I'm going to fight tooth and nail to get him to go. The interview is scheduled when we are supposed to be at the "lake". I hope he just brings us all home instead of him going almost all the way home and then back to the "lake". Nobody is going to ruin this for him. It is his golden opportunity and may be his last.

Haha if we ever go, I'll be sure to invite you.

Ok, so I read the whole thing, twice. I had to look at it from your point of view, and then also put myself in your shoes and act like it was my in-laws.

I've been in your shoes, and you need to get out of your shoes. Throw those shoes away, get some shoes that are made for ALL activities. Am I making any sense? Sometimes you want to wear heels, but you need to have some tennis shoes in your closet, too. Dust those thangs off, and go camping. Personally, my husband and I used to go camping all the time, and it was okay. (Not super awesome spectacular and not awful. Just okay.) We also went just the two of us, before we had a child and without family.

Our daughter will be four in September and we still haven't gone camping since she's been here. It sounds awful, lol. I don't even want to deal with the heat and bugs, much less force my small child to. I don't know where you live, but the middle of summer is the last time ever that I'd choose to go camping. No thanks. Also, I would never go camping with my in-laws. Most likely for different reasons than you have, but still, in-laws and camping, no.

My mother-in-law likes to take my child off to do things where I can't see them, and it bothers me greatly. While she has had a small football team of children, she also let them catch her house on fire, break their faces after falling off the fridge, drive a car into the house at the age of two, and left each of them at the store at least once, sometimes not even noticing until they'd walked all the way home AS SMALL CHILDREN. Do I think she's a bad person? No. Do I want her alone with my child? No.

Not to mention, one of the three children she has living with her has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and recently assaulted my husband, kicked in his mom's door, and found out he has a permanent STD, and I just don't want to go camping with him. End of story. With that said, if my husband's family called and wanted to go camping I would put my foot down and say no. It would be easy for me though, because my husband would say no before I even had the chance to.

Now, take the crazy brother-in-law out of the picture, and I would have to be nice and say yes. I would hate the stress of my mother-in-law who let her children jump into the deep end of pools at the age of two taking my child off to the lake, and I would certainly not let her do it, but, if the worst thing happening out there is that I'm standing up to my mother-in-law and telling her I want my daughter in sight at all times, then we're in good shape.

Bugs suck. Take bug spray. And, Google easy camping recipes. There are numerous sites where they give you great instructions on how to prepare meals before you even leave, or organize pre-cut ingredients for easy assembly. Tacos aren't the only easy camping food out there. It sounds a little bit to me (and please don't get offended) that his family and you, are both being stubborn. She doesn't want tacos and you don't want to make anything else. Well, she should suck it up and eat them for one measly meal, and you could just make something else. You know?

Even funnier, if you ended up making something else that she hated even more! But, that wouldn't be the mature adult thing to do. *sigh*

Your husband, on another note, needs to put his own foot down. You and your child come before anything else. Your child's game is more important than a few hours of sitting around getting bug bitten in the sun. By far. If my husband tried to pull that shit, he'd be unpleasantly surprised to find that my daughter and I didn't show up for camping at all. He also needs to set aside time for his dad's calls. Not during your time. If his phone rings during a movie, he needs to silence it and call back when the movie is over. If he thinks it's important, he should answer and when he finds out it's not important, let his dad know he'll call back when your movie is done.

My husband used to have this same problem with his mom. He could not tell her no. We've been through many very awful and tough bumps in our marriage thanks to his mom and his gross child-like attachment to her. But, we've also pulled through them, learned a little about ourselves, and changed accordingly. You guys sound like us, three years ago. Keep your chin up, you'll get there, and he'll get there. It's a matter of stepping outside your comfort zones. You, going camping and trying to enjoy it. And him letting his dad know straight up that you and your son are first and that he can't always be barging into your lives.

That's the first step, and I know because we've been there. It's hard. And it's really easy for people on the outside looking in to give you "advice". It's a lot harder when you've been dealing with it for years and you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or deal with any confrontation or cause more problems in your marriage. I know. I really do. It's important to find some alone time where you can sit down with your husband and voice your concerns and irritations and set rules, that you can both agree to and abide by.

It sounds a little bit to me like you have a lot of bitterness towards his family (not wanting to go camping and finding every reason why, and not wanting to go to the reunion) more than likely due to years of biting your tongue and getting walked all over not only by your in-laws but also by your husband because of your in-laws. I know. Know why? Ding ding ding! Cause I've been there! It's a shitty situation, but it isn't going to change until you and your husband are on the same page and he rips that page out and tapes it on his family's metaphorical forehead.

As for making the week pass, definitely try being nice and civil. If you're already grouchy and bitter before you leave, it's just going to make your time, your son's time and your husbands time awful. And that isn't fair. Sometimes the LAST thing you want to do is grin and bear it, but you're a strong, mature mom. Grin and bear it.

Take some of your child's favorite things to do, a bug holder and a net, a spyglass, set up horseshoes, take some books, a notebook to write or draw, or maybe even branch out and take something entirely new. Maybe try knitting or something?

I hope everything works out and that you can all get along and have fun, but more importantly grow as adults together in this time! Good luck!

he'd be stupid to let his family ruin this for him

Originally Posted by llonka

Shadami- Rant away! I'm game to hear how other in-laws are.

Silver- That sounds fun! I don't know if we could afford to take a trip like that though. We probably can't even really afford to go these trips that were planned for us.

Neller- I understand I should look at it from a different angle, but my family doesn't do these kinds of things. They don't get together and sit around doing nothing. I don't even see my cousin's on my dad's side unless something bad has happened. Even then I don't talk to them and they don't attempt to even look at me. I should be used to it, the getting together thing, because we've been married almost eight years, but I just hate how I feel like I'm forced to go. I think that's it. I feel like we are FORCED to go, to show off for his dad. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's just my opinion.

Kirin- Jacob isn't gonna miss his cub scout thing, I won't let him. I already told hubby how I felt about it and he feels the same way. We pay money for him to be in cub scouts and missing that would be a waste of money.

Keno- You aren't being mean or rude. I like how you think. I wish hubby could just go and take the boys if he wanted, but in his family it doesn't work like that. They think once someone gets married, the whole other side of the family should be invovled in their nonsense too. Like they want my parents to go camping too. It's ridiculous and stupid. i don't know if I could tell him off on the phone like that, as much as I want to. I'll reply more later, hubby will home soon.

seriousy though. i've stated it before. the next time i want to see my father in law is at his funeral. no this isn't me wishing him dead. i just don't want to see him, ever, again. the man called me a terrible mother, claims i'm a bitch because i'm like his ex wife who he BEAT and abused physically and emotionally. He threatened by daughters. and he constantly tries to get my husband to leave us. Even to the point where he insults my choices in religion.

Shadami, does your husband allow that!?

That's horrible.

He and his Dad aren't talking anymore. And he's trying his damndest not to become his father.

That's good. Sometimes it's hard not to become your parents, but as long as he truly doesn't want it and is always thinking to become something better than that sh*t, I'm sure he's going to be great. I mean, his dad sounds just, awful. But he can change, too, if he wants to. My dad was in and out of prison until I was in high school, when he finally went for so long that my mom finally didn't let him come back. He did some really awful things to his family, friends and even strangers. He's not allowed to own a gun and can't get in trouble again or he'll go away forever.

But, he wanted to change, and he did. The core of all his problems/horrible decisions and actions was alcohol, on top of a really messed up childhood. It wasn't until he found God that he could come to terms with his childhood and enroll in an AA program and quit drinking that he was able to turn his life around. He's since then owned his own business, married, had another child, bought his own home... I hate when people say, "People never change." All we do is change. We just have to make the choices to change for the better. I really hope your father-in-law can change before he grows too old. There's hope for him, you know?

You know, I think my fatherinlaw could be like that too if he wanted. I'm sure I remind them of hubby's mom sometimes. But I feel like they are really really stupid. They act like they know everything, but in reality they know nothing. I'm amazed at what hubby doesn't know and I end up teaching him a ton of new things all the time.

Poppet, I'll respond to your post in a little while. I need to go back and reread it. haha.

So the new thing with the camping thing is we (mostly me I think) are planning on leaving Thursday. I don't see any problem with that. We will be an hour away from home, why go three hours back just to turn around come back home on Saturday? Seems like a waste of gas money to me. The problem is that hubby is afraid his dad is going to bitch at us for leaving early. I already told hubby, who cares, they can survive what two days? without us. I still think his dad just wants us there so he can show off. I'm not his property to brag about or to parade around.

I guess I kinda responded to Poppet.. I am going, there's no way out of it. I have to go whether I want to or not. Maybe it won't be so bad because we are staying in a camper (sorry I must have left that part out). It's just the idea of having to be around them for most of the week. I want my husband and wife time, and when we are with his family hubby gets really distant. I am bitter towards them, because after we got married things changed. We aren't as close as we used to be, I mean intimately, and maybe because of my hormone troubles, but still. When his dad calls right in the middle of us doing stuff.. if you know what I mean.. it just tears me up inside. Like i'm not supposed to have time to be intimate with my husband. Another thing that bothers me is how they talk about people. It makes me wonder if they talk about me like that. the other day some family member was in town so we had to go out to eat with them. They started talking about how "butch" someone's ex-wife is and pointed out the she was fatter than one of the waitresses. that just really pissed me off. the whole weight thing does all the time. Do people talk about me like that? I'm about one hundred pounds overweight. :/ But I feel like I can't say anything, because if I do he'll argue with me until I give in. It's like that about everything. Even though I know I'm right, he'll snap at me the wrong idea and try to make me think like he does. Ugh.

Ohhh my gosh, my mom is actually that way, and so is my grandma. They say the most awful things about people and it's really embarrassing. Plus, I don't want my daughter picking up on that at all. That is not how you treat people and that's not okay. But when she sees her grandma and great grandma doing it, it really pisses me off. I'm constantly having to parent ALL of them and tell them to watch their mouths, and not to say anything if they can't say something positive. I know for sure that my grandma talks crap about me, just because that's how she is. It's disgusting.

My hormones have been a little out of whack since I had my daughter, so I understand where you're coming from there. And I also understand not wanting to say anything to the in-laws to cause problems. Sometimes it sure would be nice if we could just move far, far away from family, lol. Amiright?

I am really glad at the moment that I am single and don't have to deal with in-laws.

Originally Posted by p o p p e t ♥

Ohhh my gosh, my mom is actually that way, and so is my grandma. They say the most awful things about people and it's really embarrassing. Plus, I don't want my daughter picking up on that at all. That is not how you treat people and that's not okay. But when she sees her grandma and great grandma doing it, it really pisses me off. I'm constantly having to parent ALL of them and tell them to watch their mouths, and not to say anything if they can't say something positive. I know for sure that my grandma talks crap about me, just because that's how she is. It's disgusting.

My hormones have been a little out of whack since I had my daughter, so I understand where you're coming from there. And I also understand not wanting to say anything to the in-laws to cause problems. Sometimes it sure would be nice if we could just move far, far away from family, lol. Amiright?

Yes! I wish we could move far far away...

My hormones are finally getting back to normal, I feel like cuddling with hubby again. Ahh it's so nice. But then his dad will call and ruin it for me. :P

I feel better about the "camping" trip, but only because we get to leave two days early and I get to see MY grandma who would never talk to me like hubby's does. I don't think she'd even judge me the way I feel like his family does.

that's horrible that you get judged

I feel like I am anyways. Last time I got my hair cut, fatherinlaw made fun of me. Pissed me off. Maybe I like my hair really short, like boy short.

People like that are awful. My grandma is the same way. She was here last Thursday, and actually told me a story about when I was a TODDLER, about how they used to make fun of my sweaty feet. Uhm. No wonder I have such low self esteem as an adult. And maybe, just MAYBE you shouldn't put thick socks and shoes on a baby in the middle of the Texas heat while a toddler can't regulate body temperature the way an adult can. Ridiculous. It's clearly not me, since I don't have sweaty feet as an adult. It was their lack of actually knowing anything about babies. And then to make fun of ME!? People are amazing.

People suck sometimes.

Wow sounds like my in-laws. They are always teasing Kaleb and it drives him nuts. Poor guy.

So hubby told his dad yesterday that we are leaving early. His dad didn't get upset like hubby thought he would, but wants the boys to stay there with him. :/ I asked Jacob and he had a fit. Kaleb thinks he'll come home and be home alone. xP They are confused I think, at least Kaleb is anyways. I dunno what we are doing yet, but I do know i'm NOT staying at the lake without hubby.

Oh no I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang in there ok? Maybe giving yourself stuff to do while on the trip with your boys and husband will help keep your in-laws and their family from being obnoxious and giving you stuff to do. Waking up early and going on small walks to see the surroundings may help. Hope things work out buddy. :)

Originally Posted by NavigatingAnomaly

Oh no I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang in there ok? Maybe giving yourself stuff to do while on the trip with your boys and husband will help keep your in-laws and their family from being obnoxious and giving you stuff to do. Waking up early and going on small walks to see the surroundings may help. Hope things work out buddy. :)

Thank you! I just keep telling myself it will be okay because I get to leave early.