Well, I don't believe I've ever posted a thread in the life issues forum specifically asking for advice, but I've come across a situation in my life that I can't seem to handle.

So, here's the deal. I have a friend who seems to/claims to be desperately in love with me, but I am not in love with him, and I don't believe that I have the ability to be. He is nice, but he is also a pain in the ass, and his personality does not rub me right (at all) in the romantic "love" or even "like" category. I am also not physically attracted to him. Ever heard of the theory that we have vibrations that either attract us or repel us from someone when it comes to attraction? Mine repel him. I'm not being mean, it's just the truth.

Anyway, some back story on our relationship (which has always been a friendship, btw). Since I am looking at my "Kindle" bookmark, that is what I shall refer to my friend as from here on.

I met Kindle in my Spanish class, and he was, at that time, a new student who had just moved to the U.S. from Mexico and had no friends. I knew what it was like to be so indefinitely alone as that, so I was nice to him and chatted him up during lulls in class time to make him laugh. After that semester ended I didn't see him for awhile, then one of my other friends made friends with him and I discovered that he "loved me loved me" through the grapevine. I did nothing to deserve this love except to be a nice person.

He's confessed this love to me several times. To which I have replied several times: "I will not love you just because you want me to love you." "I'm sorry, but I will never love you, please go on and find somebody who can, because you deserve it." And, "My feelings are not going to change because you want them too." But he keeps coming back and telling me he loves me and is sad that I don't love him in return.

I've picked him off his ass several times when he's been dumped by girls, and I've put a lot of effort into cheering him up when he's depressed, but I've never acted like I loved him or was interested in him. I've never called him "honey," "dear," or "sweetheart." I just call him "dude," "man," and of course his name.

He doesn't know anything about me. Like. Really. ANYTHING. And he loves me. He just sees a girl who's not a bitch and thinks he loves her.

Anyway, he pretty much thinks that I fart rainbows and holds out endless hope that I'll end up loving him if he's persistent/annoying enough. Every time we hang out (which isn't often) he thinks he falls more in love with me because I crack a joke, or I listen to him, or (god forbid) I watch a movie with him.

What brought this up is that tonight he skyped me and basically told me he loved me more than anything in the world. I told him again that I didn't return the feelings and I hadn't any intention of doing so. He basically said, "oh, I know," and then mentioned a second later that he really loved me, didn't think he would find anybody else, or that I would find anybody else (he acts like he knows I'm just going through a phase and that I'll eventually love him! :angry: :rawrmayor:) then told me how he wanted to ask me out. >.> >.> >.>

I'm worried that if I stay friends with him I'm going to end up dating him out of pity after a few years (realistically, probably wouldn't do that), or eventually lead him on, or that he'll refuse to look for somebody else because he thinks that he'll one day get to marry me and get me to love him. I also recently had a boyfriend who I loved more than the world, and upon hearing that I'd fallen in love he proceeded to tell me that my boyfriend (now an ex) was a bastard who would probably use me, and that he probably didn't care for me the way he should, and he hadn't even met him! On a side note, I only broke up with that bf because it was a long distance relationship and it got too hard for us. He WAS a GREAT guy.

So, my questions are these: has anybody gone through a similar situation? And what did you do/what happened in the end? Should I stay friends with him, or should I get away from him? Does it seem like I'm doing something that could possibly be leading him on? Feel free to ask questions.

Sorry for the long post.

TL;DR: My guy friend, who barely sees me, thinks that I fart rainbows, and doesn't know anything about who I am, "loves me more than the universe" even though I've told him I don't return the feelings numerous times.

I don't think that you should stop being friends with him, because that would just make the situation even more awkward than what it would already be. I appreciate, however, that it is by no means easy for you. Rather than cut ties completely with him, how about you just take a little step back and not talk as much, that way you can cool off and hopefully he will realise that he isn't onto a winner with you, to give up and move on.

Though it is something that can't be helped, feelings are just a part of life, and no-one should have to lose friends over things that they have no control over.

I've been through a very similar situation that thankfully worked itself out in the end, so I do wish you all the best. :3

Well. The thing is that I already only talk to him like once every two months, and somehow he still thinks he loves me as a "soul mate."

I'm not entirely sure how to take even more of step back than that, lol, without completely pushing him out of my life.

If you're not close to him then who cares? Not to sound harsh or anything but I find it kind of disrespectful when other people keep trying to push their feelings on people that they know don't feel the same. If that kind of thing happened to me when I wasn't close to the person, I'd just cut ties with them. I get annoyed with things like that really easy though. O.o

Oh right...xDD yeah you can't really take much more of a break from him.

Sorry I wasn't much help... :/

@Raz: Lol. No worries. No worries. That was a long post and a little confusing. It had turned into a rant towards the middle, haha. I will take your advice and try to take even a further step back than I have in the past.

@Mystic: Yeah. And I've had this happen to me before this specific guy. That one pissed me off and I just yelled at him one day and he stopped. This guy is more persistent, though. How many times do you have to tell somebody, "I will NEVER date you," before they get the hint? I really do not want to have to tell him: "I do not find you attractive at all! GTFO!" Lord knows that if I get rid of this guy and another one comes along and puts me into this situation again I'm not going to have any pity for him. >.>

It's not so much as you should cut ties with him, it's more that he needs to not talk to you, in my opinion. I think that you should disappear so he doesn't have any news from you and eventually move along. If you guys keep talking, seems to me like he's not going to stop. So basically, you should stop communicating with him, for his sake more than your own. I'm pretty sure he won't stop unless you stop him. =/

Mhm. Mhm. I'm sadly coming to the same conclusion. I just don't want to like :banhammer: disappear out of the blue. I think it's going to be more of a slow backing off where he slowly just stops hearing anything back from me.

Yes, that would be a very good way to go about it. It's probably hard to do, but I'm sure it's for the best. Good luck with it, though. (:

Yeah, it's sad, but it'll be okay and better for us both in the end.

What really put me over the edge was him calling my ex all of those things before he even knew his name. That and him acting like I'm his and I'm just going through a "screw a few hot guys and then I'll go back to him" phase. It absolutely disgusts me.

I had something similar happen to me, although mine didn't end really well. No matter how many times I told the guy we were just friends he kept insisting there was more and getting mad at me if I liked other guys. Eventually it got to much I didn't want to do it but I felt like my hands were tied, so I cut ties with him.

Now that's a hard situation to go through but the best thing to do, is like a few people have already said distance yourself from him. Eventually he will get over you, especially if he doesn't hear from you anymore, in the end it'll be best for both of you.

Hope that helped if not sorry ><

No, it really did. :hug: It's really nice to hear the story of somebody else who's gone through the same thing. :D

I really hope things end well for the both of you ^^

I hope he just gets over me. He's kinda.....over-emotional?? :lol:

Yeah I totally understand lol, it may take time but he eventually will get over you.
I think the whole you becoming his friend when he had none made him see a special bond or something that wasn't there
Am I right?

That'w what I've always thought. But you can't exactly go up to somebody who "loves" you and say: "I just became your friend because no one else was talking to you...and you happened to be in my class..not because I loved you."

No of course not that would be mean >< but it was a thought as to why he "loves you"
But guys like that really don't take a hint, they keep persisting in the hopes that one day you'll love them because they are there.
Distance is what you need, and I'm betting what you want?

Most definitely.

Here's to hoping I don't end up in the situation again right after I get myself out of this one. That happened to me last time, lol. It was no fun.

Three times a charm?
Lol yeah that would suck royally but at least you have experience with this situation. Not that it's much help the situation sucks no matter how many times you go through it

I suppose I'm an expert now. Haha. I just need to add a little expertise in there on how to befriend a lonely guy without having them go gaga over the attention.

Make the friendship zone clear?
I don't know some guys think if a girl befriends him she wants to date him

Lol. Sometimes you can make it clear and they still think it'll work out some day.

It wasn't until this year that I actually made some guy friends who weren't gaga over me. Made my day. I wish guys and/or girls weren't so jaded these days that a little bit of kindness makes them think that somebody's in love with them.

Totally have to agree with that, it's annoying when just because I'm nice to a guy he somehow thinks I like him? I don't really understand it, I'm nice because I'm your friend not because I have an ulterior motive ><

Persistence is nice sometimes, most times it's just plain annoying especially when you've made your feelings quit clear

Indeed. I admit to being one of those jaded chicks. I need a lot of persistence from a guy, no matter how much I like him, for me to go out with him because of how I've been hurt in my past and the way I've been raised (with a lot of respect for individuality and high standards), but I know for sure with this guy that I'm totally uninterested. His interest has gone from flattering to insulting, in a way.

Let me just ask insulting how?
I like persistence in a guy to a degree it means he really is interested and willing to try. But to much goes from flattering right into the annoying category and maybe into the I can't stand you category.