Yes, I am dieing. Weeeelll, maybe not this second but I am HIV positive and even as we speak, my body is slowly eating itself. At times it's scary because I have a son who is 12 and I wonder if I will even get to see him get married, or have children. I got it (the HIV) from a rape many years ago. I have made my peace with the rape and the "gift" that my rapist left me with. No I am not an IV drug user. Or an ex-prostitute. Before the rape I was just an ordinary mother. Walking home from work on a warm summer night. Now I have to face all sorts of myths and incorrect assumptions. My situation is this: My son does not know about my status. I am struggling with telling him now that he is at an age where he can grasp what it means to be HIV positive. I am not asking for sympathy. Just understanding. And maybe some ideas on how to broach the subject with him.

wow, having been diagnosed with HIV after such a traumatic ordeal is probably stressful enough. your mind must be reeling with questions like how will you get the health care you need? how will having HIV impact your life? how will your family and friends react? but one of the greatest challenges you personally will face, as a mother with HIV, is when and how to tell your kids about your HIV status. because it must be difficult to know whether it will deliver good or bad outcomes, coupled with the worry of being judged. and these are valid issues to consider. so deciding when to tell may take a short time or a long time, and there is no right way to do this. it is a very personal choice that only you can make. additionally, it is important that you take care of yourself first. make sure you have the help you need and are in control of your feelings before you talk to your kid about your HIV, and you must be certain within yourself that your child is mature enough to handle the information. educate yourself about HIV so you can answer any questions while you talk to your kid about the illness. plan in advance the things you're going to say and how you're going to say it, maybe write out some notes to help keep you on track. plan the time and place where you will tell them the news. make sure your kid knows they can't 'catch' HIV from living with you etc, kids are as likely to worry about their own health, just as much as they're likely to worry about yours. and after you tell your child, get them additional support. they could talk to a health professional who can talk more with your child about HIV. I wish you the best of luck with this, though I'm sure that however you do it, everything will work itself out just fine ��

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful response. I will definitely take into consideration all that you have said.

Here's what I think: Clearly you are a strong woman. If your son has even half your strength I'm sure he could understand what was happening to you and may even be a positive support system. You know your son better than anyone, though, so it's entirely up to you to make that choice. I do think we sometimes give children less credit than they deserve. My mom got cancer when I was 14 and I was raped when I was 16. Sure, that's older than 12 but I made it through those things that most adults have trouble dealing with. My parents tried to downplay my mother's illness and when I found out it was worse than they were letting on I resented them slightly. Granted, that didn't last long because I love my parents but it is what it is. There are a lot of support systems out there for rape survivors, women living with HIV etc that could help you learn more and give you the tools to have an open and honest conversation with your son. But even just posting on Mene is a great step! You're opening up and inviting others in and that's a fantastic thing to do. You've already made great progress on broaching the subject with your son whether you know it or not--you've come to terms with your rape and HIV. That's always the first step to take.

Just remember that you are the only one who can make this choice. Weigh your options, consider all possibilities, and make an informed decision. If, and when, you decide to open up to your son just remember to do it from a place of love and understanding. He will have questions, he might be scared, he might not understand at first. Make sure your son knows that you love him, that you're always available to answer his questions, and that nothing changes the relationship the two of you share.

Good luck with everything, I hope that I've been semi-helpful. You will always have support here!

Thank you for your response. I agree that I am a very strong woman. I have had a hard life, and honestly I have had no choice BUT to be a strong woman. I am currently in a support group for women who are positive, but I am very open about my status. Only because I feel like people need to know that if HIV has a face, that it could be anyone's. There is a lot of stigma that comes along with being positive. People assume the worst about me without even checking their facts. I've had people refuse to let me use their cups (in their house) because of fear. When I tell my son the truth, he could quickly become one those people. I'd like to do it in a way that he get's informed of the truth about HIV as well as learn my status.

It's a very difficult subject especially seeing as if it comes out to his group of friends it could cause issues. Trying to bring it up is going to be difficult maybe using "You know I take medication every day, do you know why I take it" to open it us as a discussion.

Get the basic information about HIV, it's a virus that changes shape, it's caused your whiteblood cell count to be reduced so you're on medication, just the basics so it's not overwhelming for him. When the more difficult questions come up you might already know the answers but it'd be good for you to both look it up and go through it together.

Make sure that he understands how you can contract HIV sharing needles, the very rare in this day and age contaminated blood, unprotected sex, in with this go through practicing safe sex with him, I know it does seem a bit young but it's better to have him educated about it. Then go onto how you got it for the moment it might be best to tell him that you were forced into something you didn't want to do, he'll probably understand what you mean when he gets a bit older rather than having to explain about rape.

Also it might be worth letting the school know that you're going to be explaining it to him so if his friends do turn on him and he starts acting out they know what's going on and hopefully they will offer support.

I hope this helps. I wish you all the best and fingers crossed for a better more effective treatment for HIV/AIDs.