Okay, so this is basically about a job related problem.

Anyways, I have this boss. I work at Wings to Go as a manager/owner. I know her family and her ever since I worked there. It's gonna be about 4 years now. Had a year off then went back to work for her, for relationship issues.

She acts like a mother figure to me since, my mother doesn't live with me, a very personal matter. She also acts like a friend from time to time too, this will be explained later.

Okay, so basically she's really really REALLY controlling. She literally takes control of my love life and friends. She hates it whenever I become friends with coworkers, since I can't have any of my own outside of work because of her. Because I have to work all the time, either to pay bills or her. Umm, and on a unrelated note, she's a really really strict Korean. She doesn't mind smoking, gambling, or drinking, just with me she's strict.

For love life, she always wants to see what they look like and what they sound like. She tells me right away if their right for me or not. Which is literally annoying, and of course said in front of people that I would be single for the rest of my life. Which I don't care, but get annoyed at the fact that she says it in front of people, which in then they laugh in my face.

With the friend related stuff, she gets jealous. She literally gets jealous even when I spend a day with my dad. Whenever I'm hanging out with my only bff, whenever she comes down to visit, she calls me into work. Right when I make plans, which really pisses me off since I go by a schedule. Most of the time I don't even tell her if i made plans, and she calls me in.

She's content whenever I'm home, doing chores alone. She lies to me to get me to be on her side, or either threatens me sometimes. At the moment, my big brother was gonna get fired just because I spent too much time over his house, even though I don't tell her and neither does he. She thinks I'll ruin my brother's marriage by sleeping with him. Which is really gross, even though we're not blood related, but still gross. I'm friends with both of them, him and his wife. I watch their kids occasionally since I just love them to death.

Also, she recently fired a guy, because she though I was sleeping with him, which is gross. Since he doesn't go up to my standards and he has kids. Anyways, I found out it was a recent fired worker that spread the rumor about me and him. And I actually did tell her about 10 times, he's not my type, don't worry about it emo(I call her that since it means aunt in korean, shorter for me since i don't want to say her full name. AND it's not the same as emo in American, you say it differently.). She was drunk when she got mad at me and him, and wanted to fire both of us. Which her being drunk and yelling at me at such a stupid matter, is actually getting too often now.

Also, whenever she needs to vent out she vents out on me. What I say is I'm her mental punching bag. Verbally abuses me, calling me stupid and a chicken(different meaning). I've been doing this now for which seems to be 10 years, when it's really 4. She sometimes "jokes," about firing me in front of the customers, or tells them how much of a chicken I am. Sometimes she yells at me in front of them, about something stupid, since she knows that the customers love drama at our store. She seriously can't take me seriously no matter what she says. She always says I'm her daughter and the second owner of her store. Promising me crap, such as a house or money, which I doubt.

I can only tolerate her since it's the only job I can get right now. Around my area, people are barely hiring, which really sucks. I could sue, but that would seriously be very bad on my part.

I seriously don't know what to do.....And I can't take it anymore... All she does is lie to me, and she's such a hypocrite. I don't tell her stuff either...she finds out herself... I seriously don't know how.

Oh and she also blames me for playing games all night for my insomnia. I don't play games, seriously. I do try to fall asleep. She keeps telling me if I don't go see a doctor about it then I'm gonna get fired. She seriously is getting on my nerves and never takes me seriously. After I have told her I have insomnia, and don't play video games after the 10th time or more now.

First question, are you Korean? Not that it matters, I always like to understand other cultures because it fascinates me. I don't understand the Korean meaning of chicken...

Well anyways was just wanting to get some more cultural understanding. It really sounds as if you really do need to get away from there. You could always let her fire you if you have worked there more than six months and then you could collect unemployment, but let it be something on one of her threats. I have dealt with somewhat similar situations and hated it. I currently work somewhere where I have a boss on antidepressants and he randomly takes shit out on his employees by calling us retarded mother fucker and whatever demeaning things he can think of at the time. Like you I'm in the same boat, but luckily he hasn't been abusive to me in some time other than one night I gave his drunk ass a ride home which was five miles each way then swore he wasn't going to pay me anything then joked about tipping me in Heaven for it. I joked back(not really) saying that if Heaven does exist, I don't think he would be going there and it pissed him off which was my goal :)

Is your boss a lesbian by any chance?

Bitter people like that are projecting their anger, bitterness, and hatred on to undeserving people who become victims. Remember, It's always best to stand up for what you believe is right, even if you're standing alone.

Jeez, I would totally quit. That's what I would do, but I've never had an actual job so I don't know how it is. But I still think it's a good idea to find another job and quit. There's no reason for her to be treating you this way! Or maybe you could have a private talk with her and tell her to stop if you don't really want to quit... I'm really sorry about the situation, it sounds terrible D:

Dear god...id say quit the shithole but--since you live with her it sounds, thats kind of not a really smart thing it seems?
What i would try and dig for is why is she so damn attached to you? Your not her daughter really, you just developed a good relation with her when it all started. But then she totally took it out of context and went to the extreme! She seriously has something unbalanced in her mind. Shes got no business to put her nise into your relationships with people, romantic or not, or to degrade you AT ALL especially in front of customers! Thats completly unproffessional and immature. When you go to work there is supposed to be like a manager to associate relationship that doesnt go further than that. Business is business at work, and you dont ever try and make your work environment your personal issues place. Which is exactly what she is doing. Now it may be differnt because shes not--well how do i say this correctly--well shes not American, and so therefore she is running her shop the way she thinks its needs to be run, but making you the spotlight for entertainment >.>
I would suggest maybe trying to find another pace to stay if you could and then after moving quit that job. I do understand that reasons for not quitting however because hiring is soooooooo impossible to find here also thats why i kept a job for the flimsy 4 hours a week but if there was some way to line up another job secretly and then bail on her i would highly highly recomend that. Because the environment that shes creating for you is so unhealthy. Your a big girl who can take care of herself and you do not need her mothering you like that, especially since she doesnt even have that title to work towards. You need to free yourself from her craziness love :)

What I would do is get her with someone. If she gets a hobby or a boyfriend, she might leave you alone.

Locke: Oh she is married. Just that they don't like to show their love. Their weird, but I understand it, since I'm kinda like them. Umm I guess koreans are just more strict and also in korea the kids stay in the parents house til they either get married or financially stable with their spouse and then move out. Well that's for the most good kids there. Also their really really picky, and more family orientated and such. I know that was off topic and such, but since you asked it was appropriate. She's just a weird person, and a very complicated one to understand. She probably does have bipolar, she admits it. But unfortunately she won't do anything about it. I just hope that it doesn't get out of hand, but I am quite used to her already. Her changing moods, and constant words. My friends just ask me how I keep tolerating it after all these years, and their quite amazed too.

Frawesome: I think we have had a talk, but she was sorta drunk. She remembers everything though. And my coworker and I talked to her. And hopefully now his wife will be working with us, so it won't cause too much problems on my part.

Azshare: I would quit, but I doubt there would be any place that would hire me for my asking pay. Since I do get payed as a manager, and have that title. Also it's weird, but I don't live with her. I would, but my insomnia would cause them problems. I live with my dad, in a house that is way too big for the both of us. Yea, financially, I would want to live with her, but I wouldn't want to leave my dad alone, and for family/personal reasons too.

But we got things settled now, since I asked his wife to talk to her for a bit. And I'm not that type of person to just sleep with any guy I met, or work with. I have boundaries and guess I would just have to repeat it about 50 times to her. It's the same thing with my mom, but I don't have to repeat it for that much, only like 5 times. Ha

well its osunds like things are starting to come together then?? :D i had the impression that you did live her because how involved she is with you but i would understand why you wouldnt now given a little background. But so long as your doing better than before then thats what counts :) and hopefully it continues to improve for you :D what population is your town? and yea managers pay and hours are hard to come by these days. I would love to have a managers position instead of making the sandwiches >.> lol

Heh but managers have to do everything though lol

well I live in DE, dover. So not many people, everyone knows everyone. Also she takes it bad if one of our customers see me at the mall. =3='' or they say something....eh

Well it was funny when they started to spread rumors about me, like saying i'm sleeping around and hanging with a bad crowd. Eh hopefully it'll stay good. Like karma, always something horrible happens whenever we get together for a few drinks and such and says, "We're such a good family, Oh I love you guys for being my family." Something always horrible happens after she says that...

Hopefully since his wife is gonna be working for us, that'll be okay now.....

LMFAO, he had a joke from my sarcastic remark. I said, sarcastically, "OH YES EMO, we're gonna have butt smex in the freezer." He says seriously, "But we wouldn't have time." Oh god I smacked him on the shoulder for saying that oh god...

Originally Posted by sephy

Locke: Oh she is married. Just that they don't like to show their love. Their weird, but I understand it, since I'm kinda like them. Umm I guess koreans are just more strict and also in korea the kids stay in the parents house til they either get married or financially stable with their spouse and then move out. Well that's for the most good kids there. Also their really really picky, and more family orientated and such. I know that was off topic and such, but since you asked it was appropriate. She's just a weird person, and a very complicated one to understand. She probably does have bipolar, she admits it. But unfortunately she won't do anything about it. I just hope that it doesn't get out of hand, but I am quite used to her already. Her changing moods, and constant words. My friends just ask me how I keep tolerating it after all these years, and their quite amazed too.

Frawesome: I think we have had a talk, but she was sorta drunk. She remembers everything though. And my coworker and I talked to her. And hopefully now his wife will be working with us, so it won't cause too much problems on my part.

Azshare: I would quit, but I doubt there would be any place that would hire me for my asking pay. Since I do get payed as a manager, and have that title. Also it's weird, but I don't live with her. I would, but my insomnia would cause them problems. I live with my dad, in a house that is way too big for the both of us. Yea, financially, I would want to live with her, but I wouldn't want to leave my dad alone, and for family/personal reasons too.

But we got things settled now, since I asked his wife to talk to her for a bit. And I'm not that type of person to just sleep with any guy I met, or work with. I have boundaries and guess I would just have to repeat it about 50 times to her. It's the same thing with my mom, but I don't have to repeat it for that much, only like 5 times. Ha

I figured Koreans weren't too different from Japanese traditional famillies. Back in the old days they used to do arranged marriages which I think would really be horrible. That's just my opinion, stronger family ties isn't such a bad thing I don't think. She isn't your family and needs to learn her boundaries with you. Friendship outside of work and business relationship in work. Trust me when I say I know all about bi-polar people. I kind of see as is "date" a guy who is bi-polar which I just recently posted a topic about. It can be very confusing and very challenging to deal with. In the context of your relationship with your boss, I don't know how much you value your friendship (if that's what you call it) with your boss. I would be searching very hard for other places of employment. I have a shitty boss right now who is on anti-depressants because he's a bitter old man and everyone hates him.

I'll try, after I get financial things all sorted out and such.

Oh and they still do arranged marriages in Korea, which I don't really know, but I think it's okay. My mom was thinking of doing it, even though we're in America. Ha

Originally Posted by sephy

I'll try, after I get financial things all sorted out and such.

Oh and they still do arranged marriages in Korea, which I don't really know, but I think it's okay. My mom was thinking of doing it, even though we're in America. Ha

Well as long as both people are happy then that's all that matters. I just hope everything with your job gets sorted out so that you have less stress in your life. Life is too short to be unhappy.