I've been abused since I was little. I lived with my mom for a while after my parents divorced, but now I'm back with my dad. I guess you could say both of my parents are abusive. My dad is the one who does the beating, and a lot of mental abuse. He has done sexual abuse in the past. My mom, it is mental stuff. Sometimes it feels like she cares but I really am confused on all of what is going on with her. Something does need to be fixed though. So, my siblings are not an option. My brother is staying with my dad, and my sister is out of state.
I want to be with my fiance. I marry him in 6 months.
But we need jobs. We've been looking and it is feeling hopeless. We used to have jobs but the economy is so bad, it's hard to find new ones. I am 17 but graduated high school early. I turn 18 in the middle of December. But I can't imagine staying in this hell hole longer than I need to.
My mom doesn't have her own place. She lives with another family. Their house is really full and they're poor. It's hard to get any privacy and I have fights with my mom sometimes that makes me want to run away. I don't have a car- it's a personal decision because I don't appreciate what it does to the environment and how much it costs.
Click the spoiler to read more about family/friends living complications
SPOILERX
Mom's side
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Mom: explained above
Uncles, Aunts, ect: Don't live in the right state
Grandpa: dead
Grandma: really crazy, lives out of state
Dad's side
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Believe my dad is a great person or else don't want anything to do with his immediate family anyways
Or else they are in Japan
Friends
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I quit public school to do homeschooling, and graduated with that instead. I haven't hung out with many friends in a long time.
I have a good friend who lives nearby me but I'd have to stay in this area and I already asked.. their mom said "sorry, no" because of financial problems.
I'm tempted not to consider my fiance's friend an option because he likes living alone and is tight on money..and I've asked a similar thing before and the answer was "no".
Fiance's mom's side
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Mom: says maybe but dad said not until Jan 10, because he's been taken advantage of and he doesn't feel comfortable inviting a "stranger" to the holiday parties... (Christmas and New Year's)
I am looking into a homeless shelter if we can't get the apartment by the 18th of December. Which since that is coming up soon, (said 11.12.10), chances are I will have to go to a homeless shelter for a while.
I have been in 3 homeless shelters before, but each have been with my mom. What are your experiences about financial problems like this? What is advice you would give to me in talking to the staff or other authorities, such as to get food stamps or other help?
What would you suggest for when I go out "on my own"? This is the first time I am trying anything like this. I believe myself to be adequate in research. The thing that is difficult for me is that neither of my parents give me the kind of support I need in a time like this. I am almost 18, battered, and trying to fly. Advice?
Edit 11.12.10: There is a plan in progress. We're not sure how well it will work out, but it is an idea to go to this youth shelter (age 13-21) in Everett, WA (the correct city), when I turn 18, and visit at my fiance's house often but not live there. Look for jobs together in Everett, and if time is up at the shelter, live with his family a little after January starts.
Is there any advice from adults in this situation? Or people who have been in needy situations as this, who can help provide resources? Or even just a listening ear- please post.
Last edited by strange_dreams_512; 11-13-2010 at 01:34 AM..
How awful, I'm so sorry. This post won't offer anything more than hopefully at least comfort, but I'm still quite young and do not know much about financial stuff, so I can only say good luck and I hope things go well for you :) I'm here if you need to rant ^^
No drug dealing! >.< That was a joke right? (I'm bad at telling that -_-")
And well we want to live in Japan together but that is for when we go on the JET program. We need more college first and well FIRST FIRST, we need jobs so we can get in an apartment together.
but right now, i need to know where i should go when i turn 18 (really soon from now) so i dont have to stay with my abusive dad. I don't have a job yet....
Well, since it sounds like you do have a plan of sorts, I would really suggest getting that job. If you don't live in a city I would also suggest moving to one. Rent a small apartment and save some money, in a big enough city a crappy apartment shouldn't be too hard to find.
Yeahh, I live in a city. Just not the city I need a job in. I'm not sure where i could stay until we get the apartment. (which has good prices, so no worry there)... The thing is that you need to be making 3x what they charge for rent in order to get it. That is for everyone on the lease combined, so my fiance and I together need to be making 3x what rent is. I can't just get in an apartment without a job... Any suggestions on where to live until I can..?
@ Hark - This isn't really the safest city for a girl all alone... ^^" she needs someone to protect her... plus >.<" she gets lost kinda easy so she'll need someone to tell her how to get somewhere too
Well, first off. I'm horribly sorry such a thing has happened to you. Actually being able to talk about in a forum like this is amazing beyond belief.
Living in Washington (State) I kinda know where your coming from. Where I live, it's hard as hell to get a job. Then again, I live in a pathetic town of mills, and fast food restaurants. And of course the whole logging bit; No Thanks. The biggest thing is to just keep looking, even working at a fast food place is income. And any income, really helps. So what if you don't get the ideal job right off the bat, you'll get there. There will always be places hiring, you just gotta find em.
I got a buddy who is going to college in Bellingham, he said it was easy as hell to find a job. And its not like he was the best kid on the block, if you catch my drift. Good luck to you! Just keep looking!
@ Loveslust - :lol: I live in a town of former mills... and work isn't all that easy here where we want to live.
@ Hark - But you did want her to stay somewhere with "just made friends" o.o then basically use them? I'm not sure she'd be able to handle that... she hates being a burden to anyone
Lovelust- Thanks for the comment. ^^ And yeah, I know where you are coming from too lol. I lived in Vancouver, WA for a while with my mom, and we were going to move to a town of paper mills and logging. So maybe that is the same place xDD
And about talking about it in the forums, well I've been in counseling since I was 7 years old so even if it is a touchy subject for me, i've gotten more into opening up about it. For many of the counselors I have had over the years there hasn't been the greatest amount of productivity, but i find here I can find a handful of caring, practical ideas.
Hark- Yeah lol well... if I dont know the people well im not sure I'd want to stay with them... it has to be in a specific city in Washington, and it has to be safe. Maybe I will be able to find a family member of Poet's or else I will see about a shelter. i'm not sure yet.... but it could be an option. (Staying in a shelter is likely more safe than staying with my father, and I can walk to see poet... its just. not... very ideal >.< )
Okay... if this makes it any easier... I live in Everett, Washington... so yeah... we've got a lot of druggies here (somewhat known for it so I'm told) and stuff so I just want a way to keep her safe here. (I say the location because it'd be hard to find us like that anyways)
Honey can you put what city/state up there? Should help people if they want to research specific places that would be a good idea
oh hun, i wish i could tell you "come on over here and we'll help take care of you" but i'm states away from washington. plus i'd also be a stranger xD
a job would help, and during this time it isn't easy to find a decent one, i know. have you considered taking classes for something quick? like becoming a massage therapist? you just need to get certified and then from there you can charge what you like and work when ever you want. you know...if you're looking for easy, decent money.
just know that though i'm way over in southern arizona i'm very willing to listen. :] i hope it all works out for you and may you have a wonderful marriage
Awww, thank you. It would be good to get more training, I suppose. I just finished high school in April this year. Does it cost much money? I don't have a very forgiving budget at the moment.
I am currently homeless and living in a motel. This is because the bed in the psychiatric social rehabilitation house was taken. I would have lost alot of freedom but would have had a social worker that would have helped a disabled person with no income find somewhere to live.
If you guys do not have jobs, you can look out of state. The reality of things is that sometimes you do have to move away in order to make your life work. I would wait to get married until you guys have everything figured out. It'll just put a lot of stress on the marriage. You're 17 too so there is no rush to get married since you are so young. That aside, I've lived in my car before but that was during the summer months where it was warm. There are places that have very low cost rent too. Since you are moving on your own, don't be picky with jobs either. I used to not take jobs because they were in fast food or stupid reasons like that. I'm not saying that you should do anything like exotic dancing or anything though. XD
I made the mistake of marrying nad not having money and although my exhusband and I are really close friends, it was part of the reason our marriage ended. We were constantly at each other's throats over stupid things because we barely had money to get by. Granted there was a few other things but I won't get into that. Luckily, now we're back to being really good friends even though we're not together. I hope everything works out for you!
I don't recall us ever bickering about money. we don't really have any fights in the first place.... Thank you for the input.. I am already moving out of state... I think it would be too sudden/extreme of a change if we moved to another state besides that. For one we wouldn't know anyone.. It would just be a lot harder. And I've already put off the wedding one year later than I wanted to. That might sound silly but ya we've been engaged for a year and I don't want to wait a whole another year besides that. I already call him my husband..... Sorry if im being stubborn. It's just really in my heart to marry him on May 12th, 2011. The ceremony will not be until later. Our budget for our wedding is $3000 and we have been sticking to that thus far. I would rather be living out of a car with this man, knowing that we are together forever, than I would move to a new state that neither of us know, starting totally fresh and not knowing what the future will be like or our plans on it...
edit:
I should clarify. There are no problems with me and my fiance. The only thing is that we must be close.
Also, I need to be away from my abusive family. they are in oregon..
so i was going to move to washington, (which is a state i have lived in before and know how it works).. and stay near him.. (my fiance)
We are GOING to get married the same date as we have planned for about, actually, over a year. Just as long as at the end of the day that stays the same and goes well, we will be fine. That date is may 12th, 2011. that date is the courthouse date. so we will need our clothes (which we already have), the rings, paperwork, and the county clerk. No money issues there. If we need to, we can cut our budget more for the ceremony, but that is not desired. It's on the low side already. (That's not a bad thing. If it were to go to like 1000 - 1500 though that would be a bad thing lol.) I just want to have a happy day with all of the people i love. A happy day to start a new life. Which trust me, im going to be glowing like the sun even if we're poor. I've been homeless, I've been kicked around, thrown to the ground, run after and almost killed, while on the other side of things, this guy is my best friend and the best thing that has happened to me. Me getting to spend the rest of my life with him will never be something regretful.
Last edited by strange_dreams_512; 11-15-2010 at 12:49 AM..
Sometimes stubborn can be a good thing. =P Just make sure you take care of yourself first before you worry about anything else. I would for sure look into more schooling and government programs for unemployment too. There are also loans that you can get, depending on the state for school. On the department of education website there should be some good info. I'm not from a good area either, being on the border of Detroit, so I know how rough things can be out of the street for a single girl. Good luck!
Thanks, I'll look into it.
Btw I just found out that the two homeless shelters i was aware of in Everett, WA are for ages 13-17. So if I were to go in those, then I would have to leave in the next few weeks to go in it. Otherwise, I am probably going to go to a homeless shelter in a city nearby. I hope that a friend could put me up after that (until January 10) but i'm not sure.
I'm glad you have a plan, my advice would have been to find a shelter. That said, you should probably make arrangements AT the shelter ASAP, because sometimes they don't have enough beds (most common in youth shelters).
