In-law rant/issues again
 

llonka: making the week pass
a) try someonthing you havent done before - learnt to kni9t, or embroider, it takes time but is also calming and satisfying specially when stresed
b) bring some books, something thats sat on your shelf that you've alsways wanted to read
c) projects with your boys. Bring a camera an d take phoptos together and when you get back make a college, make a treasure hunt for them aorund the campsite, or a scavenger hunt
d) bring a note book and use the time you are away from home tow rite a tom do list of things you eed to get done or things that need to chane when you get bakc, see coming back home as a fresh start, for example talk to your hubby about his father

Firsty I appluade you on putting up with this for so long I would've snapped by now in many ways at the parents and I'd be in a mental institution because yanking the phone line out of the wall isn't normal behaviour apparenlty. Damn cold callers.


I say stick to your guns and go after small child has been to his club because when you're that age there's nothing worse than having a club you look forward to every week and then being told you can't go. Possibly missing out on the start of earnin a new badge (no idea if they still do the whole bage thing).

Husband needs to put his foot down with his dad and when he phones and you're about to do something together just say I can't talk right now I've got plans.


Don't let them get to you on the camping trip just don't pay full attention to them if they decide they want to be awkward or someone will end up with a sausage rammed up their nose.

THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY LIFE! Well, kinda. So my boyfriend just moved back in with his parents. He was living with me. Life was awesome. Now... it's annoying. His mom likes to be all chummy with me but she's a total B about it! Like we had to go to a parade. HAD TO.

I told her I went to bed at 3AM because I came in late. She said she didn't care. No. You should care. I'm 24. I'm not your kid. You cannot make me go to a stupid parade IN THE RAIN! Of course, when I said no, my boyfriend got yelled at. And I was dragged to it. So dumb. And this isn't the only time this has happened. It happens EVERY TIME I visit. And it gets old.

I have started to learn that it's honestly not worth arguing and hating it. It only makes everyone miserable and moody. It makes things tense and gross. And everyone just becomes mean. It become hostile and uncool. As much as it will suck and you don't want to do it, you just have to learn to at least accept it. You might not like it, but it means something to them. When you marry someone, you marry into that family and share in their practices and activities. My boyfriend's family loves beer. They're always drinking it. I hate drinking. It gets on my nerves but I've come to just turn a blind eye toward it. So long as they're not forcing me to drink it, it doesn't matter.

With this camping, I think you should go and think of all the positives. Yeah, sunburns suck. But at least you'll get a tan. Yeah, bug bites suck, but you can turn it into a competition to see who got bit the most (also, lavender helps A LOT). So she doesn't like tacos, you can still make tacos and maybe do a salad. If she doesn't like what you have, then she can ask for something else or make something else.

Unless you think they are purposely doing this to spite you, I wouldn't look at it like it's an attack or something bad. They just want to spend time with family. Is it really that bad? You can make the most of the trip and enjoy it. I know I would. Maybe you'll learn something new? Maybe it'll be more fun than you thought? I guess I would just go into thinking that this isn't about you. It's about spending time together with family. And with that approach, you can't go wrong.

Poor llonka [hug]
I think the ladies have given you good advice. I don't think anything I would add would be productive, as I broke up with bf last wk for cheating on me D:< All I have to say about men right now comes from anger.
I also have always hated camping. Will there be a lake nearby? Fishing is fun. Also, bring laptop/tablet/phone/whatev. Crossword puzzles or sudoku?

A thread about ranting about in-laws? I'm game!!! In laws are fucking insane jerk faces. (except my mother in law. i love her to death.. and my attractive but dick head brother in law... and the obnoxious teenager brother in law. step father in law isn't bad but he can be such an ass.)

But mostly I want to rant about my father in law.
The father in law that almost stopped us from getting married because part of my religion says that we need the parents permission. He gave us permission the DAY OF the wedding. And since that day he has been trying to break us up.

llonka: Something else I would suggest after this, is take a trip that YOU guys want to take, just you and hubby or even you, hubby and kiddo. Tell your families that your phones will be off, (if you are worried about them, i.e. health, you can tell them that you will call once a day for an hour to check in or even every other day.) Tell them its like a second honeymoon and that you guys love them but you need a little you time/family time. It doesn't completely fix it but it would be a nice break from them and their problems and give you guys a nice chance to recharge. You don't even have to go away if you think they will respect you and not show up at your house. Or even just go a couple hours away.

I'm sorry you're going through such a frustrating situation right now, but I do have to say that you sound like my boyfriend right now. He dreads doing things with my family, and it's extremely frustrating for me because it's my family. When you married your husband, you married the things that came with him, including his family. I don't think a week camping trip is such a terrible thing his family could ask you to do. Like Easty said, find some things to try that you've never done before! It's a vacation, so don't look at the negatives. It's supposed to be a positive, relaxing event! It's not wrong that his family asks you to join in on things. You can always say no. If it's your husband not saying no, perhaps you should talk to him about it?

That so sucks. You should have a serious talk with your hubby about how his family makes you feel. His family shouldn't do this to you. Especially trying to convince you to skip your sons Cub Scout thing.

llonka:
From what it sounds like to me is both of you need to make it known to your parents that your not they're "little ones" anymore.
I finally told my mom straight up that I am 23 and I know what I'm doing and how to take care of myself.
(This has nothing to do with this but I also had to get it through her head that I am not my siblings. I do things my way.)

Your In-Laws need to understand that your huddy's life doesn't revolve around them anymore.

And next time for food just make what you want.
If they don't like it then they either find something else or they don't eat.

Cub Scouts is important.
DO NOT LET THE LITTLE GUY MISS THAT.
EVER.
My boyfriend did it when he was young and it taught him a lot of helpful things that he uses even now.

Family reunions can be hard.
I agree there.
But from what I've learned by watching my parents is that if it was on my mom's side, only mom went.
If it was on dad's side, only dad went.
Now my "dad" never had them.
(Sorry I don't consider him my dad anymore.)
Mom had them a lot.
And when she went, I'd go with.

That calling every night thing goes along with they need to understand your hubby's life doesn't revolve around them.
Next time take the phone and be like, "I'm sorry but we're in the middle of something."
Then hang up.
Do it every night if you have to.

And make sure your hubby knows that all of this bugs you.
Trust me, talking about it helps a lot.
And who knows maybe he feels the same way about this stuff too and doesn't say anything because he thinks you like it.

I hope I got all the key points and I hope I don't sound rude or mean..
LOL

Shadami- Rant away! I'm game to hear how other in-laws are.

Silver- That sounds fun! I don't know if we could afford to take a trip like that though. We probably can't even really afford to go these trips that were planned for us. [stare]

Neller- I understand I should look at it from a different angle, but my family doesn't do these kinds of things. They don't get together and sit around doing nothing. I don't even see my cousin's on my dad's side unless something bad has happened. Even then I don't talk to them and they don't attempt to even look at me. I should be used to it, the getting together thing, because we've been married almost eight years, but I just hate how I feel like I'm forced to go. I think that's it. I feel like we are FORCED to go, to show off for his dad. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's just my opinion.

Kirin- Jacob isn't gonna miss his cub scout thing, I won't let him. I already told hubby how I felt about it and he feels the same way. We pay money for him to be in cub scouts and missing that would be a waste of money.

Keno- You aren't being mean or rude. I like how you think. I wish hubby could just go and take the boys if he wanted, but in his family it doesn't work like that. They think once someone gets married, the whole other side of the family should be invovled in their nonsense too. Like they want my parents to go camping too. It's ridiculous and stupid. i don't know if I could tell him off on the phone like that, as much as I want to. I'll reply more later, hubby will home soon.

Well that's good that you won't dump the Cub Scout thing.

Do you guys get to go on holiday as just your family unit, you, husband and the boys ?

It comes across as the in-laws are (as they think) trying to do you a favor, like weekend away, but not really giving you a choice.

If we ever go on a weekend trip, it's to the car races. Hubby goes to the race and the boys and I stay in the motel. They won't sit long enough at the race track, so it's easier for us to stay in the motel and play games or whatever. Other than that we don't go anywhere. :/

You should plan a trip for just you, hubby and the boys where you can all enjoy it.

Haha. You sound more and more like my boyfriend! He does NOT like being forced into things. Maybe you should put your foot down. It sounds like they just want to spend time with you, though. Be together. Be a family. It sounds like you're not so used to a family being close, but his family is close and you're trying to fight it. You and your husband should find a balance of his family events you attend. Something you can both be comfortable with so you don't feel smothered, but still be apart of his family. They'll have to understand, too, that you and your husband are your own family.

And playing cards is not nothing. It's a lot of fun if you let yourself have fun. ;)

Well, hang in there, llonka-wonka!

I'm fortunate...I actually LIKE doing things with my inlaws.

Day after tomorrow we leave my sister's here up north, and go to his family reunion. It's going to be a lot of religious stuff, cuz that's the way they are, and I don't know most of them very well, but I can manage for the 3 days of the reunion.

Unfortunate though...it's in the woodsy wilds of upper Wisconsin, so I expect to get et alive by the mosquito birds they have up here...
I have two cans of OFF...I wonder if it will be enough...

I think I figured out why I'm being so bitter and trying to resist so hard. Last year hubby couldn't get off work. So you know what his dad did? He tried to force the boys and I to go without hubby. I will not leave my husband for a whole week and stay with his family. I wouldn't/don't expect him to be around mine without me, so I feel it should be same way with his family. His dad got really pissed off at me and said some mean things because the boys and I didn't go. He tried to make me feel left out or whatever the freak he was trying to do but it didn't work. That's what it is, I feel resentment when they talk about the "vacation" because I feel forced to go. If we don't go his dad gets really pissed off and says bad stuff about us. There's more, but the more I talk about it, the more upset I'm getting. :(

I hope you have enough bug spray Jeanie, we got eaten up the other day.

Father in-law has some control issues and being childish reverting to petty name calling because he doesn't get his way. If he's going to have a tantrum every time he doesn't get his way about something which is your decision, personally I would've cut ties with them.

You don't know how much I really want to HIMMIE. But I can't but hubby doesn't want to. It just pisses me off how they think they can control me into doing what they want me to.

You know what else pisses me off? Hubby's cousins aren't going this time and I bet they didn't get greif for it. I wish I had to work or something. He has one cousin that him and his wife NEVER go. I bet they could if they wanted to, but they never come this way anymore. One time we went to hubby's aunt's house, which is nine hours away, and they were still living there, they left on an anniversary trip. Hubby grandma was really sick, and all the family was there, but they still went on their trip. I doubt anyone said anything to them. How fair is that? If it were us, we would have gotten an ear full.

So I think it's not so much the idea of being gone for a week, it's just being around his dad and grandma and they way try to manipulate me. And I think I was okay, until the whole cub scout skipping idea came up and his grandma was rude about my taco salad idea. *crosses arms*

Don't let them get to you. They're probably doing it because they can't go off at the cousin and his missues.

If they don't like what you're doing and think they can do better let them think that. Don't like what's being cooked don't eat it alternatively, and the best option in my opinion, start singing Weird Al's song Eat It.

I think you need to plan a holiday just for you guys. You, your husband and the boys even if it's for next year have some time without them.

Maybe do some days out if you can't get monies together for a holiday this year, like going to the park and having a pic-a-nic.

And if they try and get in on it. No it's just for you not extended family.

Thanks HIMMIE, you are such a great friend! [hug] We will have to do something together, because their interference is getting to be too much.

So I have a little glimmer of hope, that maybe, just maybe we will be able to leave early! Somebody from the sheriff's office called and wants hubby to do an interview! [boogie] I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for him and I hope he takes this opportunity to get out of Walmart! I hope he doesn't let his dad or family get in the way or let them talk him out of going. He NEEDS to do this, not for me, not the boys or his dad, but for him. He's not happy at his job at Walmart and I see this as his perfect chance to get into the law enforcement position he went to college for.

You should tell him that. That he should do this interview for himself and not let anyone talk him out of it.

If you plan a holiday to Disney World I'm gonna come and crash that holiday.