So yesterday, five of my friends set off for Toronto for Anime North ( a convention). We found out last night that they got into a roll-over. One of my friends is dead, one deeply hospitalized in Winnipeg, and the rest are home, but no ones heard anything from them yet (they're injured but nothing life threatening).

When I first heard the news, I was in tears, but I felt disconnected from reality.
Now I've been reading some of the news articles about it, and rather than upset over the death of one of my good friends, I'm more upset that the media summed up the accident in 5, 2-3 sentence, paragraphs.

I guess my issue is, I feel like I haven't been grieving properly. I don't feel like I've opened up the hurt in my heart, even though I've cried to both my brother and my mom....

Is there something wrong with me... Am I just closing myself off from the reality of what happened?

Sometimes the 'grief' takes a while to kick in. I would guess that chances are are probably subconsciously in a state of disbelief. Perhaps you think in the back of your mind that you will just 'wake up' and your passed friend will be there, as always, along with your injured friends.

It will take some time... and when the hurt sets in... it will be hard, no doubt about it. Perhaps now would be the best time to be prepared. Call on those who have lent you support and helping hands in the past and warn them to be on call so when the realization finally settles and you have a visceral reaction of wanting to break numerous objects with a crowbar and just scream (one reaction to deep pain) you can have some support built up.

That's really tragic to hear, especially when I live so close to that con myself and was thinking of going. First of all, I'm sorry for your loss, that's devastating for any friend.

But don't ask yourself if you're grieving 'properly' or not. Grieving itself is a personal step and people have many different ways of expressing grief. There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to grieve, and not many people necessarily cry everyday and night. I know one friend who suffered the loss of a family member and they didn't talk much for weeks--but after awhile they returned to normal after they got over the shock.

Don't blame yourself for how you feel about the newspaper either. Sometimes with articles I feel a bit of a connection to them. I feel that some newspaper articles don't do the victims justice and come off as shallow when they only publish a few short lines about them. Just remember that the people publishing them are just doing a job and didn't have the pleasure of knowing the victims on a personal level as you did.

Again, I'm sorry and I hope you can overcome these feelings.

*nods* thank you, both of you. My female friends have been doing nothing but crying, and I've been feeling so weird not crying with them.
*huggles The_Crow: Deviant: *

Everyone grieves in their own way, there's no 'right' way to do so. So, no, you are grieving in your own way, there's nothing wrong with you. In time the full impact will hit you and you will feel it -- you're still in shock of what had just happened.

*gives hugs*

Originally Posted by Codette

Now I've been reading some of the news articles about it, and rather than upset over the death of one of my good friends, I'm more upset that the media summed up the accident in 5, 2-3 sentence, paragraphs.

I wouldn't worry about this aspect of things too much.. in fact, I think it could be just normal and good. I think it's prefectly understandable to be frustrated that the incident did not receive the attention you think it deserves. I think that this is probably a way of grieving that makes sense to your inner self.

One year I lived in an apartment and during that time someone outside cut my window screen and lit my drapes on fire. (Damage was caused but nobody was hurt.) There were so many aspects to that situation, and one aspect was that the authorities, while determining that it was arson, did not have the resources to investigate this crime in a city that has so much crime.

That was very frustrating to me, and that emotion was one way I dealt with the entire situation. Losing some valuable possessions, the loss of safety and security, and so forth were also things I dealt with but dealing with them was a different process.

I am telling you my situation because I can't know what you are feeling, just what I have felt, and I do know that when something seems unfair and unjust, like what you are experiencing with the media coverage, then that is a part of things just like other emotions can be.