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i need help from those like me
I'm 16 years old, and for two years now i have been cutting. wrists, lower arm, abdomin and when it gets back i start to cut my face and neck. before i started, i never gave a second thought to those who said they cut, until my family started to die left and right. my friend told me about how when he cut, it let the pain just flow away and that it was best to watch the blood when it flows out. I started that night at his house after i had gotten a phone call that one of my best friends had been murdered. It felt good and it really did help me. two months later my friend moved and i was the only one i knew personally who did what we did. Things have gotten better, but cutting has become second nature. with any excess of pain or sorrow, there always was some sort of blade near by... I'm trying to stop, but whenever i tell people my story they call me weak and stupid, telling me i should just get it over with and kill myself. Help me, for those of you like me who cut or have done it before. let me know your story or how you ended up stopping. I dont want to feel alone anymore. |
Your far from being alone on this Lullaby, many people do or have done this, I'm one of them. It's hard to stop but once you have it's not as hard.
I cut to get rid of excess pain that I had kept up inside for about 10-11 years which was to deal with my dad and personal problems I've faced as well. I stopped about a year ago with the help of my ex boyfriend and family members, I got rid of my razor blade. I listen to music like Evanescence and I edit images as a way to distract myself from feeling the urge to cut. My advice to you is to find something that will distract yourself from cutting by drawing, reading, painting, writing etc. Just do anything you can to distract yourself from doing it and hide any or all sharp objects around you or just get rid of them. Even talking about it when you feel like doing it with someone which will help you. Even if you don't want to tell anyone, trust me it works and it helps a lot (no, I'm not just saying it either). |
Cutting is dangerous so keeping to yourself is not a good thing. If you feel like hurting yourself you should really try to talk to a trusted adult. It's not a good thing to be hurting yourself. It does help a lot to have someone listen. I went to a therapist just to have someone that wasn't biased to talk to.
My ex also helped me a lot by keeping me busy and making things easier. I also started an art therapy program that helped a lot. Now a days, I write when I'm feeling and try to keep myself away from negative thinking. for a while, I also kept everything that I could cut myself with away from myself, including exacto knives and things like that. |
This is a pretty serious topic, one that would really fit better in the life issues forum....So I am packing it up and heading it over there. Hopefully it will be treated with the sensitivity and compassion it deserves.
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My very first move was when I was just a few months old, and I traveled from Michigan to the Netherlands. At three, we moved back. I stayed there until I was eleven - enough to have a stable home, regardless of becoming bilingual - before my parents began to move me around again. We never stayed in one state for more than two years.
I was a preteen, and stupid, and at a loss. I had to make new friends everywhere I went. I was bullied for being different, for being an immigrant and for being the new kid. I was too afraid that my parents would find out to play with razors, so I pricked myself with needles instead, and began to dry-cut myself, with keys. Blunt edges do more damage than sharp ones do, and to this day, I have the scar on my wrist to prove how much of an idiot I was. I even damaged a few of the nerves in my fingers ripping through the skin. It's something I don't admit to almost anyone, and I am completely and utterly ashamed of it. What you really need to know is that everything bad in life passes. It does. The worst thing you can do is be masochistic about the whole thing. You need to ask yourself... why is it you're cutting? Because you're too shy to make friends? Because you're bullied? To get back at your parents? Because it makes you feel good? Cutting releases endorphins into your body - the chemicals that make you feel good. This is why cutting is "addictive" - much the same way that someone with multiple tattoos comes to love the sting of the needle. You can combat this by getting your endorphin in other ways - after looking up some self-help websites, I started eating a little chocolate every night. Cocoa releases endorphins much the same as cutting does, and it's tasty, too! For more extreme cases, I've heard placing nicotine patches over the wrist helps remind you not to cut, and sustains the up as well. Depression and masochism are psychological conditions. If you're too afraid or unwilling to get help (lord knows I was), you can stop on your own - I did. |
You are never alone. I promise you that.
Please don't hurt yourself, or anything worse. It gets better. It really does. You're still young, and I know that time of life tends to suck, and I'm really sorry, but you can always talk to us on here. I tried on more than one occasion to end it, and there would be a lot of people now much worse off if I hadn't been there for them. Remember that, you might mean absolutely everything to someone, now or later, it doesn't matter. Don't deprive the world of who you are or who you could be. You are worth so much more than that. You're not weak. You're not stupid. I know what it's like to be in your position. Please keep trying to stop. You deserve better than that, and you have so much life before you, and it will get better than it is now. I promise. Being a teenager sucked, but when you hit college, your whole world opens up. Don't deprive yourself of that. Don't deprive the world of who you can be. Please. |
Elle -> i have tried to get rid of it, but i end up using my dads construction knife. I also try to distract myself, and it works sometimes, but somehow i always go back to it.
Mystic -> there are no trusted adults that i have here with me. All of them have stabbed me in the back at least once, and i'm the type of person that when a bridge is burned, it takes a lot to rebuild it... Anaxilea -> i really wanted to cry when i read that, and i feel like you could really be someone i can talk to with this kind of thing. i could talk to all of you, but anaxilea has shown more thats closest to my story. you're really making me think about this, which actually makes me feel a bit worse but i think that its what it takes to making me want to quit. *hugs* thank you. Sarofset -> i have been told that, but it seems that the older i get the more problems i'm exposed to and then the more the urge to cut grows. It means a lot to me the way you're saying i mean something. only one person in my life says that to me and i would think he's biased the worse i felt, but you saying that really does mean a lot. you guys, thank you so much for helping me. you have no idea how much i felt like ending the pain for good until i have heard these things and i really hope i can quit, but just hoping doesn't make it happen. I'm thinking of writing on here everyday that i feel like cutting but does, or when i do and why. Please stay and help me just a bit more...god knows i cant go back to feeling alone. |
You're not alone, and I'm so glad you actually reached out for some help. It gives me hope. :)
I remember from others and myself that it's when you keep silent about it that it gets the worst. Keep talking about any problems you have. Talk about them until you are bored with talking about them. At that point they will stop seeming so big, and maybe it will help. :) I know it does for me. Just remember people do, and will care about you. |
but sometimes when i talk, if i talk to the wrong person it becomes worse. like adults who say they will help me but then do the complete opposite. i'm just glad you're willing to keep responding and talk to me
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Of course I am. I've been very close to where you are. I know what it's like and no one deserves to feel that way.
You can PM me if you want too. I totally don't mind. |
i dont mean to sound difficult, sometimes i believe i really do deserve it. v.v
thank you for the offer, and i will take it up but it will probably be tomorrow since i hope to sleep soon. it's been a really stressful day. *hugs* thank you so much |
*hugs back* You don't deserve it. And get some good sleep okay. :)
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okay :) goodnight
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Goodnight. :)
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You are not weak, or stupid. You're definitely not alone. I cut a little in high school, which was a horrid time for me. I started doing some stuff to get rid of the urge to cut, which ultimately resulted in me being drunk and high and almost falling off a cliff. I also lost most of my friends, except for the "friends" that I hung out with to get drunk and high. Then when I was 18, I very seriously tried to kill myself. I sliced my arms and leg and took almost a bottle of pills. I'm not proud of it, but it happened.
I was sitting in a bathtub, with blood all over me, loosing consciousness, when I decided that wasn't how I wanted to die. I got to my mom's bedroom where she was sleeping and told her that I needed to go to the hospital. I was in the psych ward for a week, although I don't remember the first day and a half. I hated it there, but I got help. I never did it again. Its important to get help in this situation. Talk to someone. Talking on here is a good start, because at least you're talking. But you need a psychiatrist. They can be amazing, if you have a good one. Having someone to talk to that is obligated to listen and not judge you is an absolutely wonderful thing. You might not want to do it, but your life has meaning, and anything you can do to preserve it is what you should be doing. :yes: If you get one that you don't feel comfortable with, switch. I've jumped around two or three times. If maybe you can't afford one, there's got to be a program where you live that helps with financial assistance. That's what I do for mine. I don't pay anything. I've never heard cutting stop at cutting, not in personal experience nor with anyone else I know. It will get worse if you don't stop it, and to stop it chances are you will need help. Most importantly, remember that there are people who care about you, that would be devastated if you weren't here. I didn't think there was anyone like that for me, but there were. And I've found more since it happened. :) Even if you don't know them, they're out there somewhere, but you'll never know that if one day you accidentally (or purposely) cut too deep, and you're gone. :no: |
My lady speaks wisely.
You have people who care about you. :) You can always talk to us. Always. We never judge, and we will always be kind. :) |
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There are loads of us out there/here that are willing to help you in any way possible (like you know by now :D). Just talk to us and we'll all help in the best way we can help you. Like it's been said hun, your never alone - ever. You may feel like you are and at times it may seem that way, but your not, no matter what you may think :) |
Kitami -> i'm so sorry for what happened to you, i've been burned by so many adults, hell i've been burned by most teenagers that i know and my own parents. it scares me to trust another one because i used to think i had it all figured out. look them in the eyes, never take them off the person and if they figit or avoid eye contact then dont trust them. but there was a man. never flinched, talked to me when even i had to avoid eye contact and i had to tell him everything up to that point, and he made me feel pathetic. like the worse thing that ever wandered the planet. i'm surprised i havent tried to kill myself, but a therapist...i dont think i could do it. i want to do it on my own...
Sarofset -> when i first started this topic, i was so scared to post because i have been on gaia and i've seen what those people do to people like me and i knew one of them for a few years and they ended up cutting too deep because he was so hurt from everything they were saying. but everyone here is so much better. i havent met one person yet who judges me or makes me feel like shit about myself. people tell me their stories like i asked, and people stay out when they dont know anything about the situation. I love menewsha. ElleRose -> i dont know if that will work for me but i will def. try. im desperate at the moment so anything that might help. you guys are amazing. i'm so glad i've talked to you guys, and i am so happy that you guys are talking to me and helping me. it means so much to me |
We've all been there before. Anyone who makes you feel worse when you were already feeling like that, is... well. To me they're inhuman.
The truth is you deserve to be happy, and when you are in a place where you are feeling that low, you deserve to have someone help you out of it. Any decent human being, especially one who has been in your place, ought to give you encouragement, and kind words. No matter how bad it seems now, no matter how bad it is, your life will get better. That's how it works. |
I wanted to do it on my own too, but all that I did was make the situation worse and worse. It wasn't until I got professional help that I was okay.
I know its hard to trust them, believe me, I know. But you have to remember that helping you is their job and they aren't really allowed to judge you. They are only there to help, and they want to help. Its really one of the best things you can do, I could almost promise you that. |
And if you get a therapist you don't like then you can switch, and find one who is more who you need.
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Kitami -> but see, that's the problem. it's just their job. they dont do it to help, they do it for a paycheck. they aren't allowed to say anything negative that true yet might hurt me more.
Sarofset -> i really hope you're right. |
A good therapist will tell you things that are hard to hear, but they'll say it in a way so as not to make you feel bad.
And in most cases they have that as their job, because they wanted to help people who needed it. That's why they went to school for years on end to learn to do it. If it was just for money, they'd have gotten into something that actually makes loads of money. Therapists don't always make loads of cash. There are volunteer counselors at some places. If you find a good one, then they're there just to help you. They want to help you feel better, and not hurt yourself anymore. I hope you find a good one, because they really can help. |
Honey, I'm seriously thinking about being a therapist, and I am definitely not going into it for the money. :|
I want to help people, as I was helped. And therapists will tell you what you need to be told. I cried in one session, because the therapist I had was very blunt and direct. |
then tell me when you become a therapist and then i'll visit you.
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