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Guy Issues and a Blatant Inability to Say "No"
I feel slightly awkward posting this since a majority of the other threads in this forum have subject matter dealing with far more serious issues, but...I'd like a little feedback on this--feedback, that is, that doesn't come from biased friends and protective family. |
I hear ya there! A lot of my friends at some point had or still like me romantically. It gets irritating. I'm always straight up with my feelings. Just because I give someone a hug does not mean I like them in a romantic way. Heck, even a peck on the cheek is just a friend thing to me. Anything more than that then I would consider to be "romantic". I'm terrible when it comes to flirting with people too even if I'm not romantically involved or don't want more than friendship. That's just how I am and I don't even realize that I do it half of the time.
Make it very clear that it's strictly friendship. I hate when people assume just because they ask you somewhere that it's a date. If you don't let them know right off the bat and they find out through other means or when they think there really is something more going on then they're going to be a lot more hurt then if you just tell them right away. I had a friend of mine ask me to go to a movie and out to dinner which I didn't think anything of until afterwards when she referred to it as a "date". I told her I had no idea it was a date and she got a bit upset but I told her unless you tell me flat out that I'm pretty oblivious to things. I normally paid for everything anyway since I liked her anyway but it was still a bit awkward. |
Dx Oh my goodness. Almost the same exact thing happened to me recently.
Except, I already told this guy I didn't feel the same way for him as he did for me. I even made it clear that there is someone else (although he has no idea to what extent P:). He's very persistant though. .___. I would just come right out and tell these guys that they mean a lot to you as friends, but you don't feel that way for them. If they truly are your friends they'll understand. You can't force yourself to like someone you don't like. |
Ahhh, yeah, this seems to happen to most of us girls. I usually tend to run away from the problem, because dealing with it scares me... But Blossom's point of telling them how you feel is the only thing you can really do. The problem then is that guys take rejection really, really, really, really hard. Even if you still express to them you value their friendship, etc. (And they say guys aren't complicated like women are... Sheesh.)
Just be prepared for some hard feelings, as much as you try to soften the blow. It's not your fault, but you really have to start saying no. I used to have a hard time saying no, also, and some of the things I've gotten myself into ended up hurting me in the end. Try not to go down that road just to avoid hurt feelings. They'll get over it, and if they can't, it's not a friendship worth keeping. I just recently lost someone I considered one of my best, best friends. I've never had any of those. He's married, and I love his wife and children. He took me out for my birthday to get drinks. Long story short, it was a terrible idea. I had to keep pushing him away, and eventually put my foot down completely. Now I haven't spoken to him in months, even after leaving him messages that I was worried about him. It's tough. ._. |
so very confused at the moment im in love with my boyfriend but i keep getting hit on by a friend of mine and was wondering how to tell him no without hurting his feelings he knows i have a boyfriend but is just not relenting please oh pretty please also click my egg i begg of you
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So, in essence... I just need to add the words "no" and "hell no" to my vocabulary. xDDD Fair enough. It's just kind of goes against my grain. I'm something of a people-pleaser (though I hate to admit it), and naturally I want to keep my friends (especially the ones I consider to be closest to me) happy. |
sometimes you can't be a people pleaser. Trust me, both me and my cousin are, and it took a lot of work before either of us were finally able to say no.
Thats pretty much all you can do love. Guys do make great friends over girls for all the reasons you mentioned, but sometimes they can be a little dense over the meaning of events. Once I had invited a huge group out to have fun, but only one guy was able to make it, and even though it started as a ton of people he treated it like a personal date. -.- Don't assume all guys are sizing you up, but don't be surprised when they do. |
Well... one thing about friends... is the ones that wont leave you when you're no longer "available for dating" are the friends that you should keep around. You can't please every guy who just wants to be your friend to date you.
I understand wanting to please others... but someone who gets close to you just to date you isn't really a friend... Think of the "I'm interested in someone else" as a test of their loyalty to you as a friend. Fewer friends may be a little more lonely... but it reinforces your safety when they are there for your friendship not your body >.< |
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