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Gender Identity issues.
Well. .w.
Ever since I was younger, I felt uncomfortable in my skin. Well, with the gender that was assigned to me at conception, that is. I'm a boy. I cried about it a lot. When I was still one of faith, I would pray that "He" would fix it. It never happened, of course. I told my best friend many times, but it was always really awkward for him, and he never really knew what to say. A lot of my friends know about it, and support my notion of wanting to do something about it, but... I just can't. My family wouldn't accept it. My girlfriend constantly points out when I do something "manly" and how she loves it. I hate it, but I love her. It's just gotten to the point where I feel like every day is a chore. I look at myself in the mirror and cringe, 'cause I'm falling apart. I've accepted that I can be a boy and still be feminine, but it's hard. ): I have a list of things I want to do, but... I don't want to lose all that I have over it... but then again, if I don't, I'm going to lose myself. ): I don't really know how much longer I can push on like this. |
You would be surprised how many people have felt very similarly to you. Just so you knw, I happen to host a 'hangout' for androgynes and people who want to throw a wrench at gender binary. Now, it is a 'hangout' so half of the posts are serious and thoughtful discussion and half of the time we are being laid back, but trust me, I have seen dozens of people who are not content with society's binary molds, myself being one of them. You don't need to know what my chromasomes are for me to help you and talk with you here on menewsha. And for the vast majority of other things, it doesn't matter either.
You're not alone. You're not the only one that feels like they don't fit the pre-made mold. |
Are you 100% sure your family wouldn't accept it? Because if they were rationally thinking people, they'd know you're still the same person. And I think they'd find it impossible to like, "cast you off" or something if that's what you're afraid of. <.< they might be more supportive than you think. :0
(or maybe I'm wrong and if I am, then sorry >_< ) |
I 100% know how you feel.
I've felt the same for years, but I know I would never be able to face changing myself, for multiple reasons. If you need to talk to someone or anything, i'm here. <3 (: |
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Well, my family is full of manly cops and my brother is a marine... It's already really awkward for them that I wear make-up. ;_; I get a lot of hate for it. |
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Hon, I'm the same way. There is nothing wrong with you. Gender is different from physical sex, and frankly the fact that we are not a bit more beyond it as a society is sad. I know plenty of people like us, and I know plenty who don't care.
As for religion. Nothing in the bible says that what you feel is wrong, or bad. God made us in his image, and I doubt God has a definite gender, therefore, we are not necessarily what society thinks we should be because of our biology. Thing of it is, people should accept you for who you are. The fact that you're different form the norm is something to be celebrated. And frankly, most girls love those like us. ;) Chin up my friend. |
You know, it's a lot better after the switch begins. I haven't started hormones yet but I've been basically living as a man for a few months now. I can pass most the time with the exception of my voice giving me away. My parents do not support my choice, my sister doesn't understand it and my grandpa pretty much disowned me. They don't understand and it's hard to get people who are stuck on a stereotype to change their minds. It's MUCH better for me and makes me a lot more comfortable than I was before. The way I see it is that I need to do things that make me happy and comfortable in my own skin before I can make anyone else happy.
Also, I hate when people think that transsexuals are weird because of gender reassignment. Nothing is wrong with it, you are NOT sick and there is nothing wrong with being who you are in the body YOU are comfortable with. |
A fun thing to study might be developmental biology. We all start out as girls, and then things just move around. their function doesn't even change much, and their form is not really that different either. Everything else is hormones, and those are somewhat random.
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Yeah it must be really difficult. Well I guess, try to meet some other people who feel like you. There are much more people who feel like that. I think that would make you feel much better.
And remember, YOUR happiness is the most important thing here. If other people want you to be happy, they would just understand or at least try to, and accept your choice. I don't know, maybe just try to talk to them, like a serious talk, and try to explain to them how you really feel. Or maybe try to talk with one person you trust the most first.. |
I used to have these problems when I was younger. I remember that when I was little, I would often tell myself "I'll grow a penis one day", fully convincing myself that I would one day feel normal. Ever since then, I discovered my distaste for anything girly. Barbie's, shopping, magazines, make-up, and such. I liked being lazy, wearing baggy clothing, leaving my hair messy, and other things, but I never really got into sports.
I never really told anybody about it until I was in high school, senior year. I felt comfortable enough to tell everyone that I felt like I should be a man. Got a pretty positive outcome from that, people supported me and they still do. Since then, I felt comfortable enough to wear formal wear to school events such as homecoming and prom. Some people started to refer me in male pronouns and even tell others about my quest for man-hood. I've gotten some backlash, however. Some people feel that I'm just going through a phase and that I should never question God's work. But honestly, I would be happier being a man. I blame some of my hatred towards my female self from my mom, since I feel she never wanted a daughter and her favoritism towards my brothers. I noticed this when I was an early teen and it helped fuel my desire to be a man in hopes of getting my mom's attention. Okay. I'm rabbling now. But here's my advice: Look at the situation around you. Analyze your family when you bring up serious subjects, it could help to use examples [like Rocky Horror Picture Show]. Try and get the reaction from anyone who doesn't know your true feelings to help you take the next step forward. Find online forum communities that are dedicated to people such as you to help better understand everything. There are users on youtube who blog their transformation and they're really interesting to compare from the first to last video. I myself haven't told my mom about my gender issues, but the fact that I buy suits and such so I think she might be getting the hint. |
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She used to talk to us about it, and just cry because there was nothing she could do to change... and was deathly afraid that people would hate her or disown her just for being who she is! Now I don't know you, or your family, so there's nothing I can say there... unfortunately. However, all you can do, is what makes you comfortable. Even if you can't just come out and be like, hi mom and dad, I want to be a girl! Just try to hide it without hiding it, if that makes sense. Honestly, in these situations, there's so much I wish I could say. Because seeing how it effected her, and feeling so helpless, I feel kinda the same way here. I wish there was more I knew to say right this second but... If you want to chat sometime, I'm a good listener, and I'll try to help at least with moral support as much as I can!! Good luck!! = ) |
I'm the worst person to ask for advice about this because while I've been there......I tend to make the worst decisions at every possible turn.....however I do support you. Don't let the norms of society change who you are.
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Norms of society are illusion anyway. If you get to know anyone you will find them to be odd in some way or another.
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The advice about "hiding but not really hiding it" is exactly what I did. I just did slow subtle changes and still am. I'm non hormonal, no-op at the moment but keep debating on whether or not I want to take the next step and go with hormones or if I want to take the non-hormonal route. I just look at myself as a work in progress. My good friend is a MtoF pre-op who also sees herself as a "work in progress". She's prettier than a lot of biological females that I know and she is MUCH happier too since she switched genders. I also know another biological male that thought he wanted to switch to being female but found that he likes dressing in drag and not the whole idea of switching genders.
You could try buying wigs, if you did not want to grow your hair out yet, buying inserts for breasts (my friend swears by some that are pretty cheap at Target that look and feel real), and wearing subtle "female" clothing to start off with and try living as "female" part time before you decide for sure if you want to transition. It's not easy and strangers do give weird looks and will ask about your gender in the beginning but it's worth it when you feel better about yourself. It's also much better for confidence to switch to what you're comfortable with as well. If you're interested in the community aspect, I would go online and look up events that the LGBTQ community has going on in your area. In most areas there's clubs and pride events. I've met a lot of people with the same issues as myself and at pride events you do not have to worry about hiding who you are. Norms of society? Phish! Who's to say what's "normal" and what's not anyway? I don't believe that there's anything not normal about being comfortable with who you are. |
I feel the same way sometimes. When I was younger, I'd wish I was a boy, and imagine myself as a boy. I'd hang with boys, and I'd have dreams about being one. I still feel that way sometimes, even though I'm as girly as they get. It is hard, because when stuff happens like when I get my "monthly visitor", I remember how weird I feel and it just makes me more uncomfortable. I still want to be a girl, though, because not only is having nice boobs awesome, but the sex change is kind of weird to me, and I think I'd rather have a working vj than a limp penis. But, again, I feel for you. I'd recommend a sex change if you really want it.
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I can somewhat relate, but all my life I've never felt like a boy nor a girl. I can't fully explain it but I feel like neither though my physical gender is male. I wouldn't care if I were physically male or female since I would embrace whichever I am. I haven't really told anyone because I don't really find my gender identity to be relevant; I don't find it to be something important or a problem, we're all different and it's dreadful people can't accept that.
You'll know in time what to do. Don't tell your family if it's going to cause troubles, maybe tell them later on when you've moved out (then they can't kick you out and you won't have to see them everyday). :) |
Awww -huggles-
I feel our society ties in physical gender too much with too many things ): We develop a feeling that if we want to do certain things, we have to be a certain gender. I struggled with it a bit when I was younger, taking the role of 'tomboy' and casting out all 'female' things, until I got a bit older and learned to accept my personality~ I thought that if you wanted to be smart and play video games and liked to build stuff, you had to be a boy. It was only later when I transferred to a NCSSSMST school and met other girls like myself did I learn that those things were separate from gender Those things get hard-coded in our minds, though, and those around us often try to 'force' us into their conceptions of how things should be~ I don't think God has given you the wrong body, He does things for a reason =3 Of course, we don't live in a perfect world, and not everyone acts as God would ask them to~ Many people put words into God's mouths - if you want to know His opinion, I say ask Him yourself! God doesn't speak in guilt or in shame, but in conviction! Remember, it's also important that you are happy with yourself =3 Now, I'm happy being a girl, and I wouldn't ever want to be a male, but my boyfriend associates with both male and female genders - and, I think I like him more for it (though for other reasons, I am glad he has man-parts XD) . Only myself and one mutual friend know, but, it's been a fairly harmless 'transition'. We kinda discovered it together XD Now, he is lucky in the fact that his mom is very artsy and quirky and would probably be excited to find out (she was disappointed he wasn't gay when he started dating me XD ), but he hasn't told her yet because he'd get no end of teasing from his brothers, (though, still not bad, honestly). I also have another friend on another internet site who's dating a biological male - female and they are very happy together =3 While they both associate strongly as females, the one biological girl is also very happy that the other has man-parts (for same reasons as I, lol XD) |
I know this conversation has been going on for a while, but I just want to let you know, you really aren't alone. There are a lot of people who question their gender. It is really scary to feel like you are going to lose your family, but at some point, you have to decide to be yourself.
There are a lot of people here and in other places who will be here to listen, myself included, so don't be a stranger, a lot of people find relief in just talking about their gender identity with people who will accept them for who they really are. |
Just cause it's awkward doesn't mean they have any reason to complain.
I tend to be rather neutral and sometimes on the feminine side, so I can understand the feeling of being in the wrong gender body. (Mostly because I'm more gentle natured than most of my family). Just be who you are. That's all I can say because you are you no matter what other people think. Heck, my brother is a marine too :lol: he just thinks I'm a wuss that's all XD As for your girlfriend. Just explain to her that you don't want to be considered "manly"? About the make-up... o.o don't both genders wear make-up in this day of age? (I don't, but I've seen men wearing it properly before just fine) |
One of my better friends here at school identifies as transgender. Physically, he's female, but there it is. I refer to him as a 'he' because that's what he prefers. You'll find that people tend to get over things like that. And the ones that don't tend to be ignorant and closed-minded anyways, and generally aren't worth your time.
Oh, and definitely talk to your girlfriend about that. Lack of communication builds more stress in that kind of situation, and the last thing you want to do is blow up at her for it at some random time. Better to get it out of the way sooner. If things go south from there, it'll suck, but you'll move on. Better to break it off to find someone who'll accept you for who you are then have to fake it for someone who won't. |
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