Feeling Depressed
 

Oh someone help me. I used to have really bad depression when I was in high school. But I fought it back...without the use of meds or doctors I fought it off! I've been good for 5 years! But I'm just starting to feel sad about a lot of things again.

I don't know. I feel like I'm going through a midlife crisis at the age of 22. I just spent four years earning my degree in music education and now I no longer want to teach music. I graduated and I don't want to teach. I hated my internship in my senior year and it really put me off to the whole thing.

And then there is the fact that I'm living at home again. I got away for four years and now i'm back. I would love to move out but I don't have the money to do so. I LOVE my parents, don't get me wrong. But you taste freedom and have it stripped away again...it's tough. I got so used to living by my own rules that living by someone else's rules again is just weird.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm starting to cry more and more easily. (I've always cried easily but I haven't cried as much since I fought off my depression...now I'm crying more and more). I just don't know.

EDIT: and my insomnia is coming back. When I was depressed before I never slept. It's starting again. I'm going to bed later and later and waking up earlier and earlier.

Depression isn't something that you can just fight off. It's a chemical imbalance, a biological problem. Many people are able to successfully manage their depression through counseling and therapy, but that doesn't make the feelings entirely go away. It simply provides you with the means to deal with your emotions in a healthy manner.

It sounds like you pushed through a tough period before and thankfully bounced back, but you can't rely on that happening again. Please talk with someone. There's nothing wrong with visiting a doctor for depression or trying out various resolutions. Anti-depressants might be your answer, or maybe exercise will help you out, or even group therapy. But talking to a professional with help you find this solution much more easily.

As Knerd has said it's best to talk to a professional, that will help in the long term dealing with it. As hard as it is going and say out loud to someone "I need someone to help me out of this" you have to do it.
As for not wanting to teach any more it could just be part of the depression, take a month or two have a brake from it but you should try again don't let the first experince put you off. Try find somewhere for your own placement because sometimes even when they try their best they don't always come up with the best places for a placement.

I wouldn't say it's straight chemical...it really highly depends on the situation. It seems that yours is more of a reoccurrence due to situational stuff, so it's a bit of a mix of the two. Either way, don't jump the gun on medication, but don't refuse it either just because it's medicine.

I guess what I'm saying is you should go talk to a counselor or professional about it, one that listens to your problems and neither over-medicates nor under-medicates, if you can find one through reviews, friends, etc.

I understand the issue with freedom; I've been at college now and work for my own living and everything, and being at home where my mother still treated me like a child and would constantly tell me every little thing was almost unbearable! >.<
And not knowing what you want to do or where you're going in life is tough too! ):

Now, while a professional can help you best with depression and insomnia, I would like to give you some advice on perhaps finding out what you want to do as a proffesion.
Take some time to write down a list of things you like, and things you don't like, especially activities, as well as a list of things you are good at and things you are bad at. This kind of thing can help you concretely find out a lot about yourself.

@Knerd - I was so proud of the fact that I was able to work through it WITHOUT the use of medication. A lot of my depression usually stems from my stress and anxiety. I was diagnosed not only with depression but severe anxiety as well. I had to learn to cope with my anxiety and my stress levels and that really helped put it down.

I think because I'm starting to stress out more and more about my life and my future, that might be what's causing it again. If the feelings stick longer than the next couple weeks I'll definitely bring it up with my parents. They were there for me when I first went through this so I'm sure they'll be able to help again.

@HIM - that's what I plan to do. I'm taking a break from teaching. I need to. I had a job opportunity lined up just last week and I ended up turning it down because I just didn't know if I wanted to do it. I was so freaked out about maybe doing it I just ended up crying for hours. I new that I wasn't ready...so I turned them down. I'm going to wait...do some soul-searching...and see what answer I find.

@Wingless - I do feel like I agree with you - I don't think I'm depressed due to a chemical imbalance. I do believe it is situational. Like I told Knerd....I was not only diagnosed with depression but also with severe anxiety...the anxiety and stress just helped fuel it. So when I find myself in stressful situations I usually feel more depressed than when it's manageable...and I really think it's the thoughts about my life and my future that is causing it.

I can't wait to move back out again. It's just stupid little things that piss me off. Luckily I don't really have a curfew so I can stay out with my boyfriend and stuff. I mean, I'm 22 years old so a curfew would be a bit ridiculous. But it's things like me asking what time I need to drive my stepdad to work and then "Oh....I don't know....maybe 45 minutes" and then an hour and a half later he still isn't ready. (He manages a restaurant and goes it at different times every day....he can't drive so my mom or I have to drive him). I have to go grocery shopping on saturdays for them and then they have a crazy sense of humor and like to make fun of me sometimes and that just drives me nuts. It's all stuff I grew up with...but I got away for four years and going back it's like "UGH!!!!" lol

If it's an consolation, I cant relate. I'm 22 as well, and feel like I'm going through a quarter life crisis.

I had severe depression growing up, too, and have tried so much medication that I'm afraid to go that route again. Nothing else is helping, though. I'm living in a relative's home and it's depressing having that lack of freedom. I'm second guessing everything I've done up until now (school/degree, etc), and I'm so overwhelmed by it that nothing makes me happy or optimistic. I feel like I'm stuck under a ton of bricks and don't even know how to break out of it to move forward. Oh, and the insomnia is hell. :(

I don't know about you, but I just feel as if I've lost a sense of who I am. That in itself is devastating. The lack of motivation is the problem for me, and I've stopped doing the things that used to make me happy despite the depression. I agree with the others, that talking to a counselor of some sort might help. But, finding someone that you relate to and can truly help you, is difficult to do.

There are natural supplements on the market to help with mood. I'm still in the process of finding what works for me. There are a lot of good products out there for anxiety, and sleep as well. That I can give you suggestions for, if you want. The sleep is a huge, huge factor in your mood, as well as nutrition and level of movement... It's all trial and error until you find what works for you. All you can do is hang in there until your situation begins to change.

I'm going to post a quote that I think will ring true to you. :)

Now, I don't know about the first thing, but it sounds like you don't have either of the last two.

I'm going to be blunt, and I'm going to try and be nice about it. :yes: It sounds to me like you're feeding your depression. If you're going to sleep later and later, fight it! Because that is a sign of depression. It's a way of avoiding life. Trust me, I do it, too. You need to find something to hope for again...since that is no longer music, find something new. Find something that you love. If you don't have something already that you've been wanting to do for a long time, find something.

If you don't have a job, I suggest finding one, even if it's a cheapo entering level position. It will give you a reason to get out, it will make you get up earlier in the day, and it will make you go to bed earlier at night, AND it will make you one step closer to moving out on your own again! :D

Find your passions, my friend! Or at least find something to do! An idle mind is one's worse enemy. At least it's mine.

Without something to do, or something to hope for, you focus on the things that you didn't do, and the things that didn't work out.

ok... i know this answer isnt for everyone, but to help myself deal with my extreme emotions (such as sadness or frustration or anger) i write in my journal. most of my thoughts come out poetically and that's how i get ideas for my poetry. almost everything i write is horribly depressing, but ive become a more upbeat person in less than a semester. talk to new people. find a confidant with whom you can verbally work through your problems. hope this helps. worked for me.