I wish I knew. So, I'm with this guy who's absolutely amazing. I've been with him for almost a year now and not once did I doubt my relationship....until now. Oh no, it's nothing against him. It's just..I recieved a very abrupt and startling message from an ex I never thought I'd hear from again. I think it's best to explain why this would mean so much to me.

Lemme tell you a story:

A few years ago, I met this guy who was into the same stuff as me. We got along very easily and eventually he fell for me. However, at the time, I was in a very bad and abusive relationship. >< I was in love with the guy I was dating at the time, even though he hurt me constantly. Regardless, something terrible happened and I had to break up with him. And my friend was there to pick up the pieces. So, I made the mistake of jumping into a relationship with him. It was great for a while...until my ex came sniffing around, begging for my forgiveness. Turns out that I still had feelings for him, so I succumbed to his wishes and cheated on the current boyfriend. I felt horrible about it afterwards and told the boyfriend. He was devastated- but he forgave me. A month or so later, I ended up dumping him out of the blue(and after he gave me a very precious gift to me) to go run off with my ex. Don't worry, I paid for my sin tenfold. It was a burden I carried for many years, I felt the deepest remorse and if I could- I'd take all his pain away. It tore me apart inside when I talked to him 4 months later and I discovered he had changed completely. I felt so awful....that I destroyed such a beautiful person with my immaturity...but I digress. Over the years afterwards, we became close. Closer than friends, than lovers...I understand him better than anyone else and he understands me. We eventually got back together, but...it was a horrible relationship because of all the baggage he still carried from our first relationship. He was...as I called him still in his "ice coffin." I waited and stayed with him for an entire year, enduring many things that I care not to mention some of them. Suffice to say that I felt very lonely. I guess I had some weird delusion that if we got back together, I'd be with the man I'd first dated..who I realized I really wanted to be with. We ended up breaking up again and now I'm with the guy that I'm with now.

Here's the present dilemma. I recieved a message from my ex. In it, he apologized for everything he had done to me. He said many things and told me he missed me. For me, that was...like...him finally coming out of his coffin. He told me he wanted to be with me again, even though he knows we probably shouldn't...and he told me that it would be without the emotional baggage and all sorts of things that had ruined our second attempt at being together. When I had to make it known that I was in a relationship, he kinda...fell back and said he wouldn't do anything to get inbetween my b/f and I...><...And that means that he won't talk to me as much...For some reason, knowing that I had to reject him was probably the most painful thing I've ever experienced before. My heart's been aching all day and night- to the point where I feel real physical pain; I feel like I'm experiencing heart burn and sometimes it hurts so bad I swoon. I don't get it, do you?

I know what that feels like. However my advice? Stay with your current boyfriend. But I think by the sound of it... you're going to get back with your ex. Why? Because you haven't learnt your lesson yet!

I've learnt the hard way that people don't change. Really. They don't. There may be a one in a million person who has an epiphany but other wise - people will change for a little while but slowly they drift back to their comfort zone, once they no longer have the encouragement to be different (whether that encouragement was a person, threat, money or anything else.)

You said it yourself. You were happy for the last year with your current boyfriend. Do you really want to throw that away just because of some re-awoken feelings? It's like trying to go back to highschool after you graduate - it just won't ever be the same as it was. Baggage stays (even if neither of you ever admit it out loud it will be the white elephant in the room.)

So do the right thing, stay with your current man. Good luck!

I have to say, I disagree with wrylilt to a point, people change constantly. That is the absolute beauty of humanity, we are always growing learning, changing beings. But that is also why I think you should stay with your current boyfriend, because the year that you two have been together proves something very important and very special, that while you both have grown and changed you have done it successfully. Together. As a couple. Growing together is the most important part of a relationship, and if you are happy with him then you have something very very special, trust me. I've been with a lot of different types of people, and to be perfectly honest with you, I've been in almost the same situation that you are in now. What it comes down to is very simple, if you believe things will be the way that they were, they won't be. He's different, you're different, and while you might be longing for that soft and tender affection that could have been, it can't be brought back from the dead. Perhaps something new and exciting might be able to come from you going after your ex, but that is a huge gamble... And are you really willing to do to your current boyfriend what you did to your ex all that time ago? Leave him for someone you used to care about and can't resist now? Or will you stay with the man who has already proven himself more than worthy of your affections? Can you let him down like that, when you prove his trust wrong?

I am a strong believer in one thing, and if you take only one thing from what I've said just remember this one piece of advice. You don't even have to use it, but remember it all the same if you would.

Don't jump out of your relationship because there is another possibly greener pasture somewhere else. There is and always will be that possibility. If you break up with someone, do it because of reasons that have to do with the relationship itself, not outside factors.

Thank you so much, you guys. You've only confirmed what I've been thinking in my mind. >< I guess I just feel like a tinge of regret and guilt at having to turn him down like that. >< Thank you for your advice- I don't want to throw away the excellent relationship I have now....x.x...Boo...