So, my good friend Nick is one of the greatest guys you'll ever meet, sweet, empathetic, affectionate and honest. He's the kinda guy everyone just instantly likes after 5 minutes of conversation. 22 years old, works as a photographer for one of our city's newspapers.

Then there is Luke. Pushy, arrogant, ignorant yet opinionated, rude, crude, sexist, a complete pig. The kinda guy you want to just punch in the face after 3 minutes of conversation. 25 years old, works as a mechanic in his uncles auto-shop.

Nick and Luke have been dating... for 3 years now. It's a constant cycle of the same bullcrap.

Nick shows up on my doorstep at 1 in the morning, crying. I invite him in, we sit on the couch and he tells me the whole story. He thinks Luke is gonna dump him for a 19 year old Nick caugh him flirting with at the bar. I tell him he's crazy because there is no way Luke would dump him for a dumb teenager, and Luke takes about 10 minutes to exaggerate on how many flaws he has that make him ugly and stupid and annoying. I remind him that he is upset and none of those flaws actually exists, or are as bad as he thinks. Then I spend about 20 minutes pointing out how attractive, smart and fun he is and tell him I'm not emotionally distraut- so I can point out fact. Then he says he's done with Luke, this time for good, he's not going back to him this time, he can have any guy he wants and he knows that.

But of course, who comes knocking on my door- but LUKE!

He says how sorry he is for Making Nick feel bad, how he'd never do it again, how he'd do anything to make it up to him, and blah blah blah.

Nick reverts to his usual giddy self and leaves with Luke as if the whole fight never happened.

Of course next week it happens again, but this time he is worried about being dumped for a black guy, or a guy who likes going to the gym instead of the park, or whatever young man is nothing like Nick. Same cycle, same process, same results.

Obviously this is not a healthy relationship. So far I've worked it down to three options;

1.) Find someone new for Nick who would treat him better
2.) Get Nick a puppy so he could stand to be single for a while
3.) Hit Luke with a truck

What option do you think I should choose, or do you have another solution for me?

spontaneously, I say option number 3! But since that probably would have some nasty effects, such as maybe spending time in jail. I'd strongly advice you against that alternative.
That leaves us with number 1 and 2. And then I'd say number 2. It's not easy to explain to a friend that they need to get out of an unhealthy relationship. But the solution is definetly not to rush into another relationship right away. Being single is a healthy stage, that might give your friend some time to look back at the bad things and realize that he deserves so much better. Because in my experience those kind of relationships leaves you with a bad confidence, so just be there for him. And I hope things work out ok <3

Originally Posted by Aspinou

spontaneously, I say option number 3! But since that probably would have some nasty effects, such as maybe spending time in jail. I'd strongly advice you against that alternative.
That leaves us with number 1 and 2. And then I'd say number 2. It's not easy to explain to a friend that they need to get out of an unhealthy relationship. But the solution is definetly not to rush into another relationship right away. Being single is a healthy stage, that might give your friend some time to look back at the bad things and realize that he deserves so much better. Because in my experience those kind of relationships leaves you with a bad confidence, so just be there for him. And I hope things work out ok <3

Well thanks for your help on the matter.

prob. 2 would b alot better i mean personally id choose 3 no one should have to take this everyweek and an adorable puppy might be best :)

Well it seems everyone agrees, looks like I'm going puppy shopping XD

I really want three to happen… But it'd be wisest to go with 2… Either that or talk to the errogent fool and tell him what he's doing wrong. Tell him this can't always happen every fucking week and that you'll get into this situation if he doesn't cut the bullshit out.

Originally Posted by Eternal Darkness

I really want three to happen… But it'd be wisest to go with 2… Either that or talk to the errogent fool and tell him what he's doing wrong. Tell him this can't always happen every fucking week and that you'll get into this situation if he doesn't cut the bullshit out.

Do you mean to say 'Arrogant?' I'm not sure what Errogent is.

Probably 'arrogant' Starling. I agree with eternal. Get Nick a puppy (I recommend a Sharpei. They're lovable kissing cutie pies who will risk life and limb to protect their master.) or confront Luke to get him to stop the BS. If Luke can't pull his head out of his arse for Nick, then Nick is really better off being single for a while. It might take some time for him to recover from a bad relationship but with the right support, he'll pull through.

Hit luke with the truck. Nick is clearly too good for this douchbag, and he deserves better. Maybe you could hook Nick up with someone who is more like Nick.

And if your getting a puppy, do NOT get a basset hound. You'll just make things worse for the poor guy.

I vote for Puppy!
There are some days where you feel neglected, and your pet shows you love and it just makes it all the better.
You should also invite Nick to go guy shopping and try to hook him up with someone.
But be mindful not to do it right away. Allow Nick enough time to grieve/ get over a broken heart.
It also sounds to me that Luke is emotionally and mentally abusive.
If I am right about that, show Nick information on emotional and mental abuse and help him get help for himself.
If he can't afford a therapist, offer to be his therapist for free lol -- tell me that "hey you can tell me anything and I'll be here for you"

P.S. I hate Luke too. I know his type all too well.

I guess I'm a little confused from your story but I don't really see how Luke is in the wrong. I got the impression that Nick assumes that Luke is going to dump Nick for everyone he talks to/flirts with. I just feel like I'm missing a piece of the story. But this is what I have to say about the way I see it. Now frankly I don't know either of these people, but I think that getting Nick a puppy isn't going to solve anything. He has to realize that his relationship is unhealthy and to end it before you help him get over it, and really if this is such an issue and Nick and Luke do want to make it work maybe suggest couples therapy? Its obvious that Luke on some level wants the relationship to work. I mean if he didn't give a rats ass would he come over and apologize (for what I see as a self esteem issue on Nicks part from your telling of the story)?
I don't know I feel like I see the story differently than everyone else :-/ Just because Luke has the I want to punch you in the face personality doesn't mean he can't be in a relationship. My boyfriend sometimes too has this kind of personality (particularly when he's driving), but he has NEVER ever used it against me or made me doubt our relationship. He can be a dick but he has never been a dick towards me.
You can take what I say worth a grain of salt because really I don't know these guys. I just thought maybe a different perspective could help.

Personally, I don't think any of those would work out too well.

This Nick kid sounds like he has some serious personal issues to work out, with himself and boyfriend. Obviously he has low self esteem, which Luke is feeding off of. He is insecure with his relationship, and unable to bring himself to leave the guy for fear of being alone or not being loved by anyone else again.

I doubt you yourself are going to be able to find another person for him. Not because I doubt you, but he seems to be stuck in his ways with this Luke guy. Buying an animal will be providing him a responsibility to another creature that he might not be ready for. He obviously has issues with taking care of himself, none the less an animal which can't speak up when it needs love or attention. As for the hitting with a truck... well... << >>

You are siding with Nick, and obviously have more of a close relationship with him than Luke. What have you seen is Nick doing to make sure the relationship works? What responsibilities is he taking upon himself to make sure these things don't happen? Does he have an acute sense of paranoia which could possibly be driving Luke away? Is everything all Luke's fault, or is there something Nick can do to take care of himself?

I would say to stop babying him. Tell him it's okay that you speak to him about his issues, but he needs to stop bringing his problems onto someone else and start helping himself. It's okay to be there for a person, but you need to know the right time to tell them to stand up on their own two feet. If he thinks he's mature enough to be in a relationship he better be damn mature enough to know how to handle one.

Just remember, you can't be one sided. If you're assisting someone, if you're their real friend you will tell them things that are the truth, but they might not want to hear it. He's your friend, but be open to the possibility that maybe it's not ALL this other guys fault, and try to steer him in the right direction.

Originally Posted by SaetonChapelle

Personally, I don't think any of those would work out too well.

This Nick kid sounds like he has some serious personal issues to work out, with himself and boyfriend. Obviously he has low self esteem, which Luke is feeding off of. He is insecure with his relationship, and unable to bring himself to leave the guy for fear of being alone or not being loved by anyone else again.

I doubt you yourself are going to be able to find another person for him. Not because I doubt you, but he seems to be stuck in his ways with this Luke guy. Buying an animal will be providing him a responsibility to another creature that he might not be ready for. He obviously has issues with taking care of himself, none the less an animal which can't speak up when it needs love or attention. As for the hitting with a truck... well... << >>

You are siding with Nick, and obviously have more of a close relationship with him than Luke. What have you seen is Nick doing to make sure the relationship works? What responsibilities is he taking upon himself to make sure these things don't happen? Does he have an acute sense of paranoia which could possibly be driving Luke away? Is everything all Luke's fault, or is there something Nick can do to take care of himself?

I would say to stop babying him. Tell him it's okay that you speak to him about his issues, but he needs to stop bringing his problems onto someone else and start helping himself. It's okay to be there for a person, but you need to know the right time to tell them to stand up on their own two feet. If he thinks he's mature enough to be in a relationship he better be damn mature enough to know how to handle one.

Just remember, you can't be one sided. If you're assisting someone, if you're their real friend you will tell them things that are the truth, but they might not want to hear it. He's your friend, but be open to the possibility that maybe it's not ALL this other guys fault, and try to steer him in the right direction.

No, it isn't all Luke's fault... but the man is a mentally abusive prick

I can't really do much, I've tried being the tough love stuff and that just made Nick more dependant on this guy because he thought I was mad at him

I'm thinking of an intervention, but all the people I've talked to about it think that Nick needs to 'Man up' because apparently guys cannot possibly fall into an abusive relationship >.<

On the plus side I've convinced him to try a therapist.

A puppy is a lifelong commitment. Think long and hard before committing him to one. Good luck with the situation. I do hope it gets better for Nick. :-)