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Parental Issues & Dating/Boys
My Dad is being a pain in the butt at the moment! I recently got a boyfriend, and dear old Dad is being WAY too overprotective! I'm 21, and not a child! I know he's concerned for me and my general well-being, but I seriously need for him to respect my decisions and my overall boundaries. All I want to do is spend time with my boyfriend and just hang out at this house and the like, but all Dad seems to think is that my bf will take advantage of me!! >_< I've made it clear to Steve (that's the bf) and to Dad that I'm waiting on that one and that Steve is perfectly fine with that. So why is Dad being a total putz about this?! I'm desperately trying to get him to give me some space on this, but [I]he won't listen! Any advice? General complaints? Similar issues?
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Dads can be very overprotective of their daughters, especially if they only have one. I'm not sure what other issues might be going on with your dad (if he's always overprotective, etc.), but it might be best to try to explain to him what you want and need right now, and if that doesn't help, make sure he knows that, as an adult, you are free to go out and spend time with your boyfriend, and legally he can't stop you. That may, however, lead to an argument about your living situation though, so you need to gauge what might be best to say.
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That's a pretty good point. Dad and I have had two (now at three, and I'm getting rather tired...) rather difficult discussions on this within the last couple days; I'm sincerely hoping that he'll see some sense sometime soon. This is, after all, my life, and not his. (Be rather weird if he was suddenly me, though...) Why can't he just let this one go?! He's nowhere near this protective with my older sister! Gah...
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Relationships.
The only thing I can think of is to remind him that you are a legal adult and that you are in charge of your own life and your own choices, and that he is no longer in charge of any decisions that you make. I would be very clear and very firm about it. Tell him that you are capable of taking care of yourself. Aside from that, I would spend time with the boyfriend outside the house. Either go out places, or go hang out at his house, that way you don't have to put up with your dad and the embarrassment he may cause, and it also may make him see that he can't stop you from doing what you want to do since he will have no control over you when you are not around him.
I've never had this problem myself with my parents, I think they know that I wouldn't put up with them trying to interfere with my relationship, especially at my age. I would be extremely angry with them if they tried that sort of thing. I think it's an insult to a grown woman for parents to act that way. I understand if someone is a teenager, but after eighteen, or at least by age twenty, that kind of thing needs to stop and you need to be allowed to live your life. |
I totally agree! I think Dad sort of caught the hint this morning that I'm still rather ticked at him, so hopefully he'll do some thinking today and just let me deal with this on my own. One of the major difficulties with this is the fact that this is the first time that either of us have lived in the same house since 1996! For most of my life, I've lived with my Mom (who is thankfully not this controlling!), and she realizes that my relationships are really none of her business. Sure, she's welcome to meet my boyfriend and the like, but I wouldn't let her make any judgments about him without really knowing the guy that well! (Which is what Dad is currently doing...) Joy of joys. I'll definitely see if I can't talk some sense into the idiot known as Dad...
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Haha you're dad is adorable.
My dad thought I was gay for most of my high school time. But he's starting to understand where I'm coming from. I hope your father starts to see the light as well. :P |
Is he actually banning you from seeing this guy or just expressing concern? If he's just expressing concern, then don't worry about it. Your Dad loves you and that's why he is being protective of you. He sees you as valuable and doesn't want some guy using you because he knows how perverted and bad a lot of guys can be. It's good for a Dad to do this to your boyfriends because it will keep them on their toes and let them know that they aren't going to get away with it if they do something bad with you.
Honestly, I'm extremely jealous of you. My Dad is the opposite and I've always wished I had a Dad like you have. When I watch shows with Dad's who give girls' boyfriends a hard time, I sometimes cry. My Dad is always telling me how I'm lucky to have a boyfriend at all and how I better not screw it up. He lectures me all the time about being submissive and he's very angry with me because I've been struggling with my weight lately and he says I'm going to make a horrible wife for my boyfriend for that reason. Because no one loves a fat girl as he says. Guys have treated me like real shit in my life and I never had a Dad to chase them off, so they always got away with it. Guys have asked me to have threesomes with them and sex and stuff and I've told my Dad about it and honestly, my Dad doesn't care if they use me sexually in any way as long as I make sure I'm actually a submissive girl who isn't fat and therefore worthy of men. I have no self-esteem when it comes to men either because of it and I knowingly let a lot of them use me. My Dad has never protected me once in my life. When people have hit me and attacked me, the most hurtful thing in the world to me was that my Dad has been there for it and done nothing to protect me. You are very, very lucky, so stop viewing it as a bad thing. As long as your Dad isn't forcing you to never date a guy ever and is just giving him a hard time, then it's a good thing, not a bad. When I have girls someday with my future husband, I'm going to push him to act like your Dad does because it's what I always wished that I had. I've never felt valuable in my life when it comes to men. |
He's probably just sad to see you grow up. You're probably going to be living on your own soon (if you aren't already), and he's feeling like he is losing you. He probably just wants to be part of your life again. Like those protective fathers in the movies who interrogate their teenage daughters boyfriend on the first day, your dad probably just wants you to be happy. He wants what is best for you.
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I'm pretty sure that he does. His heart is in the right place, most of the time. :) I guess it's not a bad thing that he's being overprotective, but it's rather annoying that this keeps coming up. Oh, well. At least he's starting to recognize the fact that I'm not a little girl anymore. And maybe Dad is scared of "losing me". I know Mom freaked when I told her that I was moving out of the house. Maybe Dad's having issues with the fact that I've got a boyfriend again because he's realizing that there's nothing he can do to stop me from growing up? Beats me what he's thinking...
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Ok, things have slightly changed a bit since this was originally started. Steve and I are now just friends, which I'm perfectly content with. There's a new guy in my life by the name of Shane whom I met at school who's really nice, but I'm just not entirely sure I want to date at the moment. I'm still quite confused in regards to the ex-boyfriend (who is not Steve; different guy), and am really not sure what I'm supposed to do. I wish that the guys wouldn't notice me and would just leave me alone! Sometimes I don't want to be bothered...oh, well...
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My mom was a bit like that. From the time I was 18 until I was around 22 I would always ask the same question when she was worried about me. Mom, do you think you were a good parent? The answer would always be yes, and I'd always tell her that she needed to trust her own parenting skills. Last time it happened she said no and I told her it's to late now then. It took a while, but I think it was a good approach to use. Parents sometimes need to be reminded that the parenting time is over.
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