Two Issues in So Many Weeks...
 

Well, thought I'd be done here after I resolved my last issue, but it appears not.

If you've been around Menewsha long enough and have seen me around, or posting in the "Letters You Can't Send" or "Things You Wish You Said" thread, you know that I've had some boyfriend issues that lead to a broken heart of mammoth proportions. The boy I speak of is now an Ex. Obviously. And today he did something that I need somebody to talk to about, and all of my friends seem to be too busy to pick up their phones or check facebook today, so here I am.

The issue is this: My ex and I were in a long distance relationship (600 miles away from each other) and we were together for almost five months. When I went to go and see him for the first time he broke my heart by telling me that he wasn't ready to be with me and then farted around telling me that he still loved me. After a week of turmoil after having driven all the way back home (I went all the way to see him) I broke up with him because I was sick of the bullshit and feeling like my heart was dying. I told him that hopefully we could still be friends, but I was hurt. After this he disappeared for a month, texted me, disappeared for a month, texted me, and so on and so forth, about once a month. Each time I would tell him I couldn't be his friend because of the memories of the love I once had for him, and that I'd forgiven our and/or his mistakes in the relationship, but I couldn't forget the pain I'd gone through losing him. I don't want to have to handle being his best friend, but never being able to love or touch, per se.

Well, he texted me a couple days ago after I had decided that he'd finally disappeared (it'd been two months since I'd last heard from him), and I just received it today because I am notorious for having a hate-lose-relationship with my phone. It said, "hey, are you okay? One of your friends texted me saying that you were having 'troubles.'" :angry:

As far as I'm concerned this is a lie. He was just trying to get back into my life again. I haven't been having "troubles" for a long time. My friends aren't concerned about me now. If they were going to be concerned about me it would've been in the December and January following the breakup in November. I was devastated then and I've been rebuilding myself since then into the person I am now who has been healed for three months and trying to enjoy herself.

After the text where he told me what one of my friends had supposedly done, I told him that I needed the name or number because somebody was going to be murdered for invading my privacy. He never texted me back except to tell me he didn't know the name, and never did tell me the number, then he called me. I ignored the call because I don't want to hear his voice and I'm not a good person to talk to in person when I'm pissed.

Do I owe him a call back? Should I just ignore him? Should I wait for him to text me, initiate a text, or just tell him to fuck off?

I feel like he's lied to me now, and he's realized that I don't take that shit, so he's freaked out. The lie is a final straw, and not one at the same time. The broken heart he gave me was enough.

On a side note, I haven't loved him in over three months. Just thought I'd put that in there before somebody accused me of not wanting to talk to him due to that.

Advice, sympathy, similar stories, or just somebody talking to me is much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Okay this guy is being a prick. I'm sorry if that's a bit blunt, but his behavior is inexcusable.

You owe him nothing. I've had someone do something like this to me before. I would honestly say completely ignore him if you can.

I don't know what else to say. You should do whatever you feel is right, but I would drop him. That might be hard with what you had at one time, but I think it's best.

:hug: Thank you Saro, your last sentence made me feel a lot better about myself...and everything. I could talk to him. I would be okay. I'm just tired of feeling anything for him without being able to love him. I told him in the beginning of our relationship that I don't do conditions and that I don't give second chances in love for absolutely no reason.

I know why he did what he did, but it hurt me like hell nonetheless and I'll always have a little of the baggage that he gave me. Nonetheless, I don't wish him ill. I wish him well. And I hope he knows where and what he's doing in his life in love and all things beyond. *sighs sadly*

All I can say, is I agree with Saro, and that you made a good decision about leaving him.

One thing, that I know everyone says, is that someone will show up to make you forget about that guy.

But dont think of it as wasting time, think of it as finding out what you DONT want.

Yeah. I hate agreeing that somebody I loved more than the world somehow turned into a d-bag. I'll still never call him that...and I think he just got scared off his ass when I finally went out and saw him. As I told my friend earlier today, that trip generated so many fmylife stories that I could write the site for a month. It is a little bit my fault for telling him, "we can still be friends, right?" even after he told me he couldn't be with me. At that point I just wanted anything but to lose him. He was my everything, as it is the way I love when I am in love with somebody.

I don't want to grant him the opportunity of a second chance unless he truly deserves it. Deserving it would entail showing up on my doorstep one day, taking me in his arms, and apologizing for making me feel like my entire world spontaneously combusted and my heart shattered into a million pieces, AND promising he'd never leave me again unless it truly wasn't meant to work out between us.

I feel like it was just lazy on his part...letting the relationship end the way it did because of a handful of sorry excuses and a tickling fear at the back of his throat.

I know that it's not wasting time, and I know I'll love somebody more someday and I'll forget his name, but the now....dealing with this...wanting to hear him but not...it's difficult. It took me a long time to stop living in the past hoping he'd come back after he was gone. I didn't start really gaining the "okay" that I have now until last March. It was painful

I've been there on more than one occasion. I've had feelings for people who I know are done with me, and who I should be done with. I've also had feelings for those who I know it can't work with, and who I should have dropped long ago.

Honestly you do feel better after you stop being involved with them. However it's usually wiped away when you find someone new. If there's anyone interesting in your life, and you think they might help then you might test the waters there, and see if you don't feel better. But only if you actually see something there.

Yeah. I don't see anything with anybody in my life right now, but fortunately I've gained some truly good people as friends this year. Knowing they are there helps me a lot.

I also know that "should've dropped the feelings long ago when you knew it wouldn't work" dilemma. Frankly, I should've dropped him the second I found out he lived in SD and I lived in CO, but he was everything I wanted and indeed (that past self of him, at least) still possesses many of the things my heart yearns for. It's like giving a kid a caramel and chocolate-covered marshmallow and telling them they can neither touch, smell, nor eat it.

When I was with him for the small time before everything went crazy, it was amazing to just be held by him. I wanted to stay there forever, but I couldn't, and he ended up not letting me and telling me he wasn't sure he wanted me to. You get a special package when you get me. :lol: If I say I want to stay with you forever, I mean it.

Frankly, the only reason I began to feel any better was because I refused to text him or talk to him all those months. The last time I talked to him (before this) he asked me: "why can't you be my friend?" and I replied "Because I'm not the kind of girl who can forget everything that happened and pretend it's all okay. I'm sorry." I thought he was gone, and now he used this ploy to leach back into my life momentarily. Right now I'm just thinking I'm not going to reply to him unless he says something to me again.

Even if that happens, the only thing I'd ever say to him if he kept bugging me is that I'd tell him what he did wrong and why I can't be friends with him or let my heart be led on and hurt anymore.

Honestly I think he's trying to keep you "on the hook" a bit. A lot of people do that with the whole "we can be friends" or "why can't we be friends" bit. What they mean a lot of the time is, "could you hang around until I don't have other options so that I'll feel like someone cares about me."

I would avoid all contact altogether. I don't mean to be pushy, I just don't want you to get hurt. You're a cool person, and you don't deserve someone to be giving you this kind of crap.

That's what my family has been telling me for the last few months. Me just being me doesn't want to believe it, haha. I guess I've been wanting him to just say, "I made a mistake, come back to me, and I'm sorry I was so wrong." All this time. I've always known that was just a stupid false hope, so I didn't let it control me, but that's not to say it wasn't there.

In our case I think he really wishes he could have me, and that he hadn't felt the need to leave me...but the fact remains that he did and that he didn't do it gently. Yes, what he did could have been worse, but not by much unless he'd told me he'd cheated on me. (He didn't, as far as I know, and I wouldn't suspect it.)

When I was telling him that night so long ago that I was leaving him despite my wishes, he told me "well, at least be my friend. None of my exes have ever stuck around." All I've been able to wonder about that statement since then is: "Well, I wonder why that is, pretty lover-boy? Care to explain yourself?"

And, I know. Everybody's told me that at this point. (To drop all contact with him) I'm pretty much just ranting about my old wounds, now. My friends weren't really willing to listen at the time. Fortunately I have some more genuine ones now.

I'm always willing to listen if you have to rant. It's half of what my friends do when I'm around. XD

I know what it's like to want them to say their sorry and that they should never have left and that they want you back. Sometimes it's because you want them back too, and sometimes it's because you just want to see them beg. Thing is though if they left, and come back and you give them another chance then in a lot of cases they'll think it's okay to leave and come back at will.

I just really don't want to see you on here in a couple weeks or days saying how you should have just left well enough alone. :(

Yeah. You, Drac, my family and friends have pretty much convinced me to leave him in the past.

When it all first went down my dad told me a saying that's been passed down through my family, "when somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time." I believed it then, and I guess I really believe it now considering I'm 90% sure he lied to me about one of my friends being concerned, stealing my phone, and texting him. I believe he freaked when he realized how unhappy I was about the concept and that I was considering mutilating the person responsible and that's why he called me. Didn't want anything to do with picking that phone up, though. Nothing whatsoever to do with it.

I'll make sure that doesn't happen. He will not be given the power to destroy me again. Only someone who's proven they won't use it deserves to have that ability.

My friends use me as the shrink, too. Lol.

It feels good to help your friends though. I'm letting one cry on me tomorrow because it's her last day with her student teaching class, and she's gotten so attached. I think that means she'll be an awesome teacher though. :)

Yah. I love hearing other's stories. My issue is that I'm a little guy-ish in the respect that I'll tell you exactly what you need to do to fix it unless you tell me not to. I feel like bluntness is the best way to help a person in trouble.

Hopefully she won't get so attached to every class, that makes it extremely hard. :yes:

Hard, but good for the kids.

And trust me that's a good habit. I wish people would be more honest about giving advice. My friends always try to protect me for some reason. Some of them even get weird about cussing around me. XD lol. Which considering my mouth is truly amusing. lol.

Some of my friends beg to differ, yet they return for more advice. Lol.

I'm not a sailor, but I don't fret away from cussing, that's for sure. They're just words and they only have power if you let them. I don't relinquish the f-bomb but once in a blue moon, though. If I do, you know I'm pissed or sick of something.

They probably just figure you're a nice guy who doesn't deserve to be hurt. They don't need a sad advice giver either, is what I'm saying. Lol. It's fulfilling to try and keep somebody away from the pain you've felt yourself.

Oh no. They tell me everything. lol. They just like cushion everything when giving me advice. Like saying I shouldn't date a girl because "she might hurt me" instead of saying "She's a slut, and she's going to cheat on you." lol. Which would have been the more useful advice. XD

Something I abide by is "don't talk about a girl unless you know her personally." When Ely sees a slut, though, Ely sees a slut. I can smell the STDs from a mile away. :lol: Can spot a d-bag from a mile away, though, too. So it's even, lol. And I'd tell you, lol. The way I usually put it, however, is, "I'm pretty damned sure she's a slut, and it's your choice if you date her, but I told you. Don't forget that."

Ahh. Yeah. My mother does the same thing. I went to her with what happened today and all she did was say "I don't know. Maybe this, maybe that." I'd rather she'd just tell me what she thinks about the boy and the shit he's done to me. I waited for my dad to come home for six hours just to ask him since I know he gives good advice about stuff like this. He told me what you did, which was, "drop his ass. The issue isn't what he's done now, it's what he did to you in November."

People should be more blunt you know? I think it's just more honest.

It is, but most people think you're attacking them when you're blunt, or they don't like that you told them what they know is right but don't want to hear.

One of my guy friends last semester would come to me occasionally and say, "I had the shittiest day. This girl did _________ to me." And I'd tell him, "yeah, life sucks. But perhaps if you took quality over quantity you'd get more lucky, ne?" In nicer words...but only a little nicer. He'd reply, "thanks. That helped." And I know it helped him subconsciously, but he still didn't abide by it. If they don't want to hear it, it's not going to do anything.

I think that's an issue my ex has now. When I was going out with him I was his golden sun that never let any rain fall on his head, and if somebody else poured it on his head for him I'd make sure I'd tell him it was okay, it wasn't his fault (which the things at the time weren't). But now I'm refusing to be his sun and I'm showing him just how blunt I can be when I'm sick and tired of something and he doesn't want to accept it. His sun spouts fire. Ooooh, too bad, so sad. You had to know it was there.

lol. You remind me of my friend Leora. XD Like a lot.

Lol. I hope that's a compliment. ;)

I did say my friend lol. I don't throw the term around so easily. :)

I know, lol. :)

I know a lot of people who'll call anything that breathes a friend, it's annoying.

I used to, but now I catch myself, and use terms like classmate or I'll attach something to the front of it like church-friend. Implying that they're someone I associate with at church. Etc.

I use "acquaintance" or "somebody I know" for most people. My friends are a precious few who've earned their title. :yes: