I want to start this thread for anyone who has those moments that you just feel like your on an emotional roller coaster. Share whatever you are willing... no one has to respond to anything... I know sometimes I just love to type out a big long rant cause it makes me feel a little better. So, if anyone else feels the same, you can do that here... and no one will be judged or anything like that.

For me, lately, I've been up and down like crazy! I feel super happy one minute, the next I'm down lower than dirt and wishing there was anything that would make me feel better. It's been even worse knowing that my girlfriend worries so much over me and how I feel. It kills me when I see that look in her eyes like she just feels lost when trying to deal with me.

Other things have been kinda bad. She is still friends with her ex, and I'm friends with her as well. But see, they broke up because the ex wanted to move away to go to college and try to start a better way of life. She had a new girlfriend, a job, and she starts college soon... but, she lost her job and her new girlfriend, and she's been pretty down on herself about school. So she's been talking to my girlfriend a lot, hinting at how she wants to be back with her, and have her old way of life back. I don't think my girlfriend will leave me for her, after all, she's one that believes ex's are ex's for a reason... but it's worrying.

I also hadn't drank in over a month, but broke down and got some alcohol the other day, and already made an arse of myself because of it, which I hate.. she was rather upset with me over it, but I could't help it. And smoking hasn't been very easy to give up either. Life is just too difficult sometimes, but I just can't give up. I can't... things are finally starting to get a little better, I would never forgive myself if I screwed this up....

I've had an incidence with a lot of ups and downs. Well I think everyone has, more than once. Hm.....let's see.....Well I have a friend of mine and our relationship is really.....confusing. It's a long story and kinda hard to explain, but basically we tend to fight a lot and really often over things that we don't even remember after we are fighting. And we make up a lot but it makes the status of our friendship really confusing.

Sometimes the fights get bad enough that we break it off, and each time I basically swear never to talk to the friend ever again. But we go back to being friends. It causes a lot of stress, cause I'm never sure if I can really count on them. But the truth is that it goes both ways. I probably cause the exact same amount of insecurity for them.

I'm not sure what's going on, but I get the feeling that the both of us still want to be friends......everything is just really confusing right now x.x

Insecurity can be a real bitch sometimes.. ):

rant mode: on
Sometimes I still feel insecure about doing certain things in front of my boyfriend. It's so fucking illogical for me to feel that way but I can't help it. When I share almost everything with my boyfriend it hurts so much more when I find myself incapable to divulging certain things without acting like a child about it.
Sometimes I want my privacy, but the costs are much too high at this point. ;_; Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be single again, be my own person again, but those are bad thoughts D: I just need to carve out my own personality within the relationship..

bleh.
No worries cause I love you, boyfran. :D