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Sometimes I really hate my best friend.
I really do.
My best friend doesn't really seem to want to get that the majority of his comments toward me are hurtful. I am getting to the point where I really don't want to talk to him, let alone even want to think about him. Then all of the sudden he will acts confused, does something nice, and totally throws me off course. There's already a strain on our friendship from the fact that he doesn't live near me. Besides another close friend, he's the only one that actually takes the time to listen to me. My other friends? They just throw all their problems at me, and then they run the minute that I finally need a shoulder to cry on. It's not fair how I put all this damned energy to helping people, and yet they can't take one second out of their lives to even THINK about hugging me. I don't ask for much. I hate it. I HATE it. My best friend constantly criticized because he believes that I am addicted to the internet. These days, I am barely online due to the combination of school work and driver's education. Most of the time when I do come on I just post in my RPGs, check my e-mail, do my homework, and watch videos on Youtube. I hate it. I had how the minute I have free time he criticizes me for being some computer junkie. I go online more at school then I do at home. (I have a computer class. So when I get done I usually post on Gaia or play games. Or I'll just talk to my friend.) But then he turns around, and we have a wonderful conversation. That's what I don't get. One minute he's ranting at me, picking me apart, and the next we are getting along. It's how he'll ask how I'm doing, and I'll respond "nothing much." The next thing I know he's screaming at me, telling me to get a hobby. Even if in reality it might be passed 10 P.M. (Unless writing, drawing, watching television, etc doesn't count. Sometimes I just want to sit in front of the computer and do nothing. I have my lazy moments. There's been times where I have tried to talk to him. But he ends up just pushing it at me---claiming that I have insulted him. Which is funny because I am uber paranoid at annoying my friends in anyway. I would rather die before I insult a loved one. The only thing I really do is joke around, and I make it clear that I am. As in I usually tell them afterwards.) Then he's nice. We have normal conversations. Everything is suddenly picture perfect at nothing matters. But his random bursts of cruelty drives me up the wall. I don't know what I'm asking here. I don't want to loose the friendship I have with him. The moments we have are worth it. But I'm not so sure how I should go talking to him about it. He doesn't seem to get that I'm not trying to be mean. Or maybe it's because I have feelings for him. (Which is a complicated matter that I do not want to get into. We were together for a few years, but we broke up last year. I feel that telling him I still love him would just make things worse. Besides, our friendship was stable up until the beginning of this year.) |
If you want to save the friendship, you need to sit down and talk with your friend about how you feel about his comments. You need to tell him that you are hurt when he yells at you to get off the internet or whatever, and you need to ask him to stop. If you don't bring his actions to his attention, or you ignore them, he'll just keep doing it and your friendship will die.
Perhaps your friend is bipolar. Or perhaps he's just trying to do what he thinks is best for you- motivate you to be more active and outgoing. I'm not your friend so I don't know. But if he's been acting like this for a while now, I doubt he's going to just change overnight. If he agrees to stop being hurtful, you'll probably have to bring it to his attention a few times before he realizes what he's doing. And about your friends all running away when you need a shoulder to cry on? That happens to the best of us. A person will be there for everyone else, but when they need to tell a story, no one listens. I think it might be because your friends don't want to realize that you might be weak. That would scare them- they told their deep dark secrets to someone who is weak. |
I think you need to talk to your friend about this. He needs to know how you feel, and how it hurts you whenever he gets his mood swings.
It's possible that he really doesn't realize that it's making you upset. When I was in junior high, I had a friend that i was very close with. We walked to school together, ate lunch together, and walked home together. We had known each other since we were babies, and all the way through junior high. One day, she just started acting really moody. She refused to talk on the way to school, and just walked ahead of me. I had no idea what was going on, and was very hurt. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't reply. This made me angry, and I didn't want to talk to her, or to figure out what the problem was. However, I finally decided to call her one day and ask straight out what the problem was. Finally, the truth came out. She felt that I had been too bossy, and had never told me. I wish she had told me sooner, before we blew up over it. Eheeheheh. The point is that I truly had no idea that I was being too bossy. I really thought that she just didn't want to decide things, and that she wanted me to decide. Your friend may feel the same way. As obvious as his hateful behavior may be to you, he may have no clue about it. I think that telling him sooner is best. Waiting a long time might just allow the tension to build, and it might be harder to solve the problem. Good luck! ^^ |
Re: Sometimes I really hate my best friend.
There were a LOT of things in your post that set off warning bells to me. He screams at you for no reason. He has extreme mood changes. He takes his frustrations out on you. I was about to ask why on earth you remain friends with this guy until I saw that you two had a relationship together.
It really, really sounds like perhaps it's time to either put a little distance between the two of you, stand up for yourself and tell him exactly how he's treating you unfairly, or stop speaking to him altogether. You shouldn't be in an abusive friendship, no matter what your past relationship might have been with him. I know it's really hard to confront people like this and even harder to walk away when you don't feel you have any other friends to turn to. I was the group therapist for my friends so I totally understand where you're coming from. But it hurts a lot more to be taken advantage of all the time than it does to sever yourself from them and find new friends. It's scary and intimidating, but at least you won't be getting screamed at in the meantime. If you don't want to be so extreme as to stop talking to him entirely, just sit him down next time you're face to face and tell him what you told us. Do it matter of factly, but diplomatically so he doesn't feel like you're just attacking him. If he freaks out and screams at you just for standing up for yourself? He's not worth all the work you're putting into the friendship. *hugs* Hope it works out for you! |
I went through something similar and I don't know if your situation is like mine, but the best thing that I found I could do was just lay it out straight. I told him everything that I thought and said that if he was that way, I didn't want to be friends anymore. So we broke off the friendship. About half a year later, he came back with apologies. But he has just gotten worse and worse with all his other friends, so I know that I did the right thing. Maybe this is too drastic for you, but I think you should seriously evaluate it.
It's not worth it to be friends with someone who makes you feel bad about who you are. If you want to make it work, put your foot down and make some demands back. If he thinks you're being mean, that's his problem. He's been mean so far to you and he has no right to tell you that. Whatever way you choose to work this out, I hope it turns out for the best. And I hope you will be happy. :) |
If something about what your friend does that bothers you then you have to tell him. He might not even know that it's irritating you.
See what he says, and try to work things out =3. It'll probably work... Anyways, I hope what happens turns out for the best in the end. Sometimes the best of friends are the ones that have problems with each other all the time. |
sometimes i hate them too.......
they tease me at school....... thats why i only like my friend whom i happen to know since grade 2..... i always around to help them... and i try to act to my friends nice.... but still they are still teasing me.... |
Perhaps tell him that what he says is hurting you.
And his mood swings? It sounds a little like bipolarism to me. |
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