I have trouble coping with little mishaps of life...
 

This is going to be quite the rant, I warn you. P:

Like the title says, I have trouble coping with the bad things in life, no matter how small. An example would be being lectured by my mother then hiding in the bathroom weeping my eyes out.

I grew up in a strict environment, and though my family is "intact" in terms of marriage, it was only my mother bringing me up. She had cruel ways to kick me into line, such as ripping my toys apart before me, spanking me in front of my brothers, and gossiping about me to my teachers. I was never allowed to talk to her about my problems, went, or show my emotions, lest I get punished. She never let me visit friends and my friends had to meet her expectations of good grades, otherwise she'd never approve of my playing with them. I had a few disabilities in my vision and hearing and speech that are still present today. I also developed depression, which apparently kids should not have. She likes to tear me apart by making fun of me and saying that if I do this or that it'll all become much worse. I'd have to live with this until I'm eighteen and get kicked out of her house. not my home, not my house, solely her house.

So anyways. Every time she yells at me I start crying. Every time she hits me I want to lie down and die. If I get a bad test score I feel awful for the rest of the day. If a friend tries to give me advice, I feel threatened and I lash out. I take criticism personally and I have trouble dealing with well meant "ways to do this better" speeches. I just can't seem to bounce back from all the bad things happening. Sometimes I can't even take intentions of help well, especially if they're phrased in a patronizing way. I don't why i can't just forget these things and go on normally. I just store everything inside, waiting to explode. I think there's something wrong with me...

My boyfriend tries to help me forget such things, encourages me to talk to him about them so they're not clogging up my thinking processes. But when I do, it feels like it's always the same thing that's bugging me over and over. I don't like how repetitive he and I have to be, just because I have low coping ability. I don't understand... how come some people come out of hard times even tougher? How come some people come out of hard times even weaker? I've seen plenty of both cases in the past few years, but I never understand why some people are like me and some who become tough and strong.

I want to be stronger, but I have no idea how. I'm sick of getting upset over little things. I'm sick of being so oversensitive with a sort of automatic response to take things personally. I want to be able to deal with my problems but I think I'd need help with that...

Celeste, you're opening and talking about it, that's the important thing and you're already further than I was at your age. I don't think my friends knew about how my father treated me until I was maybe 16 or 17 at the earliest. First, I want to recommend to you what they did to me, though I didn't do it; talk to a counselor about this. Counselors are held to very strict laws and have to take a situation like this seriously and should they deem it detrimental to the health of the student (I sure as heck would) then they, by law, must contact the authorities on the matter.

I never did that though and to this day, a part of me wonders how things would have changed if I did because while I was living at my dad's house, things never got better.

I ended up going to a youth group that my church had and I was able to depend on them to listen to me and hold me up. Without them, I don't think I would be anywhere near as levelheaded and willing to talk about my problems as I am now. Even if you can't get to a youth group or you just don't want to, rely on your friends. It doesn't matter if what you're saying sounds repetitive, they just want to make sure you're ok. Having your boyfriend willing to do this is such a wonderful thing and I praise you for having a relationship in such a times; I know when I was having my issues, I would try being in a relationship and it would end in a month usually...

For myself, I didn't really notice any real improvement in my personality and mentality until I was no longer living at my father's home. Sometimes I wonder if I had gone to the counselor if maybe things would have changed sooner. I've been out of my dad's house for about 3 years now but I still seem to have issues with men. I was opening at work the other day and we were getting ready to open the gate when this guy started rapping on it, whistling, yelling at us to open the gate. I let him know that it wasn't time yet and he yelled back saying it was because all the other shops around us were open. He waited maybe 30 seconds longer for us to open from when the others did. His yelling was enough to get me to sit in our back room and cry for about 15 minutes.

My simple advice from what I've gone through and did and didn't do would first be to seek help because that could bring about the quickest results. Seeing the counselor at school should be a during school hours thing, at least it was at my school. Second would be to continue to rely on those around you because even if you sound repetitive, they're looking out for you.

I hope things get better for you and know if you ever need anyone to rant to, I'm here, kay? ^.^

Thank you so much for your response, ISOS Duke. I really appreciate that someone bothered to read and respond. It means a lot.

I've considered talking to a counselor a few times, but I can't really bring myself to speak to an adult in person. I think it may be something to do with the fact that my mom thinks kids like me shouldn't have such problems or be near depression. Because of that, I'm kind of unwilling to share stuff in person. At least internet gives a certain degree of privacy if you're careful. However, I'll look into a youth group somewhere. I know my boyfriend attends one on Friday nights, but I dunno if my mother would approve. She is an overprotective type of person and she's not open to the idea of events at night.

I'm really glad I found this particular guy. He's so sweet and has just the right degree of protectiveness. He's also willing to bear with me as I rant and vent about troubles in my life. I just wish I could do something in return to pay him back for his wonderful efforts. Unfortunately, I've only felt a small change through his support. I suppose that's not abnormal. Might as well have slow improvement than none at all, I guess.

Thanks again, and I'll keep your advice in mind. C: