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Sun
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#1
Old 04-27-2010, 04:03 PM

So i have a little issue.

I'm currently living in university halls, and have been since September. In May, i'll be moving into a house with a friend. I highly suspect that the problem will be half solved after this point, but it's really bugging me now, and i'm not sure how to deal with it any more than i already have.
I shall explain...

Although i talk to the vast majority of people who i live and work around, there are only three or so that i consider to be good friends, and only one of those a 'close' friend.
It is with this one i have the problem.

He likes me, rather a lot. He started his investigation as to whether he had a chance with me, by asking a lot of questions about my past relationship. I have had only one, slightly disfunctional one, involving my best friend, who i'm very much in love with. I simply lack the ability to see anyone in the same light as i see him. Nobody else appeals to me.

Although i said this, and blatantly stated that i wanted no relationship, or to be overly close with any males in the near future, he still ploughed on. Fair enough, you can't help your feelings right?
Anyway...He started very quickly getting very physically close to me. Any chance he had to hug me, touch me, tickle me, or otherwise invade my personal space, he'd jump on it. At first i didn't mind this, which i guess could be taken as a sign of acceptance and encouragement. I feel extreamly bad about this.
I highly suspect i like this attention because he's the only one willing to give it to me. Which is awful of me. I wouldn't say i'm stringing him on though. I still frequently tell him i don't want a relationship with anyone, yet it's him who keeps comming closer to me. I think he does it for reasons similar to me. Just the fact that we're both being close to somebody we get on with, and drawing comfort from that.

This has gotten to the point where i'm partially curious as to his affections, but i'm also majorly aware i want nothing to do with him in a romantic fashion.
I've told him point blank. I've tried discouraging him as best i can without being to nasty. I can't think of any other way to get him to back off.
I don't want to loose his friendship. I enjoy his company very much, and had i not the past i have, he'd be the exact kind of person i'd like to be with, but now i just want nothing at all romantically from anyone, not just him, which he understands apparently.

Any ideas of what i can do or say to convince him to back off a little?

Laila Izuka
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#2
Old 04-27-2010, 04:23 PM

Well, since you have told him plenty of times that you don't want a relationship with him. You might have to be more forceful, and tell him in a meaner tone of voice. I mean, you've consistently told him no, correct??? And he is still pursuing you. If you don't want a relationship with the guy, then he should understand that. Even if he still likes you, he should stop invading your personal space. I'd say tell him that you feel uncomfortable with him invading that space, and that you don't want to be with him, but he is a good friend. And if he still does so, try and think of a different way to get your point across. It may involve raising your voice more. He can't force you to be with him after all.

PopRockSkittles
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#3
Old 04-27-2010, 04:29 PM

You need to be forceful to get him to understand. If you don't like him and you date him then you'll loose a friendship over a relationship that has no love. I thought I loved my ex but I found out that I didn't love him like I used to so I thought it would be best and broke it off and now we barely talk anymore. You need to let him know that you don't like him like that and try to see if he'll understand if not, don't move in with him...

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#4
Old 04-27-2010, 04:45 PM

Lalia ~ I shall certainly make a point of being more forcefull if the oppertunity or need arises. I did wonder why he's making it worse for himself by continually making himself close to me though...Thank you.

Skittles ~ It's not actually him i'm going to move in with, so i don't need to worry about that. (:

Laila Izuka
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#5
Old 04-27-2010, 04:49 PM

Hopefully he'll understand the next time he does that to ya. Oh, and make sure that you look at him seriously the entire time, and not the sweet, or "I'm sorry" face. I'm sure that if you did either of those, he still might pursue ya o.O

Loveslust
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#6
Old 04-28-2010, 10:49 AM

Well speaking from a guys point of view. I understand why he is continually pursuing you. I've noticed something with the interactions between men and women (at least, from my own experiences and from what I see with the girls that im friends with). The physical relationship between a girl and her best guy friend, and a guy she "likes" (from a guys point of view) isn't much different. It looks the same. And to a lot of guys, it feels the same as well. Whether or not the girl has said point-blank, that she doesn't want a relationship. Most guys will see the progression of the physical relationship to be a sign that he has a chance, even though you may have stated several times that you do not want a relationship.

There is a similar situation happening in my life, with my best-friend. He reallllly likes this one girl, whom has been friends with him almost as long as I have. From my vantage point of their relationship, she is just stringing him along, because she never comes out and says she doesn't like him. She has told me and my girlfriend that she doesn't like him. But not him, and its extremely frustrating. Anywho, it seems as though she is stringing him along, because he is always there for him no matter what. And gives her alllll the attention she will ever need. And she constantly hints at the fact that there is a chance, not with her words, but with her body language, and the amount of physical interaction she allows between them. I have given up trying to convince him that he should just move on.

I do not think you are intentionally egging him on, but even the slightest change in body language and physical interaction, or if your voice changes pitch, or you bat your eyelashes more often. Tons of things could be making him oblivious to the fact that you don't want a relationship. My advice to you, is to put a hold on the physical interaction. When you stop him, and he asks why. Just say you need some space. If he doesn't get it, then calmly sit down with him and point out that you do have feelings for him, but that for several reasons, its not the right time, and re-assert that you don't want a relationship. If he is a good friend he will stay around, if he's not you probably wont see him much anymore. And if he doesn't stick around, to be honest, I don't think you want him around anyway. Well, that was longer than I intented, but I hope it helps? I mean, I could be so far off, that even the cast of That 70's Show will be bewildered. Good Luck! :P

 


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