My House Burned Down and Two People I loved died
 

I've already been struggling a whole, whole bunch this month:

http://www.menewsha.com/forum/commun...824-anger.html

My boyfriend and I lost our food stamps. His hours at work got cut in half. I failed my driver's test. My cat died. Our bank account got frozen when we needed to pay some bills. I was having personal issues and fights with some friends and struggling with anger, then to top it all off . . . .

On Saturday, my boyfriend and I went out to look for new jobs. We were dropping off applications and laughing with one another when I got a phone call. It was a woman who had found my two rottweilers. I thought,"OMG! They got out again. That's so annoying." This happens all the time and my neighbors are always finding them and then she says,"Yea, we're holding them down the street from the house that's on fire" and she gave the address.

I said,"Wait. That's down the street from our house!" I asked her what the address of the house that was on fire was and she said that the address had burned up so she didn't know, but she described the house to me and it sounded a lot like our house. My boyfriend argued with me about it and said I was overreacting and that it couldn't possibly be our house. We were an hour away, but started driving back. I called my Dad and told him to pick up the dogs in the mean time and make sure the house wasn't ours just so I could have peace of mind and to call me back.

He called me back 20 minutes later and said,"Don't freak out, but its your house on fire and it has burned to the ground."

I said,"That's okay. As long as my boyfriend's Mom and our other dog are okay! Find out if they are okay."

My Dad couldn't find out anything before we arrived. We got there and they told us immediately that the dog had perished in the fire. That it had run into the house after what they believed to be another person when they tried to pull her out and that they had actually seen the dog burn to death. They asked if we knew where our room mate was and I said,"Yes. I just talked to her on the phone, but there was another woman in the house." They said,"Are you sure? She didn't go anywhere?" And we said,"Yes. She had run out of cell phone minutes and didn't own a car." And another guy approached us and told us that they found the body of an elderly woman. My boyfriend collapsed and I started screaming swear words at the top of my lungs. My boyfriend's Mom who was one of the nicest people I had ever met had died.

Just a short while before all of this, the three of us, my boyfriend, his Mom, and me were all talking. In fact, we were the last people to see her alive or speak to her, so its just so crazy to me that she's gone now.

The only good thing about the whole thing was that she passed out from the smoke before her body was burned, so she didn't feel anything, BUT . . . .

It just was so crazy. According to eye witnesses, our house went from nothing to completely on fire in just 15 minutes and that if the rest of us had been home, we'd all most likely be dead.

I always thought I'd cry a lot if I lost all my stuff in a fire or a flood or whatever, but I haven't even really missed it that much. I told my boyfriend that it was worth losing all my stuff just to have known his Mom and dog for awhile. I just wish they were back and its just so hard. I can't stop crying and I keep being afraid that more people I love will die unexpectedly while I'm not looking.

I'm so, so sorry that you have to go through this. :hug:

You're safe and your boyfriend is safe, at least there's that much to be thankful for. Things could always have been worse. All you can do now is try to pick up the pieces and work through this together. Lean on your boyfriend, let him lean on you, and you two will be able to help each other out. Even if it just means crying together, having that one person by your side can make a lot of difference.

If you stick around the forums, I'll be on for a while tonight if you'd like to chat.

*hugs* I'm sorry about your loss, hun. A fire is always bad but losing someone near and dear is always worse. And Knerd's pretty spot on with what I would say. And just know that there are people here who would be glad to lend a shoulder to you.

Also, not sure about how you feel religion wise, but you and your boyfriend are in my prayers.

I echo Knerd's sentiments. You will find a way through all this loss and sadness. Don't worry about rushing it, anger, sadness, all those lovely "Kubler Ross" feelings will be there, and they are appropriate. The big thing is to keep working toward reestablishing your life, because "doing" makes you feel empowered again and helps you to heal.

Wow....do they know what caused the fire? That's just crazy! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! That's not something anyone wants to deal with . I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. I wouldn't have been able to even type this up. I'm glad that at least you and your boyfriend are safe and your other roommate as well. I know it's not much, but for that I am grateful. I wish your and your boyfriend all the luck in the world picking yourselves up after this and continuing in your journey in life.

And what a brave dog to go back into the fire to try to rescue her.

Yea, we were crying uncontrollably when this woman who saw the whole thing told us that she tried to pull the dog off the porch, but it fought her and ran back inside and burned to death. She was a crippled dog who couldn't have even climbed the stairs to get my boyfriend's Mom, but she refused to leave her side. And it made sense knowing the dog and her personality. She was very sweet and loyal. She's our hero. <3

I was crying reading through this earlier so I had to stop and come back later or I probably would have blubbered through a whole post. :( I'm not sure what to say, but if you ever need to talk to anyone, you can send me a message.

Uh, this is a bit unorthodox, but, do you need money for anything?
Like do you have clothes/toothbrushes/medicine/ect? What's your situation right now? =(

I forgot to say. They think the fire was started through faulty eletrical wiring. I told you guys that my boyfriend and I have been struggling financially and we got this place for cheap because it had been vandalized and we were fixing it up. The owner apparentally didn't get the electrical wiring checked by a professional before we moved in and honestly, I'm extremely pissed off about it. We were having electrical problems right before the fire, but since my parents had had electrical problems before and we were barely scraping enough together for food, we put it off for fixing until later. Some of the lights in our house were flickering and stuff though before this happened. The bathroom light, which was right by where it started wasn't even working anymore.

We are okayish financially. I mean, enough so that we are not in an emergency situation or anything. A few of our friends have given us old clothes, my parents and my boyfriend's brother say we can live with them as long as we need to, red cross gave us a bit of money and we also got enough elsewhere to pay for the cremation. We were REALLY worried about that last part until yesterday. We don't have enough on our own to cremate someone and she had no life insurance.

I wish I could sleep better. I thought I was a freak for awhile because I kept picture my boyfriend's mom and the dog's last moments and how much of them was burned. But my boyfriend's brother and his brother's wife and my boyfriend all said they were doing the same. Wondering if she stood up and swore. Wondering if she knew right before it happened that she was going to die. If she stood up because she saw smoke pouring into her room. If she knew we loved her. So on and so forth. And just the images are so vivid and freaky that we are all having trouble sleeping. And I keep getting scared that more people can die. Because it happened so suddenly. >_< And just so shockingly. I can't explain it. I already knew human life was fragile, but this just is too real.

Have you and your boyfriend looked into grief counseling?
I know it may not be financially possible, but you should look at universities in the area to see if they hold a grief counseling group. Hell, you might be able to find one at other places in your area too.

When I lost my parents I went to a few grief counseling groups, and while most of them didn't help me much, I also didn't want the help ("can't make a horse drink" and all that).
Maybe they can help you work through some of the imagery.

I looked for some grief support groups in my area after reading these posts. I usually look for these things on meetup.com, but unfortunately have found none there. I'm thinking of trying craigslist.

And as for memories ... my favorite memory is of me being in the living room with her and the dog who died. I used to be able any time I wanted to to pet the dog in just the right spot that would make her shake her leg. Like I said, she was pretty much crippled. She had bad hips and had trouble walking and couldn't go up and down stairs and because of this, whenever I'd scratch her in just the right way and she'd raise her leg, she would twist her body like a pretzel, fall over, and shake her leg all crazy. It was so funny! And my boyfriend's mom and I would be laughing and she'd say,"Look! She's going all wonky!" XD I don't know why, but that's just my favorite memory of the two of them. <3 It's probably something you had to have been there for.

And yes, yes ... after what happened, I'll probably be a nag telling people to get their electrical problems fixed and make sure all their fire alarms have batteries in them. I don't want anyone else to experience what we have and especially not to experience what my boyfriend's mom and dog have.