Greetings, Menewshans who are viewing this thread. I'm a bit new here. (( In fact, I just got back from making my introductory thread. )) I was wondering around when I found this little sub-forum. Then I thought, 'Maybe an easy way to put myself more into this website is to talk to people'. So, I found an appropriate place to post my little dilemma and hope for a bit of feedback that could be helpful.

I suppose I should start now...

I'm 16 years old. Currently, I'm in a relationship. Now, I know what you're probably thinking. 'Oh, some little girl in puppy-love isn't getting enough attention from her 2-week boyfriend.' Well, no. Currently, I'm in a relationship that has been continuous for over 2 years. My boyfriend- Trenton- asked me out late in the 7th grade and we've spent a very long time with each other without fights or arguments or anything negative at all, really. That is, until recently.
You see, my father is the stereotypical "protective daddy". He takes it a bit far sometimes, though. I have reason to believe he HATES Trenton, but I don't know why... So, you can understand that I haven't been able to see him very much this summer. He's not the only rain cloud that Trenton and I have to try and maneuver out from under of, though...
Recently, I've been discovering that I'm changing. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I can tell that I'm becoming an adult. I've got goals in life... I'm volunteering at a nursing home... I'm looking for a job... I have my license... I'm in a TON of clubs and on my High School Dance Team... I'm a pretty busy person.
Trenton, on the other hand, is completely lazy. He's 6 months younger than me, but doesn't even have his permit. He has no clue what he wants to do in life. He gets less-than-average grades. He's addicted to WoW, LoL, and just about every first-person-shooter game on Xbox... All on top of the fact that he's a total momma's boy, I'm starting to tell that we're too different to function anymore.
Its really breaking my heart. I care about him so much, but I feel like his mom. I'm constantly trying to get him to go outside, or participate in extra-curricular activities. I'M the one who pushes for his good grades in school. I'M the one who's looking out for him. He's thankful, too. I can tell.
Yesterday, I voiced my thoughts to him and he totally barked back. He claims that I'm trying to change him into someone he doesn't want to be, and I feel like its true... Which is wrong of me, I know...
We argued all day today. I feel sick to my stomach. I don't want to break up with him, but I don't want to marry a 15-year-old video game addict. He's the kind of person who you can't see growing up. He'll be a big kid his entire life and I don't think I want that... Why can't he just change? I love him too much to leave him.

I really don't feel like saying much more. Looking up, I can't tell how much of that is actually relevant and how much is just rambling.

Any and all comments at all are welcome. What do, Menewsha!? :c

Well first of all you are 16 - you don't have to marry ANYONE at that age let alone a 15 year old video game addict. Your goals in life right now SHOULD be to learn and to have fun and to become a young adult.

Now...my little brother dated this girl on and off from 7th grade until his senior year of high school. Sometimes they would break up and date other people in between. Other times they would break up and get back together two weeks later. It was so apparent to me and my parents and my other brother that they were two totally different people. BUT because it was their FIRST LOVE....they thought it was their TRUE LOVE...and kept coming back to it.

My little brother is married now to someone completely different. But it took him a while to see that his first love may not be his true love.

You love your boyfriend in a way because he was your first love. You don't want to hurt him because you care deeply for him...but you said it yourself, you don't envision a future with him. Your priorities are changing and so are his but in two totally different directions. Sometimes different is good but a lot of times it just doesn't work out.

Maybe you need to take time apart from him. You've been with him since 7th grade. You were what, 11 at the time? People change all the time...ESPECIALLY from 11 to 16 years old. I know you don't want to hurt him but sometimes you do need to think of yourself as well. If you don't see this relationship going anywhere, if it doesn't make you happy, perhaps it's time to let go?

I wish you the best of luck`

He's fifteen for god's sake, let the boy take his time. Keeping in mind that he still has 55 years in his future to spend on work, day in day out, let him enjoy his teenage years while he can.

Hey, doll. You're pretty close in age to me, so I want to just say this first before I carry on: you're one of the lucky few that know what they want to do with their lives and how to go about it at sixteen. I haven't got the foggiest what I want to end up doing in ten years time, but that doesn't mean that I'll never grow up and that also doesn't mean that your boyfriend will be the same. Now, to move on.

On the dad issue; I'm not really too sure what to suggest here other than talking to him. I was really lucky that my dad loved my ex. It was my mum that didn't care for him too much, but she had her reasons (he was five years older and hit me so...) but she knew it was my mistake to make so took a step back. Anyway, I'm rambling. I'd suggest talking it out with your dad. Explain to him just how you feel about Trenton and just how happy he usually makes you (maybe don't tell him that you're having trouble just now) and let him know you'll always be his baby girl and the fact you have a boyfriend doesn't change that. Trenton is in your life too, so it's only fair your dad lets you have time with him as well as everything else you're doing.

Now, on the growing up issue; as I sad before, not having a solid idea on what you want to do at fifteen is not really a problem. Also as you've probably heard, men mature a lot slower than women do. It's just one of those things. A lot of relationships that start in school face this problem. If he doesn't want to drive, or if he doesn't want to focus on working right now or if he wants to play games: let him. He's still a kid, no matter how grown up you may think you both are (and I include myself in this statement) you're still so young. You have so little time to really be kids, so don't force him to grow up. He'll only resent you for it, which as you've mentioned, is not what you want.

I'm not sure what age you would have been in seventh grade (Scotland works differently in grading) but I'm going to assume it's around twelve. People change so much between the time their twelve and the time they're sixteen and then so much again from the time that they're sixteen to when they're eighteen. To think that the person you loved at fourteen you'd still be completely compatible with two years down the line is really unlikely.

This is really a decision that only you can make. Perhaps, rather than just outright end it, suggest a break? Get some breathing space. You can both evaluate everything and then go back with a clear head and the right frame of mind and discuss whether or not you see it working out in the future. If not, you can hopefully end it on good terms.

Also, at sixteen marriage should be the last thing on your mind.

Good luck, doll.

Oh jeez... Thanks a lot everyone... Those three comments have really gotten me to think more about it... Thank you to all of you. ( If any of you come back to read this. "XD )

@Fashion, I'll thank you personally first. Your comment was the most blunt and really put me in the wrong... I already knew that it was unfair of me to think he needed to grow up when he's still young. Heck, I'm young myself... I'm thinking that I'm just going to have us take a break for a while. He'll have plenty of time to enjoy himself however he wants without me bitching in his ear to do stuff he doesn't want to...

@Bucket, Thank you so very much. Your comment really gave me a perspective on how much time I have to decide what I want to do and where I want to go... I understand that nobody comes out of their mother's womb wanting to be a trash man or lawyer... We have our whole lives to grow up, but only this small amount of time to be teenagers. As I've told Fashion, I HAVE decided that we should take a break from each other and maybe try to mature more by ourselves before thinking of being together again... It's really just what would be the best for us at the moment.

Also, as for the marriage on the mind thing... Trenton and I are a disgustingly romantic couple. "XD We've talked about stuff like getting married and having children and growing into little old people together for forever. Its really icky, but that's what I was talking about. Having the second thought and feeling ashamed of it... Not anymore, though. Its like you said, we're too young to even be thinking about it.

@Maria, I especially appreciated your comment. You really got me to think with that story about your little brother. When you mentioned the "first love" thing, I was really surprised that I hadn't thought about that before! It made sense that that would be the reason why I was so hesitant to break up with him... Girl, you so smart. I AM going to suggest the time-off thing, though. Thank you for the luck. Again, I VERY much appreciated your comment.

Again, thank you all. <3

You're very welcome! I'm glad that you managed to sort this out. :)

I'm glad you've managed to find your firm thoughts in your mixed up, emotional mind. I hope he's taking it well. It isn't permanent - this break could be just what you need to realize that perhaps your first love IS your true love. But take this break to explore who you are as a person. You are 16 and it IS time to start thinking about things like college and what you might like to do with your life even though you do have a couple years to go. If you begin to see him in the picture, perhaps you DO belong with him. But if you look at your future and don't think of a place he will fit in, perhaps you DON'T belong with him. and I hope HE takes some time to think of you and to think of where HE would like to go as well!

My little brother and that girl were silly. They were just so different from each other. and would break up over dumb things. When they were in 8th grade she wanted to go to the valentines day dance but his friends invited him to a sleepover as an antivday thing and he didn't want to let her down but saying he couldn't take her to the dance...so he broke up with her instead. D: *facepalm* later she used him and broke up with him only to come crawling back. And I know he thinks of her now as a learning experience and doesn't regret his time with her even though he did after their final break up. He realizes that she was a very important part of his life at the time and shaped who he is now.

I personally don't have a lot of dating expereince - I've had a total of two boyfriends in my life and I'm 23. So it's hard to offer dating advice based on my OWN experiences. But my little brother has had plenty...and my older brother plenty but in completely different ways so it's easy to pull from their stores haha

In all actuality, I'm usually a very level-headed person. It was only when I was with him that my brain got all jumbled up and I started thinking irrationally. Its only been a day without him, but I can almost feel myself coming back to sanity. Its a good feeling to have the burden of worrying about him lifted off my shoulders a bit. I do still worry about him and how he's doing. He didn't have much to say to me when I told him I needed a break... I think that he really understands that I need some breathing room and some time to think. To be honest, he was very mature about it and I'm so glad. I was expecting a childish tantrum, really... But its all good now.

As for your only ever having two boyfriends, you've had both of your brothers' relationship experiences to learn from. So, watching them make a mistake has probably given you the advantage of not having to make the same one. Am I right?

I'm guessing both of the relationships you've had were long-term, too. You really don't seem like the 1-week-girlfriend material. You're too smart. Lol. XD

haha yeah both are long term...7.5 months was the first and I'm over a year into the second now. I did some "dating" in college but we just didn't click....I'm not going to call someone my boyfriend unless I envision a future with them and I didn't for the guys that I dated a bit through those years. My brothers....made a few mistakes XD One can't really hold a girl for a long time - he's more interested in the sex. The other is married. Then I have two stepbrothers who were both engaged at one point but never married the girl they were engaged too. They are so sweet though and really want to get married someday so I know they will end up with someone sweet as well!

But it's good to hear that he took it well and in a mature way. Maybe he IS getting more mature - it just took a break from you for him to know it and for you to see it. And haha, I bet your dad is happy with the break from him? Dads can be so funny. Since I'm the only girl in my family, my stepdad is super protective of me. He doesn't like me dating. My first boyfriend, i swear he liked him but after we broke up...a couple years later I was talking to my mom about it and she goes, "Oh NOOOO He HATED your ex! HATED HIM! Your ex was SO smug he wanted to punch him everytime he came over" lmao XD Dads have a hard time with their little girls growing up....my stepbrothers have a hard time with me growing up too - they also don't like when I date other guys XD

I wish you the best in your current relationship. c: My applause goes out to your married brother and I'm totally cheering on your step brothers. I'm guessing that your "skirt-chasing" brother is rather young. He'll probably want to settle down more when he gets older. My dad told me stories of all the women his brother would date at the same time when they were in high school and how he'd never get caught unless he wanted to get caught. XD Some boys are just born to be troublemakers. The darn things.

I am kind of proud of him. I think he wanted to throw a tantrum, but knew that it would put more stress on me... I don't feel guilty at all anymore, too. I've thought about calling him just to see how he is, but I don't want to seem like I'm rubbing the fact that I'm fine in his face... What do YOU think? Should I wait to contact him again?... Really, he was my only friend. I don't get along with other teenage girls well (unless I have to :ninja: ) and all of my guy-friends were his guy-friends first, so he's already most likely told them about our break and is trying to get them to avoid me. Meh. :c

On a lighter note, my dad hasn't said much about it. I really don't talk to my dad... I told my mom and I think she told him. He's probably jumping for joy, but doesn't want to hurt my feelings by doing so. He's a big guy. A real tough scary dude, so he's not much one for emotions and doesn't want me to spew the waterworks if he brings up "the boy's" name. (He'd never call Trent, Trent. It was always "The Boy" or "Boy") "XD

I'm sure I won't be going out of my way to date someone else anytime in the near future, but this time if I do, I'm going to really try to get to know them... More than a 7th grader to a 7th grader...