Lately I've just been really really down on myself. I've been sick for years and the best the doctors have told me was that I have an autoimmune disorder along with having the epstein-barr virus.

Fine. I accept that I'm never going to be healthy and that my body doesn't like itself. I just want to have one day where I don't feel like my body is suddenly going to give out on me. It's getting to the point where it's really stressing me out. I can't even go to work for a full 8 hour shift without feeling like I am going to pass out.

I've also had to leave work early twice in the past month because my body decided to go all weird on me. My hand randomly swelled up on me one day the my lymph nodes were so swollen I could not walk along with having a 104 degree fever I had no idea I had. That's just the "new" symptoms that randomly came up. I was also sick for a week where I couldn't get out of bed. There was no explanation about why my lymph nodes swelled up in my legs like that and they put me on antibiotics that nearly killed me due to allergies.

I guess the point of this is that I needed somewhere to rant a bit because right now I feel like I'm pretty much at the end of my rope and I honestly don't know what to do about this chronic illness any more. I just can't deal with being in bed all the time or worrying about whether or not my body is going to give out on me at any moment. I can't even eat without my heart racing and feeling like I'm going to pass out. Blood sugar and food allergies were ruled out so I'm thinking that's part of the autoimmune thingy too. I just don't want to be this sick for the rest of my life. It's really stressing me out.

I’m very sorry that things aren’t going well. It is really tough when things seem like they are stacked against you.

Depending on the extent of your illness, have you considered going on disability? Might give you the opportunity to try and get a little healthier instead of stressing your body out by having to work. I know it isn’t ideal, but then again nothing really is.

If you ever want to talk you can always send me a PM. :) My only health issue is type1 diabetes, but my husband is in a similar situation (different illness, similar symptoms and issues as yours.)

I was out of work for a few months due to health problems a while back. Back then I had medical coverage though and now I have nothing. Plus I was going crazy because I wasn't working. I'm really active and have to always be doing something. That's another reason why this whole thing is stressing me out. I can't do everything I used to be able to do and I don't deal with doing nothing well.

Damn, I know EXACTLY how you feel--I'm always sick, never well, always feeling awful and swollen and can't do anything and bleh...

I'm so sorry. I wish I knew how I could make it all better, but I don't. :hug:

Personally, I've found eating lots of vitamin C rich foods helps me stay healthy-ish...It's not perfect but I find myself getting all swollen up in the throat a lot less.
Though, I don't know if that would help you. :(

If you ever need someone to commiserate with about health, you can talk to me any time.

I've upped my C vitamins, D, and B complexes hoping that would help last year. Still nothing. I'm really hoping it's not something more serious than an autoimmune disorder. I'm planning on going to the clinic tomorrow morning and asking them to do testing for lymphoma since a few people in my family have/had cancers. I just worry that one day that my body is just going to give out even though it probably won't happen. I tend to worry about everything way too much.

I'm in the diabetes boat there w. fishyfey. There are days I just wish I had a healthy body, but I know that's just not possible; all I can do is be careful what I eat and try to hurry home if my blood sugar is all out of wack.

I'm on disability, but I don't like being there since my mind works just fine, so I'm trying to figure out how to get back to school without missing too many classes.

My neighborhood is full of people who scam welfare, and it annoys me immensely to be smart and able-minded but not able bodied enough to hold down a job. Everytime I've tried I end up getting fired for absenteeism sooner or later.

I guess if there's any moral to me ranting in your rant it would be just keep enjoying what you can while you still can, because sometimes that's pretty much all that there is.

Man, that's glum. Sorry. :/

Yeah, that's what I try to do. I'm normally a pretty positive person and try to always just tell myself that the next day will be better. Don't even get me started on welfare. That would be a whole other rant on its own. Yeah, I worry about the whole job thing. Luckily my store manager has a sister with lupus so she knows how hard autoimmune disorders can be on someone.

I went through the same thing last year. I ended up changing my diet to real food: nothing out of a can or package unless it was whole grain with no flavorings (added my own); no sugar (easy on the fruit); fresh vegetables; and two weeks on then two weeks off of an echinacea, astragalus, zinc supplement. It worked! Speaking of which, I've got to order some more!

Yeah, diet makes a huge difference when it comes to health. I'm border-line vegan and really watch my protein, iron, and B vitamin intake. I rarely eat anything that's junk food because it does make me sick if I do have too much sugar which leads me to believe that my blood sugar levels are in some way messed up even though the tests came back "normal".

I was just in the hospital again a few days ago because my hand decided to randomly swell up to the point where I couldn't move my thumb at all. they said it had something to do with my heart and just kept me overnight. Worst night ever. I was on the verge of having a panic attack all night because of the freaking hospital. I just can't stand the whole atmosphere and that "death" smell they have.