Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexoholic
... im really trying to trust him but sometimes i could feel that he's cheating... yah i fear that he has other girl on there place |
Try to look at this objectively. Does he seem like the kind who would cheat? Or are you just afraid because you can't keep tabs on him all the time and make sure he's not doing anything bad?
I'm the same as you. I have a very serious attitude towards relationships and am in a long distance relationship.
I get scared sometimes (but try to ignore it) that when he says things like,"I'm spending the night at a friend's house", that he's really spending the night at a girl's house and that I just don't know it and he's lying to me or something, but I usually just shrug that feeling off.
Let me put it this way. You'll never be happy in the relationship if you worry about it all the time and how it might possibly be destroyed. It's like life. If you're always worried about the fact that you could die at any second (which you could, like, for instance, you could have a sudden aneurysm rupture right now and fall over dead before a doctor could do anything about it), then you'll never really enjoy life because you'll be too worried all the time about it ending. Same with relationships, if you're always obsessing all the time about how it could be destroyed, then you'll never get to enjoy it while you've got it.
Even if he lived close to you, he can't be with you every moment. You'll never know for sure that he's not cheating on you, unless you spy on him. It will make you miserable if you wonder all the time about whether he is or not. Girls who stalk their boyfriends to make sure that he's not lying to them and cheating on them with some other girl aren't happy people. They're stressed out constantly.
You just have to trust him because you'll never have enough evidence to prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt that he'll never cheat on you ever. Human beings are imperfect and everyone has the potential to do bad things if they give into those things.
Trust isn't this super safe and easy thing that everyone makes it out to be. Trust is risky because it can be easily broken, but without it, you can't have a relationship with anyone. Without trust, you're always thinking the worst of him (what if he does this? what if he does that?) and knowing that you think of him that way can be really hurtful to a guy and make him feel like there's no way he can make you happy ever.
Relationships are risks. You could get your heartbroken in any kind of relationship, no matter how great the guy is. But we do it because the alternative is just too horrible. Being alone is safe, it's the only way you can't get hurt, but it's also really lonely and miserable. It's only when you have something valuable to lose that you can get hurt, but instead of thinking of it that way, just try to concentrate on the fact that you're happy that you have something like that when so many other people are alone and unhappy.
And anyway . . . .
It's usually kind of obvious when someone is cheating on you with someone else. No matter how a guy might trick himself into believing that he can hide it from you, he really can't. I've been with guys who are scumbags before and it's very different from my relationship with my boyfriend right now. They just obviously didn't respect me at all or care about my feelings very much. They acted too selfish and didn't care when I cried. My boyfriend that I have now has a weakness for me crying. He can't stand it. He shows he loves me with little things like that and a guy who is cheating on you won't really do things like that. Because he's too busy caring about some other woman.
Also, is he open to the idea of you someday visiting him where he lives? If he is, then I'm pretty sure he isn't cheating on you and that you have nothing to worry about (unless he changes his mind suddenly about you visiting him for some non-legitimate reason) because a guy who is cheating on you long distance won't want you to visit him at all for any reason where he lives. You're still early in the relationship, so he may be a bit nervous still about you two seeing each other in person at this point (so don't base your opinion entirely on this), but that usually works both ways, he'll be equally worried about seeing you where you live as he will be of you visiting him because he's not ready for your relationship to progress that far yet. I'm talking about if he's just scared for you to see where he lives and not scared to see you where you live. If he does like the idea of having you meet his friends and being with him where he lives, then he's DEFINITELY not cheating on you. Because a guy cheating on you, wouldn't want you to do those things because then you might accidently run into his other girlfriend and it will all blow-up in his face if he has one there.
