Oh noes! Oh noes! Oh noes!

He asked me to lunch!
What do I do?!
Ngya!

Ok, maybe I need to explain a little...

Last year, I started going out with this guy, a friend of a friend, really. He was funny, and nice, intelligent conversation. We had a lot in common. We dated for about three months last year, until I freaked out about how serious he was about me, and broke up with him. (I was also having major identity issues concerning sexuality, but let's not go there.)

Earlier this year, we patched stuff up, and started to date again. This time it lasted about five months, and once again, I freaked out about how serious he was, and ended it. There was little caring being done on my part of the relationship, and to me, he seemed scarily clingy. Sometimes, he would physically hold me back from my classes until I kissed him goodbye, and to be honest it scared the bejezus out of me.

Anyway, eventually I broke up with him, and it ended... badly. Really badly. For a couple of months, we couldn't have a civil conversation without chaperones guiding what we said.

Recently, we began talking, occasionally, always about video games, or a book or some such meaningless twaddle, but tonight he asked me to go to lunch with him in a few days, to "deal with it." I don't even know what he means by "it" But as usual, he has managed to guilt trip me into a compromise. I ask advice, and on Tuesday night, RSVP.

So, menewsha.
Should I go?

Usually, a person who is that clingy has issues, I have been so in love with a person that I was so afraid of losing them when I never really had them to begin with. That was a hard lesson I had to learn earlier in life. If he truly loves you, he will let you go, and if there was anything there, then you will go back to him. Love is truly a battlefield as Pat Benatar once said.

I would really ask myself first off, am I going because I want to, or am I going because I would feel bad if I didn't due to a guilt trip. If you really don't want to be there, you're only exacerbating the situation and pro-longing his suffering. He really needs to get over you and the only way that can happen is no contact whatsoever and completely cutting yourself off from him.

I'm a firm believer that most couples cannot be friends after breaking up, and if so takes a lot of time for that to happen. If you broke up twice with him, that should tell you something, and if you are having sexual identity crisis, that may be something you need to address first.

Hope this has helped.

Run, far away. Clingy manipulative people are really scary.
It's what I'd do.

Chances are he's just trying to weasel his way back in, well, the fact of the matter is you left him, twice, because you aren't ready to be that serious, and he scares you, what he does scares you. How can you be in a happy healthy relationship with someone who has a different goal for the relationship (or at least a much different timeframe) and who tries to manipulate you and creeps you out?

Screw anyone who tells you to "deal with it." If he seems controlling now, it will only get worse. And controlling guys frequently end up being violet guys. Just tell him you don't mind teh occasional conversation, but you are not interested in him and that you don't have those feelings for him. If he tries to be a dick about it, tell HIM to deal with it.