Answer me a question, if you can be arsed to read it all.

So lets say there's a girl, call her Eve, Eve starts seeing a guy, John.

She only wants a bit of fun, so does he, but over some time, feelings grow.
They make a promise to make sure that no matter what happens they will always be friends.
Now he's never told her his real relationship status, and says that when he feels more comfortable with her he'll tell her, but always says he wishes he met her 3 years ago. So she patiently waits. Then it's obvious that they love each other.

He decides to tell her his secret...

He says 3 years ago he met a girl in a restaurant (lets call her Rose), and she was the sweetest girl he'd ever met.
They started dating, and then they got together and got a house together.
Rose had told John since the start she had a condition that cause her to be in agony a lot, due to her organs not working properly but she'd had it since she was only 5 years old.
He stayed with her despite the fact they couldn't have sex due to her condition.
She said to him if he wanted to go else where he could, but he didn't.
A few months later John asked Rose if he could start 'seeing' someone as he's a man and has his needs.
He could see she was hurt so he said he took it back and hugged her.
He then started to see girls behind her back, so she didn't get hurt.
Then he met Eve, and started seeing her, and wanted to be with her.
The house him and rose bought, he borrowed a lot of money of his dad to put towards it. And if he just split with Rose then he could loose all of it.
The relationship that him and Rose have is more like a brother and sister, or two friends. They never have sex, or loving hugs.
He'd he in from work and it's be like "Hi how are you, how was work, what ya doing, ok I'm going bed"

Eve Loves John, and John loves Eve.
But they can't be properly together for another 2-3 years, till they save the money they need to move away.
What should Eve do?

If John got money from his dad to fix up the house, why does he have to leave the house? It sounds like he should just tell Rose that he doesn't feel like they have a 'romantic' relationship. It's not going to be fair to her no matter what, but if he's not happy I don't think Rose would want to be the one keeping him from being happy. He could save up some money to help Rose find a new place, but I don't think he should have to leave that house.

Eve and John should be together if they love each other, but Eve needs to watch out for other secrets he could be hiding. Has Eve met John outside of the internet? Eve should be SURE this is what she wants, and if it is, she should bring up these points to John.

Eve met John at work, and has spent a hell of a lot of time with him. So yes, she's been with with him before, and fully trusts him and knows he is totally honest. And if John can't tell her something, he wouldn't lie to her, he'd say he will tell her when the time comes, as he previously did.

And John put about 20k towards the house of his dads, if he lost that, he could never look him in the face again.
He doesn't want Rose to think that if he left her it's because she's ill. He doesn't want to have to loose the money he put into the house,and he doesn't want to hurt her too much. That's why he was thinking of leaving it about 2-3 years until him and Eve had saved some money, then they'd move away abroad together.

Did Rose put any money towards the house?

I still don't think John should leave the house. That's a LOT of money. I really think John should help Rose set up somewhere. John sounds like a great guy, but him not leaving Rose is what is causing you and him pain. He should tell Rose that he's not happy. He doesn't have to mention its her illness. He could say he thinks of her as more of a friend than a girlfriend or whatever.

I really don't think Eve and John should have to move away...

But that's my opinion.

Rose put more into the house then John did. She has a wealthy background.

Maybe Eve wouldn't argue with him leaving that house as it is his and Rose's memories, not his and Eve's.
Plus they want to move away for a fresh start, to take weight off their shoulders, and to start from scratch having nothing but each other.

If Rose put more into the house than John did, then Rose should keep it, I agree. And moving away would give you all that you want.

But why does John have to stay with Rose? D: John should be free now, not three years from now. It's not fair to any of you. If you're okay with it, and he's okay with it, that's one thing, but I would just hate to be Rose, and find out my boyfriend was dating someone behind my back for years before he broke up with me. That'd make me sad and more.

But the plan is for her not to know, so she can't financially kill him. If she knew now then she'd do it anyway. She wouldn't have him going off with anyone else, or leaving her as she's used to having him there.
Despite the fact that they don't act like they're together at all. He needs to wait til he has the money saved for his dad.

But Eve is not sure if it's worth it. Not sure if the whole things worth it. Everyone she spoke to said she's a fool for staying with him, and she knows she ism, but she's pushing on and on.

I'm going to move this on over to Life Issues where it belongs. :yes:

That is extremely complicated, and I am not sure what to tell Eve. My suggestions are to make sure you know everything that's going on, and that you are SURE you can trust this man - you say he's trustworthy, but look at what he's doing to the woman he's currently with. Even though their relationship is more of a friendship now, it is enough of a relationship that it's holding him back. And also - sneaking to see other women behind another woman's back is even more hurtful than being honest, so for him saying it's not to hurt her...that will bite him in the ass, and unfortunately you are going to get backlash once she finds out.

Because people ALWAYS find out. It's just a question of when.

Sizzla > Thank you for moving it, i wasn't sure if I'd got it in the right place :)

Renee > You see, your opinion was exactly my opinion on the matter. I don't believe the sneaking around is right, and also what if he did it to Eve? But as he dopes have quite a reputation if Rose tried to hurt him back in very harsh ways he could easily sort it.
Although what i am not understanding, i mean i understand where he would be coming from, not wanting to mention it to Rose yet, considering the money involved that actually doesn't belong to him, but i don't see whats wrong with taking a risk. Unless he doesn't really have the feelings for Eve he states he has.

Yeah. See, that's the thing. He probably does have these feelings for you and cares a lot about you, but aside from the feelings, the practicality of the situation looms. He is telling you that you have to wait for three years...that's a long time to be sneaking around, to be the mistress and the other woman. Unfortunately even though it seems like the two of you have the closer, better relationship, you are the other woman in this scenario.

The fact that he is in debt to his father also complicates things. What he SHOULD be doing right now, is admitting to Rose that it's over, and figuring out the things now. He doesn't even have to say there's someone else. But he has to be honest that it's stopped and there's nothing there anymore, and that they both need to move forward. It's not fair of him to keep Rose in a false sense of security. The longer this keeps up, the worse Rose is going to be affected and the more angry (and rightly so) she will be once she finds out the truth.

You have to be very careful here.

I have so much crap going on in my life now.
On Saturday night one of the girls from work got told by one of the guys who works there (who i knew for years before he joined) that i apparently was pissed off with her texting This guy I'm seeing.
Then she started bitching about it and telling everyone. Thing is, this guy I'm seeing, i met there, he used to be their doorman before they did the end or year cut back on the pay and then the Mon-weds bouncers got removed.

Now everyone thinks it's just a sex thing, but a load of the girls are taking the piss cause they're jealous, cause they actually tried it before i got there, and he turned them down.
And the girl who thought i'd been bitching (Melissa) is being a total twat and mouthing off about me.
I went out with them last night, and i was talking to a manager from one of our other pubs, and everyone was staring like mad, they wouldn't take their eyes off us.

And i received a nasty text off Lauren today, even though we sorted it all out between us on Sunday.
And my friend that i knew for ages before i joined the place (Pete) has gone round telling everyone he loved me. And he got spiked last night and someone robbed him of £150.

I swear I'm going to move from crappy old Nottingham, to London.