first i do not have any close real life freinds, second this one time i asked one of my bf freinds for help because I thought he was going to break up with me I told the guy not to mention it to my bf but he did and while he was at it he bitched about having to listen to me and that i was annoying... AND my bf got mad at me for it, said i went to the worst possible guy for advice and that if we cant work things out ourselves then thats a problem cuz ppl wont always be there for me to talkto and get advice (which is true) and then they could give me the wrong advice...(im highly influenced, this has led to problems in the past. I am very unsure of my own desicions because when i did my own thing and ignored advice, followed my heart BS, it ended badly; and when i take advice it ended badly...)

ok now to the problem!

I am hurt because my boyfreind and me just had an argument. this is what leads up to it:
He was at work today and his mom called him like right before he was supposed to get off and told him she had no gass in her car so she couldnt pick him up. (his work is far away. FAR AWAY!) He calls me and tells me hes going to be walking home. I get realy woried and tell him to get off the phone with me and call his uncle to take him home (his uncle lives nearby the work so thats good, but the uncle is REALY annoying and almost lost my bf his job once a few years back cuz he would come up to work to annoy him. the uncle has no life) my bf met the uncle at a restarant down the road and got a ride home w/o the uncle knowing where he worked, thank god.

So we get to disscussing the situation tonight. I tell him that his mom should not have waited until the last minute to tell him because I could have given the money to her earlier if i had known ( I was leaving the area at the time i found out but she had the whole day to do something about it and she didnt!) and he was like "yep thats my family" and of course he doesnt have any money to give her, hes broke. he has money in the bank he jsut cant get off work in time to get it out and he doenst have a bank card cuz he's switched accounts.

We have come to the conclusion a long time ago that he needs to move out. That his family is using him and that he needs to get a car to prevent stuff like this from happening (this is not the first time, with rides, it is with the mom... she runs out of gas but normaly its b4 we go somewhere not like down to the wire like this time but shes always runing on empty so go figure it was bound to happen)

I tell him that he needs to get a car to get him from point A to B. I dont car ewhat it is but he has to and get away from his family. he knows this. (he is WAY too picky about his cars, hes a car guy and all) i tell him that he needs to just get one and not be so picky, that it feals like were getting nowhere (fincancialy). This is the fist time ive said this. hes always said it in the past. he says he works all the time and has nothing to show for it. hes 24 working full time and doenst have a car or a house or anything to show for his work it goes to his family (who dont appreciate him btw)

i have been with him for about a year and a half and the whole time its been a struggle. I try to be as cheap as possible and order on the $1 menu, drink water so we dont have to pay for a drink and not go out anywhere. (we do go out just rarely) I NEVER talk about things that I want.

All the time he talks about his cars and how this car is so nice and how he wants this car and that car. He has a great paying job but he cant find the car he wants. He wants a nissan Z car i think. Weve gone to a dealership and had them look on thier computers and look in their data bases for this car but cant find the one he wants. he wants it in stick shift with a black interior, and a black paint job with a twin turbo. Weve looked online ourselves. Im sick of waiting for this car.

He plays video games and buys movies and our food (no matter how cheap i try to be i know it costs money, i even buy him food as much as i can with my prepaid meal plan to keep him from spending his money) he bought a mini computer (at a great price but still)...

yes i have bought myself things but mostly thrift store and clearance items. the most ive spent is on a ticket to go see a concert and some shoes. those are the only two things ive bought that werent on the clearance racks or at a thrift store. i also pay my own cell phone bill.

i dont have a job and am in college so i cant make money so im super strict on mine and it is runing out. im so frustrated at him. i feal like im going without so much, i know he is too but all the time he talks about the things he wants and it makes me so miserable becuase i want things to but i just dont talk about it cuz theirs no way i can afford them, and i dont want him to buy them or even think about buying them so he can get his car and get away from his family.

I told him this and it started an argument about how i cant ever make up my mind. about how its ok when he's buying it but I always nag him about money and that one day its ok to buy it and the next we should be spending less and saving. I told him its ok to spend from time to time but that we need to save and it made it worse.

so now im crying, i feal like ive tried so hard for nothing

Is there any way that you can have a part-time job while you're doing classes? At least then you can be saving some money of your own, and either afford the things you want, or contribute to a vehicle you both can use. Babysitting and dog-walking are some good ways to earn a small income while in college. What about a work-study program or working for your school in some way to earn money? At least hen you can feel you have some control over your situation.

Nevertheless, your boyfriend seriously needs to suck up his pride and just buy something with four wheel and an engine. When a vehicle is a need, you can't afford to be picky. At least you know this. I just wish for your sake he'd figure it out too. :/

Sounds really familiar to me. I agree with Kitten, he does need to suck it up.

I'm 20, married now for almost three years, and I have a daughter two is 13 months old. My husband is an alcoholic. He works full time, but I rarely see a penny of that money. It goes to his booze, video games, and everything that he wants. I have my own job, but most of what I make goes to day care, our house and food.

It's very difficult just being a couple in this world, and I congradulate you on sticking it out this long with this guy. I feel you are in the right for wanting to save money, it's a very good habit to have. If he wants to deal with having no car and having his mommy drive him to work and back at 24, that's his issue. It's not your job to be his mother and you shouldn't have to. He's a big boy and should be able to act accordingly.

I wish you the best of luck with this and with your education. Getting just a small part time job would be very good, and a lot of times colleges will take you on as an assisstant or janitor or something to help. Believe it or not, they want you to succeed!

@ kitten- i would get a job but 1) id have no time to spend with him, he works during the week and i have school 2) i have no trasportation so i'd have to rely on his mom too

I quit my job so I could focus on school and get good grades to keep my scholoarships. I worked hard over the summer and saved and that is what I'm living off of. I'm ok with not spending on myslef, I just stay inside study and dont think about it but when i get whith him he talks about wanting things and i try to support that becuase he has a job and hes working for the things he wants. but i know that he doesnt have a lot of money and i dont want to make him feal bad for not being able to buy things for me. its hard thought becuase he when we do go out its realy a treat but we need to save money. one time he took me to a pizza place and it was the first time we had gon out in a while and i asked him if it was ok and he got mad at me becuae he simply wanted to buy food for me and enjoy being able to buy it for me.. (he has a lot of pride)

@ rose the main trouble with us is we're stressed out becuase of his family... so far he couldnt afforad a car because he had to support the house. he pays light gas and water, phone, gass money, his insurance, and food sometimes. they dont appriciate him they use him and he's sick of it but he cant get out on his own becuase they take so much of his money hes having to play like hes broke to save up what little he can. hes got a great job but he trys to play it down as much as possible.
his family doenst even want to try to help. he's helping support 5 people one of them being his grandmother who cant work. and even tho his family doesnt work they dont even give him respect or do simple things for him, like make sure no one goes in his room while hes out at work, they just let anyone in the door and stuff comes up missing. people come over reguarly to hang out and his family treats it like one big party, while hes trying to sleep because he has work the next day.

his mom is a chain smoker on top of this. the power got cut off one year and the electric company called saying thay they hadnt paid thier bill, he'd given his mom at leat $600 to pay it off and not a cent of it whent to the electric bill.

i know its not my family but im getting fed up with it and am afraid one day ill go off on them...so far we just have arguments becuase im stressed and hes stressed and were both frustrated. I knew from the begining he was poor but its not an issue of having no money its an issue of saving money which he cant do cuz of his family. ever since ive been with him we've been cheap (i was that way to begin with) and it hasnt gotten us anywhere. I try to be as cheap as possible and it does no good it seems like all my efforts are for nothing