|
The company of myself.
Besides work, I usually spend the rest of my day alone doing solitary activities as surfing the web, watching television, writing, or reading. Over the years I've had horrible self esteem and I hated being around new people in fear of what they might think of me. Over the past year or so, I've been wanting to go out and have friends, and have fun, but I absolutely hate the awkwardness of meeting someone new and I've grown accustomed to the company of myself. In fact, I've grown to like it. In the back of my mind, I know I can avoid rejection. I don't even go to family get-togethers. I hate being part of a crowd when it's not of my personal interest, selfish, but true. The only reason why I'm looking for change is because I can't continue my life with only 1 person to call friend. If I'm ever forced with being homeless or in dire need of help, no one is going to want to help because they don't know me or I'm never around. My life can be compared to the movie "Yes Man" with Jim Carey. If you haven't seen it it's basically about a man who declines social opportunities, parties, etc. And he attends a special seminar where he's supposed to say yes to let great things come into his life. The only problem with me is, I don't say yes, even though I want to. The few times I've mustered up the courage to meet new people their vibe is usually all wrong, they are awkward and don't know what to talk about, or they just don't want to talk-- OR, I hate the what I'm wearing when the opportunity arises, so I don't speak. The internet is definitely where I meet people with the same interests as me, I feel confident when speaking to them, and it's much free-er than actually standing in front of that person. The negative of that is that 90% of the time, these people live across the country or not in the country at all. Any suggestions? |
I think you're going to have to a find a way to force yourself into social situations because they won't just come to you. Some of the easiest ways to do that are going to parties, hanging out with any close friends that you do have and see if you can meet some of their friends, or you can go with the funnest option (and also my favorite) and go to concerts and meet people there. You're guaranteed to have at least the love of that musical artist in common. I met one of my best friends at a concert over the summer :)
|
If you don't feel confident in social situations, there are many things you can do to help improve your self esteem.
I know when I first heard this tip I was like 'What the heck? That isn't going to work, that's just weird and wrong." But, I tried it anyway, and it has helped. Stand in front of a mirror - naked in all your glory, and actually look at yourself. Don't look for things that are wrong, but look for positive things. It took me awhile, but eventually I found some things that I liked and it helped with my over all self esteem. As for not liking what you're wearing, I understand that problem completely! I let it keep me from school sports because I was too nervous to wear training shorts. But there is always an alternative. I myself hated my wardrobe for the longest time - grew out of it. The trick is to try /everything/ on before you buy it. Just because you love it on the rack doesn't mean you'll like it on yourself. [Shopping is also a great way to be put in a social atmosphere, even if you're doing it by yourself.] I would also suggest doing some volunteer work. It's a great way to do something, and meet new people. The best part is though, is you're not obligated to hang out with them or talk to them. So you wont be forced into any awkward conversations. :] Best of luck to you! |
Well Vix Viral, that is absolutely a great idea. Speaking to people at concerts seems the most promising. I've never been a party person. I dislike crowds, generally. I'm into urban latin music or reggaeton, but there are very few latin artists that come to my city, but I will definitely be on the prowl for them. I found a nice restaurant that played some earlier today. Speaking of that, I actually had a whole conversation with a guy who served me bubble tea today. I didn't even think anything of it! A year ago, I probably wouldn't have asked any questions or joke around as much as I did. Well CanabalisticCows, my self esteem really isn't an issue anymore. I don't think I'm horribly ugly, I just think my body needs a good tone up and I could improve my public speaking a little bit more. My issue is that if I don't feel good in the clothes I'm in, it shows, I don't have a problem with shopping but some days they just don't fit right. My idea isn't building self esteem, it's about avoiding rejection and overcoming how much I like being alone. |
Look at that! You're making progress and you didn't even realize it :) I hope you keep up the good work, it might be difficult now but the more you do it, the easier it'll be.
|
Haha, you sound a lot like me (except my issues aren't so much self-esteem based as I'm afraid of new people, like just completely afraid of them and their motives).
I'm still in the process of working on it though, but the best thing I can tell you, is to suck it up and try anyway. You might not like what you're wearing, but put a smile on and fake it 'til you make it. |
| All times are GMT. The time now is 11:20 AM. |