Boyfriend issues :/
 

My current boyfriend of nearly 3 years is a wonderful, caring, sweet person but...

lately he is always out with his friends. I haven't really hung out for real in a year. I'm always home because when i do go out and hang out, he gets a bit upset. Im always trying to be happy for him when he's out with his friends, but by the time 10pm rolls around and he's still with them, i get a bit annoyed. And these groups of friends consist of guys and girls, not just guys. He said that he hadn't hung out with his friends alllll week. Well, if he wanted to hang out, then he shouldn't have gone to the gym everyday from 6-10pm.

There's one girl in particular that he's always around. They both claim that she is a lesbian, but shes not a true one. Shes always messing around with guys, but seeks an emotional relationship with girls. He's always there, always walks home with her, and he's always helping her out with household chores. I wish he'd do that with me. The friendship he has with her (going to her house, playing video games, sitting around on her computer in HER ROOM, helping her around the house), is what i wish we had.

Everytime i begin to show a bit of irritance, he gets on the defensive, or either plays the victim. Then when I just make a comment about her or them together, he starts blowing a hissy and claims that I've been 'beetchy' all week. (which is somewhat true, im on BC and my moods have been psychotic this month, but im still sane).

ex. Him and his friends were moving around furniture in her house. She has a HUGE flat screen TV. I asked him if her house was really that big, and he agreed. So then i said, "wow then, her huge house puts my poor apartment to shame!! LMFAOO". And he started getting all upset because i said that...

I actually was invited by my friends to go see a movie yesterday, and i could bring him along. But...he was with his friends since he had made those plans already. So once again, another opportunity to spend time with him was gone, and he had spent it with his friends. When he told him, he was all flustered and mad at me.

I don't know what to do. He's getting his license this week, so hopefully we see each other more. I want him to take me out more often, but he doesn't wanna spend money. We haven't been on a real date since the summer. I guess you can say that as the years go by, im getting clingier, but i also want my freedom to hang out without him getting worried or upset or telling me to rush home. I never tell him to rush home...

I want to stay with him, and we have fought about this many times. But nothing seems to help form within the relationship, so i need advice besides people telling me to leave him.

The thing that comes to mind for me is, if he is getting upset when you go out, and you are getting upset when he goes out, and yet you both clearly need to go out and spend time with other people (which is perfectly healthy and reasonable), then why don't you schedule it so that both of you are going out with your respective friends at the same time?

Also, speaking from personal experience, 10pm isn't really that late. When my husband goes out, sometimes he'll stay out until 2am (and on rare occasions, usually special circumstances, 5am). I'm an old lady so I usually don't stay out later than 11pm, but that's just because I'll get really sleepy if I don't get home by then.

Finally, when stuff happens like he gets invited to go to the movies with you and some other people, but he already has plans, don't make a big deal about it. There will be other chances. You can always suggest other times to your friends while you're still in the "making plans" stage, too. But, the fact is that sometimes it just doesn't work out. And if he doesn't want to do that particular activity, don't try to guilt him into it. Hubby and I went back-and-forth with that kind of stuff for the longest time before we figured out that if we tried to just do it anyway, we'd both be miserable. One of us would be unhappy because we didn't want to do that particular activity, and the other would be upset at the one being miserable. It's not worth the unhappiness and fighting. Sometimes we just don't agree on activities, and that's okay.

i think you misunderstood me on the conflicting plans part. I meant that he gets upset because he wanted me to tell him before he went out because he would leave his friends and come to the movies with me. So its not that he doesn't want to, its that he wanted to but he was already busy and i never told him since he was already with friends.

Ah, I see. Well then it looks like there's just a breakdown in communication, between you and him and what your expectations are about notifying each other of plans.

yeah, thats a definite thing with him. Too much annoys him a little, too little makes him feel pushed away.