OK so my boy friend is four years older than me. I am 16 he is 20 in almost a month, now the age thing would usually be an issue for me but i have known him for 12 years, since i was four. We went through all the hoops to get my parents to approve him as my boyfriend. They approved, sorta. they said that i could casually date him. I believe the term that they used was we can not be exclusive. We thought that was not OK but we weren't going to argue too much.

I went off of campus the other day. i was not supposed to because my high school is a closed campus except for juniors and seniors. I went across the street to the public library, best place to be if i go off campus i think. well i met up with my boyfriend. There was a lady from my church there, i talked to her for a minute or two. later she was talking to my dads girl friend and brought up that she saw me, granted she didn't know that i was not supposed to be off campus. Well my dads girl friend blew every thing out of proportion.

So my dad freaks out when i get home from school, asking me where i was during lunch. I didn't lie, i told him where i was and who i was with. He then goes off on this tangent about something that happened to my boy friend over a year ago. That my dad should not have known about! My boyfriend got drunk, his girl friend at the time was feeding him drinks, he thought she was drinking with him and she wasn't. earlier that night he said no to sex, well after he got drunk he was raped by her. He has never touched a drink again, let alone thought of sex.

Well my dad says that underage drinking is not cool and says that im a little liar, because i didn't tell him about this. which i told him that it was personal and not mine to tell, and not his concern, He is now yelling at me that when it comes to me it is his concern. He says that he will call my mom later, but that i cant be anything more than friends with him.

My mom and step dad told me that if i did anything wrong, i should tell them instead of lying about it. so i called both of them up.my step dad said oh that's not a huge deal, it will be OK. thank you for calling me etc.. well my mother was at work and called me back later that night, but couldn't understand me because i was half asleep. she told me to call her later after school the next day. I never got that chance, she calls me up and tells me that i cant have anything to do with my boyfriend until im 18, I was so upset and had no idea where this was coming from. I spent the rest of my day in school crying. she called my coaches and told them that my boyfriend was not to be any where near my track practices, and that i may not leave until my dad comes and gets me.

So my boy friend and I are all sorts of upset and he called my dad to see if we could even be friends. My dad said not that our relationship was getting too strong and that my mother and him don't think that's OK.

I have been crying non-stop for hours on end, I am in love him so much and i cant go two years with out seeing him. I cant get emancipated because the courts wont emancipate a child from divorced parents. They have threatened to call the cops on him for fraternizing with a minor. I cant go like this for two years and i refuse to move on! can any one please help me? in any way at all? They all say that i will thank them later, and its better for me to move on. I find this unjust punishment, harsh and that they have no consideration for my feelings. this is the second time that they have done this. I really need help

EDIT: my mother also called him and his mother and called all three of us names, which is very immature but also very hurtful.

EDIT: is verbal abuse a good enough reason to be emancipated if i can support myself how the court wants me to be able too???

Mmmmmm. It does seem like things were blown out of proportion. I'd sit your mom and step dad down and calmly TRY to explain what happened. You said you'd already talked to your step dad before you were told you can't see your boyfriend anymore, so having him in the room while talking to your mom would be good since he can vouch for you and the fact that you called him and he said it wasn't a huge deal.

Beyond TRYING to talk to your parents, there isn't much else than you can do, I'm afraid... at least not without seeming whiny and immature in their eyes. If they refuse to let up, offer some kind of compromise. Ask them if you can have at least a set number of hours a week to see/talk to him and if they agree, do not deviate from that compromise. If they refuse to compromise, give it time and bring it up again later on.

And here's the part where I sound like a stiff... but I don't think your parents were entirely wrong in reprimanding you for being off campus during lunch when you weren't supposed to be. Do I think they overreacted? Yes. But while some rules, in certain circumstances, mind you, were made to be broken... others weren't. It might seem like a petty rule to obey, but closed campus... it's also petty to break that rule. There's virtually no point, really. Your parents overreacted, yeah, but they were assuming the role in trying to get you to behave responsibly. I know it seems like they went around the wrong way of doing it... but still.

The only way to try and get through to them is calmly and maturely talk to them. You'd be surprised, sometimes.
And if they don't waiver and you simply CAN'T go without being in contact with your boyfriend.... there's such a thing as personal email.

I have tried to talk to them, and yes i understand that I'm being punished for going off campus. But in my head that is not punishment for going off campus, I'm not sure but i think there's something else going on here.

Then try again. And ask what the entire thing was about. You could be right, but it could be all in your head. Sometimes, parents come up with the most obscure punishments that aren't at all related to the situation.
It never hurts to ask and it never hurts to calmly talk to them again.

ok thank you. :/

I realize that you might not like what I said... but calmly talking to your folks and defending your case in a mature manner is usually more likely to make them listen than anything.

And who knows... someone else might come along with a better idea.

i didnt like it but i do know that your right, i asked for help and im trying to take it...

Not to but in on your conversation but depending on where you live and what the standing laws are. Emancipation is one route to go, but other then that, since you are underage and living at home, its nothing more then a slave trade. Again, this is not to be rude. To many woman have cried wolf and guys as well. Depending on where you live and the laws in place, if your parents feel threatened, then they can say or do whatever they want.

I live in Idaho and the law here states that anyone over the age of 18 has to sign the paperwork for rape or being with someone over the age of 18 illegally. Your parents cant do anything about you being with him in Idaho. The only reason I know this is because my sister had a child at 16 with an 18 year old. Parents pressed charges but the court as well as the police stated that nothing could be done without her signature and testimony.

From the age 11 up in Idaho, within a divorced family or not, the court system says you have a voice. At the age 16, you are considered a young adult and will be treated as such. Look at the laws and talk to Law enforcement about this issue. You may be very surprised at what you find. Also, if your not doing anything and not crying wolf, plenty of resources are out there to help with a lot of these issues you have stated. Parents can take things to far. I am a parent now and I see my errors all the time.

Sorry, hope this was not rude or overboard.

My parents pulled that same line on me and go figure...it was also over me dating someone older than me, though there was more involved than just age.

I'm a firm believer in that if you really do love this guy, then they shouldn't have any say in it. A relationship is between two people, not two people and all the family and friends on both sides. No one should be able to tell you who you can and can't love and who you can and can't be around. I also don't believe in "because you're my child, I have the right to know everything and anything about you and those around you." Your boyfriend's story is his and his alone to tell to whoever he chooses. You were 100% correct in not just blabbing about it to your parents just because they're your parents. That's his to tell and not their business. He's not even their child, so they can't even use that line to say that it is.

They always say that you'll understand when you have kids and/or when you're older. Sometimes that is true....I've seen that in my own life when I never thought I would. But I also don't believe that everything is like that and I don't think that you will always be the same as your parents. There are things that my parents have done that I know I will never do to my children, and if for some reason I do slip up and act like them, I hope someone slaps some sense into me.

Kamikoui: no its not rude at all, kinda helpful actually.

Yumeko: ya i know right? i just dont know what to do about it...

For those of you telling her that she needs to sit down with her parents and try to calmly reach a conclusion, well frankly your all idiots who never had parents. if you had you would know that that doesn't work and all it does is get you in further trouble.

The reality of the situation is that your parents freaked and that is going to be the rule for a long time. Judging form the church comment, i'm assuming your parents are "religious" and a lot like mine.

so your options are
1: run away with him and try to stay one step of the law and be together till they finally track you down, he goes to prison for kidnapping a minor/attempted rape, etc...and have his track record ruined for life and you be in even more trouble with your parents.

2: you go behind your parents back and keep seeing but keep it a secret till you turn 18 and can go with him legally. your parents will probably end up resenting you for it and you will probably never have a good relationship with them.

3: best case scenario it all blows over in a few moths to a year and you get to be together again.

but as for trying to make your parents see your side of the story, any one with parents knows that they will never see your side of the story and they will tell you what your side of the story is. and even if they listen, they more than likely will no recant their stance on the issue so they won't seem like their giving into you.

and to top it all off, the law is the law, and guess what. thanks to stereotyping and things blown out of proportion, any time an underage girl is with the guy over 18 he will automatically and ALWAYS be viewed as a dangerous predator int he eyes of all in some sort of protective relationship with the girl. maybe a rare case here and there, but majority rules that his rep is already scarred for being with an underage girl.

sorry to have to say this. but it is what it is. and this is what i have discovered in 21 years of life dealing with other people in this scenario.

don;t know if this will help anything but best of luck to you anyway. I don't really believe in love myself so I'm indifferent to your feelings, but i do oppose ignorance and people in authority thinking they're always right. so my props there.

Alright...so I guess I'll actually be nice for once and reply to something sincerely. At least it'll let me buy another rose.

What you face is a situation that is...fairly common. Regrettably, due to your age difference, there is no real way around it.

You are 16. He is 20. A more understandable age difference is 18/16, or at a bit of an extreme, 17/15 - Bottom line, more than two years, particularly 3 years, sexual contact, in most states is a felony, beyond statutory rape.

Regardless of how you want to paint him for us, he did get drunk and have sex with that girl. No reasonable 20 year old gets raped by a girlfriend. It..just doesn't happen.

Why the fuck your dad knows about his sexual life is beyond me - for the record, but don't expect us to believe for a single moment that he got drunk (which is plausible) but then got raped by his girlfriend at the time, and that he now doesn't think about sex. I'm 19, a fucking girl, and I think about sex like once every 10 minutes. I can only think how bad a boy would be.

Furthermore, if this guy really cares, he will talk to your father. This is beyond your hands. No amount of pleading on your part will make things right. It is the responsibility of the older boyfriend to approach your parents and negotiate something out. If they absolutely won't budge, then...there is nothing you can do except meet in secret.

I know...it absolutely sucks to think about finding someone else, and that you love him very much, but unfortunately the law is the law, and you are as young as you are.

Love at that age is tough...really tough. I do know of a guy friend of mine, who met his girlfriend at age 17 (she was 15) and waited patiently for her and was open and very friendly with her parents, as to gain their trust. They ended up starting dating when she was 16, and he was 18, and have dated ever since. She's turning 18 this year and he's turning 20.

So it *can* work out, but it is in your boyfriend's hand to extend the olive branch of peace.


Edit - and please don't listen to Magnaturtle. He's fucking insane, clearly. =/

Parents..gaah. They are trying to protect you I guess, but usually when parents try to mess with your lovelife, they have NO right to do so. They don't know anything about your relationship. I'd just ingnore them, it's not like you two can't date behind their back? Or you could just be like "Lol get over it. I'm not breaking up with him." and ingnore them.

I started dating when I was hmm...15 I guess. My bf was 17 at the time, and he turned 18 (which is the legal age of being adult here) sooner than me of course. It wasn't a problem for me or to him. He could get into bars but he didn't want to since I couldn't go either. Now I have bf that's 3 years older than me. I had guy stuff when I was like 14 but nothing too serious..so I think you're more mature than me in this xD

Just try to put your "Ingnore filter" on and they just have to learn to deal with it. Seems like super overreaction, I don't get how you could get drunk in the library anyway? XD

Regardless of how you want to paint him for us, he did get drunk and have sex with that girl. No reasonable 20 year old gets raped by a girlfriend. It..just doesn't happen.

Why the fuck your dad knows about his sexual life is beyond me - for the record, but don't expect us to believe for a single moment that he got drunk (which is plausible) but then got raped by his girlfriend at the time, and that he now doesn't think about sex. I'm 19, a fucking girl, and I think about sex like once every 10 minutes. I can only think how bad a boy would be.

Guys CAN get raped, haven't you heard of viagra? I can imagine ANYONE would have issues having sex if they get raped. I don't believe that the guy should try to somehow confess the parents..I don't know, I just don't think it's the parents freaking business and the guy is dating the GIRL not the parents.

I think 16 dating 20 years old guy isn't even bad. You know that girls grow 3 years faster than guys do? That's why girl in her 16's is really 19 mentally..I've noticed this SO clearly in all the guys in my life..with my current bf,with my ex, and with my little brother and schoolmates. 16 years old can be responsible for her own love life, and law is something that should only thinked of in situations when there's forcing involved... If you two are happy, I see nothing wrong with it. It's not like you're 12 and he's 16. THAT I could consider wierd. You know that in old times 16 year old could be married to guys over 30 or more? So I see nothing bad with 4 years xD

I moved away to my own apartment at age of 16, and I can say that kids can't do that.

LOVE IS LOVE :heart:

I support Kamikouis idea! You should try that!

well i tried standing up to her this weekend... it did not go over well....

Originally Posted by Pulla

Parents..gaah. They are trying to protect you I guess, but usually when parents try to mess with your lovelife, they have NO right to do so. They don't know anything about your relationship. I'd just ingnore them, it's not like you two can't date behind their back? Or you could just be like "Lol get over it. I'm not breaking up with him." and ingnore them.

I started dating when I was hmm...15 I guess. My bf was 17 at the time, and he turned 18 (which is the legal age of being adult here) sooner than me of course. It wasn't a problem for me or to him. He could get into bars but he didn't want to since I couldn't go either. Now I have bf that's 3 years older than me. I had guy stuff when I was like 14 but nothing too serious..so I think you're more mature than me in this xD

Just try to put your "Ingnore filter" on and they just have to learn to deal with it. Seems like super overreaction, I don't get how you could get drunk in the library anyway? XD



Guys CAN get raped, haven't you heard of viagra? I can imagine ANYONE would have issues having sex if they get raped. I don't believe that the guy should try to somehow confess the parents..I don't know, I just don't think it's the parents freaking business and the guy is dating the GIRL not the parents.

I think 16 dating 20 years old guy isn't even bad. You know that girls grow 3 years faster than guys do? That's why girl in her 16's is really 19 mentally..I've noticed this SO clearly in all the guys in my life..with my current bf,with my ex, and with my little brother and schoolmates. 16 years old can be responsible for her own love life, and law is something that should only thinked of in situations when there's forcing involved... If you two are happy, I see nothing wrong with it. It's not like you're 12 and he's 16. THAT I could consider wierd. You know that in old times 16 year old could be married to guys over 30 or more? So I see nothing bad with 4 years xD

I moved away to my own apartment at age of 16, and I can say that kids can't do that.

LOVE IS LOVE :heart:

I support Kamikouis idea! You should try that!

That's adorable, the whole, "Girls mature faster than boys" defense. See how well that will hold up in court.

"No, your honor. I'm 16 and my 20 year old boyfriend had sex with me, but...but really, I mature faster, and I'm really 19 years old in maturity."

No. Just. No. The world does not work in your fantastical little ways.

As for Viagra, so he was "spiked" and forced to get an erection, then overpowered into raping? You forget...guys don't have to be hard. Think about dead babies, grandma in the shower, that you're being raped, and bam. Erection-be-gone. Girls really don't have an option. We can be dry, but that thing is still going to go inside us as we really dont have a choice.

So again, your argument about guys can't be raped is just faaaaar too implausible.

im not discussing about him getting freaking raped!!! this does NOT have anything to do with us except how my parents are frowning upon it!!! grr

I can strongly relate, as my fiance is 17, while I am 20 (used to be 16-20). As she is the younger one I think she would know more about going behind them to talk to him... but I have to agree that trying once or twice to get them to explain would be good, but chances are they wont change their minds... parents tend to be stubborn like that...

Personally, the best route would be to wait a while, be good, and hopefully show them that you're responsible, maybe find a way to show that you're mature and can make good choices?

(Sorry for the lack of substance... ^^" I'm looking at this from a similar perspective as your boyfriend)

Noelmule: Wtf guys don't have to be hard? If the girl is the one who's raping then yes, he has to. xD Guys getting raped with viagra HAS happened, I didn't just make this up. When something like that happens there's usually alcohol, drugs or holding down and such involved. When the guy doesn't know what's going on+ having lots of viagra on blood then of course it's possible. It's pretty narrow minded to think that it can only happen to girls.

For the other part, that was just an opinion outside of the law box. It has been biologically tested ages ago ;)

thank you all! ugh idk if it matters much any more.... we will see. and for god sakes he dosnt have to be hard to freaking get raped!!! god go to sex ed class!

Well yeah no, but I was thinking that if it was with a woman then it seems logical that way..well I'm not gonna go on with this anymore. Anyway, I hope you get your things sorted out.

I really wouldn't recommend getting emancipated, even if you find you can. Few people your age are actually able to take care of themselves without their parents' help; your situation really isn't dire enough for you to be thinking that way.

I'd recommend you two just be friends until you turn eighteen. It's probably not your most desirable option, I know, but it is better than not being able to see him at all and it'll keep your parents happy. If they refuse to allow you two to date then there's not a whole lot you can do about it, and sneaking around is likely to just get you two in bunches of trouble. If you two are really in love, I think you can probably wait. Two years isn't that long, after all.