me via AIM. My username is MenewshanKeyori. I'll do the best I can to help you get through this :heart:

I hope they warned you that having an abortion could be this emotionally traumatic. It worries me because I'm afraid that they don't prepare women like you before they go through with the procedure. It would still hurt and it would still be hard, but at least you'd know more and would be expecting to feel these emotions. I'm just saying because I'm worried that they were too obsessed with being just doctors and not caring for your mental health, when that's part of your health and well-being as well. You're going through something really hard right now.

There was no easy solution to your problem though. Women are really in a bad position when they have an unwanted pregnancy. I've never had an unwanted pregnancy, but I know all choices that you can make are going to lead to pain. Abortions are hard and painful, both physically and emotionally. Giving up a child after you carried it in your womb nine months and gave birth to it can leave you feeling empty and horrible and wondering after that child. Giving birth to it and keeping it can completely alter your life and force you to give up on dreams and things that you would have otherwise done and cause you to be a worse mother than you wanted to be because you're so stressed out. All of it is really hard and you don't have to explain why you made your decision to us. Whatever choice you made, it would have been a hard choice to make.

I think you should give yourself time to mourn over what happened and talk to your boyfriend honestly about your feelings and let him talk as well if you can. Seeing a therapist would be good as well, but I think it would be good if your boyfriend and you could be there for each other and help each other through it. He sounds like he doesn't want to take care of you and be there for you though. Is that true? =( I hope not. If it is though, make sure to surround yourself with friends if you can, ones who will be willing to listen to you talk about it and what you are going through.

And you can still have children later on. Lots of people still go on to have children later in life after having an abortion. I am wondering though . . . why did you even mention that? Do you feel like you don't deserve to have children later on or what do you mean? Maybe I'm not touching on anything important there, but I am just wondering.

No, no, my boyfriend told me that whatever I decided to do, he'd support me. He's been here for me through the whole thing, ever since I found out I was pregnant. Last night in the hotel he got up with me every time I ran to the bathroom, and made sure I was okay. He's been taking care of me ever since I got home earlier today. We both want to have a child at some point but...we both knew it was not a good decision right now.

And yeah...I guess I'm mostly scared that if I have a child, I'll look at him or her every day and just wonder. And...I'm not sure if they gave me the shot I required. Because if you have a certain blood type, they have to give you a certain shot so that you can have children in the future. I asked for it, but I was on so many medications that I don't remember much of today...So now I'm scared that I won't be able to have children later. I'm...less upset than I thought I would be, but I was warned by the nurses that I may experience some emotional trauma. I'll admit that I am relieved, because I was more scared of giving birth and not being able to give a child a good life than this whole ordeal, but I'm still really sad. Most of my family knows, including my mother and my step-father. They've both been really supportive, and since my mom miscarried, she has an idea of what I've been going through, mentally and physically. But I just don't feel like I can talk to her like I can talk to my boyfriend (he just tends to bottle things up, and I know he's emotionally hurt too, but he doesn't talk much about his feelings), or anyone else...because I mean, she's my mother. And I'm afraid that I'll scare her, or something.

But...thank you guys, for your advice. Though I'm not planning to seek counseling, I barely had enough money to pay for the procedure itself, I have been able to talk to a few close friends and people that obviously care for me, and they've all helped me, reassured me that I've made the right decision. And I know I have...but it's still painful. Emotionally, mostly. I was expecting to be feeling sad...just not quite this sad.

All the advice I can give is not to beat yourself up over this. You made a hard decision, very few people actually would be telling complete strangers about their situation. I dont personally know anyone who has had an abortion(or at least Ive never been told), but I know some who thought about it. Personally, since you said yourself that you arent quite ready for children, even if it hurts now, I think you may have made the right choice. If only to give your future children a better life.

All you can really do, as far as I can see, is do whatever is within your power to ensure that your future children have the life you want them to have. And to make sure you are able to remember any sacrifices(even if it still hurts) you made to ensure you gave them the best they could possible have.

The last thing I will say is that it takes a strong person to confide in strangers. And even though your boyfriend bottles things up inside, if you talk to him enough, he will let you in and show you a side of him you didnt know existed. The only reason I know that, is because Im the same way. I bottle everything up. Emotions, thoughts, everything. It takes someone special to open me up. And him being around to take care of you, and supporting you in your decision just proves how special you are to him. Good luck with getting better.

Oh, and with the cats knowing your emotions, sometimes its right. At least one of mine knows when someone just needs a cuddle, while the other plays the "spoiled brat" part perfectly.

It's a good thing that everyone here is so understanding; I hate how everyone feels the need to tiptoe around these situations, and the fact that there's so much debate over it. I'm pro-choice, so I won't judge.

I don't have any experience in the matter, but I think your best bet is to continue resting, and try, try, try to talk to your boyfriend. While you're the one that had to go through the procedure, and it's you that feels the brunt of the emptiness and guilt, the fact that he's supported you through everything shows he's not planning on running away, and that you can trust him. If you can bring yourself to try expressing the way you feel, even if he can't really understand, he's there for you, and talking about it will help. He may be quiet about it, but that could also be his way of showing you respect and allowing you time to grieve. He just might not have the right words, and I'm sure he knows he'll never feel such utter emotional pain the way you are.

I can't begin to imagine the way you feel. I can say that I think you made the right decision. The fact that you realize you can't properly care for a child now, or give birth to one but not keep it, especially with the way they're tossed around in foster care, like you mentioned, shows your maturity.

Give yourself plenty of time to cope. Even if you knew it was what you wanted to do, you'll probably always wonder what could have been. It can only make you stronger. I wish you luck, and I hope you start feeling even a little better soon.

Everyone, your advice is really helpful. I think the shock is starting to wear off now, though, and I'm getting a little more upset as time goes on. It's like my brain keeps going "I can't believe that happened. It had to be a dream." but I know it's not.

Thank you all so much though, really...I know it seems odd to tell a bunch of strangers, but I can't tell a lot of the people I'm close to because of the hellstorm that would rain down from THEIR friends' knowledge of it, and I've been keeping it a secret for a while now, so I just...really needed to get it off my chest, I guess. And trust me, my boyfriend's been doing everything he can to keep me comfortable, somewhat happy, and sane (you know, food, pillows, drinks, happy movies, cuddles, and listening to me when I start to freak out).

I suppose as time goes on I'll start to get over it...and I know it was for the better. So, hopefully, with a week's rest and some calming talk with friends, family, and my boyfriend, I'll be alright. But seriously, thank you everyone...your advice is a lot more helpful than most of the nurses or doctors I talked to at the clinic. :/

I think everyone has said everything I could say. You've made a very brave choice, and I respect your maturity.

So, many :hug:s from me! :heart: