I'm a happy person by nature who loves to love and be loved. I'm shy but I like making new friends and I feel confident with myself when I'm alone or outside the house because I honestly feel like such a freak around my family. While I love my family I can't help feeling out of place in the one area of my life I should feel safest. I wouldn't mind not being able to relate so much... if it wasn't for my younger brother.

Growing up I always thought I should do everything to not be like him. He was loud, mean, selfish and always getting our parents angry by breaking rules and doing insane things like releasing the handbrake of parked cars at the age of 9. He had anger issues from day one. Now he has a mountain of friends and our parents always laugh at his jokes and antics. They even see him as more reliable despite the fact he's STILL breaking all the rules and while I'm the invisible, weird big sister who's only friends have left the country.

Again, I wouldn't mind at all if he didn't look down his nose at me. I dunno how it started but he's always rolling his eyes at me and saying things to make me feel worthless. He doesn't even say it in a joking manner so he really means these horrible things he says. Our cousins even confirmed he tends to judge my actions in a negative light. They did reassure me it's just a phase he's going through but he's treated me like a yaya or helper all our 18 years together. I'm just getting so sick of it because here I am at what people say is a blessed life with wonderful supportive parents with resources but here he is making me feel worthless almost every day.

I know I should just understand and shrug it off but he's got EVERYTHING. He's the better looking one, he's the more intelligent, aware, funny and social and the fact he doesn't respect me, the realization that he never respected me makes me feel terrible. Every time I see him talking to the family while I end up lagging behind, yet again twists the knife even more.

If my own brother can't respect me, what's to stop other people from thinking little of me? How do I find the time and space to heal if he does this almost everyday? =/ I really should be over this because I'm not a kid anymore and I'm scared that I might end up carrying this with me my whole life.

Do you think this will get any easier?

Your profile says your 20. So i'm guessing your bro is atleast 21 or older which begs the question why is he still living with mom and day to begin with.

20+ is not a phase. you're pretty much set in your ways by that age which mean's your bro is going to stay an asshole probably.

Regardless everyone goes through sibling woes such as these. Your bro may go on to be hugely successful and always look down on you but i think the question at hand is why give a damn? You should follow your own course and not give a damn what others think. Especially those that look so poorly upon you.

We're Asian and it's not at all unnatural for some Asian children to live with their parents at 20+. Hell, I've been wanting to leave but my parents won't let me! Haha!

But my brother is 18.
That's the problem. For some reason I do care. I feel like he has a reason to feel this way about me. =/ He's so nice to everyone else which makes me wonder what I did to deserve such scorn. But sometimes I think it's because I can't give him anything of value. He sometimes is really nasty to people he knows can't affect his social life and fun in any way.

Sounds like he is just being a self centered fuck head. I would just develop a not give a damn attitude towards him if i were in your shoes but then again I'm not and don't know about how your family operates.

It obviously troubles you greatly for you to post on a thread for advice.

I duno, you could always just confront him directly about it. Sit down with him and have an adult conversation on what is malfunction is or what yours is in his eyes.

He has no right. I know it's hard to try and be confident of yourself when someone you've known for so long, and so well doesn't show you respect, but you're going to have to get it from someone else.

My mom had a... similar problem. She was bullied through high school, never had any friends or connected with anyone, her sisters took all the attention of her parents from her, and she felt stuck in her hometown and an overall depressing situation.
She went on holiday to Florida, leaving her whole, overbearing family, completely changed her outlook on life and had an awesome time. After that, she built up her confidence, got jobs, learned Japanese and Spanish, travelled the world etc. And it all happened when she stopped waiting for people to try and help her and did it herself - not saying that you're doing that, or that any of this is your fault; your brother should treat you better than that and your parents should see how it's hurting you. But the change has to come from within, I think. (That sounds stupid. :P)

I know it's not quite the same, but your brother sounds like a complete bastard, and you need to find people who will respect you for who you are. That's what helped my mom, getting away from the problem. Or at least finding people who distracted from it.


Also, my big sister and I are kinda like that. She used to always tell me that the only time she loved me was when I couldn't talk. When I got to about four, she started to really hate me, and that went on for.. 11 years. She never really wanted my input, she never respected me, and she was always jealous of me for being younger and skinnier. The only time she paid attention to me was when she could dress me up, straighten my hair and stuff like that.
And I was desperate for her respect! I'd try to take the blame for stuff she did, do her chores, and to be understanding and anything I could do to try and get her to show that she loved me. And I've only just figured out that the way to do that was to not need her respect. Wanting it made me seem pathetic to her.

I think it will get easier. Maybe he'll finally grow up and treat you better, or maybe he'll treat you so badly that you'll start to really not want to be respected by him, which in turn will confuse him and show him that he actually needs you.

I don't think this helped, sorry -__-;
most of it was me ranting my own issues! eheh
good luck. <3

Have you had a talk with him about how you feel? Maybe he doesn't realize how his words are affecting you. If you explain how belittling he is towards you and that it really hurts, maybe he'll tone it down. If you've already talked with him, there's not much else you can do. Ignoring him would be best at that point. Don't put too much stock into what he says. I mean...maybe he's really jealous of you. He may see something in you that he envies, so he tries to tear you down.