These Questions come up and I've had to answer them myself...
Not a real situation for me but these kind of issues lurk in the shadows no matter how good of a person we think we are or others think... we all have that angel and devil side which tempts us to do the wrong thing. The voice that we hear doesn't always win for the right thing.
What happens when trust is betrayed?
What happens when the conditions of love are stretched to their limit?
How does one deal with the anger and betrayal? or How does one deal with the Guilt and the Shame. The filth one feels that no matter how many showers one may take, it won't be washed away.

Could you forgive someone you loved who betrayed you?
In turn do you think you could be forgiven if it was you who fell prey to a passing whimsical desire (And God knows we all have them).

Reconciliation - Is there love after such a thing - can trust be rebuilt or will that lingering doubt keep us from forgiving and trying to forget such a wrong or will it destroy the bonds of love forever...

Let's discuss...

Ahh, this is a very interesting discussion you've got here.

There are few things I'm more serious about than love and loyalty, perhaps none. In the case of being betrayed by someone I loved, it would be difficult. Since I loved them so much I would want to stay with all my heart, I would want to forgive them, but I wouldn't be able to stick it out with them. I'd likely think about it a couple of days and then just try to leave as gracefully as possible. Or I'd leave immediately, regret it for awhile, but eventually convince myself I did the right thing. Having lived the life I have, I know that my trust is gone once broken. I'm fragile that way.

As for if I betrayed someone, I'd probably have trouble forgiving myself. I'd probably never be the same again.

On the reconciliation bit, I believe that for some people there is reconciliation, but it is rare, and most likely not something I could do if I were in the situation.

What happens when trust is betrayed?

In my experience it leaves a hole in your life. Suddenly you don't know if other people are trustworthy or not, you question everything. You become prepared for it to happen again. When it does you knew it would, because nobody likes you. What you don't realize is that you may be the cause of it. Some people can feel when they're not trusted, while others see you change.

What happens when the conditions of love are stretched to their limit?

It either breaks or becomes stronger.

How does one deal with the anger and betrayal? or How does one deal with the Guilt and the Shame. The filth one feels that no matter how many showers one may take, it won't be washed away.

Personally I do a lot of things. I get angry and try and hurt the person mentally in any way I can. I am trying to stop doing that. I tear myself up from the inside and out because I don't know what to do when there is no resolution. I cannot handle it, ever. I know I'm like this, and I tell people I'm like this. I tell them not to take it personally. When I break and do this they can't handle it and leave me.

Could you forgive someone you loved who betrayed you?
They get one Chance. After that I do not forgive anyone like that anymore. Betrayed once, betrated again. I will be friendly but I will hate them at times and wish something bad would happen to them. I will never be in any form of relationship with that person again.

Reconciliation - Is there love after such a thing - can trust be rebuilt or will that lingering doubt keep us from forgiving and trying to forget such a wrong or will it destroy the bonds of love forever...

There is only one person in this world that I can reconcile with. He is always there for me and I him. Everyone else gets one chance, only one.


Also I would never purposely betray anyone. Not anymore. If I do I tell them straight up what I did and that I was stupid and I didn't know.

Originally Posted by ElysiumFate

Ahh, this is a very interesting discussion you've got here.

There are few things I'm more serious about than love and loyalty, perhaps none. In the case of being betrayed by someone I loved, it would be difficult. Since I loved them so much I would want to stay with all my heart, I would want to forgive them, but I wouldn't be able to stick it out with them. I'd likely think about it a couple of days and then just try to leave as gracefully as possible. Or I'd leave immediately, regret it for awhile, but eventually convince myself I did the right thing. Having lived the life I have, I know that my trust is gone once broken. I'm fragile that way.

As for if I betrayed someone, I'd probably have trouble forgiving myself. I'd probably never be the same again.

On the reconciliation bit, I believe that for some people there is reconciliation, but it is rare, and most likely not something I could do if I were in the situation.

I'm fragile too to a certain degree... loyalty and honesty are important but I know I'm not perfect and neither are others, but at the same time there is no clear cut answer as each situation is different and requires different scrutiny. We all come from different backgrounds with different values and such making the decisions for each of us extremely complicated and full of emotional angst.

Many variables to consider

How long you have been with the person?
What has the history been?
Was this just a one time happening or more?
Is the person sorry for what they did?
How are they trying to make it up to you?

Then you ask yourself is this relationship worth saving.

I read a slash fanfiction of Tintin and Haddock on a lighter note where Tintin cheats on Haddock but the themes are very real and I connected to it despite all the sexual scenes in it. It was called Infidelity by pen author Bianca Castafiorina I think....

@Blizzard Pie - You're right it does put a hole in you... but for me at one point being without that person put an even bigger hole in me, and I was too weak to leave at that point, but have seen other friends work through such difficult times and their realtiionship survives.

When emotions are pushed to the limit emotional irrationality takes over with good reason no one will be able to stay calm when matters of the heart are involved otherwise you're just not human.

Just curious is the person a friend that you care to give another chance to?
When you are hurt bitterness/vindictiveness takes over for some of us, it did for me at one time and I hated myself for the bad things I did in retaliation.

I agree. When I was thinking about betrayal before it was mostly just on the aspect of cheating. Cheating is not something I can forgive, so for me there would never be any reconciliation there even if it was just once, and even if our history was long, but other people are different.

There are other things I could reconcile on, though. A lie, or hurting my feelings, I can overcome those things as long as that lie has nothing to do with loyalty and the basic trust is still there. Also, I can't deal with pathological liars. Everyone lies and gets themselves into hot water every once in awhile, but if it becomes chronic I'm going to leave.

And in the situation of lying or some other betrayal you're right, I'd have to consider whether or not they're actually sorry, and whether or not they are trying to make it better.

Originally Posted by ElysiumFate

I agree. When I was thinking about betrayal before it was mostly just on the aspect of cheating. Cheating is not something I can forgive, so for me there would never be any reconciliation there even if it was just once, and even if our history was long, but other people are different.

There are other things I could reconcile on, though. A lie, or hurting my feelings, I can overcome those things as long as that lie has nothing to do with loyalty and the basic trust is still there. Also, I can't deal with pathological liars. Everyone lies and gets themselves into hot water every once in awhile, but if it becomes chronic I'm going to leave.

And in the situation of lying or some other betrayal you're right, I'd have to consider whether or not they're actually sorry, and whether or not they are trying to make it better.

In the end it all comes down to the individual, but as a friend who dealt with a situation, I found her confiding in me for advice and I told her how I felt but I asked her, how does she feel. In the end I'm not the one in the relationship. Is it worth saving?

I also had another gay friend who had something similar happen and gay relationships are similar though but aren't always clearly defined.

Some people feel strongly about certain things which is good and bad and some people do but at the same time are willing to weigh all the aspects of the person and the length and quality of the relationship. There is much to consider, I may be willing to forgive one time... my philosophy is do me wrong once, shame on you, do me wrong twice, shame on me!