Ok so I get angry a it too easily over small things. I don't know why I just do. Like when I get mad I have to cry to get from destroying things, crying is the best to manage my anger right now. Sometimes I still beat on things and tear things up.

I'm in the house most of the time and what friends I did have stopped being friends once we got to high school. I'm 20 now. I live with my grandparents. My grandmother kind gets angry with me over stupid things or when she's mad at someone else she kind of snaps at me over nothing really when I ask a question about something that just happened to make her mad.

I think I learned my anger issues from her and others in my family as my close family does have a bit of a temper sometimes. Plus it's probably sort of hereditary or whatever as my mother had some anger issues when she was younger plus she got in a fight with her sister while she was pregnant with me and her sister was pregnant with my cousin. They got into like a fist fight most likely over something stupid. So yeah...

I think part of my problem is having no offline friends and being in the house pretty much all the time. There is no where I can go that I can walk to here. If I lived in the city I could get out more. I don't drive and I'd rather walk than drive anyway or ride a bike.

I think I might need some nerve pills or something at least until I can get some offline friends and be more outgoing like I really want to be. I just really dislike being in the house.

My grandmother told me a few times that I was going to be like her and not have anything. If that's so then I'm wasting my time with college. She's told me it's not her fault I don't have any friends and other stuff like that like it's all MY faulty that I don't have friends. It's not my fault no one wants to my friend or what friends I did have wanted to be stupid like that. I don't know, being told things like that don't help me at all.

I do really think I might really need some nerve pills or something...


I guess this is just a rant really.

Yea, things like temperament are very often learned from your family. Like, my parents for instance forgive people easily and so do I. It's just how I was taught.

Anger is just a defense mechanism and it's not always bad. It's just about having control over it and using it in the right circumstances for the right purposes instead of allowing it to get us into trouble.

You're not wasting your time in college. Your Grandmother is not psychic and can't tell you what your life is going to turn out like. People will always tell you that you will be worthless, but don't listen to them. To me it sounds like your Grandmother is just bitter about her own life and then taking it out on you that's why she mentions herself in the accusation.

Going for walks even if you have nowhere in particular to go can help you. I know what you mean. I live in the middle of nowhere as well and can not drive, but sometimes some fresh air and stretching of legs cures some of the stress you are feeling. Exercise can do that too just in general, although I'm kind of a hypocrite for mentioning that because I suck at exercising a lot of times.

I forgive pretty easily too, just don't know where I learned it.

Yeah I know and crying is my only way to control it right now though sometimes it gets away from me.

I try not to listen them, but it's hard sometimes. I think she might be too she didn't finish high school or go back and get her GED so that she could get a decent job for the future. She could have I'm sure, but just didn't. No one in my immediate family has finished school. My aunt went back and got her GED but it wasn't for herself it was just to prove something her husband or something so she never put it to use.

I can't motivate myself to go walking or exercise at all for some reason. I want to because I need to even though I'm at a good weight I still need to exercise for my heart and everything so I can live a little longer and be able to get around pretty well when it into my old age. I just can't bring myself to do it even though I want to.

Are you sure you're not depressed? Also, you're not going to be like your grandmother and she should stop saying so.

Life is tough sometimes.. No one knows the future so it's hard to have hope when you're looking for something better but can't see it in your current situation.
It's easy for loved ones to say hurtful things when they don't see hope for themselves as well.. it kind of seems like you're in a downward spiral and you're looking for a ladder to get off that snake of a chute.
You're thinking about taking pills.. a lot of people resort to things to help them instead of dealing with the situation at the root- things like pills..alcohol..sex..etc. just make things worse- I'm talking out of personal experience. It's always best to be honest about feelings- it shines the light on them.. like.. you won't know there's a problem(like let's say a bear in the camp) until someone finds out about it and tells others so something can be done about that problem(bear).
Hope I've helped you or anyone else out :)

@Xx_IwIshIwasafIsh_xX: I don't know I might be. I took one of those quizzes for depression that's on a medical site that helps you decide if you need to go see a doctor about it and it said I might need to go talk to someone.

@ jehneefur: Yeah I think I might need some pills to help me out cause I might really have a real problem that I might need pills for. Having friends may not fully help me, I don't know...

It's not right to be blaming everything on these so called personality disorders or whatever. I personally think it gives people an excuse to stop trying to grow and make themselves stronger or better people. Pills turn you in to a robot when all you may need is a little change of scenery.
Maybe you're bored out of your mind, being stuck in the house all the time would drive most people bonkers. Go jogging! Go get endorphins! It's free and it's all natural!

I've been feeling that way lately, stressed and snapping at my baby brother for no good reason. I'm so restless I've been snapping and getting upset quicker. Being at home doing nothing when I have all this stored energy makes me angry. Maybe you should exercise to shake off some bad vibes.
Or do something real productive. Get in to a project or a new hobby. I personally need to jump around in my room for a good 30 minutes to feel just so I won't snap at someone.

I think one of the best options would be to talk to someone. A psychologist or therapist, like you said, you could be depressed or need nerve pills. You never know for certain until you talk to someone. Don't believe your grandma. It is so easy for people to take things out on loved ones when they see that they have no hope/nothing. It's good that you are going to school, but make sure it's for you and not to prove a point to anyone. Things like this are most always hereditary. To control your anger more, I would get a job or new hobby. Something to really concentrate and put your mind to. That should help quell your anger.
Most of all, before I would start taking pills or start a bad habit, I would definitely talk to someone. A stranger, but definitely a professional (therapist, psychologist, etc.) because they can give it to you straight with no bias. I hope everything goes well, feel free to PM me if you need to talk. Good luck!

@masked_egg: Mental disorders are real for the most part. If you want to die when nothing really bad has actually happened then you do have a real problem that can't be fixed by exercising. Also I really don't like taking pills I can't remember to take my birth control pills or take vitamins or other prescription drugs when I have to take them I just don't really like taking them for most things I like to tough it out so for me to consider that I might need to take pills says a lot. I want to sew and stuff and I want to go walking, but I just can't motivate myself to actually do so even though I really want to do it. I really want to sew some clothes for my BJD but I just can't bring myself to do it. Besides when I do get myself to walk or something it doesn't even help.

@musikfreakx: Yeah I've been thinking about talking to someone. I'm going to school for me and taking what I want to take. My family wants me to become something else, but I'm becoming what I want to be. Well I got a sewing machine to sew clothes for my BJD I sew like one or two things and started on another before stopping. I want to sew, but I just can't get myself to do so. I don't think I can handle a job and school as well. I'd like to put all of my attention on school. I'm going to go try and talk to a professional. Who knows all of this could be the cause of my birth control because I believe my behavior changed a little while after starting them.